Musings

Let’s Talk About Jeans Bondage

Kate Sloan
These Madewell jeans are the tightest ones I own, to the point that a man once shouted “Those pants are too tight” at me while I was wearing them on the street.

I got an unusual request in my inbox a few weeks ago. A reader wanted to pay me to write about her fetish.

The few times that this has happened to me before, usually it’s been because the person essentially wanted custom erotica. But this was different – this person said she wanted me to write something she could link to as a reference as needed, because there was hardly any information on the internet about her particular kink. I was intrigued.

What was the kink? JEANS BONDAGE. I know, I know, you’ve got questions. Well, lucky for you, I’ve got answers. I interviewed this reader of mine via email about how she does what she does. Buckle up! (Or button up, as the case may be…)

 

What is jeans bondage?

When I heard this phrase, initially I pictured someone being tied down using jeans as rope… but that’s not what my reader meant. She explained that when she says “jeans bondage,” what she means is wearing very tight jeans (or being forced to wear very tight jeans) to induce a feeling of helplessness and restricted movement, as with any other form of bondage.

In my reader’s case specifically, she is most often the dominant person in her relationship with her husband, so she is mostly the person consensually “forcing” him to wear tight jeans for her pleasure, although they do occasionally switch.

She relayed to me that this kink originally started for them because she’d always loved the way her husband looks in skinny jeans. (As someone whose spouse looks terrific in skinny jeans, I can relate.) Eventually she began commanding him to wear his jeans around the house sometimes, for her pleasure – and then he started also wearing tight jeans to bed and even overnight at her behest, as they both liked the texture of denim against their skin as they cuddled and slept. From there, it developed into a kink that they enjoy playing with together.

 

What do you do once the jeans are on?

Theoretically you could do pretty much anything that does not involve having access to the jeans-wearer’s bare lower half. Whatever your favorite kinks are, you can probably do them while wearing tight jeans.

But also, my reader told me that she and her husband like to have sex while he’s in his jeans. And not just sex acts that would be possible either way, like him giving oral, but penetrative intercourse. I asked her how she managed this and she said that usually they pull the jeans down just far enough that his penis becomes accessible, and do it that way. She mentioned, too, that her husband’s erections are stronger and last longer when he’s wearing tight jeans; I imagine that this might have to do with the restriction around the area, particularly when the jeans are tugged down to just below his penis, where they might have a slightly constrictive effect on the base of the penis, similar to a cock ring.

There is potentially significant overlap between jeans bondage and chastity play. My reader told me that she and her husband incorporate sex into jeans bondage in two main ways: either no sexual stimulation is allowed until the jeans are at least partly removed (which is only done with the dom’s permission), or the jeans must be put back on immediately after sex is over. Tight jeans can act as a makeshift chastity cage of sorts – or, if you’re actually wearing a chastity cage, tight jeans make that somewhat obvious, which could be fun for erotic humiliation purposes.

 

Is any special equipment required?

Nope, aside from the jeans themselves! My reader told me that she and her husband each own about 12 different pairs of jeans, and that their criteria for “bondage jeans” are different than their criteria for “regular jeans.” She told me they usually buy at least a size tighter than they normally would when shopping with jeans bondage in mind, because the main goal is to restrict movement, especially bending of the knees.

I asked her if the two of them had specific jeans preferences beyond sizing, and she said that they prefer jeans made of denim that is as inflexible as possible. Levi’s and Wranglers are some of her faves. I wonder if something even more rigid, like raw Japanese denim, would be even better.

You’re welcome for these photos, btw.

Are there safety issues to consider?

There’s the basic stuff you’d consider when shopping for jeans in general. Does the material irritate your skin? Is it so tight that it cuts off circulation? Obviously these issues are best avoided if possible. Same as with any other type of bondage, you want something tight enough to give you the desired effect, arousal-wise, but not so tight as to cause medical issues, even when worn for many hours at a time. If you do feel any telltale tingling or other signs of something gone awry, take the jeans off immediately – and keep some safety shears nearby incase you ever have any trouble removing the jeans and need to take them off in a hurry.

