My 10 Best Tips For Writers

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Writers have written about writing a lot. Just about every famous author has been grilled about their writing hacks, and many bloggers (including yours truly!) have pontificated on our craft. Ryan Holiday says writers do this because “it’s a way to work and practice their craft even though deep down they know they’re putting off a harder version of it.” In other words, we write about writing because real writing is emotionally precarious and damn difficult.

So, given the oceans of ink that’ve already been spilled on the topic of writing, I’m sure none of my suggestions for writers are new or revolutionary. But the following tips work for me, and I’ve shared them with many a young writer who’s sought my mentorship. I hope they help you, young grasshopper!

1. Write a lot, in a lot of different genres. As with anything, you won’t get good until you practice. Put in your 10,000 hours. Young, cocky writers often think they’re already good and have already found their voice, even if they’re just babies in the grand scheme of things – and I know this because I used to be one of those young, cocky writers. I thought the portfolio of work I submitted with my journalism school application in 2012 was the best stuff I’d ever written. Now I read it and it makes me cringe!

There are so many different types of writing, and each can hone your skills in different ways. I don’t regard my journaling as “real writing” so much as emotional processing; however, it’s still a vital backbone to all the other writing I do. And although most of my writing is hardboiled nonfiction, I’ve sharpened my wordsmithery by writing fanfiction, poetry, 50-word stories, and even corporate copy. Any opportunity to stretch your writing muscles is bound to be useful. Stay curious, keep challenging yourself, sidestep stasis at all costs. Write, write, write, and write some more.

2. Read a lot. Almost all writers suggest this. It’s a boring thing to suggest. But it’s important.

I don’t think you need to have your nose in a book all the time to be a good writer, but I do think you need to read something, consistently. I don’t read a lot of fiction anymore, because that’s not the kind of writing I do; most of my reading is longform feature articles online and nonfiction books. But when I do pick up the odd work of fiction, I notice a change in my writing almost immediately. I’m more focused on prosody; my voice becomes temporarily influenced by whatever writer I’m reading. And that’s a good thing, so long as you’re reading diversely, because the more tricks you pick up from reading other writers, the sharper your own voice will become.

Read analytically. Read for structure, word choice, imagery, pacing – whatever skills you’re trying to polish in your own work. When you find a line or a paragraph or a chapter that really works, ask yourself why you feel that way about it. Try to replicate the effect in your own writing, so you can add it to your toolbox. Don’t be an outright copycat – although, Austin Kleon says all good artists steal, so maybe copycatting isn’t totally evil.

3. Do your morning pages. Three longhand pages of stream-of-consciousness writing, done immediately upon waking, every morning. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but morning pages are miraculous. They make me more clear-headed, inspired, and productive. Esmé Wang likens them to clearing cobwebs. To me, they feel like I’m pushing all the bad writing and ugly thoughts out of my system first thing in the morning, to make room for good writing and beautiful thoughts. Don’t knock ’em til you try ’em; I thought morning pages sounded pointless and weird, too, until I tried them and saw what they do for my brain.

4. Avoid clichés. George Orwell said you should always “take the time to invent fresh, powerful images” rather than relying on commonly-used idioms/metaphors/similes that everyone has heard before. I’m inclined to agree: the power of a metaphor is in the image or feeling it evokes, and if we’ve heard your metaphor a dozen times before, we’re less likely to see it in our mind’s eye and feel it in our body.

The exception is if you’re subverting a cliché, or employing it in a novel way (e.g. using the phrase “beating around the bush” to describe someone jacking off onto someone else’s pubic hair!). It’s rare to stumble across the perfect opportunity to flip an idiom on its head, but it can be done, often to great effect.

5. Write what hurts. If there’s a notion or story that gets your heart thrumming and your gut roiling every time you think about writing it down, then you need to write it. Be brave and write the hard stuff. If [x] makes you feel something, you’re in the perfect position to make your readers feel something about [x], too.

I will say, however, that I think the best writing comes from calm reflection on intense emotions. You probably can’t do your best writing from the (literal or figurative) battlefield, because you’re busy fighting that battle. But if you wait til you’re back home in your nice safe bed, and then do the brave work of revisiting those battlefield memories so as to write about them, you should be able to recapture those wild highs and lows from a more settled place. That’s the sweet spot for emotional writing, I think: a cool head and a hot heart.

