Beauty & Fashion

Why Are Pearl Necklaces So Damn Sexy?

Kate Sloan

Sometimes I just get obsessed with a particular fashion item and I don’t know why. It’s like being struck by a new kinky fantasy: it’ll pop into my head one day, or I’ll see it in a piece of media or hear someone talking about it, and I’ll fall down a mad rabbit hole of Googling (or Pinterest-ing). Most recently, I felt this way about pearl necklaces.

You know, the classic jewelry item worn by style icons like Jackie Kennedy Onassis and Grace Kelly? The kind of thing you see on women in period dramas like Mad Men and The Crown? Yeah, those.

I find them not only gorgeous, classy, and timeless, but also sexy somehow. At first blush, it would seem obvious why: there’s a sex act known colloquially as the “pearl necklace,” in which someone ejaculates onto someone else’s chest and décolletage, creating a pearly effect. But that’s never been a kink of mine, and I don’t even particularly like watching this act performed in porn – if the coming isn’t happening inside somebody’s orifice, I’m probably not interested! #InternalCumshots4Lyfe

So the question then becomes, what is it about pearls as a jewelry item that is so alluring to me?

In answering this, my mind goes straight to the phrase “clutching pearls.” To clutch one’s pearls is to react with shock and dismay to something, and it’s a phrase typically associated with upper-class types, or morally “superior” types, reacting to something they consider low-class or immoral. (Think: Helen Lovejoy in The Simpsons screaming “Won’t somebody please think of the children?!?”)

I am decidedly middle-class and don’t consider myself a moral authority on anything, so this isn’t an image I can directly relate to – but in some ways, that’s what makes it hot. The idea of pretending to be a certain type of woman that I definitely am not – of co-opting a classy aesthetic to conceal the mischievous mind behind it all.

Pearls’ associations with 1950s housewives also appeal to me. A standard string of pearls isn’t super long, so you can do household chores while you’re wearing it and not worry about dropping diamonds in the dishwasher or sapphires down the sink drain. This delights my inner submissive, and fills my head with images of waiting around dutifully for my spouse to get home from a long day of work, to a clean house, a hot meal, and a hot wife.

The financial aspect of pearls also definitely adds to their charm for me. It’s not that they have to be wildly expensive – the two strings of pearls I own are from Horae and Kay’s, and cost $45 and $100, respectively – but they have the air of being expensive, and for me, that’s enough. I’ve explored financial fetishism from several different angles, and my newest pearl necklace was sweetly bought for me by my partner as a financial domination task I assigned them; I can also imagine finding it deeply erotic for a sugar daddy(/sugar mama/glucose guardian) to buy me some pearls and place them around my neck before a glamorous dinner date. Like a perfectly-tailored suit or little black dress, they’re the sort of thing that can make you feel instantly richer, fancier, and more powerful (or more spoiled, as the case may be).

Notable, too, is that pearls don’t look out of place no matter what I’m wearing, and even when I’m wearing nothing. I feel very Marilyn when I spritz on a jasmine perfume, dab on some lipstick, clasp my pearls around my neck, and slink into bed completely naked. Rachel Rabbit White says she likes to have sex with her false lashes on, and I feel similarly – not only about lashes, but about lipstick and pearls, too. (And, uh, socks, but that’s neither here nor there…)

I’ve looked at a lot of pearl jewelry online these past couple months, and many such pieces are far too ostentatious, expensive, or just plain weird-looking to attract my interest. It’s only the most timeless, simple, and elegant pieces that call my name. Someday I’d perhaps like to get a triple-strand pearl necklace, as those really take fanciness to the next level. But for now, I’m thrilled with the two very straightforward single strands I own. They go with everything, they gleam under every light, and they make me feel like the world’s sexiest little minx.

Behind the Seams: Leather Weather

Kate Sloan

March 20th, 2021

Matt’s building has a cute little open-air courtyard that is open to residents, and on this day, we sat there in the chilly early-spring sunshine for a while, writing poems and reading ebooks (me) and reading about sleight-of-hand and practicing magic tricks (Matt). It was a lovely afternoon. I always feel so much better when there starts to be more sun in my life.

