Musings

3 Porn Clips I Wish Existed

Kate Sloan
What my computer sees when I’m watching porn

I don’t know, maybe these already do exist. Maybe I just haven’t looked hard enough. It can take hours to stumble across the right search string to locate what you’re looking for, or to search for the perfect webcam performer who can fulfill one’s exact fantasies. Usually I end up just jerking off to whatever I find in the meantime, if it’s any good, even if it’s not the highly specific image I had in my head before my search began.

I know, too, that if I really wanted clips made exactly to my specifications, the best way to do that would be to commission custom clips from porn performers who specialize in whatever fantasies I had in mind. I wish I had the budget to do that more often. But for now, let’s imagine I’m the God of Porn and I can conjure whatever clips I’m craving out of thin air, like a pervy holodeck. What would I want to see?

 

1. Gag-free, facial-free deepthroat blowjob porn

You would think this would be easier to find, but as a longtime BJ porn connoisseur, I can tell you, I often have a tough time sleuthing out these types of clips. So I tend to watch the same reliable performers over and over again – mostly Heather Harmon and Little Oral Andie.

I don’t like gagging. I’ve got nothing against people who are into it, and can even understand why someone might be into it, but it just squicks me out and stops my arousal cold.

I also don’t like facials – not because I have an issue with cum on faces, but because I strongly prefer when oral sex ends with someone orgasming in someone’s mouth, whether I’m the giver, receiver, or spectator in that interaction. I get that facials are popular because they’re demonstrative; they make the cum visible to the viewer, plus many people consider them a hot visual for various kinky reasons. But I just always feel disappointed when a stellar BJ ends in this way; to me, it’s, ironically, anticlimactic.

 

2. Story-driven porn that takes place backstage after opening night

One fantasy my spouse and I share, having been lifelong “theatre kids,” is hooking up on a stage, or near a stage, or behind a stage, or… well, you get the idea.

I don’t think it’s really an exhibitionistic fantasy, at least not for me. In my head, the theatre is always empty except for us. Maybe it’s late one night after a dress rehearsal, or maybe it’s the morning of opening night before anyone else arrives. Maybe I’m the star and I’m fucking the director for clout and bragging rights. Maybe we’re co-stars who kiss on stage every night during our romantic duet but are just beginning to consummate our off-stage chemistry. Maybe I met a hot fan at the stage door one night and invited them in out of the cold. Who knows.

I’d love to see this fantasy played out in porn, though frankly my hopes for its production value and the depth of its plot and characters are probably such that this would be a better notion in my head than on screen. Think, like, Glee if it was about grown-ups doing professional theatre and then also fucking each other. I mean, how great would that be?!

 

3. Sleuthing out a new sweetheart’s hot spots

One of the things that most drew me to Brooklyn Nine-Nine fanfiction, back in the days when I was reading and writing it voraciously, was the fact that most of its main characters are detectives – and I’m suuuuper turned on by someone solving the mystery of my body, hunting for clues about my sexuality, fitting puzzle pieces together to understand my pleasure more deeply.

I’m not saying I want to see detectives in porn, necessarily – ACAB, baby! – but I would like to see an attitude of exploratory curiosity more often. There’s an instructional porn video that Tristan Taormino shot of performers Dylan Ryan and Danny Wylde for the Smitten Kitten once, in which we see Danny and Dylan negotiating what they’re going to do, giving each other feedback on technique in the moment, and locating each other’s erogenous zones through trial and error. I’d love to see more of that kind of thing in porn.

As much as I love and appreciate porn, I think a lot of it presents sex as something that everyone already knows how to do, even with people they’ve never fucked before. That just isn’t the case – even if you’ve had a ton of sex, a new person’s body is still always gonna be a learning experience when you first start trying to please them. I think a lot more people would relish this process if it were represented positively in porn more often!

 

What types of porn would you love to see, that don’t yet exist as far as you’re aware?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

I Wrote a Song that Answers One of the Most Common Sex Questions in the World

Kate Sloan

One of the topics I’ve always cared most about as a sex educator is the importance of clitoral stimulation. Maybe it comes from the many hours I’ve spent trawling the /r/Sex subforum on Reddit, on which you can find at least 3-5 posts per day from either a person with a vagina who can’t reach climax from vaginal intercourse and doesn’t know why, or the cis boyfriend/husband of someone who fits that description complaining that his partner isn’t coming during sex.

It makes me want to scream with frustration sometimes. If a cis man showed up on the forum and wrote, “I’ve never reached orgasm during sex,” and subsequently revealed that no partner had ever touched his penis during sex, nor had it ever occurred to him to touch his own penis during sex, everyone would be like, “WTF, dude? The solution is obvious.” The clitoris is the anatomical equivalent of the penis, so both of these scenarios are equally ridiculous and should be treated as such.

Anyway, lately I’ve been getting back into songwriting, and decided to take a crack at conveying this information through song. Please feel free to share the song with anyone you think needs to hear it! The lyrics are below, incase you want to follow along (or, um, print them out and distribute them to anyone you date in the future so they know what’s up).

