5 Types of Lingerie to Incorporate Into Regular Outfits

Kate Sloan

Lingerie, like manicures and 9-step skincare routines, is one of those things I’ve always wished I was more into than I actually am. It seems like an important hallmark of a certain type of femme presentation, one I long to embody but just can’t be bothered to pursue most of the time. After all, lingerie is expensive, sometimes cumbersome, and not even guaranteed to be seen by many people – so when I have a little spare cash to spend on feminine treats, usually I’ll go for a new dress or lipstick in lieu of a new bustier or garter belt.

That said, I’ve read a couple of articles lately on incorporating sexy-wear into your everyday ensembles – this one by Rae and this one by Cora – and it got me thinking about the few types of lingerie I do like to wear, often outside the confines of my bedroom (scandalous!). Here are some of them…

Slips

I love slips, and their closely related cousins, babydolls and chemises. Not all of them are long enough – or opaque enough – to don as outerwear, but when I find one that is, I immediately start plotting outfits.

As you can see in these photos, you can wear a slip in various different ways to make it look like a dress, a skirt, or a shirt, depending on what you layer over top of it. It can appear casual with a T-shirt thrown over it, or you can emphasize the ornate formality of a lacy slip by pairing it with tights and heels. A cardigan is a good happy medium between the two: it “dresses down” your slip a little, so you don’t look like the weirdo who showed up to a frat party in fine silks (although: you do you!).

I particularly like to wear slips in the summer, when “real clothes” can feel oppressively excessive. They can look like a fully thought-out outfit when worn with ballet flats and maybe a coordinating hair accessory, but they’re actually super easy and quick to put on, and comfortable enough to wear all day.

One tip: since slips are intended to be underwear, they don’t always conceal stuff like nipples and panty lines very effectively. For this reason, you might want to layer an additional slip or half-slip underneath, or a bodysuit.

Bodysuits

Speak of the devil… There are tons of gorgeous bodysuits in the world that are only supposed to be worn behind closed doors. Fuck that! If a piece of clothing I own is beautiful, I want to wear it outside, dammit. It’s just a matter of figuring out how to make these items more appropriate for public wear.

My favorite way to do this is to tuck a pretty bodysuit into a high-waisted skirt or a pair of jeans. You’ll probably want to wear a bra or bralette underneath to prevent flashing people, and this admittedly isn’t an appropriate type of outfit for, say, a church service or your grandmother’s potluck luncheon, but it’s a super eye-catching style that makes me feel like a total babe.

Pro tip: when shopping online for lingerie you intend to wear outdoors, always check out the loungewear section first. In my experience, it tends to contain the most street-appropriate bodysuits, camisoles, slips and chemises you’ll find anywhere on the site.

Bikini tops

I think I originally picked this up from teen magazines in my youth and it’s never really left me… If you’re wearing a high-waisted garment on your bottom half, and don’t mind showing some skin, you can get away with wearing a bikini top as a sort of abbreviated crop top. It’s not the most mature or sophisticated look – it makes me feel like a blonde PacSun model circa 2003 – but it works for some casual summery occasions.

If subtlety is more your style, you can also wear a bikini top under a dress or shirt, like a bra (see the rightmost outfit pictured). They usually peek out a little bit, offering a visually appealing flash of color or sparkle, and giving you the air of someone who’s ready for beach adventures at a moment’s notice. Of course, if you do intend on dropping by a beach/lake/pool/whatever, it’s nice to be prepared in the chicest way possible.

Garter belts and stockings

These are usually too finicky for me to bother with, but it’s nice to have them in your toolkit for when you want to feel really sexy and fancy. While currently mostly relegated to the sphere of the bedroom, garter belts and stockings used to be daily-wear items for women in the mid-century and beyond. They add some timeless panache to your ensemble when they peek out the bottom of a skirt or dress.

If a garter belt is too much work for you (and I truly don’t blame you), look for “stay-up” or “hold-up” stockings, which usually have some kind of sticky material on the inside of the cuff to keep them from sliding down your thighs. Genius!

Corsets and bustiers

I wore these in high school when I would go to see Rocky Horror, and they were the ideal thing, styled with shiny skirts, high-heeled boots, and ever-present fishnet tights. But let’s face it: that’s not exactly office attire.