6. Have a ritual. So much of productivity is about tricking your own brain into performing better. Of course, you could just will yourself to write, but that’s not always easy. You’re better off using the power of Pavlovian conditioning to trigger your creativity whenever you need it.

At home, I’m usually too lazy and distractible to write, so I do the bulk of my writing at coffee shops. Schlepping my laptop to a café is, itself, a signal to my brain that I am about to get to work. I settle in with my coffee, muffin, and headphones – always sitting in the same window seat, if I can help it – and the ritualized familiarity kicks my muse into gear. Hone your own writerly rituals so that they best serve you: think about food, drink, music, environment, even the clothes you wear. It all matters, if you say it does.

7. Maintain your momentum. Get a shitty first draft written before you worry about editing or fact-checking any of it. It’s far more important that you carve out the basic shape of the thing. If you get stuck on a particular point, just skip it and keep going; you can come back to it once you’ve written through the rest. Use placeholder text if you can’t come up with the exact right metaphor right now or can’t remember the exact statistic you want to cite. Once you luck into that juicy creative flow, your goal is to stay in it for as long as possible – because that’s the zone in which you get shit done.

Journalism school taught me this skill. Sometimes we’d have same-day deadlines for news articles: I’d do research and phone interviews all morning, and then I’d have an hour or two to write the actual story. There wasn’t time to agonize over the construction of every sentence. I learned to whip up a first draft at breakneck speed, and then go back in and fix things later, once the story’s basic structure was mapped out. The hardest part about writing is the part before you find your momentum, so once you’re in it, stay in it. Fuck details; stay the course.

8. Do it because you love it. Writing, as a career, is not lucrative or fruitful – unless and until you throw so much passion at it that the passion converts to skill, and the skill converts to success. Most people never get to that point, because they’re expecting something (money? overnight fame? an instant book deal?) that never comes.

If you write, you have to do it because you love to write. Or at least because you hate doing it less than you hate doing most other things. The actual act of writing has to be fun for you – or if not fun, then at least gratifying. We humans are happiest when we pursue goals for their intrinsic rewards (e.g. the joy you feel when you write) rather than extrinsic ones (e.g. the money and fame you hope writing will bring you). If you write for the love of it, you’ll have already succeeded before you even click “Publish.”

9. …But don’t devalue yourself. When some writers talk about the importance of loving the craft, they make it sound like some high-minded endeavor, in which money should never be a consideration. If you were a real writer, this line of logic goes, you wouldn’t care one way or the other if you got paid to write.

This is a nice idea, but the reality is that we live in a capitalist society, and all of us (yes, even writers!) need to earn a living. Writing is a skillset, and if you write well and people enjoy your writing, you deserve to be compensated for that. There’s something to be said for building up a portfolio of pro-bono work before you start charging, but at some point or another, you should start getting paid for your work. Don’t be afraid to ask for money, or to ask for more. Don’t be afraid to say no when publications offer to pay you in “exposure.” Don’t be afraid to assert your worth as a writer and as a person. ‘Cause dammit, writing is work, and work costs money.

10. “Operate like the world is already listening.” Know how no one at the party wants to listen to that person who talks like they have nothing worthwhile to say? The same is true for writers. You’ll enthrall an audience much quicker if you write like people are already enthralled by you. I don’t mean you should write with egotism or self-aggrandizement; I just mean you should write with purpose and with confidence, like you would if your audience was huge and gleefully gorged on every word that dripped from your pen.

From the beginning, I wrote this blog as if hordes of sex nerds were already reading it, because that’s what I wanted. And sure enough, now I’ve got that sweet, substantial, sex-nerdy congregation I always hoped for. Think about who you wish was reading your stuff, and then write stuff that those people would like to read. They’ll find you. And in the meantime, write like they already have.

 

What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever received?

Why I Write: Questions & Answers About #WriterLyfe

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I was creepin’ through Gala Darling’s blog recently, as I do more often than I care to admit, when I rediscovered a post where she talked about her writing process and the motivation behind her lifelong writing habit. I thought I’d pilfer the questions and answer them on my blog, too. I’ve done something similar before, but that was almost two years ago, and the creative process is always shifting and changing – so here are some reflections on my #WriterLyfe!

What am I working on?

