Monthly Faves

Monthly Faves: Steel Wands & Sweet Words

Kate Sloan

Hope you had a pleasantly scary Halloween! Here are some things I enjoyed in October…

Sex toys

• We-Vibe sent me their Anniversary Collection and I adore it. It contains updated (and sparkly!) versions of two of their best vibes, the Tango and the Sync. The included case works for both storage and charging, and makes this duo super travel-friendly – always an important consideration for someone in a long-distance relationship like me.

• I’ve owned my Njoy Pure Wand for years but it deserves just as much revere now as it did when I first bought it. Truly, if you like intense G-spot or prostate stimulation, there is nothing better. Also, adorably, my partner bought his own recently, so sometimes we each separately use ours while having phone sex. Aww.

• Speaking of Njoy: I feel like I mention the Eleven every five seconds on this blog, but like… seeeeriously… it is quite good. It’s also integral to the story of how my Sir and I met (our first contact of any kind was him tweeting a link to my own Eleven review at me) so it’s, um, very romantic when he pounds me with it.

Fantasy fodder

• At one point this month, my partner – an actual living kink genius – sent me the following text: “What if the We-Vibe Anniversary Collection was actually sent to you as a medical device to treat your obvious hysteria symptoms, and you have to call in and speak to a doctor over the phone who can supervise your treatment by controlling the device and monitoring your progress?” We did a “hysteria hotline” roleplay over the phone that night – not a new thing for us, but the inclusion of the remotely controllable We-Vibe Sync was a new element of it – and it was so hottttt, helpppp.

• My monthly writing assignment for my Sir involved making some recommendations of porn and erotica for him, and one of my selections was a Sherlock fanfiction story where John has a hypnosis kink and Sherlock takes it upon himself to play with this newfound knowledge. I have a long-standing weakness for subby-John/dommy-Sherlock stories, and this one paints a particularly excellent picture of what trance feels like and why it can be so hot.

• Still giggling over this story: in a cab ride back from a Halloween party, I told my Sir I desperately had to pee, and he (jokingly?) suggested we do a watersports scene upon arriving back at our hotel. I told him he wouldn’t be able to get all his clothes off fast enough to account for the urgency of the situation, and he was basically like, “Try me.” Once we were in our room, he shed his clothes faster than I’ve ever seen him do it, and laid down in the shower for me before I was even half out of my dress. While my emotions in the moment were a mix of anguish and amusement, in retrospect it was a surprisingly hot experience; unbridled enthusiasm from a sexual partner often is.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I read my review of the teddy bear vibrator at the Bed Post variety show. I reviewed my favorite band’s new album, while meditating on depression, toxic masculinity, and men’s inner lives. (Please check out the album; it’s divine.) On our podcast, Bex and I discussed sex education, roleplay, polyamory myths, and fear play, and I interviewed my pal Dick Wound about knives, death, sweat, and all kinds of weird shit.

• Excited to announce I’ll be teaching/speaking/reading at this year’s Naked Heart festival! It’s coming up soon; grab your pass online, or you can get tickets to individual sessions at the door.

• Hey, thanks for the outpouring of love when my Sir decided to come out as my Sir! We were both thrilled and relieved that the reaction was so positive. Taking this risk together made me feel even more in love with him and even safer in this wonderful relationship, which was already one of the best ones I’ve ever been in.

Femme stuff

• I got my legs waxed for the first time this month! Actually, it was my first time getting anything waxed. My technician asked me if I had a decent pain tolerance, and I was like, “Uhhh… Yeah.” It wasn’t too bad at all, and I had silky-smooth legs for a little while. Would do again!

• If you’re in the centre of the Venn diagram composed of “people who like spooky things” and “people who live in Toronto or are familiar with historical Toronto landmarks,” you probably need this “Honest Dead’s” shirt. Every time I wear it (in Toronto, at least), I inevitably get asked multiple times where it’s from.