My reader also noted that her husband tends to prefer jeans with a button fly over those with a zipper, because when wearing jeans sans underwear (as he does most often during this type of play), it’s easier to accidentally injure your penis with a zipper than with buttons. Good to know!

I’ll also say, I could see it becoming a health risk if someone with a vulva was wearing very tight jeans for extended periods of time without taking them off, changing them, or at least rinsing the genital area. Sounds like a recipe for some kind of infection. With regards to hygiene concerns more generally, my reader told me that her husband generally showers the morning after a play session and then changes into a fresh pair of jeans if they plan to continue playing.

 

What are the benefits and drawbacks of this type of bondage over other types?

Well, for one thing, you probably already own a pair of jeans, or can pick one up cheaply at a thrift store or fast-fashion shop (or even at a fetishy used-clothing site like All things worn). In that way, this kink is fairly low-cost to play with.

I imagine that folks doing jeans bondage often enough would have to do a lot of laundry on a regular basis. My reader told me that her husband does sometimes come in his jeans as part of their play, and that sometimes she even demands he wear his cum-soaked jeans overnight to emphasize the consensual discomfort (hot, tbh!), but that he always gets to change into a new pair after showering the next morning.

This is a potentially more directly sexually stimulating type of bondage than lots of other kinds, especially for folks with penises. My reader explained that the constant pressure/tightness/friction of jeans against her husband’s junk is a fun way that they play with edging and teasing together.

Not everyone can physically wear tight jeans, and there are also people who may not want to wear jeans because of how it interacts with their sensory issues or similar. Some folks could also potentially struggle with jeans for gender reasons, in which case they might prefer to do this type of play with tight leggings, a corset, or any other restrictive garment that feels gender-affirming.

 

Is there porn that depicts this kink?

My reader told me that she hasn’t been able to find much of anything about it. Indie porn creators, maybe there’s a niche to be filled here! (I will also add that, for pretty much any niche fetish, the best way to get the porn of your dreams is to pay a content creator to make a custom clip just for you.)

In the past, I have sometimes seen “jeans fetish” videos that depicted people looking hot in jeans, often tight jeans, but this seemed to be more about fetishization of the clothing than the restriction it provides. I’ve also seen people wear jeans in porn focused on omorashi (a fetish for seeing people wet themselves or deal with the discomfort of having a full bladder), but, again, that’s not quite the same thing as jeans bondage.

If you know of any niche content focusing on this kink, feel free to link to it in the comments or email me about it!

 

If you want to try jeans bondage for the first time, what do you need to know? (Aside from everything else I’ve written above, that is!)

When I asked my reader this question, knowing that folks might read this post and get curious, there were a few main points she wanted to emphasize.

First of all, she feels it’s crucial that if you’re the dom in a jeans bondage scenario, you must compliment your sub profusely and frequently on how good they look in jeans, how sexy you find them in jeans, etc. This, she said, makes it easier for them to endure the discomfort of wearing tight jeans for extended periods. I totally agree, and this is a piece of advice I give often on my podcast and blog: if you want your partner to do something more often, you gotta compliment them when they do it well (or, in some cases, do it at all).

She advised that beginners “start small,” by initially using jeans that aren’t super tight, and working your way up from there if you want to. Again, really solid advice for any kink – jumping straight into the deep end is usually a bad idea, not least because it can scare you off something you otherwise might have learned to enjoy greatly.

She suggested that you agree in advance on how long the jeans will remain on before being removed, so that the parameters will be clear to both/all participants. My reader noted that she and her husband don’t use safewords but instead just decide the duration of their scene in advance, e.g. you can take the jeans off when the alarm rings in the morning. Personally I am always in favor of having safewords in place, but if you eroticize playing without safewords, please please please watch this video from Princess Kelley May about how to play without safewords in the safest ways possible.

