This month was a wacky one: I traveled too much, worked too much, and had too much sex (okay, actually, maybe not enough). Here are some January highlights…
Sex toys
• I was so excited when I saw that We-Vibe has launched a new wand vibe, and when they offered me one to review. It does not disappoint: it’s waterproof and rechargeable, the vibrations are rumbly and strong, and you can use standard-sized wand attachments with it but it’s more ergonomic and sleek than your average wand. There are some problems with the controls scheme on mine (I’ll say more about that when I do a full review), but overall I’m quite pleased with this toy. Thanks, We-Vibe!
• Another We-Vibe thing: they sent me their new Chorus vibe in a vibrant, glittery pink (eee!) and my partner controlled it via the We-Connect app during a phone sex session. I’m very impressed with the motor, and with the way this toy stays connected to the app way more consistently than previous iterations. My partner still finds that the app is too buggy and imprecise for their style of dominance; hopefully We-Vibe will update it and smooth things out.
• I revisited the Zumio S this month after chatting with a Zumio employee at ANME and thinking, “Huh, I haven’t used that thing in a while.” The slightly wider tip really does help to diffuse this toy’s intense oscillations so they’re more tolerable for folks with sensitive clits like moi. Orgasms with this toy are always zanily intense!
Fantasy fodder
• I’ve dug into season 2 of Netflix’s You, a quirky dramedy about a pathological stalker and murderer who’s also a mega-romantic. It has been described as “Dawson’s Creek meets Dexter” and that’s pretty spot-on. There are a few sex scenes in this show, but my favorite and most-fantasized-about one will always be the first one with Beck from season 1, where (spoiler alert) our deranged hero Joe finally gets to bang the girl he’s been crushing on, and… comes, instantly. (As we’ve discussed, I definitely have a premature ejaculation kink!) That sense of desperation, of “I’m so lucky to be here” and “I can’t believe this is really happening,” gives me alllll sorts of kink feelings about Joe – and it’s especially interesting juxtaposed with the way he also seems to want to be a dom and/or a vaguely daddy-esque figure to the women he dates.
• One of my frequent fantasies while receiving oral sex lately has been about a sexual dystopia where clitoral suction – as opposed to a more licking-centric style of cunnilingus – is so stigmatized that you have to seek it out in secret from skilled underground practitioners. Why is my brain like this? I don’t know.
Sexcetera
• The deadline for my book was on the 17th, and I managed to get my draft submitted 2 days early! I’m still acclimatizing myself to having so much extra time and brain-space after working so hard on this project for months upon months… It’s supposed to come out in March 2021, so sit tight!
• It was lovely to be able to attend ANME Founders in Burbank this year – although admittedly, my body was not thrilled about the jet lag and long flights! In any case, I got to hang out with my best friend, see what’s new in the sex toy industry, and chat with some industry pals – all under the California sun. ☀️
• Sextistics: this month I had in-person sex 21 times and phone sex 9 times, totaling 30 sessions.
Fashion & beauty
• I was traveling for more than half of this month, so skincare became extra important to me – planes and stress turn my skin to garbage which, in turn, makes me feel like garbage! I’ve been enjoying Kate Somerville exfoliation products, and serums by The Ordinary.
• Been kinda obsessed with designer shoes lately. First there was the royal blue Loubs. Then there was the sky blue Manolos. Then there was the simple, pointy black Cole Haans. I think that’s all I need for now, but staring at fancy shoes online sure calms me down when I feel overwrought.
• In December, I cut my hair short! I love it. Products by DevaCurl have become must-haves for me now. Scrunch, scrunch, scrunch!
Media
• Did you know John Mulaney made a kids’ special called John Mulaney & the Sack Lunch Bunch? I expected it to be fairly silly, and it is, but it’s also stuck with me a lot since I watched it. Jake Gyllenhaal’s guest appearance as an unhinged music teacher is a highlight – but I gotta say, my favorite song in the show is definitely “I Saw A White Lady Standing On The Street Just Sobbing (And I Think About It Once A Week).”
• If you’re not listening to You’re Wrong About yet, you are MISSING OUT. I’m usually not much for podcasts that discuss historical or news events in painstaking detail, but this one is exceptional, not least because the two hosts are some of the most empathetic, thoughtful humans ever to sit in front of a microphone. Their current multi-part series on the O.J. Simpson trial is magnificent.
• Andy Shauf’s new album The Neon Skyline is the fictional, musicalized story of one drunken, heartbroken night at a Toronto dive bar. As with everything Andy writes, it’s lovely and occasionally devastating.
Little things
Ringing in the new year with kisses and eggnog in New Jersey. Being overdressed for Starbucks. Obliging doormen. Matt reading my book chapters aloud to me every night during the writing process. A big night out for family-style Italian food and Hamilton. Dirty gin martinis. Getting ridiculously dressed up for a very fancy party. Matt taking my heels off me and putting my flats on me in the lobby of a luxury hotel. Lovably persnickety bartenders. Getting to write about Tegan and Sara for Herizons mag (it’ll be in the next issue, I think). Surprising Matt with tickets to Little Shop for their birthday (it greatly surpassed my already-high expectations). John from Uberlube announcing “Who wants lube?!” and handing out bottles of the stuff. Strategizing over fast food lunches. Bex domming me back to our hotel room when I accidentally got way too high on California weed. Editing my book for 5 hours in the Burbank Marriott lobby, and then getting veggie pasta and Southsides while reading Oliver Sacks. Cashing big checks. Buying new glasses (much-needed). Jazz and cocktails at the Flatiron Room. Watching Jacqueline Novak rant about blowjobs for an hour. Meeting cool people from Twitter for good drinks and good conversation. A sweet needlepoint gift from Eric. Complimenting hospitality staff on being excellent at their jobs. Incredible seafood platters. Belgian waffles at Café Landwer. Rhea Butcher saying they bought “women’s vitamins” because no one makes non-binary vitamins yet. Getting the “couples’ seat” at the Bad Dog Theatre and laughing so hard my glasses fog up. One of our favorite bartenders announcing “Bubbles!!” and bringing us champagne. Watching Jeremy & Elsie Larson’s daughters grow up. Penn Badgley’s feminism. Microwaveable heating pads. Reliable vibrators. Long-term love.