• As I told you on Monday, I have a new collar! I want to give an extra shout-out to Tal at L’Amour-Propre for being so accommodating of our special request vis-à-vis material. Tal is the actual best and I highly recommend their products!

Media

• Pinegrove’s new album Skylight is gorgeous (with caveats about the lead singer’s problematic behavior). The refrain of the title track – “Whatever you’re feeling is alright… Whatever you’re feeling is natural” – felt particularly needed.

• I read a lot of books this month, and their common theme seemed to be “shitty men interfering with brilliant women.” Sigh. What else is new. All of them were good, though: The Wife is about a woman who decides to stop giving her husband a free pass to be terrible after decades of marriage; The Real Lolita is the tale of the pedophilic kidnapping that supposedly inspired Nabokov’s masterpiece; Our Kind of Cruelty is about an obsessive love that turns into a sick delusion; and Gone Girl is about… well, if you’ve never heard of Gone Girl, you should really watch the movie and/or read the book, stat.

• My Sir recommended we watch some of James Acaster’s comedy specials together this month and we loved them. What a strange man with a strange sense of humor.

Little things

Eating chicken noodle soup while paging through The Science of Orgasm. Getting slightly better at rejecting creeps when necessary. Interviews with articulate, generous kinksters. Thigh bruises from sweet and loving impact scenes with my Sir over the phone. Seeing Dick get a lap dance at a sex club (OMG) and then hanging out in a hot tub with Lav. When autocorrect knows me too well. Max telling me stories from touring with his band (“I don’t feel too good…”). Kissing Sir in between songs at a Hippo Campus concert and keeping my hand in his hoodie pocket. Knowing he still loves me even though he made me laugh while I was eating a French fry and standing over him so I accidentally spat some potato onto his jeans (“CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, little one!!”). Autumn daiquiris. A literally perfect truffle risotto at the NoMad (and also truffle mac and cheese the night before; give me all the truffles). Boys in bowties. Phrenology skulls (the best creepy decor!). Watching horror movies with my family. Attending a Halloween party with some of my favorite goofs. Feeling like part of a community.

Monthly Faves: Boy Bands & Black Leather

Kate Sloan

Wow, what a month! Here are some sexy things that kept me smiling in September.

Sex toys

• My pals at Peepshow Toys sent me a new silicone dildo, the Uberrime Night King. They thought I’d like it for A-spot stimulation, and they were right! Full review to come once I’ve tested it some more.

• While I love being collared, I’ve never really had an interest in collaring anyone else. However, my boyf wanted to play with that in a scene this month, so I put my black Aslan Leather collar on him and enjoyed tugging on the O-ring from time to time while I did all kinds of evil dommy shit to him. I think I’m getting more comfortable being dominant!

• Shout-out to my leather bat for being menacing enough to leave wicked bruises but not so menacing as to be disallowed on planes by the TSA.

Fantasy fodder

• I’ve been having some feelings about interrogation scenes lately. I saw a Kink Academy video where Danarama was explaining interrogation tactics, and then I saw a truly excellent episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine that centered around an intense interrogation, shortly after my Sir and I had played with some mild interrogation in a hypno scene over the phone. Definitely pondering how to incorporate this kink into my sex life without tipping over into upsetting unpleasantness!

• Sometimes a new kink just hits you out of nowhere… This month I thought a lot about being kicked, stood on, and stepped on. My Sir, ever a sex nerd, wanted to understand my motivations for this before we did it, and I’m glad we discussed it, because I didn’t want it for humiliation-y reasons like I think a lot of people would assume. I was more interested in the meditative, subspacey, powerless feeling I thought I could access through these acts. They were lots of fun and I want to try ’em more!

Sexcetera

• I was asked to fill in as co-host of Tell Me Something Good this month, and it was so much fun! The people who tell stories at this event are overwhelmingly open-hearted, kind, and sex-positive. It was a pleasure to share the stage with Samantha Fraser and help hold space for all these wonderful stories.