 

Have you ever done (or thought about doing) anything like jeans bondage? What did you think?

 

As I mentioned, this post was sponsored, meaning that I was paid to write it. All writing and opinions are my own, except where I’m quoting or paraphrasing the reader who inspired this post, naturally.

4 Mistakes People Make When Buying BDSM Toys

Kate Sloan

As you might have inferred from the many photos on this blog that feature collars, paddles, cuffs, and so on, I love BDSM accessories so much! They can brighten and broaden your sex life in all sorts of delightful ways.

As someone who often advises folks on upgrading their sex toy collections, I often see the same mistakes being made over and over again. Here are some classic pitfalls to avoid when shopping for new kink toys…

 

Assuming their partner is on board

I can’t even begin to tell you the number of times I saw customers doing this when I worked at sex shops. They would come in, a wicked smile on their face, and ask for my help picking out a bondage kit, or an electrostimulation toy, or wax-play candles… and when I inquired further, they would reveal that they had not discussed this with their partner, but just thought it’d be fun to surprise them with something spicy.

While there certainly are people who would consent to being surprised in this way, the key word there is consent. You can’t know if your partner has any interest in [x kink] if you’ve never discussed it with them. Chat with your person/people before shopping for new sex toys you plan on using together, so you don’t make them feel pressured when you show up unannounced with a scary implement in your hands – or, even better, involve them in the shopping process directly, so you can make decisions that work for both/all of you.

 

Not knowing the difference between aesthetic novelties and toys made for rough use

There are a lot of BDSM toys out there, and not all are created equal. Some are made durably enough to withstand even intense scenes between kinksters who play hard, while some would be more suitable for scenes where you’re moreso pretending to be restrained, or spanked, or collared, or whatever – scenes where it’s the idea of the act that matters, not the act itself.

For example, I have several different collars; some are mostly for aesthetics, and would tear or warp if someone tugged on them or attached them to a leash, while some are thick and sturdy enough that I can be yanked around by them without damaging the collar. Pay attention to material, quality of construction, price, and whether the company making the toy specializes in kink gear; these can all be indicators of how it’ll hold up under duress.

 

Ignoring safety in favor of aesthetics

For instance, while many people fetishize the aesthetic of metal handcuffs, they are actually not considered safe for kink usage. (Or presumably for any other usage. ACAB, forever and ever, amen.) They dig into your wrists, especially if secured too tightly, and can cause bruising, cuts, and even permanent nerve damage. Leather bondage toys are much safer, as are fabric ones.

I have also seen such travesties as spanking paddles with sharp edges, butt plugs with an insufficiently flared base, and gags that would make it nearly impossible to breathe if one’s nose became congested mid-scene. Think about potential safety concerns before you make any purchase, and read articles on safety by BDSM experts if you’re not sure.

 

Eyes too big for your… whatever

I’ll be the first to admit that I have made this mistake: bought dildos and butt plugs too huge for me to possibly use comfortably, thrown cute but mega-stingy paddles into my cart even though I know I dislike stingy pain, eyed spreader bars despite the knowledge that my legs don’t even spread that wide. It’s a normal human impulse to want to push yourself outside your comfort zone sometimes, but be conscious of which boundaries can be bent and which are actually limits.

If you get a toy home and discover it doesn’t work for you, some shops will let you return or exchange it. If it’s a non-porous product, you may be able to sanitize it and gift it to a friend or partner who’ll be able to make better use of it.

 

What mistakes have you made while shopping for kink toys?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Tracy’s Dog, who have recently released some new kink toys! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

“Daydream Porn” – or, 8 Sentences I Always Wish Romantic Interests Would Say to Me

Kate Sloan
Not sure if I have any pictures of me actually being flirted with, but this gleeful face is close enough!

One of the main reasons I’m non-monogamous is that nothing gets me high like flirting. And I say that as someone who does actual drugs on a near-daily basis. 😂

It’s not that flirting can’t or doesn’t happen in long-term relationships – my spouse and I flirt with each other often, and they still make me blush and giggle a LOT even after being together for over four years.