Post ideas for this blog are always swirling around in my head. Here are some concepts I’m ponderin’ lately: a part 2 to my blowjob lipsticks post, a meditation on how and why I started loving giving head all of a sudden this year, a detailed recount of the genesis of my friendship with Bex, and a series about the sexual proclivities of fictional characters.

I’m also always chipping away at the ever-growing backlog of toys I’m supposed to review. Currently my “to test out” basket contains a leather collar, five vibes, two semi-realistic dildos, and a butt plug. I find product reviews more labor- and time-intensive than the other kinds of writing I do, but I promise I will catch up eventually!

Outside of this blog, I have a couple writing deadlines coming up. A cool online feminist publication green-lit my pitch about dating feminist men, so I’m working on that. And I’ve recently been hired by an online sex shop to write some informational posts for their blog, so I’ve got those on the go. Bizzy bee!

How does my writing differ from others in its genre?

A lot of sex blogs are either very sexy or very informational, and while I respect those approaches immensely, I don’t have much interest in (or talent at) writing about sex in either of those ways. My approach to sex writing – and to sex itself, actually – is goofy, relaxed, exploratory and fun. I write about whatever sexual topics are authentically capturing my attention at the moment, whether that’s threesome-planning, ethical fetishism, sexy fanfiction or dildo-based makeup looks. My favorite sex writing – the type of stuff you’d see on Nerve or in the portfolios of people like Grant Stoddard and Sinclair Sexsmith – combines sexiness with psychological insight, cultural critique, and the writer’s own flaws. That’s ultimately what I aspire to do with my work.

Though this is “technically” a sex blog, I’ve also never been married to the idea of writing exclusively about sex. I basically write about anything that informs my sexuality and/or is informed by it, which can range from fashion and beauty to relationships to mental health. I think I would get bored and feel trapped if I forced myself to only write about things that a sex blogger “should” write about, so I let myself branch out as much as I want and it’s kept me very happy.

I asked my Twitter followers what makes my writing different from that of other sex bloggers, and some of the words that came back to me were: “honest, relatable, self-deprecating, knows and trusts her audience, grounded, unafraid, funny.” Well, color me flattered!

Why do I write?

I’ve always, always written. I have messily-scrawled journals dating back to the mid-nineties, when I was but a wee little masturbator. My parents have both written professionally at various times in their careers, so it runs in my family, and they always encouraged me to document my life as I was growing up.

Being an anxious person prone to obsessiveness, I’ve always found writing a helpful tool in processing, managing, and deconstructing my feelings. If something’s upsetting me or confusing me, chances are excellent that writing through it will help. The extent to which I am sane and balanced (which, admittedly, often isn’t much) is made possible for me by daily writing.

There’s also a “chicken or the egg” element to my pursuit of the writing life: I’ve always been good at it, and received praise for it, which makes me want to do it more. (Or is it the other way around?) My English-class grades have been stellar my whole life and I’ve been told by many, many teachers that I shouldn’t squander this aptitude. So I don’t.

Finally: a lot of what I write, I write because I wish I’d been able to read something like it when I was younger. Most of my writerly heroes (like Gala Darling, Alexandra Franzen and Alana Massey) are my heroes not just because they’re excellent writers, but also because their writing woke me up in some way, taught me something about myself, encouraged greater bravery or positivity or adventure in me. There is always the hope with writing – especially when writing about something emotionally charged like sex – that your readers will come away improved or emboldened in some sense.

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How do I write?

As much as I would like to be one of those crack-of-dawn, early-start writers, I can’t: my dayjob starts at 6AM so I spend most of my mornings in a grey office uptown, doing customer service while listening to podcasts to pass the time. However, the best thing about this job is that my shifts end by noon, so that the entire remainder of the day stretches deliciously ahead of me. If I’m not too burned out after work, I’ll grab my laptop, notebook and headphones, and trot off to a nearby coffee shop. Cafés are my favorite place to write; the caffeine and commotion keep my creativity buzzing along, and I find it motivating to go somewhere with the explicit intention of getting work done there.

I work at home sometimes, too. I have a lap desk, a real desk, and a kitchen table with a beautiful view.

