Monthly Faves

Monthly Faves: Zumio, Ziggy, & Zines

Kate Sloan

Happy Halloween! Here are some notable highlights from my October…

Sex toys

• I don’t have much new stuff to report here because I’m a curmudgeonly old sex toy reviewer who’s set in her ways (i.e. using the Eroscillator several times a week), BUT: Intimina sent me their Ziggy menstrual cup, supposedly the only reusable cup you can leave in while having sex. I haven’t gotten to try it yet but I am excited to test its capabilities.

• Zumio sent me the newer version of their product, the Zumio S. The original was incredibly intense; this new version is geared toward people who are more sensitive. It’s less strong and has a silicone tip that muffles the oscillation slightly. Still feels plenty strong to me, though! I’ve had a hard time getting off with this toy because the shape is just too pinpoint for my finicky clit, but it feels nice nonetheless.

Fantasy fodder

• Been thinking a lot lately about fractionation, the hypnosis phenomenon whereby a hypnotist moves their subject in and out of trance very quickly several times in a row, to induce a feeling of disorientation. It feels like my brain is getting fucked. Much like drugs or alcohol, it creates an altered state in me very quickly and easily, which is very much within my kinky wheelhouse.

• My partner often reads to me over the phone, and lately we’ve been working our way through Desperate Measures, a fanfic novella where Jafar and Jasmine from Aladdin have a relationship involving consensual non-consent and DD/lg. Weirdly, it has some very Fifty Shades vibes: Jafar is a well-off businessman and Jasmine is a sheltered good girl. The fanfiction medium continues to dazzle and delight.

• Am I into impregnation kink now?? (That is always how it feels when a new-to-me kink shows up in my sex-brain. Like: What?? This?? Really??) I was talking to my partner about this recently and remarked that, for me, it’s pretty hard to separate the terror of real-life pregnancy from the fantasy desire to be impregnated – how can I truly know whether the latter is hot to me while the former is present? – but, even with that arousal-dampening condition in place, I’m still mildly intrigued by this kink. Hmm.

Sexcetera

• I trekked down to New York to see Bex (who was getting his top surgery, OMG!) and Matt (my luv). Some highlights of my trip: Bex’s carrot cake, watching B99 and Claire Saffitz for hours, truffle pasta at The Pool, rum cocktails at Dear Irving, a really hot blue-eyed British nurse in the recovery room, shopping for eyeshadow, and of course, seeing Bex’s resilience and delight post-surgery. What a remarkable friend I have.

• I guested on Trends Like These again this month, stepping in to talk about “woke” comedy, leaked nudes, and video game bankruptcy. Always a pleasure! Brent and I also guested together on the SyFy Every Day Horror podcast, where we discussed the movie Insidious – not my fave, but Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne are very hot in it, so, y’know. (Did you know all my guest podcast appearances are listed on my Press page?)

• On The Dildorks, we chatted about breakups and Bex’s top surgery, and interviewed Aida Manduley about attachment theory. On Question Box, we interrogated incredible guests like Heidi O’Ferrall and SungWon Cho. In my newsletter, I wrote about friend-ghosting, an impromptu watersports scene, an accidental trance, and queer sex.

• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 20 times (!) and phone sex also 20 times, for a combined total of 40 sex sessions. That’s… too many for 31 days, but okay.

Fashion & beauty

• My skin’s been chaotic for months (psoriasis + depression + chronic pain can do that to a person), so this month I bought some new skincare products to try to sort it out. My current routine looks like this: rinse face with water in the morning, moisturize with squalane and CeraVe cream, apply eye cream (haven’t settled on a fave yet but I’m using Origins GinZing and IT Cosmetics Bye Bye Under Eye) and sunscreen; in the evening, wash face with Mario Badescu Enzyme Cleansing Gel and a konjac sponge, apply glycolic acid toner and eye cream, and moisturize with rose hip seed oil and Lush Celestial; twice a week, use a salicylic acid mask. Plus occasional medicated psoriasis creams. My grumpy skin is finally starting to calm down!

• Maybe I “should” be wearing more “autumnal” lipsticks at this point, but instead I’m still stuck on my favorite pink du moment, Sugarpill’s “Girl Crush.” It’s pretty much perfect.