A beautiful corset or bustier under a blazer might be, though, especially if you’re also wearing an elegant skirt or pair of pants, plus ideally heels. A lot of high-end fashion houses have even pulled inspiration from the realms of lingerie and fetishwear in recent years (and, well, recent decades), so – depending on your field – it may not be that weird for your outfit to contain a pop of lace or silk or corsetry. You might even look like the most fashionable person there!

Do you like to incorporate lingerie items into your everyday outfits? How do you do it?

 

This post was sponsored by the fine folks at Honey Gifts, which has a robust lingerie section containing all sorts of lovely and luxurious items!

The Joys of Distraction Play (or: I Wrote This While Getting My Clit Sucked)

Kate Sloan

Author’s note: As the title of this post implies, I wrote it while having sex, so in a way, reading this post is entering into a “scene” with me. I wanted you to know that upfront so you can make your own decision about whether or not you want to keep reading.

 

My Sir is the perfect partner for a sex blogger. Here’s one of the ways I know: we were having a conversation recently about the genre of activities we call “distraction play” – people getting deliberately distracted by sexual stimulation while they try to do a non-sexual task – and Sir said, “Why don’t you write a blog post on that topic… while I’m distracting you with my mouth?”

This wouldn’t be our first foray into this particular kink. In the epic sexting sessions of our early relationship, both of us fetishized the idea of me blowing them while they took a business call (dating the owner of a company is hot). Our first time actually trying something like this, they sat in a chair in our room at the James Hotel and read aloud to me from Kinky Trifles while I knelt in front of them and sucked their cock. It was hot to hear them stumble on their words while they were deep in my throat; I liked reducing my normally smooth, golden-voiced partner to a stuttery mess.

This type of kink scene has interested me for years. My first memory of encountering it was the launch of “Hysterical Literature,” a viral video series in which performers read aloud from favorite books while being stimulated by an unseen vibrator. I was immediately entranced and wanted to try this type of kink play from both the bottom and the top. I recall fantasizing about going down on a musically talented beau while he tried to play the piano, and imagining he’d turn the tables on me and finger me with escalating fervor while I tried to play the ukulele. I liked that these kinky games essentially fetishized competence, a thing I already fetishize: the sensation-receiver has to be exceptionally good at the task they’re trying to complete, and the sensation-giver has to be exceptionally good at distracting them. It’s a perverted battle of wits and will. What could be hotter than that?

This type of scene, at least in fantasy and porn, often involves non-consenting third parties: the clients on the other end of a blowjobby business call, for example, or the audience members listening to a piano performance that skips and sputters to the rhythm of a veiled handjob. That element never appealed to me about it, but then, risk and danger have historically destroyed my arousal like a bucket of ice water being tossed over me. I was never the type to enjoy the thought that someone could walk in on me during sex at any time or that I’d be “caught in the act.” I likewise don’t want any uninvolved observers to get grossed out when they realize what’s going on; I’d rather my distraction play be a private one-on-one game, or, at most, that it take place at a small party where everyone present knows what to expect and is excited about it. (God, can you imagine attending an intimate concert at someone’s home, knowing their partner would be sucking them off while they played?!)

A problem with this type of scene, of course, is that you’re doing everything by half-measures. You can’t fully enjoy the pleasure you’re receiving, nor can you fully immerse yourself in the task you’re doing. It’s a wonder this blog post is at all coherent, in fact, given that my partner’s wet lips have been methodically stroking my clit the entire time I’ve been typing this. For this reason, I wouldn’t want “distraction play” to be a regular part of my sex life, because I like to focus on sex as much as possible when it’s happening – but it’s fun to mix things up once in a while with silly, experimental games like this. Seeing your partner in new and different situations is always a hoot, because you get to see as-yet-unexplored parts of their personality or even their sexuality, and this is a great example of that.

Would I ever actually have an orgasm from this type of scene? Probably not – I’m a tough nut to crack, climax-wise, and need to be pretty focused if I’m going to get off. But in fantasies anyway, an orgasm always seems to me like the ideal finale to this type of scene. There’s something unimaginably hot, for example, about the idea of someone’s cock trembling in my mouth, squirting cum down my throat, while their body writhes, their breath catches, and… they finish the sentence they were reading. I always like feeling someone orgasm in my mouth, but I think I would like it even more if I knew my tongue and lips felt so good that they came hard even while scatterbrained and multitasking. A hard-won climax, after all, is sometimes the best and most intense kind.