I think that I’m bored in bed
Or maybe I’m much too much in my head
I’m loving your kissing
But there’s something missing
I can’t put my finger on it…
Oh yeah!
Touch my clit!

Touch my clit – it would be for my pleasure
Touch my clit, that sensitive treasure
I like how it feels quite a bit
When you’re touching my clit

My friend had a tragic breakup
Her man really needed to wake up
He asked for a rating:
Sex versus masturbating
It led to a miserable split
He should’ve touched her clit!

Touch her clit – it is in your best interest
To treat every clit like a princess
It’s a step you should never (almost never) omit:
Touch their clit!

Just so you understand your callousness
The clit and the dick are analogous
Would you like having your dick ignored
Every time you scored?
Wouldn’t you get bored?
Touch it!
Touch that clit!

And now that you’ve learned basic sex stuff
Here’s even more radical tech stuff:
Toys that vibrate
Are really fucking great
Go pick one up lickety-split
And touch a clit!

Touch that clit, with not many exceptions
You can give them a clitoral erection
Most people like how it feels quite a bit
So touch that clit
Remember to lubricate it
And touch a clit!

4 Hot Roleplays You Can Do At Home

Kate Sloan

Being at home all the time can get pretty monotonous, and that monotony can start to show up in your sex life too. I don’t know about you, but when I think about “shaking things up” sexually, my mind goes to two places: kink, and roleplay. And since I’ve already written a lot about kink on this blog (and in a whole book!), today let’s focus on roleplay.

If you and your partner are stuck at home due to the pandemic and feeling trapped in a sexual rut, I’m here to help. Here are 4 suggestions for roleplays you can do at home – no COVID risk required.

 

First meeting, first hookup

It can be fun to revisit “firsts” with an established partner through the magic of roleplay, especially if things are feeling a little rote lately. Normally I’d recommend you meet up at a bar or restaurant and pretend you’re on a first date, or that you happen to strike up a conversation with a sexy “stranger” at the next table – but since that’s obviously not the safest activity at the moment, you can do a different version at home.

Imagine the two of you have been corresponding on a dating app for weeks, that your chemistry via texting or phone calls has been undeniable, and that both of you are vaxxed, self-isolating, and have recently tested negative. Imagine, then, that the conditions are finally perfect for you to meet in person for the first time, but that you’ve chosen to do so at one of your homes because it’s more secluded. Will you cuddle up on the couch for some “Netflix & chill,” or will you get right to the sexytimes? Will you seduce each other with slow foreplay or will you be so touch-hungry that you jump each other’s bones? No way to know until you try…

 

Massage therapy & sexual healing

Stress has a demonstrable, physiological effect on your ability to get aroused, so it can be really helpful to incorporate relaxing activities into sex, like exploring erotic massage with your partner. Why not combine that with a roleplay to make it extra hot?

I love the fantasy of a massage therapist getting so turned on by my body during a massage that they have to make a move on me… or vice versa: me getting so visibly turned on by their touch that they choose to take the massage in an erotic direction.

Have some pre-warmed massage oil on hand (I like one with a scent for this type of roleplay because it helps recreate the sensual environment of an actual fancy massage parlor), lay down a towel or Liberator Throe before you start to catch any drips, and have at it!

 

Exes reconnecting

Picture this: you have a super hot ex, with whom things ended for reasons that were purely circumstantial (e.g. they had to move across the country for work, or one of you didn’t have the mental and emotional bandwidth for a serious relationship at the time). During the pandemic, that ex reached out, ready to meet up, hang out, and see where things go. And now you’re both vaxxed and recently tested, and they’re sitting on your sofa, looking fixedly at you just the way they did when they were in love with you. What would you do?

I recently did a similar roleplay with my partner and it really helped me connect to feelings of desirability and romantic longing, which are both aphrodisiac emotions for me. Oh, the drama of it all!

 

Marvelous medical play

At some point last year, a hired nurse came to my apartment to swab my nose for a COVID test because I was going to be interviewed for a TV show in-studio soon, and I was surprised by the intimacy of the interaction: inviting a stranger into your home during a pandemic, making stilted small-talk, and sitting with them on the couch while they do a medical procedure on you. I think this could be a great jumping-off point for an at-home medical-play scene if you’re into that.

Obviously, you can make it a bit sexier than a COVID test. Maybe a doctor needs to examine your genitals to make sure they haven’t been affected by the loneliness of the pandemic, and to revitalize them if they have been. Maybe a nurse wants to test how the pandemic has affected your hand-eye coordination… by seeing how well you can get them off with your hands. Maybe a medical professional has the only “vaccine” available for miles and you have to bargain for it with your body. The possibilities are endless!

 

Have you done any roleplays at home during the pandemic? What was your fave?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

6 Reasons I Sucked at Being a Webcam Performer

Kate Sloan

I have the greatest respect for webcam performers, in part because I have done small and infrequent versions of what they do, and have found it to be almost insurmountably difficult for me (as I think it would be for many people). Here are just some of the numerous reasons I wasn’t cut out for this type of work, though I admire it deeply…

 

It takes me a while to come and I don’t enjoy faking orgasms. There was a constant tension, in my camming days, between what my clients wanted to see and what I was physically capable of showing them. When someone would book a 15-minute session and say they wanted to see me come, I got tense immediately because I knew it likely wasn’t possible. Either I’d have to get myself very close to orgasm in advance of the session (which was time for which I should’ve been, but wasn’t being, paid), or I’d have to fake an orgasm.