• The lovely Cy of Super Smash Cache invited me, my boyfriend, and my friends Rae and Epiphora to dinner while we were at Woodhull, and she wrote a blog post about the evening. Read this if you’re voyeuristically curious about any of us (or all of us), ’cause, uh, it gets juicy.

• Two exciting honors this month: the podcast I cohost with my friend Bex, The Dildorks, was named one of Uproxx’s 18 favorite sex podcasts, and I was nominated as Best Blogger in the NOW Readers’ Choice Awards. Thanks, babes!

Femme stuff

• My favorite jewelry designer, Tarina Tarantino, a.k.a. Our Lady of Extremely Extra Sparkly Hearts, restocked some colors of the big-ass heart necklaces I love so much, so I snapped up what may have been the last blue one. It is, to say the least, eyecatching as hell.

• Today in “strange and exciting femme news”: remember that custom perfume my boyfriend commissioned Stephen Dirkes to make me for my birthday? Well, Stephen loved it so much that he used it as a starting point for his latest fragrance, Flocked & Gilded. So, if you’ve ever wondered what I smell like 80% of the time, go get thee a sample! The initial reviewers have called it “velvety and delicious” and “a rich velvet and hypnotic dream,” which… yes.

• My brother’s band, Goodbye Honolulu, came out with some new merch recently, and my bro set aside a “Typical” T-shirt for me. It might be my fave song of theirs, so I love this tee and have been wearing it a lot!

Media

• I went to the Toronto launch of Clementine Morrigan’s new book, You Can’t Own the Fucking Stars, and loved what I heard from Clementine, as per usual. Their writing on mental illness, polyamory, kink, and femmeness always feels particularly salient to me. There is so much packed into this book and I think you will find it comforting if you are poly, femme, mentally ill, a recovering addict, spiritual-but-not-religious, and/or (to borrow Clementine’s terminology) a “trauma bb.”

• My fave band, Hippo Campus, has a new album out. It’s quite different from their usual style but I love it: the music is, by turns, lush, jarring, and eminently danceable, and the lyrics are much more personal and emotional than their previous works, touching on topics like mental illness (“I haven’t been much myself, and I feel like my friends are being put through this hell I’m feeling”) and what it means to be committed to a partner (“Love? Is it love? Who can say you’re the one and never doubt?”). I love these boys so much and I’m so excited to see their show in New York in a couple weeks!

• I’m not quite sure if theatre counts as media, and my cursory Google search on the subject turned up unclear results, but let’s talk about it anyway. I’ve been a Soulpepper subscriber for many years running, and this month they staged one of my favorite productions I’ve ever seen there, Bed and Breakfast. Real-life couple Gregory Prest and Paolo Santalucia played a gay couple navigating homophobia and family secrets in small-town Ontario – and they also played all of the other characters in the story, from an awkward closeted teen to an Irish butch lesbian to a gruff contractor. I took my Sir to see this show and giggled and wept all the way through it. I wish I’d had the time and funds to take all my queer friends (and some of my straight ones) to see this!

• I loved Cameron Esposito’s new special, Rape Jokes, which is “about sexual assault from a survivor’s perspective.” If you’re hurting right now from all the sexual violence in the news, a) I don’t fucking blame you and b) maybe this will help you laugh through the pain a little bit. It’s pay-what-you-want and all donations go to RAINN.

Little things

A waiter telling Sir his cocktail order was “very sensible.” Making photoshoot plans. Dorkily premature anniversary-planning. Karaoke and drinks with Dan, Lav, Sarah, and Jason. Big juicy writing assignments. Whiskey on the rocks. Stealing hotel pens. Trinity Bellwoods hangtime with my love. Glennon Doyle. Sir having access to my to-do list so he can keep an eye on me and keep me on task. The Black Walnut cocktail at Northwood (OMG, new fave). Trading tips with other submissives. Celebrating our nine-monthiversary with a thorough spanking. Writing drunk poems on the subway. Thoughtful and compassionate editors. New bedding. Commiserating about long-distance relationships with my cousins at Rosh Hashanah. The underground walkway to the Island airport (and getting excited about small things, like a little girl would). Limoncello and oysters. Being told I am safe, and knowing it’s true.