 

Have you ever done a “distraction play” scene? How did it go?

5 Non-Standard Things You Can Do With a Sex Doll

Kate Sloan
Image via sexdollmarts.com

Sometime last year, I got the kind of email that sex bloggers hope for, pray for, live for. It was an email offering me an item that was not only free, but weird.

The company in question produces and sells adult dolls, and they were reaching out to offer me one of my own – no strings attached. Apparently they had made a surplus of dolls for a recent film shoot and now thought they might as well try to distribute them as promotional samples. Despite living in a tiny apartment already bursting with my possessions, I was elated. This felt like the pinnacle of my entire life as a sex writer. What’s cooler than being offered a free life size sex doll?

This act of generosity didn’t end up coming to pass – the company ghosted me, as so many do – but for those few hopeful days, I thought a lot about what I would actually do with a sex doll. I don’t have a dick to stick inside her, and the thought of fucking a silicone doll with a strap-on cock doesn’t exactly thrill me. But, when I managed to set aside the potential creepy factor, I still viscerally wanted that vapid blonde to be propped up on a chair in my room, peering at me, keeping me company. Why?

Here are a few fun things one could do with a sex doll other than fucking its orifices…

Play dress-up. I mean, this is the obvious one for a femme comme moi. I haven’t entirely grown out of my youthful, Barbie-influenced desires to put cute outfits on beautiful, inanimate human facsimiles. Just as you might swap out certain decor elements in your home to mix things up from time to time, I could put my doll in different outfits to suit my mood on any given day. She could be like a sartorial mascot of my bedroom, setting the tone for the day with her ensemble du jour.

Kinkspiration. As I’ve told you before, my Sir and I are entranced by the idea of using erotic hypnosis to make me think I’m a sex doll. Of course, you don’t need an actual doll to be present for this activity – that’s kind of the entire point – but I did request that my partner show me some photos of sex dolls before and during the trance induction to give me a mental image of what I’m aiming for. Having a sexy real sex doll right there in the room with us would be even better! I could observe her up close and get a more concrete sense for how she occupies space, thereby enabling me to be a better doll when the time came.

Exhibitionism. I’m sort of interested in being watched during sex in theory, but in practice I don’t seem to like it that much. It makes me too anxious and self-conscious, which I’m sure is common. For that reason, I think having a sex doll in the room could be a kind of happy medium – I could suspend my disbelief enough to imagine someone was peering at us from the shadows, without needing to actually contend with the anxiety this would produce if the voyeur was human. One step at a time, you know?

Pictures. Would I look cute kissing a sex doll? Or kneeling between her legs? Or sitting on her face? I don’t particularly think so, but my partner probably would. ‘Nuff said.

Practice. There are a lot of physical kink and sex skills one could practice on a sex doll – flogging, face-slapping, foot worship – but I am thinking mainly of more cerebral ones. For example, I want to work on my dirty talk, especially in a more dominant mode than I’m used to, and practicing by speaking aloud into my empty bedroom doesn’t always cut it. Gazing into the eyes of a doll – however vacant and constructed they might be – would at least approximate the oft terror-inducing experience of saying filthy words to someone’s face. And then maybe I could ramp up to addressing an actual person that way, someday.

What would you do with a sex doll, if you owned one, besides fuck it?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at sexdollmarts.com, where you can buy premium sex dolls customized to your specifications (fun!). As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

10 Things I Could Do If I Hired a Male Escort

Kate Sloan

I thought a lot about male escorts when I was younger, because the thought of sex with men worried me and I wanted someone to shepherd me through it non-judgmentally. I wanted to be taught tricks and strategies, and to thereby embolden me for future (non-transactional) sexual encounters with men. When young male virgins write to me now to ask for advice on building sexual confidence and “getting into the game,” I’m being very serious when I suggest they see a sex worker – because I strongly considered taking this route myself.

However, I ultimately decided not to, because 1) I didn’t have enough money, 2) I was scared, and 3) I fell in love with a man who was just as patient and kind about my sexual inexperience as I had hoped an escort would be. BUT. Even still today, I think about hiring sex workers every once in a while, as an indulgence if some extra dough ever fell into my lap. Being demisexual, however, I don’t think I would employ them for sex – and some escort agencies explicitly say that their workers don’t even offer sex. So here are 10 other things I might consider doing if I hired a male escort…

1. Massage. Yeah, I should really just hire a masseuse if this is what I’m after, but there is something different about a massage that is allowed to be flirty or even sexy. It has a different energy and I’m able to relax into it in a different way. Sometimes it’s nice to be touched in a way that is sex-adjacent but not explicitly sexual, y’know?

