Maaaan, it was a weird month in my sex life. I started on sertraline (generic Zoloft) and it gave me some extremely annoying and disheartening sexual side effects, which I’d been warned about but had decided to risk anyway. My libido, sensitivity, and orgasmic potential were out of whack for much of the month. But the meds couldn’t kill my sexual spirit entirely: I still got up to no good, as I usually do!
Sex toys
• My Ttamage glass dildo got a surprising amount of use this month, considering how long I’ve had it and how infrequently I dig it out. I had more G-spot cravings than I usually do, for some reason, and the Ttamage dildo is one of the most ergonomic G-spot dildos I own because there’s so much extra length to use as a handle. Nothin’ like pounding your spots with cold, hard glass that warms up inside your body… Mmm.
• I’ve had my Liberator Wedge for a few years, and while I like it, it’s so big that it’s not always convenient to use. I’ve been wanting a smaller positioning aid to use during masturbation and PIV sex. It was love at first sight when I fondled a Jaz Mini at a sex shop in Milwaukee. The Jaz is barely wider than my hips, so it’s easier to manoeuver into place than the Wedge, and it’ll be easier to schlep to partners’ houses if I ever do that.
• Okay, marijuana isn’t technically a sex toy. But a) I couldn’t think of another toy to put on this list, and b) weed helped so much with my libido troubles this month. Specifically, a strain called Tangerine Dream, which makes my skin feel all warm and tingly, a sensation that parlays easily into arousal. Unfortunately, the Toronto police just cracked down on dispensaries so my weed usage might have to be put on hold, at least until the federal government legalizes it…
Fantasy fodder
• My mid-masturbation Google searches are the most accurate representation of what really turns my crank. This month, for whatever reason, “she keeps going after he cums” is a thing I typed into Google a lot. I found videos like this one which turned me on to no end.
• I have an occasional play partner who’s super vanilla, but who often gives me verbal permission to fantasize about anything I want while he’s stimulating me if it’ll help me get off. I love that! It’s remarkably selfless to acknowledge that your partner’s mind might not always be on you and that’s okay. But in this case, I was thinking about him – just a kinkier, toppier version of him. This is what’s so cool about sexual fantasy as an arousal tool: you can imagine anyone you want, doing anything you want. My vanilla fuck-pal might never call me a “good girl” or spank me as hard as I like it, but I can experience that in my fantasies to my heart’s content… and maybe one of these days, I’ll get him to dom me IRL, too.
• Fisting drifts in and out my fantasy life a lot. I think I’m drawn to it more for reasons of emotional intimacy than physical satisfaction. Much like anal sex, I’d only want to engage in this taboo act with a highly trusted partner – and I’m sure it would be amazing if I was able to open myself up to it, figuratively and literally.
Sexcetera
• Holy hell, you guys. My threesome with Bex and our anonymous gentleman friend was so fantastic. No disrespect to my previous threesome compadres, but this one was easily my favorite of the three ménages I’ve been in. It was basically an amalgamation of all my favorite elements of sex: blowjobs, fingerbanging, sex toys, spanking, makeouts, and gigglin’ up a storm. When we were all fucked out, we ordered Mexican food, pigged out, and then crawled into bed for an all-night three-way cuddle pile. It was truly a perfect night. And – get this – we might be able to reprise it when all three of us are in the same city for a few days in July. (Shh… Bex and I haven’t pitched this plan to our dude-pal yet. But I have a feeling he’ll be down…)
• Mid-May brought Smut in the 6ix, an all-day porn extravaganza featuring panels, screenings and performances. It was so much fun! I got to meet fellow sex bloggers, listen to smarties talking about their smutty passions, giggle at great porn on the big screen, play music for a crowd, and dance my ass off. I love my community!
• I’ll probably blog about this in more detail at some point, but my sexuality has felt really non-genitally-focused lately. Or at least, not focused on my genitals. I’m sure it’s at least partly because of my sensitivity and libido issues this month, but I’m currently less interested in having my bits stimulated and more interested in doing stuff to other people with my mouth and hands. (“Stone” is a term sometimes used in queer communities to describe people who have sex in this way.) We shall see how this develops…
Femme stuff
• One morning in early May, I was at work and I got a text from my friend Tynan. One of the many things Tynan does professionally is aromatherapy, and she’d had a detailed dream about making an aromatherapeutic blend specifically for me. She described the dream-blend to me – lemongrass for repelling negativity, pink grapefruit for a deeper connection to my body, and rose for self-compassion – and I thought it sounded totally blissful, so she said she’d make it for me IRL. I’ve been wearing it every day, a drop on the collar of my shirt or dress, and I looooove it. It’s femme but feisty, just like me, and it makes me feel so calm and happy!
• I bought a teal skater dress at a Forever 21 in the Mall of America in Minnesota last month, and I’ve been absolutely thrashing it lately. Yay for clothes that are easy to just throw on and go, and still look kinda fancy!
• Bex is such a huge influence on my brain and my life; why not my aesthetic, too? I admired the quirky/queer/kinky vibe of all the sex-positive pins grouped together on their leather jacket, so I adorned my own jacket in pins when I got home from Minneapolis. It looks preeeeeetty damn good.
What things made your month magical, my darlings?