Monthly Faves: Lube, Taboos, & Booze

Kate Sloan

Hi hello hi! I was depressed for a lot of this month, but I still managed to find moments of sweetness, safety and sensuality through sex. Here are some of my August faves.

Sex toys

• My partner attended a fisting workshop (aww, how romantic) and the instructors suggested using a large dildo as an intermediary while working up to a fist. We experimented with one of the biggest dildos I own, the Vixen Creations Randy, and it did indeed help a lot – though I still haven’t been able to take my partner’s entire (enormous) fist. We’re getting there, though!

• Still swooning over the Eroscillator practically every day. It’s an enduring romance.

• I know I’ve mentioned The Butters a lot lately, but I used it more this month than I’ve perhaps ever used it before, so it bears repeating. Peepshow Toys were nice enough to send tons of jars of The Butters with me to Woodhull, and I distributed most of them but kept a couple for myself. My partner managed to almost-fist me (see above) and give me a full-body massage using this lube, plus I used on him for handjobs and prostate play and a pegging sesh, and we still had tons left over. It’s so good.

Fantasy fodder

• (Content note for incest roleplay in this one.) Reasons I love my partner #57294729: we were out for dinner one night this month and I casually mentioned that I’d been having some idle fantasies about him roleplaying as my older brother, and he was instantly interested. Obviously DD/lg is a staple of our relationship, but we’d never ventured into other familial roleplays. Something about the brother/sister dynamic suddenly appealed to me, though: I liked that there would be an element of caring and caretaking, as with a daddy/daughter dynamic, but that an older brother could be a little meaner, cruder, more selfish. We tried it in a phone-sex roleplay later in the month and it was… very very good. I love how open-minded my darlin’ is.

• I’m also, more generally, thinking about D/s dynamics that can incorporate some element of bullying, coercion, and humiliation without a) forcing me to inhabit a kink role that doesn’t feel good for me or b) going so far as to be actually upsetting. My partner and I are toying with the idea of doing some kind of school-bully roleplay, but we both have shitty past experiences with mean kids (I mean, who doesn’t, honestly) so we’re going to proceed with caution, if at all. In any case, it’s fun to fantasize about!

• I keep thinking about a time earlier this month when I combined two of my favorite things: high sex and facesitting. I don’t do nearly enough of this and need to do more. The combination of intoxication with that position made me feel like I was riding off into the sunset on a tsunami of pleasure… My partner remarked afterward, with a blushing and wet face, that he had, um, enjoyed himself thoroughly.

Sexcetera

• Early this month I attended the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and it was a blast as per usual! It was lovely to speak alongside brilliant educators, spend time with pals I only get to see once a year, and introduce my partner to this wonderful world I inhabit. Thanks to everyone I met there!

• Local sexy storytelling event Tell Me Something Good was a highlight of my month, as it usually is whenever it happens. This month’s theme was butt stuff, so I got up and told a story about a giant butt plug, an act of true friendship, and a surplus of Uberlube. My brother even accompanied me to the event, because I was having a particularly abysmal mental health day and wanted to see friendly faces. I appreciate having family who are chill about me being a Weird Sex Person.

• This month we recorded and released the 100th episode of The Dildorks! So excited and proud to have created a thing that’s lasted this long and been this well-received. Thanks and love, as always, to my co-host/best pal Bex, who is truly the mac to my cheese.