Of course, a third option would be to just tell the client that there was no way I could get myself off in that amount of time, especially in a way that was picturesque (i.e. not just holding a Magic Wand against my clit for 15 minutes), but sometimes this was perceived as cash-grubbing. Sigh.

 

I’m not an exhibitionist. Like, at all. This became pretty clear to me after my first few cam sessions. I had heard friends and colleagues of mine discussing the unique sexual rush of performing for an audience, and aside from a brief glow of pride whenever someone complimented my body, I never really felt that. It just felt like work, because, well, it was. But I’d been hoping I’d enjoy it more than I did. Ah well, diff’rent strokes…

 

The amount of work it involves is gigantic, and I have limited energy. Back when I thought I might take camming seriously and try to make it into one of my income streams, I read tons of articles with headlines like “8 Things Every Camgirl MUST Know” and “Tips for Chaturbate Performers,” and realized I had barely scratched the surface of how much work is actually involved in camming.

It’s not only the on-screen performances, which are taxing enough, but also the self-promotion, audience-building, administrative labor (like answering emails and filling out tax forms), emotional labor (like chatting with prospective clients via DM and filtering out the ones who demanded freebies), graphic design and editing of promotional images, personal branding, etc. etc. etc. I’m tired! I don’t know how cam performers do it all, especially ones who live with chronic illness like I do, but kudos.

 

I’m way too anxious. Are they having a good time? Am I moving at a good pace? Should I be nakeder than this? Are they regretting paying for this? Are they screenshotting this? Are they secretly recording video? What if I don’t orgasm in time? What if THEY don’t orgasm in time? How do I gracefully exit the conversation once the clock runs out? How do I ever expect to make money doing this when I look like THIS? Is my face doing pretty things? Is my body too contorted? Are my vibrators too loud? Are my dildos obscuring my vulva? Are they getting what they paid for?

I’ve never been great at shutting off the anxious voice in my head, but this was especially true during webcam shows. They’re just not my medium, methinks.

 

Sometimes it required tech know-how that I don’t possess. Granted, I do have a spouse now who’s very tech-savvy, so this is addressable if I wanted to address it… but that doesn’t necessarily mean my feeling of overwhelm and incompetence would go away!

When I read articles about optimizing streaming speed, troubleshooting platform glitches, and why it’s important to customize your Chaturbate profile, I just get stressed out and tend to shut down emotionally + shut down my computer. I know the tech side of things is largely handled by whatever streaming service you use these days, but I just don’t think I have the bandwidth (emotionally or internet-wise!) to handle the rest.

 

I kept getting distracted by the other performers on the site. Listen, I’m very bisexual. Any website where hot people of various genders are touching themselves live on camera is pretty hard to resist at least perusing. And if I peruse, I will watch. And if I watch, I will totally forget why I went to the website in the first place (i.e. performing myself). But I don’t mind that – it’s a pretty good dilemma, as far as dilemmas go. 😉

 

Any of you also dabbled in cam performing and found it wasn’t for you? Or did you eventually figure out how to make it work for you?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Designurbate, who will make you a Chaturbate profile template free of charge. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 1 Fantastic Company

Kate Sloan
Image via the Pleasure Tailor

Today, 12 Days of Girly Juice comes to a close! And I’m finishing it in the way I always do: by highlighting one company in the sex industry that I think is doing wonderful work, and that made a significant contribution to my year.

The company I want to shout out this year is the Pleasure Tailor, co-creators of the Easy A dildo, which I launched earlier this month. They worked with me to get every detail of this toy exactly how I wanted it, and as a result, it’s a visually striking and profoundly pleasurable toy. It’s one of the only ones on the market that explicitly targets the A-spot, or anterior fornix. It’s also one of the only toys on the market designed by and for people with pain or strength issues in their hands – although, notably, anyone can use it, regardless of ability level, and the cleverly-designed base allows for more precise thrusts whether your hands are weak or strong.

I mostly wanted to highlight the Pleasure Tailor because I think what they’re doing is so damn cool. They collaborate with guest designers like me, yes, but they also allow all of their customers to customize toys, at a price that’s reasonable for the services being offered.

One of the fundamental issues with being a sex toy reviewer is that my advice can only be extrapolated so far; I may love a toy, but that doesn’t mean it’ll necessarily work for the particular bodies of all my readers. For that reason, I’m happy I can recommend toys made by the Pleasure Tailor to folks, because they can make their own decisions about things like size, shape, finish, and color – rather than having to hope a pre-made toy works for their unique genitals. The services offered by the Pleasure Tailor are empowering, democratizing, and (from my ~decade of experience in this industry) unparalleled.

 

Full disclosure: I was not paid to write this, and (as always) I genuinely do believe everything I’ve written here; the Pleasure Tailor really is that fuckin’ great. I receive a portion of the proceeds when you buy the dildo I designed.