While I’m writing, I like to munch carrots and hummus, or a muffin, or edamame. I like to sip a soy latte, or genmaicha, or ginger ale. I have to be able to stare out a window aimlessly while I think, and maybe throw an occasional tantrum when the words are flowing thick and slow. I like to listen to non-distracting instrumental music while I write. Sometimes I wear lipstick. Sometimes I like to have a friend with me, working on their own stuff, so we can bounce ideas off each other. (“If I just say the word ‘mons,’ do you think people will know what I mean?” “Do Americans know who Jian Ghomeshi is?” “What are the sociopolitical implications of throat-fucking?!”)

For the past 5 years, I’ve done all my journalism and blogging on my beloved mid-2011 MacBook Pro (pictured in the photos above), but I just upgraded to a sleek new MacBook Air (ah, sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found you!). I write blog posts in WordPress, and everything else in Google Drive; both of these platforms auto-save everything constantly so I don’t have to worry about losing my work accidentally. If I get an idea while I’m out and about, I type it into my phone’s Notes app. When I’m working on a big piece of journalism, like a feature story with tons of interviews and web sources, I synthesize all that stuff in Evernote. All my analog journaling is done in large hardcover ruled Moleskine notebooks with Pilot Precise V7 pens (I am a writing-supplies snob!).

How do I get past writer’s block?

I’m obsessed with sexuality, kink, and relationships. Sometimes it feels like I literally never stop thinking about, talking about, and writing about those topics – except when I’m asleep! So, for me, coming up with ideas is just a matter of recording my weird thoughts and feelings as they show up, so I’ll have something to refer to later when I’m writing a post.

If I’m feeling uninspired, sometimes I’ll go out with a friend and catch up with them on what’s afoot in our respective sex lives. Talking through our issues and stories, and seeing what patterns and problems come up again and again, can kickstart my creativity into gear.

It’s also helpful to keep an eye on Twitter, Reddit, the news, and so on. Sex is inextricably hooked into culture at large, and viewing the events of the world through my sex-nerd lens often gives me ideas.

 

What’s your writing process like? What are your must-have tricks and tools? What do you write about when you’re not sure what to write about?

12 Days of Girly Juice: 8 Classic Tweets

I originally started tweeting as a supplement to my blog, but it’s become much more than that. Moreso even than this space, my Twitter feed has grown into its own little community of sex-positive weirdos. We’ve got femmes, geeks, kinksters, bloggers, sex workers, pornographers. We crack each other up, debate with one another, and cheer each other on. When I dreamed of “internet fame” as a wee young lass, this was what I envisioned: a merry band of like-minded dorks, all of us sharing in each other’s trials and triumphs; a vibrant social community that was online but no less real for that.

Twitter’s also, I should mention, where I met and/or got to know most of the people I had sex with in 2015. So there’s that.

I’ve compiled 8 of my favorite tweets of mine from 2015 here for you, since my tweets are now arguably just as much a part of my “oeuvre” as my blog. (Tell that to the haterz who assured me Twitter was an inane waste of time when I joined in 2007!)

I wrote this in a coffee shop while working on a fanfiction story. Writing fanfic is amazingly fun as is, but I quickly discovered it’s even more fun if you live-tweet the writing process and ask your hilarious followers for language contributions. (Randy suggested “cunni-dingus,” “clit twit” and “lacklustre labia licker,” all of which I loved so much that I found a way to fit them into the story.)

This was an idea I pondered all year, and it kind of ended up being the theme of 2015 for me. I want to be smart and sexy, vivacious and valued, naked and knowledgeable. There are a lot of people in my internet following who value me only for my cleavagey selfies and titillation quotient, but for those of you who acknowledge and appreciate my tits and my brain: thank you, it means a lot.

Forever looking for ways to turn sexist narratives on their heads and strive for sexual equality. This is one particularly amusing strategy. It’s best said with your eyes slightly narrowed in a withering stare, upper lip drawn back in a subtle sneer. Go forth and level some dudes with your feminist sass, please!

Being a sex-and-language nerd gets me into interesting situations sometimes. (See also: that time I discovered that the plural of clitoris is apparently “clitorides.”) If you’re wondering where the above phrase actually ended up, it’s in my blog post about breakupiversaries.

I wrote this while scarfing an arugula salad and hot chocolate by myself at 7 West. I’d had tentative plans to go on a date with a boy that night and he cancelled on me, so I got thoroughly dolled up and went on a self-date instead. This is a lovely ritual I’d like to enact more often in 2016!