But neurochemically, there is something unique about flirting with someone who hasn’t already declared that they like you enough to be in a relationship with you, or to marry you, or whatever. The phrase “thrill of the chase” comes to mind but I don’t usually think of myself as chasing folks I flirt with; it’s more of a dance. And for me, one of the most fun parts of the dance is the part where you’re pretty sure the person likes you but neither of you have really said as much yet, so there’s a constant frisson of excitement in the air when you’re around them.

Romantic fantasies have been one of my favorite mental dalliances for basically as long as I’ve been alive, and still to this day, they are a coping mechanism for me when I’m dealing with chronic pain, fatigue, demotivation, and other effects of the fibromyalgia and depression I live with. Even when I’m feeling like absolute shit, lying in bed surrounded by pillows, breathing deeply with my eyes closed to try to get through the waves of pain and malaise, I can still picture what it would be like if [x crush] said [x romantic thing] to me – the way they would say it, how their face would look, how I would react – and it reliably makes me feel at least a little bit better.

The following sentences are “daydream porn” for me in this way. Try imagining your biggest unrequited(-so-far) crush saying them to you, in an intimate corner booth of a bar, or at a picnic in the park, or on your living room couch, or wherever. If you start smiling from ear to ear just thinking about it, then maybe you can use these types of fantasies as coping mechanisms during tough times, like I can. (I suppose this post is also a guide for how to flirt with me, but, um… that was not meant to be its initial and primary mission!)

 

1. “You know that I’m flirting with you, right? Okay, good.”

A few different people have said some version of this to me and it always fills me with glee. I know it can be controversial to talk about flirting in a “meta” way like this, because (for some people) much of the magic of flirting is its uncertainty, its delicate balance of “will they/won’t they?” But since I’m a nervous insecure socially anxious weirdo who spends at least some brainpower during every interaction wondering if the person I’m talking to actually even likes me, it can be incredibly validating to hear from someone’s own mouth that they are indeed flirting with me – that I’m not imagining it, that it isn’t the result of wishful thinking on my part but is actually real.

One time I played some songs at an event, one of which was my song “Addressee,” in which I confess that I often have a hard time interpreting flirtation as flirtation. The boy I was into at the time came up to me after my set, complimented my music, and said, “Just so we’re clear: I am always flirting with you.” It helped me feel safe enough in that dynamic to continue to flirt with him as hard as I had been, and even harder. *chef’s kiss*

 

2. “I am having a lot of fun flirting with you.”

Along similar lines, this one is lovely because it simultaneously acknowledges that flirting is happening, and affirms that the person is enjoying themselves. (Shout-out to Reid Mihalko, who I think was the first person to introduce me to the idea that meta-communication about flirting while it’s happening can be wildly hot and fun, and also helps clarify consent/comfort or a lack thereof.)

I especially like when this line is thrown out casually as the precursor to something else, so that it feels like a simple descriptor of what is going on, rather than a momentous confession (although, as the below examples will point out, I also find momentous confessions hot; they’re just not always the most socially appropriate thing). Like, for example, sometimes I’ve been talking to someone cute at a party and they’ll say, “Well, I’m having a lot of fun flirting with you, but I need to circulate and say hi to my friends. Can we pick this back up again later?” My cheeks are getting pink just thinking about it!!

 

3. “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.”

Throw me into a lake; I need to cool off, because this one is HOTTTT.

When I was actively dating, I always felt like this sentence was the early-dates equivalent of an initial “I love you.” It gave me the same level of “🥰 OMG 🥰” feelings every time a new person said it to me. I think this is partly because I am chronically obsessive when I have a crush on someone, always thinking about them a lot (sometimes more than I would like to!), so it felt wonderfully validating to know that I wasn’t the only one in that boat.