• Since I work from home, loungewear is an important category in my wardrobe. I have a new pair of modal lounge pants from the Gap that are blissfully soft, and comfy enough to wear to bed but (just barely) opaque enough to wear on a coffee run or to the laundry room. A++!

Media

• Tegan and Sara’s new album Hey, I’m Just Like You is all reworked versions of songs they wrote in high school, so it’s full of romantic melodrama and boppy hooks. I’ll probably never love another album of theirs as much as I loved The Con, but this one has certainly been haunting my head lately.

• My award-winning novelist cousin Sean’s new book The Wagers came out this month, and I loved it. It’s a high-stakes heist story about luck and love, set in locales as far-flung as a Montreal grocery store and a desert commune.

• I ordered a bunch of Clementine Morrigan’s zines and they’re soooo good. She writes with profound acuity about love, trauma, kink, sobriety, friendship, and queerness.

Little things

Laundry day. Solo food court dates. Seeing DeAnne Smith do stand-up from front-row centre. Peanut M&Ms (the superior movie theatre snack). Making Brent laugh with my dumb puns. Replacing the ink cartridge in my fancy pen. Bursts of creative energy at odd hours. New sheets. 24 Hours of Improv at the Bad Dog. Giant margaritas. My therapist getting extremely flustered when he accidentally made a suicide joke in front of me (lol). Letting my love borrow my lipstick. Clients who know what they want and communicate it well. Automatically generated word count goals on Scrivener. Seeing two burlesque performers do an anal fisting scene on stage (!!). Exercising my democratic right, in a really cute outfit. Watching the election results come in at the Glad Day. Martinis and theatre with my mom. Talking to a kink-nerd friend about sex research and BDSM psychology for hours. Tinder Tales at the Gladstone. Interviewing my heroes.

Monthly Faves: Strangers, Bimbos, & Ghostbusters

Kate Sloan

It was an offbeat month in my sex life, full of strange kink insights and trippy adventures… Here are some highlights!

Sex toys

• The biggest news in my toy drawer this month was that my precious Eroscillator Top Deluxe BROKE while I was in Portland! After 3 years of loyal service, I guess it decided I had dropped it one too many times (sorry, pal), because two different segments of the body of the toy fell right off. I tried in vain to piece it back together, and then eventually gave up and ordered a new one. It really is that good; I considered whether I could live without it and determined that I could not.

• I got an email from Dame, a sex toy company from whom I didn’t own anything, offering me a toy of my choice. The Kip clitoral vibrator was an obvious selection for me; it’s vaguely Tango-esque and BRIGHT YELLOW! I will probably review it in full at some point, but for now, just know: this adorable little vibe is rumblier and stronger than its small stature would indicate, and it has a lot of features I’m always yelling at sex toy companies to implement, like an up AND a down button, and a travel lock. Well-played, Dame.

• To continue to give Dame kudos: their new aloe-based lube, Alu, is pretty damn good. The ingredients list is impressive (no glycerin, parabens, or propylene glycol) and you can even order a $4 silicone sleeve called Grip that goes around the bottle to prevent you from dropping/throwing it when your hands are lubey. So smart.

Fantasy fodder

• My partner and I have wanted to do a “strangers at a bar” roleplay for a long time and this month we finally got around to it. On one of our free days in Portland, I took a book to a cocktail bar near our hotel, ordered a daiquiri, and sat alone reading – one of my favorite solo date activities. Sir came in a few minutes later, sat a stone’s throw away, and started chatting me up after a little while. One thing led to another and we ended up back in “my” hotel room… This was a super fun roleplay that I would highly recommend, and apparently my vagina agreed, because (uncharacteristically for me) I had an orgasm during PIV – whoa!

• During one of our many late-night phone calls, my Sir asked me what I’d been fantasizing about lately, and I mentioned enjoying the thought of someone going down on me because it’s their job – like a sex worker or an unconventional masseuse. Because my Sir is a genius, they quickly conjured a roleplay in which they, my daddy, had hired a male escort to give me head for my birthday, which he would do while Sir gave him moment-by-moment instructions. This scene pinged so many of my kinks – and also made me laugh a lot, when Sir said the escort was “setting up his supplies” and I couldn’t imagine what “supplies” someone would need for plain old puttin’ a mouth on a vulva!