This tweet happened while I was bored out of my mind in a tattoo parlor waiting for my friends to get their touch-ups done (I’d already had mine). Apparently I pun when I’m antsy.

We’ve all heard the Oprah-ism, “‘No’ is a complete sentence.” I like “Naaah” even better because it’s dismissive and disrespectful – much like the rude sexual requests I’m often responding to when I say it.

This makes me smile for two reasons: 1) Boys who are down with period sex! Yaaaay! and 2) I love doing post-sex recaps and analyses with friends. It often helps me come to realizations about my own desires and experiences that inform how I approach sex from then on. I was lucky enough to have lots of friends who’d happily listen to me ramble about sex in 2015!

Here’s to another year of goofy tweets! Thanks for following me and being part of my weird little web of companions.

12 Days of Girly Juice: 11 Favorite Blog Posts

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The ladies of The Blogcademy say you don’t really find your “voice” as a blogger ’til you’ve written about 500 posts. I crossed the threshold of 400 this year, so I’m not quite there… Nonetheless, I’m still pretty proud of most of what I wrote in 2015! Here are 11 highlights of the year from my blog…

In February, I wrote about how to bring more romantic energy into your life. This is a topic I feel passionately about – not nearly enough of us go through our day-to-day lives with hearts in our eyes and sparks in our hearts! This was also a prophetic post, because the later part of 2015 involved lots ‘n’ lots of romantic energy for me. Yay!

I loved interviewing poli sci professor/pro-level squirter Shannon Bell for a magazine article, so I wrote about her for this blog as well. I’d like to do more stuff like this in 2016: interviewing, profiling and highlighting people who do interesting work in the field of sex.

I wrote a fair bit about blogging and writing in 2015, and one of my favorite posts on that topic was about creating good content. I thought a lot this year about what kind of content I want my blog to include (mainly: fewer product reviews and more meaty, helpful, feel-good stuff!) so I was glad to be able to write about that. I also ended up leading a session on generating post ideas at a bloggers’ retreat, because according to Bex, I am the “queen of productivity.” Aww.

One of my favorite things is educating folks about little-known erogenous zones. I’ve known about my external G-spot for quite a while but finally decided to write about it in April. I’ve heard from several readers since then who’ve tried stimulating theirs, often with nifty results. Yay, pleasure!

It felt strange to write about how to date when you have anxiety, considering that I barely manage to keep my anxiety in check in most romantic situations. But mental health is a hugely important topic to me, and I wanted to contribute my limited knowledge and experiences to the field, just incase they might help someone.

Tina Horn is one of my sex-positive idols, so getting to interview her was a definite high point of my year. We talked about journalism ethics, kink exploration, and the time she sold horny goat weed lube to Jay-Z and Beyoncé. Amazing.

The award for “blog post that made me cry the most while I was writing and editing it” goes to 10 Reasons Why Sex-Positive Friendship is Important. I made some profound and lasting friendships with other bloggers and sex-positive weirdos this year, and it felt crucial that I write about them.

I’m not sure that any Twitter creeps actually read my post on how to reply to women on Twitter without disgracing your entire gender, but it was still fun to write. And I know that several of my blogger babes forward this link to disrespectful douchebags on the reg, so I think it’s served its purpose.

A Body Pride workshop made me ponder the 3 questions you can ask someone if you wanna fall in love with them a little. I still think these are great first-date questions.

It was fun to write about penis terror and blowjob anxiety. I like communicating bigger life lessons through sex stories from my actual life. And it’s powerful to take something that feels embarrassing and shameful and reframe it as a triumph – because, fuck yeah, I triumphed!

Just recently, I wrote about fatness, insecurity and desirability, and the reaction to it blew me away. Y’all supported me, cheered me on, empathized, and many of you directly shared my struggles and concerns. Writing and publicizing this post reminded me how important it is to write about what’s authentically bugging you: it’s cathartic, and it’s likely to help others who are going through the same stuff.

 

Fellow blogger pals: what were your favorite things you wrote this year?

Coffee & Cock Rings: Café Writing Tips for Sex Bloggers

Cafés are my number-one favorite workspace. I brainstorm blog post ideas while walking from place to place, take photos at home, edit and fine-tune wherever I can, but the bulk of my actual writing takes place in the windows of coffee shops, over caffé americanos and blueberry muffins.