This one is also low-key sexy because there is usually an implication that some of those thoughts have been sexual. I often find myself responding “Oh yeah, like what kinds of thoughts?” before I even realize what I’m saying, because I get so curious. It’s a fantastic opener for a saucy convo about all the sex things you want to do to each other, but it can also be chastely romantic, a confession that the person’s feelings for you have become more than just a momentary interest.

 

4. “I am extremely attracted to you.”

It still baffles me a little whenever people are attracted to me so I guess I just like to hear it in explicit terms so I can be sure I’m not misinterpreting. It’s not necessary because it is often implied by other things they do or say – I mean, if someone kisses me passionately, or bites their lip when they first see me in the dress I wore to our date, then it’s safe to say they are attracted to me – but it’s still nice to get a clear confirmation one way or the other.

This is a little hard to talk about without sounding unfeminist or shallow or something, but I also find that “I’m attracted to you” can land better for me at times than “You’re so smart” or “You’re so funny,” etc., because if I feel like someone’s attraction to me is predicated entirely on me being smart or funny, then I can start to doubt myself a lot if I ever have a weird brain day around them where I’m not able to be as smart or as funny as I normally would be – like, are they gonna lose their boner for me because I didn’t pick up on their obscure pun before I’d had my coffee?! Obviously it’s still lovely to be complimented on my smarts or humor, but when someone admits that they are holistically attracted to me, it makes it a little easier for me to relax into the knowledge that they’ll continue to like me no matter what I do (within reason).

 

5. “I think you are hilarious and gorgeous and I was wondering if I could take you out sometime.”

As far as I’m concerned, this is the perfect date-ask. I’m not saying no other way of asking me out would get a “yes,” or that no other way would make me feel good. But I do think this is the basic formula of how I’d always like to be asked out.

Complimenting someone in a date-ask is always a good idea, especially if you can compliment them on specific things that 1) you value in them and 2) they value (or ought to value) in themselves. My insecure brain is prone to being like, “Okay, yes, they asked me out, but do they find me ATTRACTIVE?? Do they actually even LIKE ME??” so pre-emptive compliments help me relax and actually believe them. (I have been asked out as a joke before, more than once. It is not fun.)

I like “take you out” because it’s the sort of phrasing most people wouldn’t tend to use unless they were talking about a date. But using the word “date” is also wonderful because it’s clear. I used to literally just sit in my childhood bed picturing different people asking me if they could take me out on a date. Free dopamine. A+.

 

6. “I can’t stop thinking about how much I’d like to kiss you.”

Truly glad y’all can’t see me right now because writing this post is making me feel so blushy and romantic that I’m actually getting a little dizzy and light-headed!! Anyway, this is the best way to ask someone if you can kiss them, IMO.

I originally picked this up from Dan Savage, who says that “I really wanna kiss you right now” (or touch you, or fuck you, or whatever) is the best non-pushy way to 1) communicate your desire and 2) leave the other person an opportunity to either say yes or redirect the conversation. I like the addition of “I can’t stop thinking about” because it conveys enthusiasm, which (as you may have noticed) is a recurring theme in what I find romantically exciting.

Often, by the time someone says this, they will have already made it pretty clear in their body language – maybe moving closer to you, maybe staring intermittently at your lips throughout the conversation, or biting or licking their own – but it’s still nice to hear it. And if someone signals to me, even in an indirect way like this, that they care about consent and would never make a move without it, that’s super hot and makes me feel much safer around them.

 

7. “I’m finding myself really wanting to touch you right now. How would you feel about that?”

Replace “touch you” with whatever. I have had doms bring up spanking me in this way; I’ve had vanilla cuties bring up holding hands in this way; it’s just a sweet way of getting permission to break the touch barrier.

I understand that some people find it hot when touch is infused with such urgency and passion that the person doesn’t even ask before kissing you, touching you, etc. but I think that approach requires a high degree of competency with noticing nonverbal cues, “reading the room,” etc. and not everyone has that. I also just personally find a “slow burn” hotter. If someone asks if they can touch me, I’m going to take a moment to ponder their question, likely while picturing what their touch will feel like and what it might lead to. And that’s ultimately going to turn me on far more than if they just grabbed me. But that’s me, baby – talk to your person/people if you want to know how they feel about all this.