Femme stuff

• Uncharacteristically, I’m enjoying subtle pink and nude lipsticks lately. They have a timeless sophistication that sometimes just turns my crank more than an eye-catching red or fuchsia. “Chai” by Bite Beauty and “Pink in the Afternoon” by Revlon are two current go-to’s.

• I discovered West Third Brand fragrances through IndieScents, and I’m so glad! They make a lot of gorgeous scents, like Vintage Leather (maybe my current favorite leather fragrance?) and Leather Rose (a slightly more feminine take on leather). Next I want to try Old Bourbon, Smoked Sandalwood, and XXX.

• Hair accessories that match your outfit are always in style, IMO. I have some rhinestoned heart barrettes that I bought like 10 years ago at a dollar store in Chinatown and they are still the perfect topper for practically any ensemble.

Media

• I visited a small café/bookstore near D.C. with my love, and spotted Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts on the shelf. I remarked that it was on my wishlist, and m’dude bought it for me, because he’s an angel. Him buying me Maggie Nelson books is a romantic tradition of ours now, I guess. I tore through this one in a matter of days; it’s about Nelson’s romance with her genderfluid partner Harry Dodge, and is full of sharp thoughts about gender, queerness, and family. I cried, let’s just say, many times.

• The first Adventure Zone graphic novel came out recently and I was overcome with emotion when I first held my preordered copy in my hands. TAZ has been an enormously important piece of media for me over the years, and I’m so glad the boyz are doing so well and continuing to make great art in podcast form.

• Mitski has a new album out, Be the Cowboy, and it’s a crash course in plucking the ol’ heartstrings through melodies and lyrics. Listen to “Nobody” – you gotta love a disco banger that starts with the line, “My god, I’m so lonely…”

Little things

Turquoise and pink luggage. Meeting Jessica Drake (she’s so nice, and introduced herself as a fan of mine! Whattt!). Kinky balcony makeouts. This amazing brunch place Sir took me to near Alexandria (how does he always find the best places to take me?! Answer: Foursquare). Sir writing on me and telling me to look at it whenever I felt anxious at the airport. A visit to the Distillery to hear Anais sing. Seeing Goodbye Honolulu play (with an unexpected cameo from Spock). Sex-blogger movie night. Getting totally absorbed in a writing project. Gossiping with Suz over drinks. A big-ass rainbow. Watching the behind-the-scenes DVD of the cast recording of The Producers with my mom (after rejecting multiple other options). Generous, kind, articulate interviewees. Powering through Deadline Day with the help of coffee and a donut. Sir copyediting me in Google Docs (swoon-o-rama). Sushi and drinks with Max, my favorite bruddy. Planning a trip to Boston with my love. Staying up late writing while listening to jazz and the rain. Getting all dressed up for a drinks-date at Civil Liberties, where they make brilliant cocktails based on vague orders like “something summery” or “something cucumber-y” or “something with ginger and cinnamon” (that last one was maybe the best cocktail I’ve ever had). Instagram flirting. Competent nerds. Hope.

Monthly Faves: Hypnosis & High Heels

Kate Sloan

July was beautiful, sunny, and happy! Here are some of the sexy things I loved this month…

Sex toys

• As I’ve told you before, I recommend my Sir a sex toy every month as part of a protocol we have. This month I suggested the Oxballs Spyro, a thuddy-as-fuck aluminum and silicone impact implement with a spiral emblazoned on it. We’re both into spanking and hypnosis, so this seemed like an ideal toy for us to use together (though I don’t know how practical the spiral on this toy is for actual hypnokink)!

• Speaking of spirals… My Mad Toto sleep mask got a lot of use this month – not only to help me sleep but also as part of a sensory deprivation scene I did with my Sir. He put this blindfold on me, along with a big pair of noise-canceling headphones playing one of my favorite instrumental albums (see the media section, below), cuffed me to my bed with my under-the-bed restraints, and proceeded to do all sorts of creative and pleasurable things to me. It was fun to fulfill a long-time fantasy of mine with someone I trust completely.

