Curious? Here are the answers to some questions I’m asked a lot!
What’s your favorite sex toy?
Anything with a heart next to it on my toybox page – but especially the Eroscillator, Double Trouble, Magic Wand Rechargeable, Eleven, Tango X, Night King, Bandit, and Sila.
How did you get started as a writer/sex educator?
The short version: I had always been a sex nerd, ever since childhood. When I took a year off after high school to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, I applied for a job working at a sex shop. Although I didn’t end up getting the job, in preparing for a potential interview I discovered sex toy review blogs, and thought, “Hey, I could do that!” I started this blog, and the rest is history.
If you want the long version, you can read this timeline of my writing career.
How many sex toys do you own?
Currently somewhere in the neighborhood of 250-300. The numbers fluctuate because sometimes I give toys away to friends (after sanitizing them, of course).
What equipment do you use for writing/podcasting/music?
Click here for the full list of hardware and software I use to do my work.
How do you make money?
Many different ways. On my blog, I earn affiliate commissions, sell banner ads and text links, and receive a fee for sponsored posts. I do some copywriting and ghostwriting for various clients in the adult industry. My podcasts are supported by our Patreon patrons and occasional advertisers. I get paid when I write essays and articles for publications, both online and in print. I get paid advances when I write books, and theoretically will eventually receive royalties if enough copies are sold. I also offer consulting services for companies and individuals. Occasionally I earn some money for performing or teaching.
How does your partner feel about what you do?
My spouse, Matt, is my #1 fan and biggest supporter. They love my work – it’s how we met.
Will you sext with me/send me nudes for free?
No. Here are some photos and videos you can buy, though.
What’s your advice for aspiring sex toy reviewers?
Start a blog, and write reviews of products you already own, or products you have tried (e.g. your partner’s vibrator, your ex’s favorite lube). Once you’ve built up a bit of an audience and a backlog of good writing, try reaching out to sex toy retailers and makers to see if they’d like to send you products to review.
Make your blog self-hosted if you can (i.e. buy your own domain and web hosting package). A lot of blogging platforms have anti-sex policies, and it sucks to have all your content taken down unexpectedly. On that note, BACK UP YOUR STUFF, OFTEN. And never use PayPal if you can help it (which I realize is easier said than done because of how widely it’s used) – it, too, has wildly sex-negative policies and has no qualms about randomly banning people for having any affiliation with sexuality.
There are lots of different ways to write a good sex toy review. I tend to prefer reviews that are essentially personal essays about your experience using the product, rather than being a list of tech specs or a distanced description of the product.
What’s your advice for aspiring sex journalists?
Learn the basics of pitching articles, and start sending out pitches to any and all publications that interest you. In my opinion, you don’t need to go to journalism school to do this work, as long as your pitching and networking skills are solid – but that said, I did learn a lot about writing from going to J-school, and I made a lot of useful connections there.
Develop a style and a niche. You’ll generally be more memorable and “shareable” as a writer if you focus on a specific area of sexuality, although that can be limiting too, so your mileage may vary. Also, articles that demonstrably help people (advice columns, how-to guides, product reviews, etc.) tend to do better than more personal or esoteric content, so it’s often good to focus on those while building a readership. (However, if that kind of writing doesn’t excite you at all, you don’t have to do it!)
Decide, before you start, whether you’d be comfortable with every single person in your life potentially reading what you write. If not, you may want to use a pseudonym, although pseudonyms can be limiting in that some publications won’t publish work by pseudonymous writers. If you choose not to use a pseudonym, be aware that your sex writing will probably exist online forever in some form, and will likely be seen by people who you wish wouldn’t see it. That’s just a reality of the job.
Don’t assume you’ll make a lot of money quickly. Building a following and a reputation (not to mention skill) takes time.
Don’t work for free, unless you are genuinely happy to do so, e.g. if you love your potential collaborator, enjoy the creative freedom you’re being offered, or think an opportunity would genuinely be good exposure/experience for you. Writing is a skill, and if you want to be paid for it, and are good enough at it that people want to read your stuff, then you deserve to be paid for it.
What’s your advice for someone who wants to start a podcast?
Pick a concept/focus that you find interesting and expansive enough that you can come up with at least 25-30 episode ideas before you start. If you can’t, it’s possible your idea is too narrow to be sustainable as a podcast. Pick a name you could easily shout across a crowded room, and that someone would be able to understand fairly easily in that context. Check to see if social media handles are available before settling on a name.
If you decide to have one or more cohosts (which I recommend – chatting with cool people is one of the most fun things about podcasting), make sure you pick people you respect and like, who you’ve found to be generally reliable. When disagreements come up (and they will), talk them out kindly, ASAP, before they fester into soul-sucking, show-ruining problems.
Unless you are extremely technically proficient and prefer to do things yourself, use a podcast hosting service like Simplecast or Libsyn. They cost money, yes, but it is worth it for the peace of mind, the ease of use, and the storage space.
You don’t need an amazing mic to start, but your built-in laptop mic probably isn’t good enough. Blue Snowball mics are about $50-60, work with most computers that have USB input, and sound decent for their price point; the Blue Yeti mic ($100-130) is a step up from that. You probably want proper headphones instead of earbuds, which can leak sound. I record in Audacity and edit in Adobe Audition, but whatever works for you is fine. For calls involving people in more than one physical location, generally it works better and sounds better to have each person record themselves individually so the files can be edited together afterward, rather than using a call recorder – although if you do want a call recorder, I like Piezo.