 

8. “I really hope I get to see you again soon.”

All of these, I’m realizing, are really just different ways of saying “I’m very into you and I want you to know that!” What can I say, I know what I like.

I know there is a lot of emphasis on “chill” in the dating world, and certainly, it has its place. You don’t want to burn too hot when the other person is behaving more coldly or ambivalently. But considering how much I fret after a date about whether I was cute enough or witty enough or fun enough, it absolutely makes my day when someone reaches out to say they enjoyed themselves and want to do it again sometime soon.

A slightly more proactive way of saying this – and one that conveys even more interest – would be to add something like, “Are you free next Friday night for [drinks/dinner/a comedy show/whatever]?” but that’s not always the right move, depending on the situation. Like, I wouldn’t necessarily want someone to immediately ask me out on a second date when we’ve barely finished our first one, because I usually like to take some time to process after a first date and figure out how I felt about it before I decide what I want to happen next. But getting that text a day or two after a first date, if we had been chatting via text in the interim, would work excellently for me, and makes me blushy to think about.

 

What sentences feature prominently in your romantic fantasies?

This Sustainable Sex Toy Brand is Erotic & Eco-Friendly

Kate Sloan

Like most people who are alive and breathing in 2022, I worry about the environment a lot. And in particular, in recent years I’ve thought more and more about the issue of sustainability in the sex toy industry. Many sex toys come in vastly excessive plastic packaging, are so flimsy or poorly engineered that they’ll end up in a landfill in short order, and/or contain ingredients that could actively harm humans and the environment if they leached into our water (e.g. phthalates). It’s not the most eco-friendly industry, to say the least.

So I was delighted to learn about a relatively new sex toy company called Love Not War, which has put sustainability at the forefront of its mission. Wow!

 

Art by Charlotte Willcox in collaboration with Love Not War

Here are a few key ways Love Not War is trying to aid the environment and minimize waste while making gorgeous pleasure products:

  • Interchangeable heads. Once you own one Love Not War toy, you’ve got a base unit that’s compatible with any of the other “heads” they offer. This means, for instance, that you could grab the Miele head for pinpoint clitoral stimulation, the Liebe head for toe-curling G-spot stimulation, and the Koi head for broader stimulation and muscle massage – and all three would be useable with the same base unit. This cuts down enormously on the amount of waste generated by each sex toy purchase, and also gives you more options for pleasure, which is always a good thing!
  • Recycled and recyclable materials. Love Not War toys are made predominantly of aluminum and FDA-grade silicone. Even the soy ink used on their packaging is recyclable and compostable! No more landfill-clogging plastic clamshells or endless boxes within boxes.
  • Repairing and recycling. While the company builds their toys to last, they also acknowledge that natural wear and tear can cause a product to break down in the long-term. If your toy stops working right, they’ll do their best to repair it for you – and if they can’t repair it, they will recycle it at their “custom-built, green-powered factory.” Cool!
  • Planting trees. In partnership with One Tree Planted, Love Not War plants one tree for every purchase made from them. As you may know, trees are beneficial to the air we breathe and the water we drink, and also function as a habitat for innumerable life forms around the world.

 

Art by Charlotte Wilcox in collaboration with Love Not War

Trees are also central to Love Not War’s latest venture: their limited-edition Valentine’s Day E-cards, designed by UK-based illustrator Charlotte Willcox, which are downloadable for free now. According to Love Not War’s website, about 8,000 trees were cut down to make Valentine’s Day cards in the UK alone last year, so Love Not War is encouraging people to download and send these cute ‘n’ sexy E-cards to loved ones instead. Why not send ’em a sustainable sex toy (and thereby fund the planting of a new tree) while you’re at it?