2. Masochism. As a masochistic submissive, I crave pain and subspace almost as often as I crave sex. But unlike pleasure and orgasms, good pain isn’t easy to administer to myself. Outsourcing the task would be better, especially if I found an escort who was experienced in whatever activity I was craving (let’s be honest – probably spanking).

3. Topping practice. Granted, I would imagine submissive male escorts are harder to find than dominant ones (correct me if I’m wrong), but I think some “hired help” could allow me to hone my topping skills, like impact play, face-slapping, and even just dominant dirty talk. It’s less embarrassing to practice on someone who does this stuff all the time than on someone who could literally break up with you if you mess something up.

4. Vacation accomplice. A while ago I was invited on a press trip to an all-inclusive swingers’ resort, and I had to decline, partly because of scheduling issues but also partly because my partner wasn’t available to accompany me and I would’ve been in social anxiety hell if I went alone. It’s a pipe dream that I’d ever have enough cash to splurge on a whole weekend or week of an escort’s time, but in a dream world where I do, they’d be a good date to a getaway.

5. Flirting. So underrated and so important! Sometimes – especially when you’re single and/or lonely – you just need somebody to make you feel wanted and wantable. I could see hiring an escort for a fun dinner-and-drinks date for the express purpose of being flirted with. Mmm, crushy energy.

6. Cuddles. Some studies show human touch is actually necessary for our well-being, and I believe it. It would be nice to hire a professional cuddler in the midst of a particularly lonely dry spell, or to comfort me at the end of a hard day.

7. Wedding guest. Weddings suck if you’re sad about your romantic life. I have definitely cried at them for totally self-absorbed reasons as well as the normal reasons people cry at weddings. I could imagine hiring an escort to be my +1 if my originally-planned date dropped out for some reason (like a breakup) and I didn’t want to go alone.

8. Photos and videos. Provided the escort was okay with it, it might be fun in an artistic-collaboration way if we shot some sexy pictures or clips together, either to sell (with profit-sharing, of course!) or just for personal perusal. Seeing myself from different perspectives is sometimes a good way to boost my self-esteem when I need it, and “entwined in intimate embrace with a hot escort” is certainly a different perspective!

9. Tourism. When you visit a new city, your experience of it is vastly influenced by the person or people who show you around. My Toronto is different from a Bay Street banker’s Toronto or a hippie artist’s Toronto, for example. It would be neat to hire an escort while visiting a new place, and have them lead me around to some of their favorite spots.

10. Learning. I have known enough escorts to know that they have skillsets almost nobody else has. They have to have above-average emotional and social intelligence, in addition to whatever sex and kink skills they may use in their line of work. I find that inspirational and could put similar skills to use in many areas of my life, so it would be cool to get some one-on-one tutelage from a willing escort on these topics.

Would you ever hire an escort for a non-sexual reason?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Gentlemen4Hire. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Monthly Faves: Sharp Objects & Cozy Beds

Kate Sloan

This was one of my most sexually active months ever (on record, anyway, i.e. since starting a sex spreadsheet). Here are some of the odd adventures I had in August!

Sex toys

• My Sir brought me some Ananda CBD lube from the Museum of Sex and we tried it out for some fingering and oral stuff. I’m honestly not sure I experienced the purported effects of the cannabinoids, but the peppermint and black pepper extracts certainly kicked my sensitivity up a notch and resulted in some intense orgasms.

• I’ve long had an interest in knife play, and had only tried it with one partner before this month, when my Sir decided they were interested in giving it a shot. We did a cool fear-play scene involving one giant chef’s knife and one less-giant butter knife. Apparently I made noises I’ve never made before…

• While we’re talking about scary sharp things… My ever-adventurous Sir picked up a pair of vampire gloves, which have been on their wishlist for a while, and we tried them out for impact play and general sensory play. They freaked me out a lot and looked very hot!