• I’ve been thinking a lot lately about mental blankness. It helps that I’ve been reading a lot of Sleepingirl‘s hypnosis stories, but more generally, I’ve been pondering the ways intoxication, trance, and subspace can each help me float away inside my own brain during scenes when that’s what I want. For someone like me who’s constantly anxious and overanalytical, sometimes nothing is sweeter or more necessary than just shutting down the ol’ brain and receiving pleasure in absentia. Sir and I did a scene exploring these themes recently through hypnosis and “bimboification”; it was really fun, in a way, to feel my faculties draining away from me.

• Speaking of Sleepingirl: I commissioned her to write me a short story about a sub getting through the airport security line with the help of their hypno-savvy dom. It’s so cute and emblematic of how romantic hypnosis can be.

Sexcetera

• This year I got to attend the XOXO festival for the first time, and it was phenomenal! Some highlights for me: going to a social meetup of language nerds and playing a loud word game led by Gretchen McCulloch, hearing Harry “Hbomberguy” Brewis talk about raising money for Mermaids by live-streaming himself playing Donkey Kong, seeing Amelia and Emily Nagoski talk about the perils of burnout, the entire live podcast lineup, and meeting some readers of my blog (hi)!

• I participated in the Smutathon on Saturday, sex writers’ attempt to write for 12 hours straight to raise money for the National Network of Abortion Funds. My final word count for the day was 13,336 – that’s 11 blog posts (many of which will go up here over the next couple months), 3 newsletters, and 4 poems. The fundraiser has pulled in almost $3K so far – we’d still love to get that up to $5K!

• My Sir and I guested on the Off the Cuffs podcast together this month! It was really fun to sit down with two of my favorite people, drink cocktails, and chat about kink. We covered erotic hypnosis, sleepy sex, long-distance relationships, coming out as kinky, and more. Matt also guested on Question Box; we competed to see who could answer the most personal questions. You know what they say: the couple that podcasts together, stays together… or something…

• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 13 times and phone sex 21 times, totalling 34 sessions.

Fashion & beauty

• XOXO gave out adorable pronoun pins to its attendees and I’m so into mine. If we’re gonna normalize sharing our pronouns by default, which we absolutely should, we might as well do it in style.

• I ordered 3 new lipsticks from Sugarpill and they’re all great, though Bliss is disappointingly almost my exact natural lip color (plus glitter), so I doubt I’ll wear that one as much as the other two. My favorite of the bunch is Hijinx, a berry shade overlaid with blue glittery iridescence. Incredible.

• I have a mega-crush on model Alexa Chung (I mean, upon seeing her, who doesn’t, frankly), and lucky for me, she has a YouTube channel now where she does makeup looks, hair tutorials, and more. It’s very good and she is very pretty.

Media

• You owe it to yourself to check out this episode of Punch Up the Jam about the Ghostbusters theme. I was present at the live recording and have honestly never laughed that hard during a live podcast before. You’ll learn a lot about this iconic song and you might also wonder what the hell Ray Parker, Jr. was thinking at times.

• I kept hearing good things about Trick Mirror: Reflections on Self-Delusion by Jia Tolentino, so I tore through it, and it was great. I’ve been thirsting for more essays from introspective women ever since devouring Esmé Wang’s The Collected Schizophrenias, and this hit the spot. It touches on reality TV, “late-capitalist fetishwear,” the beauty myth, Southern hiphop, drugs as a gateway to the divine, and more.

• Current song obsession: “Favorite Show” by Great Grandpa. I keep waking up with this tune lodged in my head lately, so I’ve been groovin’ to it a lot.

Little things

Sleeping together over the phone. Our incredible guests on Question Box. Laughing with Max in his sunny back yard. Getting a window seat on planes. The Multnomah Whiskey Library and their fancy bartenders. Going to the rose garden while really high (um, would recommend). The photobooth machine at the Ace Hotel. When you can tell who’s the dom and who’s the sub in a photo. Hanging out with Epiphora and her wonderful cats. Wandering through Powell’s for hours. Matt bringing me coffee in the morning. “I just want everyone to know that I’m very gay.” Serendipitously sitting next to actors I admire at the theatre. Client projects that fascinate me. Sir sending me ramen when I was sick (and then, later, watching this video of a pastry chef attempting to make gourmet instant ramen from scratch). Seeing Lane Moore and DeAnne Smith do Tinder Live at Comedy Bar, from front-row center. Attending the Bi Arts Festival with a queer femme friend. Going to see movies by myself. Shopping with friends. Solo cocktails-and-reading dates at the Library Bar.

