Wishlists

Sex Toys I Want to See in 2014

Kate Sloan

I haven’t been reeeeally excited about a new sex toy since the Jopen Key Comet Wand. 2013 was mostly a year of mediocre releases in the sex toy industry.

I want 2014 to be different! Here’s what I’d like to see happen in the industry this year…

New Njoy stuff. I’m obsessed with both my Pure Plugs, I am never disappointed by the mighty Pure Wand, and I think my Fun Wand is beautiful even though I don’t use it very much. There are still a few toys in the Njoy catalogue I haven’t tried yet – the small Pure Plug, Pfun, Pure Plug 2.0, and colossal Eleven – but none of those really strike my fancy. What I want is for Njoy to release a new toy, ideally something that innovates G-spot stimulation like the Pure Wand did. I feel like I’ve been hearing rumors for years that Njoy is working on something new, but I haven’t seen any proof of that yet.

Back to basics with Lelo. As Epiphora recently observed, Lelo does their best work when they’re keeping things simple, i.e. not messing around with the weird technologies they insist on implementing in their Insignia line. It’s infuriating that Lelo bothers with stuff like rotating Kegel balls, awkward couples’ vibes, and poorly-designed remotes when we know that they are capable of true greatness. Their basic vibrators (no bells, no whistles) transcend basic-ness and become reliable toybox workhorses. Please, Lelo, for the love of all things pleasurable and fun, quit with the “technological innovations” and go back to doing what you do best: toys that vibrate and feel good.

A new Fun Factory clit vibe. Fun Factory’s been coming out with insertable toys left and right lately – most notably, their Stronic pulsators – but it’s been a loooong time since they’ve released something just for clits. In 2013 I reviewed their ancient LayaSpot and implored them to rehaul it and re-release it as a rechargeable vibe with their signature super-rumbly motor, because, holy shit, that would make my clit so so happy. I could finally stop using my trusty Patchy Paul on my clit all the time.

Better rechargeables from Jimmyjane. C’mon, Jimmyjane, I believe in you! Your Form 4 may be too buzzy, your Form 2 may be glitchy, your Hello Touch may be an awkward attempt at innovation, and your Little Chroma may make me want to throw it across the room every time I use it, but I know you can do better. Your toys are beautiful and classy; they just don’t have the oomph to bring it home. Design a rumblier motor, hone it til it’s glitch-free, and release something amazing. I know you can do it!

Smaller O2 dildos from Tantus. I love my Cush and Adam, but sometimes my vag just isn’t up to such girthy toys. I know I’m not alone in thinking that Tantus should fill out the smaller end of the size spectrum of their O2 line. (There used to be a smaller O2 dildo called the Niagara which apparently sold so badly that it had to be discontinued… so that’s not exactly encouraging.)

What sex toys do you hope to see in 2014?

Let’s Get Christmasy!

Kate Sloan

Sometimes I have silly ideas for blog articles, which nonetheless get put into action. This is one of those.

Here are some fun red-and-green sex toy combinations for you to indulge in this Christmas!

SpareParts Tomboi harness + VixSkin Mustang

It’s hard to say whether someone wearing this toy combo would appear masculine, feminine, or just alien-like. Either way, it’s hot.

Tenga Flip Hole + Ripple Triple Silicone Stimulator

Admittedly, the Ripple Triple is supposed to be for G-spots, clits, and female asses… but I’m thinking you could slip the “vaginal” part into your (male) butt, and the so-called clit stimulator would put pleasurable pressure and vibration on the perineum. Combine that with a Tenga masturbator and any gentleman’ll be good to go!

Duncan Charles Pleasure + 10-Speed Vibrating Egg

It’s hard to beat the classic combination of dildo and vibrator. So much the better if you can color-co-ordinate like a BAMF.

Rosebuds Crop + Sex and Mischief rope flogger

Kinky Christmas, y’all! See, impact play doesn’t have to be all about somber black leather equipment – it can be festive, too.

We-Vibe Salsa + Fleshlight Freaks Frankenstein dildo

Here’s a pairing for someone who needs a lot of stimulation. The Salsa is super rumbly, and the Frankenstein has a freakish (literally) amount of texture. Sensory overload!

Do you have any toys that remind you of Christmas?

Sex Toy Wishlist #4

Kate Sloan

Here’s another round-up of some sex toys I’d love to snap up one of these days!

1. Betty Dodson’s vaginal barbell – It’s the only sex toy ever to be designed by female masturbation guru Betty Dodson. She’s one of my heroines, and so naturally, I want her barbell in my vag, like, yesterday. She advocates using it for kegel exercises and for vaginal pleasure, and emphasizes that one of its best qualities is the way its weight keeps it inside without you needing to hold onto it all the time. Awesome.

2. Happy Valley Hottie – Happy Valley’s silicone is swirly and colourful and beautiful. The Hottie has been on my wishlist for a while because its dimensions are fairly close to perfect – 6 ¾” long, 1 ¾” wide. The ridge looks a bit intimidating but I think I could handle it if enough lube were involved.