As part of their Valentine’s Day festivities, right now if you order a Love Not War vibrator, they will throw in an extra head for free! That means you get two sensation options for the price of one, AND they’ll plant a tree in your honor. They’re also offering free shipping to the UK and the USA. Brilliant!

A toy by Love Not War would be a great gift for someone in your life who is passionate about environmentalism and pleasure in equal measure (even if that person is you!). It’s so nice to see companies taking a stand against the rampant sustainability issues in the sex toy industry, and I hope other toy makers will jump onto that bandwagon soon.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What Type of Vibrator is Right For You?

Kate Sloan

I got my first vibrator when I was 15, which means that as of next year, I’ll have been using vibrators for HALF MY LIFE. And what a blessing they have been!

Vibrators can stir pleasure and elicit orgasms even in people who struggle to get off via other methods. They can be a godsend for people with disabilities, sensitivity issues, low physical stamina, or all of the above. They can, in some cases, circumvent numbness caused by antidepressants or tissue damage. They are, in other words, the sexual technology we need and deserve.

However, it can be hugely daunting to shop for a vibrator, particularly if you’ve never done so before and don’t know what to look for. Here’s a breakdown of some of the most common types of vibes, and the kinds of people who would most enjoy each. Hope this helps!

 

Who should get a clitoral vibrator?

  • Someone who knows they love clitoral stimulation!
  • Someone who wants to make PIV sex (or anal sex) more comfortable and pleasurable for themselves by adding some clitoral stimulation into the mix.
  • Someone whose vulva-owning partner has expressed not experiencing much pleasure during penetrative sex and is open to technological solutions to that problem.
  • Someone who wants a vibe that’s petite and discreet. (Not all clit vibes are, but most are.) For example, if you travel a lot, live with your parents, or just don’t have much space to spare in your nightstand.
  • Someone who has strong preferences about how their clit should be stimulated: broadly or in a more focused way, on the top or on the side, directly or indirectly, etc. Regardless of your tastes, you can probably find a clit vibe that does what you want it to do.
  • Someone who already owns one or more dildos that they love, and wants a vibe to use clitorally in conjunction with their dildo(s).
  • Someone who has vaginismus or other issues that make penetration difficult or impossible, but who still wants to experience sexual pleasure.
  • Someone who wants to incorporate a vibrator into sex with a partner but suspects (or knows) that their partner would be intimidated/threatened by a larger toy, and would have no interest in unlearning that reaction.

 

Who should get a wand vibrator?

  • Someone who knows they need a LOT of stimulation.
  • Someone who prefers broad stimulation of their bits, rather than more pinpointed stimulation.
  • Someone who wants to get a vibrator that both they and their partner(s) can enjoy, regardless of gender or anatomy. Wands feel great on vulvas and dicks alike.
  • Someone who doesn’t plan on using their vibe during face-to-face penetrative sex much. Rear-entry positions are usually more amenable to throwing a huge vibrator into the mix.
  • Someone who wants their orgasms to be quick and efficient. Of course, it’s not a guarantee – there are no guarantees when it comes to what will prompt an orgasm – but many people describe wands as being the best option when they just want to “hammer one out.”
  • Someone dealing with genital desensitization due to medication or other factors, who needs strong vibration to blast through the numbness.
  • Someone who prefers deep stimulation over surface-level stimulation.
  • Someone who doesn’t want to bother with replacing/recharging their vibrator’s batteries. (Some – not all – wand vibrators plug into the wall, so batteries aren’t a concern. My beloved Magic Wand Rechargeable can be used while plugged in or unplugged.)
  • Someone who wants a sex toy that can double as a muscle massager. Stress and tension can be real boner-killers, so it’s often nice to begin a sex/masturbation session with some gentle massage of the shoulders and neck, for instance.
  • Someone who wants to do forced orgasm play. Wands are the generally agreed-upon go-to prop for that type of scene.

 

Who should get a pressure wave vibrator?