As with many of my favorite outfits, this one could just as easily be rocked by an ’80s teen queen or an 8-year-old girl. Fuck “dressing age-appropriately,” tbh. You don’t have to if you don’t want to! (I mean, if you have a job with a strict dress code, then maybe you do have to… but only when you’re at that job!)

 

What I’m wearing:
• Black modal slip – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Hot pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Rainbow prescription cat-eye sunglasses – Zenni

March 21st, 2021

Wore this on an outdoor walk. Sometimes on bad pain days, I gravitate toward dark colors because they’re easy to match and tend not to get me noticed or looked at much in public; often I respond to overwhelming health symptoms by wanting to be invisible in some sense, to deal with my symptoms unobserved and in peace.

This hat is from the Wythe Hotel, the Brooklyn spot where Matt and I stayed on our 3rd date. We had recently gone back there for a brief staycation to celebrate our anniversary, and had a lovely time. Normally you can buy these toques from their shop but they left two of them for us in our room free of charge, with a nice note thanking us for supporting them after the extremely rough time the hotel industry’s had during the pandemic. Aww.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Navy blue Wythe Hotel beanie
• Navy blue lacy tank top – the Gap’s sleepwear section
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag

March 23rd, 2021

Was feelin’ casual, I guess! I’m really not much of a Jeans Person but occasionally they’re called for.

Sometimes when Matt and I go out together while they’re in chastity, I’ll wear this necklace, which has their key on it. It jingles and jangles a lot while I’m walking around and serves as a perpetual, cute, kinky reminder for both of us that they’re locked up and that I’m the one who controls when they’ll be unlocked again. Isn’t kink fun?!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Heathered black Lickability logo T-shirt
• High-waisted skinny jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Lock & key necklace
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson”
• “Abortion is a Right” pin from the ACLU

March 27th, 2021

This is what I wore to do a livestreamed concert celebrating my 9-year bloggiversary. I was surprised and delighted that 30+ people showed up to watch me play and sing!

Usually I like to buy a new dress to wear on my birthday, and while my bloggiversary isn’t quite the same as a birthday, this year the tone of the celebration was pretty similar! (I used to play a birthday concert at a rented venue every year when I was in high school, because I was a messy bitch who lived for attention, I guess.) I settled on this dress after looking at way too many other ones, and it was actually one of the least expensive ones I considered, at around $35.

Thanks so much to everyone who came out to watch the stream – it was so much fun, and might become an annual tradition!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue/green patterned Maggy London wrap dress – Nordstrom Rack
• Black leggings – H&M
• Elaborate eye makeup involving (among other things) Sugarpill eyeshadow in “Polar” and a huge pair of Sugarpill false lashes to top it all off
• I was also wearing an Agent Provocateur bra underneath, because this dress really kind of requires one, as much as I hate wearing bras of any kind these days!

April 8th, 2021

The temperature dropped again but we wanted to go sit outside for a bit, so I bundled up.

Still loving this Yokoo cowl. I wish I’d had more opportunities to wear it during the winter but 1) I just didn’t go out that much, and 2) it tends to exacerbate the classic fogged-up-glasses problem that occurs when you are a specs-wearing person who also has to wear a mask because you’re living through a global pandemic. (Sigh.)

I feel like this color palette is much more “grown-up” than how I normally dress… except most adult businessladies don’t have a Nintendo Switch in their handbag. Or so I would assume.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue and white floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Navy knit cowl – Yokoo on Etsy
• Blue/grey/black colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Red lipstick

What have you been wearing lately, friends?

4 Dream Outfits for Post-Pandemic Travel

Kate Sloan

It would be an understatement to say that I miss traveling, and I know I’m not alone in that. In an era when the farthest that most of us can safely venture is the local grocery store, it’s only natural to daydream about dreamy destinations you hope to jetset to, one day when it’s possible to do so.