Monthly Faves: Sharp Objects & Cozy Beds

Kate Sloan

This was one of my most sexually active months ever (on record, anyway, i.e. since starting a sex spreadsheet). Here are some of the odd adventures I had in August!

Sex toys

• My Sir brought me some Ananda CBD lube from the Museum of Sex and we tried it out for some fingering and oral stuff. I’m honestly not sure I experienced the purported effects of the cannabinoids, but the peppermint and black pepper extracts certainly kicked my sensitivity up a notch and resulted in some intense orgasms.

• I’ve long had an interest in knife play, and had only tried it with one partner before this month, when my Sir decided they were interested in giving it a shot. We did a cool fear-play scene involving one giant chef’s knife and one less-giant butter knife. Apparently I made noises I’ve never made before…

• While we’re talking about scary sharp things… My ever-adventurous Sir picked up a pair of vampire gloves, which have been on their wishlist for a while, and we tried them out for impact play and general sensory play. They freaked me out a lot and looked very hot!

Fantasy fodder

• So, for whatever reason, I often have to fantasize while receiving oral sex if I’m gonna get off from it, even though I really like it – and one of my most common fantasies along those lines this month was that I’m a spoiled queen/princess/duchess whose royal servants know she must be orally serviced to perfection on a daily basis or she’ll make their lives hell. This is admittedly an odd fantasy for a submissive person to have, but you know, the sex-brain wants what it wants. (When my Sir read this part of this post draft aloud to me, instead of getting mad that I fantasize while having sex with them, like some people would, they just said, “That’s hot.” I love them.)

• Another fave cunnilingus-accompanying fantasy this month was that my partner is an orally gifted sex worker who comes well-recommended by other, similarly discerning women. Honestly, if I was single and ever met a sex worker as babely and skilled as my partner, I would keep them on speed-dial.

• At one point this month we did an experiment where I wrote a blog post while my partner was going down on me in an attempt to distract me. (This was one of Bex‘s many genius ideas – thanks, Bex.) It resulted in a forthcoming post that I think you’ll find interesting…

Sexcetera

• The coolest sex-related event I attended this month was a TES workshop on the intersections between sadomasochism and hypnokink, taught by Mr. Dream and Pinky. There was a good balance of useful information and entertaining demos. I held Matt’s hand for a lot of it; it was nice to learn about intense hypno shit while sitting next to the person with whom I most enjoy doing intense hypno shit.

• My newsletter, Sub Missives, is still going strong. Some fave issues this month included the ones about knife play, romantic tattoos, and chronic pain.

• Are you subscribed to Question Box yet?! The episode guest-starring Merritt K might be my favorite so far. Also, while I’m repping my podcasts, you should know that The Dildorks is on Spotify now!

• Sextistics: I had in-person sex 31 times in August (wow!!) and phone sex 15 times, totaling 46 sex sessions. Truly silly.

Femme stuff

• Matt took me on a jeans-shopping mission and I picked up some mid-rise skinnies from Madewell. I have a weird relationship with jeans – they’ve historically made me feel somewhat shitty in my body and my gender, and yet I keep buying them and trying to like them nonetheless – but these look and feel lovely, so I’m optimistic that they’ll actually get worn on a regular basis.

• I admired on Matt – and then later borrowed from them – a super soft, plain white T-shirt that says, simply, “I’m bisexual.” It might be the ideal item of clothing?

• I got annoyed with my hair and chopped several inches off it. A fantastic thing about having my particular type of curly hair is being able to do this without it ending up looking highly uneven.

Media

• I’ve been slowly working through the mega-sized novel that is Special Topics in Calamity Physics. It’s smart and charming and all-too-frequently relatable to me as a former precocious high-schooler. Marisha Pessl writes some damn beautiful sentences.