• Still loving my Weal & Breech purpleheart truncheon, and a similar wooden bat I own from Kronic Sensations. I generally prefer thuddy impact but I like how subspacey I get when hit with stingy implements, so I like that this type of toy strikes a good balance between those two extremes.

Fantasy fodder

• The phone sex I have with my Sir often reminds me of improv, in that we both have theatre training so we’re well used to spinning small suggestions into full-blown, vividly-imagined stories. (Lots more on that in a blog post series next week!) This month I was idly chatting with him on the phone about how I want to get my heart tattoo touched up sometime, and somehow that turned into me picturing him being the tattoo artist administering pain to that erogenous zone via a hot needle – which, of course, turned into a phone-sex scene about exactly that. I love that roleplay allows us to engage in high-stakes flirtation the likes of which would normally be impossible in an established relationship like ours, and that I get to see different sides of this person I love refracted in the characters he plays.

• I had a truly “wow, kink can be sooo romantic!” experience this month when Sir and I were hanging out in a beautiful park and no one else was around, so we decided to do a hypno scene real quick. (Carpe perversum, I say, i.e. always seize the opportunity to be a pervert.) He had me lay my head in his lap and took me down into a nice relaxing trance to the sounds of wind, distant traffic, and his sweetly, familiarly dominant voice. I love finding moments of kinky connection in public places, these little bubbles of intimacy that feel impenetrable to anyone but the two of us.

• (Content note: consensual non-consent, i.e. “rape” scenes.) My Sir and I have been discussing con non-con roleplays we could try, and recently decided it would be fun to do a scene where he gives me a long, relaxing massage (we both have kink feelz about massage and relaxation) until I’m so chilled out I can hardly move or talk, and then he “takes advantage of me.” We didn’t actually get around to doing this scene this month but I’ve been thinking about it a lot because it’s a synthesis of so many things I find hot…

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I was interviewed for Adultsmart about blogging, time management, sex education, and more. On our podcast, Bex and I talked about dry spells and celibacy, underrated sex acts, and exhibitionism and group sex, and interviewed Marcia Baczynski about sexual communication. I wrote about first-date mistakes, choosing online dating profile photos, and banishing pre-date nerves for RateDesi. And most excitingly: I won the Excellence in Bisexual Coverage award from the Association of LGBT Journalists!

• This coming Thursday, I’ll depart for the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit! Looking forward to seeing my blogger babes, speaking on a panel, doing a live Dildorks recording, and sharing a king-size hotel bed with my darlin’. It’s gonna be a blast! (If you’re going too, please come say hi if you spot me!) Major shout-out to the three sponsors who’ve helped fund my trip: SheVibe, Peepshow, and Friction.

Femme stuff

• Everyone’s been talking about The Ordinary for ages in skincare-land, and I finally hopped on that bandwagon this month by trying out their squalane. I mix a couple drops into my regular moisturizer, and it makes my skin feel soft and healthy.

• I got my hair color darkened up and feel so much better about it. Greyish roots begone! (My hair’s always done by Paul Taylor at Avalon; he’s a genius.)

• I am not normally a heels person, but bored to death of my go-to Frye boots, I’ve been trying out some more seasonally appropriate footwear options this month – mainly my yellow Lotta From Stockholm clogs and black Naturalizer pumps. Sometimes I don’t mind the wobbling and aching that comes along with wearing heels for me, because they make me feel so damn cute.

Media

• My friend Eva makes fantastic sex ed videos on YouTube. I particularly enjoyed this one about internalized biphobia and bisexual stereotypes.

• When we were planning our sensory deprivation scene (see above, in the sex toys section), my Sir asked me what I wanted to listen to in my headphones, and I immediately replied: The BQE by Sufjan Stevens. It’s “a cinematic suite inspired by the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway and the Hula-Hoop,” and it’s some of the most beautiful instrumental music I’ve ever heard. (Sleeping Invader and Traffic Shock are my favorite tracks, FYI, but you should really listen to the whole thing sometime because it flows together wonderfully.)