In that spirit, here are 4 outfits I’d dearly love to wear if I was able to visit these wonderful cities…

 

London, England

In doing a little research for this article (i.e. furiously googling “how do Londoners dress??”), I looked at plenty of photos of well-known London party girls like Alexa Chung and Kate Moss – and while world-class supermodels obviously aren’t a perfect encapsulation of their home country’s overall fashion sensibility, they did give me a clue. When I think of stylish English women, I mostly think of timelessly cool pieces, the kinds of classics that could just as easily have been rocked by Vivien Leigh in the ’50s as by Sienna Miller in the oughts.

…But of course, I had to put my own spin on this look, because working in the world of sex, I’m much likelier to hang out with quirky sex journalists and elite escorts in London than supermodels or businessladies! That’s why I went with a pink-hued Michael Kors trench coat instead of a classic tan one. This pale blue Valentino ruffled blouse adds a touch of British classiness to my usual wacky style, and I love the idea of tucking it into this pretty pink satin-jacquard skirt, which was designed by Alexa Chung and reminds me of English roses.

Navy tights would keep my legs toasty as I wandered around, and the ubiquitous combo of matching Hunter wellies and umbrella would keep me dry (I hear it’s a rainy town!). My bag of choice for a London trip would be a navy Coach Rogue, because it’s structured, smart, and roomy enough to allow for just about any eventuality.

 

Paris, France

There are so many clichéd ideas of “how French girls dress,” as if the whole female population of France is a monolith. A lot of the tropes of supposedly French style are about “effortlessness,” a concept I’ve never much liked when it comes to getting dressed. My outfits are effortful and I don’t mind people knowing that!

A striped boatneck shirt is about as quintessentially French as you can get. I don’t want to rock mine with perfectly-fitted vintage stovepipe jeans like so many French “it girls” seem to; I’d rather tuck it into a long skirt, comfy enough for strolling through the Louvre all day but fashion-forward enough that I wouldn’t feel out of place shopping on the Champs-Élysées.

This leather motorcycle jacket is by Valentino but I’d just as soon sling one on that I bought at a vintage shop and re-conditioned myself. Cat-eye sunglasses are the ultimate in cool, and these black leather Strategia ankle boots add a little toughness to this otherwise feminine-leaning look. A red quilted Yves Saint Laurent bag would be a dreamy addition, appropriate for the setting. Of course, I’d finish off the ensemble with a classic red lip, and a red beret to match. (The internet assures me it’s only tourists who wear berets, not actual French people… but hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a tourist!)

 

St. John’s, Newfoundland

I’ve wanted to go to Newfoundland forever and would love to take a road trip there with my love after all this is over! The most striking thing about photos of its capitol, St. John’s, is how vividly colorful all the houses and buildings are against the bright blue sky. So of course, I’d have to rise to the occasion, outfit-wise!

This sunny yellow polka-dotted Dorothy Perkins dress is ideal for strolling up and down St. John’s hilly streets, and a prim blue cardigan would mitigate the windchill while also making me look like a Canadian Zooey Deschanel. Cute red leather flats and a blue crossbody bag round out the primary-colors motif, while this silly yellow wide-brim hat would make me instantly spottable in a crowd, even from across the bay.

 

 

Florence, Italy

When I spent some time in Rome a few years ago, I wished I’d brought more fancy clothes with me. It just wasn’t the same as vacations I’ve taken to more casual towns like New York or Portland; I felt underdressed in my simple cardigans and sparkly crop tops.

This red dress by Kate Spade is the sort of thing I’d love to wear to an upscale Italian restaurant for some classic Florentine cuisine, with a structured black leather jacket tossed over it. While I’m not normally much of a heels girl, these black leather Jimmy Choo stilettos would help me walk the streets with confidence (provided I could deal with all those cobblestones). An alligator bag and jaunty porkpie chapeau would top it all off, along with the must-have red lip. That’s amore…

 

What vacations are you looking forward to taking, if/when it’s possible again for you?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Behind the Seams: Colorful Cutie

Kate Sloan

Truth be told, I am getting pretty bored of the clothes that I have with me here in New York. It’s hard to dress yourself out of just a suitcase when you’re a fancy femme with broad tastes!! I’ll be sad when I have to leave next month to go back home and get vaccinated, but at least I’ll be reunited with the vast majority of my wardrobe.