3. Lelo large Smart Wand – Several reviewers have expressed disappointment about Lelo’s new-ish Smart Wands, but the large size seems to get less flack than the medium. It’s been reported that the large wand is very strong and rumbly – and dude, it’s waterproof. One of these days, I’m gonna want a Hitachi alternative I can take in the bath with me, and this looks like it can fill those shoes.

4. New Sensations Virtue Trio Massager – This badass-looking vibrator has a shape that’s very reminiscent of the Ophoria Beyond #3, i.e. the best G-spotting toy I’ve ever come across, which has tragically been discontinued. I’ll definitely be keeping an eye on the reviews for this one, to see if it measures up.

Sex Toy Wishlist #3

Kate Sloan

Yes, it’s that time again, folks! Here’s another list of sex toys that I’m aching for at the moment.

1. Duncan Charles Designs G-Brush – I’ve never tried a ceramic dildo before. I imagine it shares a similar firmness and heft with glass, which sounds pretty good to me. Duncan Charles Designs make some gorgeous ceramic toys and my vag is already fawning over the sight of this G-Brush. I feel like it’d either be profoundly uncomfortable or astonishingly effective.

2. ISA Research and Education Kegelcisor – I am very partial to kegel exercisers that double as pleasurable toys. The idea of it is so wonderful, though it’s so often poorly executed. This stainless steel “Kegelcisor” looks like a winner, though. (Can you tell yet that I love toy materials with a naturally low temperature? Give me glass and steel e’ry day!)

3. Venus Aromatic Bath Salts – Normally I don’t even look at “sensual” products on sex toy websites, but this brand of bath salts comes in a scent called “man.” Seriously, “MAN.” There was some joking around between my Twitter followers and I about what this could possibly mean, but I’m guessing some sort of tame cologne scent. Still, though: a must-try. If just so that, when someone asks me what I’m wearing to make me smell so nice, I can say, “Man.”

4. We-Vibe Tango – We-Vibe’s rechargeable clitoral vibes are supposedly some of the strongest available. After less-than-satisfying experiences with Nea, Mia, and others, I would really love to get my hands on a clit vibe that knows what it’s doing. Particularly one that comes in blue. (Oh, We-Vibe, you know the way to my heart.)

5. Fun Factory G4 Patchy Paul – Up til now, I have somehow managed to go through life without owning a single Fun Factory toy. This definitely needs to change. The G4 vibes are rechargeable and waterproof and are hailed as some of the strongest vibes you can get with those qualities – plus, they come in positively delightful colors. I’m pretty sure Patchy Paul and I could get to be good friends.

5 Sex Toys I Covet For Their Weirdness

Kate Sloan

My sex toy wishlists are an eclectic amalgamation of awesome, good, and questionable. (You can click over to them using the links in my sidebar, if you want to take a look or even buy me something.) There are all sorts of materials (everything except jelly!), shapes, sizes, functions, intensities, volumes, companies, and levels of attractiveness. I thought I’d do a post to profile some of the weirder items on my wishlists, and the reasons I want them.

At first glance, the Vibratex Pixie Plus looks like any gross sex toy you could pull off a shelf at a low-end “novelty” sex shop – cheap, nubby, vaguely jelly-esque (don’t worry, it’s elastomer). But if you could turn it on, you’d see that the internal portion of the Pixie doesn’t vibrate – its tip strokes back and forth, like the famous “come hither” motion. Since most G-spots respond better to stroking than they do to vibration, I am all for dual-stimulation vibes with internal parts that do something interesting.

The Lelo Olga wins the award for most ridiculously luxe toy, because it’s just Ella made of stainless steel and given a price increase of approximately 700%. Despite what a silly purchase it’d be, I want it, because Ella’s neck was too bendy and couldn’t put enough pressure on my G-spot. Plus, you could use Olga to do your daily bicep curls.

Love To Love’s Oh Oui! is a hot pink vibrating banana. It makes me wonder if there is a fruit fetishist market within the sex toy industry. But I gotta say, it looks like it’d reach my G-spot efficiently, which is more than I can say for many toys.

I will one day have a Clone-a-Willy Kit. It turns out that my boyfriend’s cock is literally the perfect size for me – long enough to fill me up without hitting my cervix, wide enough to hit the right spots without stretching me apart – and I want a replica that I can use when I’m alone. For now, I’m lusting after the Mark O2 because it seems to have similar dimensions… but one day, I will want a real copy, and that is where Clone-a-Willy comes in.

There’s been much talk about the Sqweel, an oral sex simulator with ten fast-flapping tongues. Many reviewers say it’s messy, not stimulating enough, has seams you can feel, and gets in the way of any penetrative toys you might want to use in tandem with it. Still, something about it makes me want it. I’m a cunnilingus enthusiast 4 lyfe, and that is why I need a Sqweel, no matter how bad it is.