Fantasy fodder

• So, for whatever reason, I often have to fantasize while receiving oral sex if I’m gonna get off from it, even though I really like it – and one of my most common fantasies along those lines this month was that I’m a spoiled queen/princess/duchess whose royal servants know she must be orally serviced to perfection on a daily basis or she’ll make their lives hell. This is admittedly an odd fantasy for a submissive person to have, but you know, the sex-brain wants what it wants. (When my Sir read this part of this post draft aloud to me, instead of getting mad that I fantasize while having sex with them, like some people would, they just said, “That’s hot.” I love them.)

• Another fave cunnilingus-accompanying fantasy this month was that my partner is an orally gifted sex worker who comes well-recommended by other, similarly discerning women. Honestly, if I was single and ever met a sex worker as babely and skilled as my partner, I would keep them on speed-dial.

• At one point this month we did an experiment where I wrote a blog post while my partner was going down on me in an attempt to distract me. (This was one of Bex‘s many genius ideas – thanks, Bex.) It resulted in a forthcoming post that I think you’ll find interesting…

Sexcetera

• The coolest sex-related event I attended this month was a TES workshop on the intersections between sadomasochism and hypnokink, taught by Mr. Dream and Pinky. There was a good balance of useful information and entertaining demos. I held mb’s hand for a lot of it; it was nice to learn about intense hypno shit while sitting next to the person with whom I most enjoy doing intense hypno shit.

• My newsletter, Sub Missives, is still going strong. Some fave issues this month included the ones about knife play, romantic tattoos, and chronic pain.

• Are you subscribed to Question Box yet?! The episode guest-starring Merritt K might be my favorite so far. Also, while I’m repping my podcasts, you should know that The Dildorks is on Spotify now!

• Sextistics: I had in-person sex 31 times in August (wow!!) and phone sex 15 times, totaling 46 sex sessions. Truly silly.

Femme stuff

• mb took me on a jeans-shopping mission and I picked up some mid-rise skinnies from Madewell. I have a weird relationship with jeans – they’ve historically made me feel somewhat shitty in my body and my gender, and yet I keep buying them and trying to like them nonetheless – but these look and feel lovely, so I’m optimistic that they’ll actually get worn on a regular basis.

• I admired on mb – and then later borrowed from them – a super soft, plain white T-shirt that says, simply, “I’m bisexual.” It might be the ideal item of clothing?

• I got annoyed with my hair and chopped several inches off it. A fantastic thing about having my particular type of curly hair is being able to do this without it ending up looking highly uneven.

Media

• I’ve been slowly working through the mega-sized novel that is Special Topics in Calamity Physics. It’s smart and charming and all-too-frequently relatable to me as a former precocious high-schooler. Marisha Pessl writes some damn beautiful sentences.

• I’ve been extolling the book Because Internet in every medium lately, so might as well do it here, too… It’s a dorkily detailed dissection of internet-era language trends and the factors that influence them. A must-read for anyone who writes or reads online.

• The new June EP from singer/songwriter Jeremy Larson’s project Violents is a cute set of 4 songs about his adopted daughter Nova. (Follow @ElsieLarson and @ViolentsMusic on Instagram right now for daily doses of Nova cuteness, plus her baby sister Marigold. I DIE.) I first fell in love with Jeremy’s music 9 years ago when he released an EP about his wife Elsie; dude sure knows how to write a love-filled bop.

Little things

Working from bed. Going to see the new Tarantino movie with Dan (and solo food-court dates before movies). Late-night outings to Bar Isabel. Writing an assignment about domestic skills I want to learn so I can be a good 1950s housewife. Inheriting some cool stuff from my grandparents (notably: cookware and a golden deck of cards). “Queen Nora is not a scammer!” Coming out as demisexual (thank you, I love you). Finally getting to introduce mb to some of my favorite men (Eric, Brent, and Dick!). Crafting a column about incels for Herizons. Going out to celebrate my book deal (of which more soon). Taking lewds in fancy restaurant bathrooms. My Twitter followers sharing their romantic memories with me. Sir teaching me how to make a Southside cocktail. Working out of the Lickability office for a day (and joining the staff for game night!). My jobs, and how flexible and nomadic they allow me to be. Still being loved even if I have a panic attack in a taxi and throw up in a fancy restaurant (YIKES). mb impromptu-ly and romantically offering to extend my New York trip. Watching the sun rise through the big windows in Newark airport. Getting back to Toronto after time away.