This outfit was yet another fun attempt to re-style some of the basics I have with me into a fresh ‘n’ new ensemble. (Only a certain type of person would consider a hot pink sweater and metallic pink cowboy boots to be “basics,” and I am that type of person…)

I love pink and blue so much. I could truly wear this color combo every day for the rest of my life and be happy.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Blue and white floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leggings – the Gap
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Blue sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Blue/grey/black Coach Willis bag – gift from my love

My old leather jacket was falling apart disastrously from a decade+ of wear, so Matt bought me this new one as a findom present a while ago. It was on sale at Danier and is pretty much the exact same cut as my last jacket, which was also by Danier. God, I am such a Taurus.

I wore this outfit on the first day it was warm enough in New York this year to get away with wearing just a leather jacket instead of a winter coat (or at least the first of such days when I actually went out, something I’m not doing much of!). Despite having been diagnosed with seasonal affective disorder FIFTEEN YEARS AGO – baby’s first mental illness diagnosis, wheee! – I still sometimes forget just how much sunlight or lack thereof can affect my emotional wellbeing and mental functioning.

Gloomy grey days make me sleepy and sad; sunnier days can change my whole outlook. When people ask “What’s your favorite season?” in conversation, I can’t really ever divorce my mental health from any other factors that might affect my answer to this question. Spring has always been my favorite season, because it’s the time of year when I traditionally start feeling functional again after a long, hard winter of apathy and melancholy. Shout-out to my fellow seasonally depressed babes who are feeling similarly these days!

What I’m wearing:
• Red floral-print dress – H&M
• Black leather jacket – Danier (it’s the Winslet style)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson” – a Valentine’s Day gift from my love

I was having a bad chronic pain day on the day that I interviewed the Bearded Scotsman on the Dildorks, so I had to balance my body’s need for comfort with my need to look somewhat cute while chatting with a total babe on Zoom. What resulted is this outfit, which felt comfy enough to theoretically sleep in (except for the underwire) but still made me feel like a brunette Marilyn Monroe in a boudoir shoot.

I mentioned this Calvin Klein modal nightgown in my recent post on chronic illness-friendly clothing, when I had just ordered it. It’s a slightly more burgundy-leaning red IRL than I had imagined, but I still like it very much. It may not be the most “flattering” garment, whatever the hell that means, but it’s blissfully comfortable, which makes me feel happier in my body and thus more attractive. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:
• Red modal V-neck nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Pink and red heart-covered lingerie – Agent Provocateur, a Valentine’s Day gift from my love
• Mismatched striped socks, because I was on Zoom so who cares!
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson”

I started envisioning this outfit as soon as the romper and heart necklace were on their way to me, each ordered from different retailers. That used to happen to me a lot more when I was younger and far more invested in clothes/fashion/style than I am now, so it was nice to feel that sensation again, of outfit inspiration striking, in the same way that I can be suddenly inspired to write a blog post or a poem or a song.

As I’ve mentioned before, I love MeUndies rompers dearly – they are divinely comfy, have a flattering cut, and come equipped with pockets. I had some store credit there and wanted to buy another romper, and while they have many fun prints I could’ve gone with, ultimately I opted for this timeless black and white gingham. I like that it equally looks like something an Instagram influencer would wear today or something Jane Russell or Betty Grable would have worn in a movie in 1953. There are truly endless ways to style something like this – yet another reason I’m looking forward to having access to my full wardrobe again!

What I’m wearing:
• Black and white gingham romper – MeUndies
• White and red heart-print socks – the Gap (I ordered a whole bunch of new socks after a few weeks in New York to avoid having to do laundry constantly)
• Red heart-shaped glasses – Zenni (these are still some of my fave glasses I’ve ever owned; I will probably order another pair if they ever break or if my prescription needs to be updated, tbh!)
• Red sparkly heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino, a recent findom present from my love
• “Should’ve” worn red lipstick with this ensemble, but couldn’t be arsed, and that’s okay!

 

What outfits or clothing items of yours have made you happy lately?