• I’ve been extolling the book Because Internet in every medium lately, so might as well do it here, too… It’s a dorkily detailed dissection of internet-era language trends and the factors that influence them. A must-read for anyone who writes or reads online.

• The new June EP from singer/songwriter Jeremy Larson’s project Violents is a cute set of 4 songs about his adopted daughter Nova. (Follow @ElsieLarson and @ViolentsMusic on Instagram right now for daily doses of Nova cuteness, plus her baby sister Marigold. I DIE.) I first fell in love with Jeremy’s music 9 years ago when he released an EP about his wife Elsie; dude sure knows how to write a love-filled bop.

Little things

Working from bed. Going to see the new Tarantino movie with Dan (and solo food-court dates before movies). Late-night outings to Bar Isabel. Writing an assignment about domestic skills I want to learn so I can be a good 1950s housewife. Inheriting some cool stuff from my grandparents (notably: cookware and a golden deck of cards). “Queen Nora is not a scammer!” Coming out as demisexual (thank you, I love you). Finally getting to introduce Matt to some of my favorite men (Eric, Brent, and Dick!). Crafting a column about incels for Herizons. Going out to celebrate my book deal (of which more soon). Taking lewds in fancy restaurant bathrooms. My Twitter followers sharing their romantic memories with me. Sir teaching me how to make a Southside cocktail. Working out of the Lickability office for a day (and joining the staff for game night!). My jobs, and how flexible and nomadic they allow me to be. Still being loved even if I have a panic attack in a taxi and throw up in a fancy restaurant (YIKES). Matt impromptu-ly and romantically offering to extend my New York trip. Watching the sun rise through the big windows in Newark airport. Getting back to Toronto after time away.

Monthly Faves: Weddings & Wisecracks

Kate Sloan

Sex toys

• An ice cube barely counts as a sex toy, but nonetheless: temperatures soared in Toronto this month and I enjoyed trying some temperature play with my partner. While this activity is often included in “Spice things up!” articles for vanilla people, for me it was a distinctly kinky experience that resulted in a lot of screaming and a deep, disorienting subspace. Pro tip: Tovolo King Cube ice trays create extra-large ice cubes that work better (and longer) for this purpose than the standard size.

• Tweezers aren’t really a sex toy either, but I enjoy using them as a sadomasochistic tool in scenes where I’m playing a dominant role, with partners who don’t mind getting groomed by a mean brat. Mine are Sephora-brand but maybe one day I’ll update to a fancy pair of Tweezermans.

Fantasy fodder

• I wrote something in my newsletter this month about the ethical minefield that is fantasizing about incels (“involuntary celibates”). Much like a related fantasy of mine – taking a young man’s virginity – this one is mostly about the utter delight and surprise that the other person would radiate at me. It’s still weird to have sexual fantasies about people I consider ethically abhorrent like incels (and Chuck Bass), but hey, your fantasy life is your fantasy life.

• I’ve long had an uneasy fascination with wedding culture and this month I started thinking a lot about the absurd tradition that is wedding-night sex. I asked for stories from my Twitter followers about this particular rite of passage and got some interesting replies. I’m not much for “romantic sex,” so if I was getting married, probably that night would involve impact play and a collar and leash… or just, y’know, sleep. (P.S. I have a truly ridiculous “wedding” Pinterest board from when I was in university and fantasized about this type of thing to calm myself down at times of high anxiety, incase you’re into that.)

• Sir and I did a roleplay this month of their devising, in which I was starring in a high school production of Into the Woods (a mutual fave show) and they were in the tech crew. They came to my dressing room to compliment me on my singing and… things escalated. It reminded me of how much fun high-school roleplays can be: the excitement, the novelty, the hormones, oh my!

Sexcetera

• Very excited to announce that my new podcast collaboration with the incomparable Brent Black is live! It’s called Question Box and you should be able to find it on most podcast providers. It’s a game show where guests and hosts compete to see who can answer the most shockingly personal questions on air. Give it a listen – and pledge to our Patreon if you like supporting weird comedy!

• Sextistics: This month I had in-person sex 21 times, which is a frankly wacky amount of sex for a person in a long-distance relationship to be able to have. (We spent two weekends together instead of just one like we usually do.) I had phone sex 20 times, totaling 41 sex sessions – a record high for the year so far!