It’s not that I can’t work at home – it’s that I don’t. There are too many distractions, too many avenues for procrastination. I find it difficult to muster up motivation to write when I’m surrounded by entertaining electronic devices, talkative family members, and my inviting bed. Cafés offer me a zen-like retreat from this world of interruptions and temptations. When I go to a coffee shop to write, I know I have to actually write, because that is the express purpose of the outing. So I do.

I’m not alone in this habit. Writers and coffeehouses have been culturally linked since the days of Hemingway and Fitzgerald, and even earlier. Most of my writer friends, especially those who freelance from home, turn to cafés as a workspace at least some of the time, citing the distraction-free zone and ample caffeine access as the attractions that keep them coming back.

A study out of the University of Chicago put forth one possible explanation for cafés’ effect on productivity: the noise. Apparently there is a just-right level of ambient noise which encourages creativity without impeding focus. Inspired by this phenomenon, some smart folks started Coffitivity, a web app that helps you re-create that bustling café environment in your own home. It’s lovely – but, as I’ve said, my preference for coffee-shop writing has less to do with the noise and more with the environment itself.

As you can imagine, public places aren’t ideal for writing dildo reviews and sex stories. You never know when someone might peer over your shoulder and be scandalized by what they see. (I once wrote an entire article about Cumbersmut while some 12-year-old boys argued about girls at the next table over. Yikes.) I certainly don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, so I work as discreetly as I can. Here are some tips for other sex bloggers in the same boat…

Choose your seat wisely. I usually sit at the window because a) the view is nice and b) there’s enough distance between the row of window seats and the other seating areas that probably no one will have a good view of what I’m working on. You can also sit with your back to the window or wall, if your café has some chairs oriented that way. No one’ll have a clear angle on your computer screen unless they’re specifically trying to look at it.

Do the super-X-rated work at home. Maybe you watch that porn DVD in your bedroom, take detailed notes, and then cart your laptop to a café to write the actual review. Maybe you write your dildo review at the coffee shop but leave the photo editing for later, so the other patrons won’t get an eyeful of silicone cock.

Turn your screen brightness down. I do this if I need to momentarily have something explicit on my screen – like if I’ve forgotten how many ridges there are on the vibrator I’m reviewing and I need to glance at a reference image to count ’em. It’s very hard to see the contents of a dim laptop screen unless you’re face-to-face with it, so it’s less risky this way.

Have a list of everything you need to get done, and stick to it. When I’m away from the ongoing to-do list I keep on my desk, I often lose focus and drift off-task. I’m way more productive at cafés if I have a few specific things I need to get done – write post X, email person Y, research article Z, etc. I make a list for the day in my phone’s Notes app or just write on a post-it note that I stick to my laptop. Failing to plan is planning to fail!

Have a fake answer prepared in case of nosy questions. True, if a barista or café lurker asks you what you’re working on, you could just tell them, “A sex blog.” There’s no shame in that. But I find that this answer always invites further questions that I don’t want to answer. If I’m there to work, I want to work, not explain to some inquisitive stranger why a woman would want to write about sex on the internet. So if anyone asks me what I’m working on, I usually just say, “A school assignment.” If they probe further, I’ll tell them it’s something complex-sounding, like a paper on existentialism or 19th-century literature. That usually shuts the convo down pretty quick, so I can get back to writing about vibrators and ass-fucking.

Keep a “vanilla window” open. You know, like you used to do when you were 14 and your parents could walk in on you watching porn at any moment. Keep a tab open to Google or a news website or whatever, so that if your aunt, your boss, or a six-year-old child happens to stroll into the café, you can just switch to that tab until you’re safe again.

Bring headphones. I do this even when the work I’m doing will probably not involve audio, because you never know. Sometimes you’ll be researching a post and the information you need is only available in video format. Sometimes your porn review notes are messy and you need to refresh your memory about what exactly that porn star yelled during her orgasm. Sometimes someone tweets you a link to a song they think you need to hear, and you decide you do indeed need to hear it.

Be really nice to the café employees. They let you hang out for hours working on your blog, and they also keep you caffeinated, those sweethearts. Treat them well!

Do you ever blog from cafés? What are your best tips?