• I enjoyed reading Hallie Lieberman’s book Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy. There are some valid criticisms of this book (mainly the way it glosses over or totally erases queer and trans folks’ role in this story) but I think it’s a decent overarching history of how the sex toy industry came to be.

• The Punch Brothers (whose sexy, baroque-influenced bluegrass music I’ve written about before) have a new album out: All Ashore. As per usual for them, it’s full of haunting melodies, clever lyrics, and stunning instrumentation. Chris Thile should consider making out with me. I’m just sayin’.

Little things

Canada Day in the park with Max and my mom. Summer sunsets. Sir sending me cute enamel pins as a reward for submitting some outstanding tax forms. Grooving to Christina Aguilera tunes with Sarah. An enthusiastic enby buying me a shot at a karaoke bar. This version of “Saw You in a Dream.” Sir singing to me over the phone. Laughing so hard my menstrual cup falls out. Writing a new song as part of a D/s task. Sir making me a Twitter bot that tweets things which sound vaguely like things I would tweet (SO FUNNY). Solo cocktail dates with my journal and/or a book. Interviewing my Sir for a blog post series (just you wait!). Meeting Sir at the airport like the sappy romantic I am. Fancy date nights with my love. The steakhouse waitress who kept directing all her menu spiels to me even though Sir was ordering everything (I love her feminist chutzpah). Sitting in the “couples’ seat” at the Bad Dog. Stephin Merritt’s Project Song. Restocking my condom basket. Sir knowing all my sounds. People who react well to nudes. Brooklyn Nine-Nine headcanons. Renewing my theatre subscription. Drinking a gin smash and listening to jazz while writing about vibrators (the perfect evening).

Monthly Faves: Delirium, Dominance, & a Dragon Tail

Kate Sloan

I had an active, mostly-happy month, sexually and otherwise! Here are some highlights from June…

Sex toys

• Late last year at a sex-industry tradeshow, I picked up a black leather bat from Viktoria Creations. I’d barely used it at all until this month, when my partner specified one night during phone sex that he wanted to hit me with “something thuddy” and a lightbulb illuminated over my head. This baton is made of leather wrapped around a firm core and Viktoria describes it as “the ultimate thud” that “will bruise any butt” (uh, can confirm). If you like your impact sensations to be all thud and no sting, you’d adore this one!

• I’ve wanted to own a Wartenberg wheel for a long time, but never quite enough to justify actually buying one. But then I spotted a rainbow one at an Aslan Leather sale and knew immediately that it was destined to be mine. This type of toy pairs really well with bondage and sensory deprivation!

• Tantus sent me their new impact toy, the Dragon Tail. (I love when companies know me well enough to be like, “We made a super painful hitty thing; YOU WANT IT, RIGHT?!”) One end is mega-stingy and the other end is much thuddier. It’s a versatile little workhorse of an implement!

Fantasy fodder

• Forever fantasizing about being a schoolgirl who’s seducing, or seduced by, a teacher. My Sir and I did a phone-sex scene along these lines this month (not uncommon for us) and I was struck by the fact that we each seemed to have a different idea about how old I was in the scene and it didn’t actually affect the proceedings that much. (I felt like I was about 12 and he seemed to be addressing me like a university student. Ah well, actual 12-year-old me was a pretty precocious know-it-all, anyway.) He also made me burst into tears during the scene by telling his diligent student, “Your writing in my class is fantastic. Maybe you’ll write a book someday.” Gotta love how good doms can simultaneously turn you on and encourage you in your ambitions…!

• This month my Sir made me come with his mouth for the first time – always an important relationship milestone for me and my dainty clit, and one that the vast majority of my partners haven’t even achieved. It’s only possible with an alchemical combination of stamina, enthusiasm, trust, and knowledge of my body – all qualities I find super hot, so I’ve been thinking about it a ton since then.