Femme stuff

• One of my most gleeful fashion/beauty moments of the month was when Matt and I wore matching outfits – their tie was almost the exact same print as my dress – and matching lipstick (Fire & Ice by Revlon, a classic).

• I got a lot of opportunities to do Matt’s makeup this month and it was so fun. This coppery smoky eye was maybe my fave. I haven’t done many people’s makeup in my life, which makes it feel extra intimate and special to do it on my partner.

• My friend and roommate Sarah gave me a pink and blue scarf that is soooo my style. Trust a femme to get you the exact right thing for your look!

Media

• I enjoyed Dear Edward, a forthcoming novel by Ann Napolitano about a 12-year-old boy who is the sole survivor of a plane crash that kills his family. It sounds sad, and it is, but it’s also incredibly hopeful and sweet and charming.

• Everyone on my Twitter timeline was freaking out about an essay called “The Crane Wife,” and I read it and it was as good as expected. It has a lot to say about the ways our patriarchal culture is set up to make women squash their own needs in order to “get” and “keep” a man.

• One of my fave outings this month was seeing Some Like It Hot on a giant outdoor movie screen at the Corktown Common with my mom. It’s a fave movie for both of us so it was fun to share the experience of watching it with a bunch of strangers under the stars!

Little things

Catsitting Sarah’s cats and talking out loud to them constantly. Veggies with hummus. Going to the art gallery with Matt to languish in air conditioning on a really hot day. Drunkenly playing the piano at Civil Liberties (Nick, the bartender that night, sent over a glass of amaro to me for “classing up the joint” – best). Pasta salad. Hanging out with Rey in their last month in Toronto (for the time being, anyway). Birthday cake donuts at Bloomer’s, spinach-feta croissants at Jimmy’s Coffee, and maple glazed donuts at Krispy Kreme. Karaoke nights at the Fox. Playing Use Your Words over whiskey shots with friends. Lying on my childhood bedroom floor to soak it in for the last time, before we sold the house. My room at my parents’ new house. Cooking at home. Phone sex until 3 a.m. Dancing my ass off at a wedding.

Monthly Faves: Cuisine & Cosmetics

Kate Sloan

It was a good month in my sex life but I don’t have too much new stuff to report vis-à-vis sex toys, fantasies, or femme stuff, so… in lieu of a typical Monthly Faves, here’s a straight-up list of things I liked this month, in any category.

• I just moved from a big apartment in the west end of Toronto to a smaller apartment downtown, with a much more respectful roommate, and I’m already feeling so much better about my living situation. My room has a huge window, and I live with two excellent cats and a sweet femme – ideal.

• The Southside remains my favorite summertime cocktail, and I had a bunch of good ones this month. It’s truly the most refreshing boozy drink imaginable.

• Staying at the NoMad Hotel with my partner was a dream. Our room had a deep bathtub, beautiful art on the walls, a giant white bed, and a big-screen TV which we used to watch The L Word while high and giggly (best). Their in-house restaurant is one of the fanciest places I’ve ever been, and their Library Bar makes me feel like a Gryffindor on an illicit night off.

• The other culinary highlight of my month was doing the tasting menu at Eleven Madison Park with my beloved. My meal included caviar, asparagus salad, lobster, glazed duck, two fancy chocolate desserts, and some perfect cocktails. I mean. How much better can you get?!

• My favorite book of the month was Night Film by Marisha Pessl, a fast-paced murder-mystery featuring elements of investigative journalism, New York City chaos, and the occult. I was gripped from start to finish.

• It was fun taking a friend on their first makeup shopping trip after they came out as non-binary this month. We settled on a Marc Jacobs eyeliner (this shit STAYS PUT), MAC Brave lipstick, and a MAC 212 brush for smudging the aforementioned eyeliner as needed (although, I will say, it’s not very smudgy). My pal went on to buy Glossier’s Cloud Paint blush and Boy Brow pomade; together, I think these 5 products make a great starter kit for new makeup enthusiasts.

• Watching John Oliver videos has been a favorite diversion of mine lately. He’s funny and cute and smart and I like him.

• I dropped by Folsom East and it was great: we perused leather bondage goods, watched a fireplay scene, saw some effervescent drag performers, and basked in all the kinky queerness. Ideal.

What were your fave things this month?