Behind the Seams: Stuck at Home

Kate Sloan

February 5th, 2021

Cozy cashmere sweaters are one of the best things about winter, IMO. (Truth be told, sometimes I wear them in the summer too, because – I suspect – one of the symptoms of my chronic illness is temperature regulation issues.) They make me feel simultaneously cute and warm, which can be a surprisingly hard bar to clear sometimes (I’m lookin’ at you, goosedown puffer coats), so I end up getting at least one or two new ones every year.

Matt bought this sweater for me a few months ago as a findom present and I really cannot overstate how bright it is IRL. I also have a pink one and they are both so bright that you could probably vividly see me coming down the street from several blocks away. Perfection.

We have to talk about this bag, though… I went back and forth on it for a few weeks, because its blue/grey/black color scheme is very “grown-up” and “professional,” two words I would not use to describe my typical aesthetic. But it kept calling to me, somehow. Buying handbags still feels like a weird thing to do during the pandemic because of how few opportunities I have to actually use them, but I’m dreaming of a post-COVID era when I’ll be able to fill up this beautiful bag with books, journals, pens, pencils, and lipsticks for solo dates to bars or cafés. It’s roomier than it looks, and has tons of fun little pockets – very Mary Poppins.

 

What I’m wearing:
• Blue cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black skater dress – H&M
• Black leggings – the Gap (I wear black leggings almost every single day now and am glad I invested in several pairs toward the start of the pandemic – fuck jeans forever, tbh)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black/grey/blue colorblock Coach Willis bag
• Navy polka-dotted mask – SartorMasks on Etsy
• Lock & key necklace – chain from Roma Designer Jewelry, lock engraved with “Daddy’s” custom-made by L’Amour-Propre, key from my beloved’s chastity cage

February 14th, 2021

Baby’s first Valentine’s Day during a pandemic, wooo!

We celebrated by getting a very elaborate takeout dinner from BLT Prime, a New York steakhouse. It included steak (of course), brussels sprouts cooked to perfection, truffle mashed potatoes, dessert, and a bottle of excellent champagne.

Then later that night we had sex involving the Bandit and the Eroscillator. If using classic sex toys that work well for your partner’s body on them isn’t romantic, I don’t know what is.

Isn’t Matt so cute in this matching Valentiney jacket-and-tie combo? I love when they wear pink. One of my Valentine’s gifts to them was a glittery pink Marc Jacobs lip gloss, and it looks great on them. For someone who works in the tech world, they have a pretty flashy sense of style sometimes. I love being married to someone who inspires me to dress more brightly and flamboyantly!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Pink fit-and-flare dress – H&M
• Agent Provocateur Cupid lingerie set (underneath)
• Pink rhinestoned heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Pat McGrath MatteTrance lipstick in “Elson” (a Valentine’s gift from my love)
• Pretty much nothing else because we didn’t leave the house!

March 3rd, 2021

I saw this sexy asymmetrical dark green velvet faux-wrap dress on the Betsey Johnson website about 2 years ago, and by the time I’d spotted it, they had already sold out of my size (12). I could’ve scouted one out elsewhere, but I figured I already had enough velvet dresses (and truth be told, I do – it’s kind of a problem!) and didn’t need to buy another one.

However, a week or two ago, I happened to spot one on eBay in my size. I had an IOU from Matt for a findom gift because of a scene we’d recently done where I’d very generously allowed them to come even though they were supposed to be locked up in chastity (😈) so I asked them to buy me this dress + a bottle of Paradise Edition perfume. (Hey, if I have to live through a pandemic, I’m gonna do it glamorously, dammit.) A perfect date-night combo!

 

What I’m wearing:
• Dark green velvet dress – vintage Betsey Johnson via eBay
• Pink lacy bra underneath – Agent Provocateur (this dress is a bit droopy/drapey in the front, so as much as I prefer to go braless nowadays, I felt this look called for some boob support)
• Black leather Frye harness boots (black heels would’ve been the “proper” choice with this ensemble, but I don’t have any with me since I’m staying in New York, and the boots make the look more powerful tbh!)
• Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – Coach
• The same Pat McGrath red lipstick as above

 

What outfits have you worn lately that’ve made you happy?

P.S. Want more posts like this? Check out the “outfit” tag!