• A highlight of my sex life this month was pegging my Sir with my pink Aslan Leather harness and pink sparkly Godemiche Ambit. I keep thinking about how hot it was that he came so easily and quickly once I was inside him, like the intensity of it surprised him. I was surprised, too, by how much I liked it.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I was interviewed on Newstalk 1010 about government-funded feminist porn. I wrote about female submission and rope suspension for the Andrew Blake blog. I listed some gender-neutral oral sex tips over at the Ignite blog. I explained how to write a good first online-dating message and what to ask on a first date for RateDesi. On our podcast, Bex and I discussed coming out and interviewed DJ Pynchon about hypnokink, Pup Amp and Pup Dane about puppy play, and Sinclair Sexsmith about protocol and punishment.

• This month I was the demo bottom for my friend Taylor‘s Introduction to Impact Play workshop at Kink Toronto. I always enjoy getting slapped around for educational purposes!

• Delighted to have been asked back to Bed Post again. This month I was the resident sexpert at both performances of the show, answering audience questions about all kinds of kinky proclivities, from DD/lg to fisting to bondage. Yay, fun!

Femme stuff

• Summer is the season for slutty rompers. I need to buy several more, methinks.

• I enjoy Rachel Syme’s suggestion of using particular perfumes as your “bath scent.” As she points out, you have to do this with fragrances you’re not that into (or that weren’t expensive at all) because it requires using large quantities of the stuff so you don’t wanna waste something actually nice, unless you’re some Richie Rich motherfucker. I have this ancient bottle of a pale blue cologne called “Pyramid” which is a cheap-ass knockoff of Armani Code, and that’s been my favorite “bath scent” lately. I spritz about 10 sprays into the faucet stream and then I get to feel as though a hot young businessman has joined me in the tub.

• All hail my new yellow clogs from Lotta From Stockholm. I like how adorable they look juxtaposed with my pink thigh tattoos, and also I like how they draw the eyes of partners who have a foot kink…

Media

• I was craving young-adult dystopian novels this month, so I did some Googling and eventually discovered Lauren Oliver’s Delirium trilogy. It’s set in a world where love is understood to be a disease, and where people are forcibly surgically “cured” of the capacity for love when they come of age. Pretty scary stuff, and definitely thought-provoking if you’re a relationships psychology nerd like me.

• The ever-charming John Mulaney’s latest comedy special, Kid Gorgeous, is a fucking triumph. I watched it once with my mom and once over the phone with my Sir and adored it both times. Mulaney’s one of my favorite storytellers. His bit about how Trump’s presidency is like a horse getting loose in a hospital is frighteningly apt.

• My current fave song is “Saw You in a Dream” by the Japanese House. This band’s dreamy, androgynous vibes feel perfect for mellow summer days.

Little things

Drinking whiskey on the rocks in the front row of improv shows. Sir helping me with tax forms. Craft beers with my rope bondage beau. Nanaimo bars. Doing karaoke with rad people at Dan‘s birthday party. Exercising my democratic right. Sir buying me a fan because my room is way too warm (what a prince). Pre-show solo dinners at Soulpepper. The totally brilliant Gregory Prest. Having a full plate of copywriting clients. Margaritas at any opportunity. Sir sending me flowers for our six-monthiversary. Hanging out with my bruddy. Brent reading me hilarious things over the phone. Mr. Accident, a “good-bad movie” if there ever was one. Sex puns (always). Sir copyediting me on Twitter. Making him his own tag on my blog, at his request. Touching thighs under the table. Drinking rosé in a grassy back yard at sunset. Henry nerding out over Mozart and vintage pianos. Negronis (in Negroni season, no less). Afternoon co-working/phone-sex dates with my love. Bar bathroom selfies. How much I love love love working from home, even on days when I’d rather not be working at all.