  • Someone who enjoys the sensations of receiving cunnilingus. No toy can really replicate oral (yet), but many people report that these ones come close.
  • Someone who has tried other types of vibrators before and found them unimpressive.
  • Someone who is not easily overstimulated by direct clitoral touch.
  • Someone who likes a slow build toward orgasm.
  • Someone who likes sensations that feel almost scarily intense.
  • Someone who likes to keep up with the latest and greatest technology. This sex toy category is super trendy right now; remember that rose vibrator that went viral on TikTok?!

 

Who should get a G-spot vibrator?

  • Someone who loves G-spot pleasure!
  • Someone who knows they want a vibrator but doesn’t yet know which part(s) of their anatomy they’ll want to stimulate with it. A good G-spot vibrator can be used either internally or externally, giving you a lot of options and room for experimentation.
  • Someone who likes both internal and external stimulation but can currently only afford one toy. The versatility of a G-spot vibe makes it a good pick for this scenario.
  • Someone who travels a lot and wants one toy they can take with them that can do a lot of different things (clit stim, G-spot stim, labia stim, even potentially muscle massage if it’s strong enough or anal stim if it has a flared base).
  • Someone who is curious about the internal clitoris and wants to stimulate it.
  • Someone who is curious about G-spot orgasms or squirting and wants to see if their body is capable of these phenomena.
  • Someone who wants a partner to be able to fuck them with a vibrator.

 

Who should get a dual-stimulation/rabbit vibrator?

  • Someone who has thought very carefully about what they want and determined that they need a dual-stimulation vibrator. I would not recommend dual-stim toys to anyone who is at all uncertain about what type of vibe they want; it’s a bit like giving someone a kitted-out gaming PC when they just wanted a laptop for scrolling social media sites and watching Netflix. In almost all cases, you’re gonna be better off using a dildo and a vibe (or an internal vibe and an external one) and controlling them separately.
  • Someone who doesn’t have strong preferences about how they like their clit to be stimulated and where. Dual-stim toys usually have a fixed distance between their internal and external arms, meaning that you may not be able to hit your favorite internal spot and your favorite area of your clit with the same toy – but if you don’t really have a “sweet spot” on your clit, and just enjoy having it touched anywhere, then you might be a good candidate for a dual-stim product.
  • Someone who is either a lazy masturbator (no shame in that) or who has mobility/strength issues in one or both arms/hands (no shame in that either!). Dual-stim toys usually only require the use of one hand, if that, so they might be a better option for this type of person.
  • Someone who really loves that one episode of Sex & the City.

 

Who should get a penis vibrator?

  • Someone who has a penis and wants to experience vibration on it! Maybe using your hand has gotten boring; maybe you’re just curious.
  • Someone who has difficulty maintaining or achieving an erection. Some penis vibes are specifically designed to be useable whether you’re hard or flaccid.
  • Someone whose penis isn’t as sensitive as they wish it was, and who therefore feels they need/want stronger stimulation than most human bodies can provide.
  • Someone who wants to potentially achieve hands-free penile orgasms, whether due to disability or any other reason.
  • Someone who would like to give or receive a blowjob featuring added vibration. Some penis vibes leave you enough room that you can use them near the base of the shaft while performing oral sex on the rest of the dick, for an all-enveloping sensation that many people enjoy.

 

Who should get an anal vibrator?

  • Someone who loves anal stimulation, of course!
  • Someone who enjoys experiencing vibration surreptitiously in public places. You can get other types of vibrators that have Bluetooth functionality, but vibrating butt plugs are usually the comfiest ones to wear for extended periods because they’re explicitly designed with that purpose in mind.
  • Someone who wants to have some kind of partnered anal sex (whether that be with toys, fingers, a strap-on, or a penis) and would like some help warming up for it. Vibrations can assist in relaxing the muscles in that area and making penetration easier.

 

What’s your favorite type of vibrator? What makes it your fave?

 

Thanks to the folks at Honeysx for sponsoring this post! As always, all writing and opinions here are my own. Feel free to check out their article, “19 Types Of Vibrators For Your Sex Toys List,” for more info.