Happy new year, friends! I hope your New Year’s Eve was lovely and that your 2019 brings exciting experiences, sweet comforts, big laughs, and as much (or as little) sex as you would like.
As you probably already know if you’ve been following me for a while, I keep a sex spreadsheet. It’s nerdy, yes – but it’s also endlessly useful for me as a sex writer, when I need to refer back to the facts of an encounter I’m writing about. Not to mention, it helps me reflect on what works and doesn’t work for me sexually, so I can make better decisions for myself going forward.
Lots of folks have been inquiring about my spreadsheet lately in my email and DMs, as it’s the time of year to start on such things if you are inclined to – so here’s all I’ve written about it so far in one handy-dandy list:
- My original blog post about it explains some reasons you might want to keep a sex spreadsheet, and gives some tips for making your own.
- Last year I wrote a piece for Glamour about it, too, which goes into detail about what I learned from my 2017 spreadsheet and what I planned to change about my sex life going forward.
- Here’s a Twitter thread in which I talk about not only my sex spreadsheet but also the spreadsheets I kept of my orgasms and first dates in 2017. There are screenshots!
- Here’s my Sextistics post from last year, where I listed a bunch of stats and findings from my 2017 spreadsheets.
- Incase you need it, here’s a blank template of my spreadsheet which you can adapt for your own purposes. But honestly, I think building one for your exact needs is part of the geeky joy of this endeavor!
Okay, now that you know why and how I keep sex stats, let’s get into the stats themselves! Time to crunch some numbers…
Overview
- In 2018, I had partnered sex 147 times. That works out to an average of 12.25 times per month, 2.83 times per week, and 0.40 per day. (This is particularly wild if you know that 92.52% of the sex I had this year was with my long-distance partner, who I only see for a few days each month.)
- I had 144 orgasms from partnered sex.
- Meanwhile, my partners had a total of 154 orgasms during sex with me. (Look, I’m not saying my blowjobs are legendary, but…)
- An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of the kink activities I incorporated into partnered sex this year: biting, bondage, bootblacking, choking/gagging, DD/lg roleplay, electrostimulation, face-slapping, facials, fisting (attempted), gloryholes, human furniture play, hypnosis, intoxication, kicking, knife play, medical roleplay, pegging, punching, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, spanking, squirting, tickling, trampling, watersports, wax play.
Compared to Last Year…
- I had 79.26% more sex.
- I had an orgasm in 97.96% of the sex I had, versus 93.90% last year.
- I had 76.92% fewer partners!
Partners
- I had a total of 3 sexual partners this year: my current boyfriend, a former romantic partner, and a friend with benefits. This is a pretty significant drop from previous years (13 in 2017, 12 in 2016). Just wasn’t feelin’ slutty this year, I guess.
- One of those partners (33.33%) was a new addition this year, bringing my total number of lifetime partners up to 30 (that’s a 3.45% increase from this time last year).
- I met one of those partners on Twitter, one via a podcast interview, and one at our former mutual workplace – all in 2017.
- The percentage of times each partner gave me an orgasm range from 50.00% to 101.47%. Predictably, since comfort and familiarity are important factors in my sexual enjoyment, the more sex I had with a person this year, the higher their frequency of giving me orgasms became.
- My partners this year were, on average, 7 years older than me (up from 5.6 years older last year) – though, notably, the person I had the most sex with and who gave me the most orgasms is only 1.33 years older than me.
- 66.67% of my partners this year were cis men and the other 33.33% was a non-binary person.
- Astrologically speaking (!), 66.67% of my partners this year were fellow earth signs (one Taurus, one Capricorn). The third was a Scorpio.
Locations
- I had sex in a total of 12 different locations this year.
- These included: my place, my parents’ place (once!), a partner’s place, a sex club, and 8 different hotels (5 in New York, 1 in Alexandria, 1 in Boston, 1 in Toronto).
- The locations likeliest to facilitate orgasm for me were: the Standard High Line hotel in New York (150.00%), the Ace Hotel in New York (116.67%), the Godfrey Hotel in Boston (114.29%), my own home (106.17%), and the Hilton Mark Center hotel in Alexandria (100.00%).
- The locations least likely to facilitate orgasm for me were: a sex club (50.00%) and a former partner’s place (50.00%).
Highs and Lows
- My most sexually active month was December (33 times), because I was able to spend more time than ever with my long-distance partner (a week in Toronto, a long weekend in New York). We’re still not quite sure how we fit 33 sex sessions into 11 days together, but okay.
- My least sexually active month was February (6 times) because it was one of my shortest visits with my partner.
- I had the most partnered orgasms in December (31) and the fewest in January and February (6 each). This just makes sense, given that people get better at getting me off the better they know me and my body.
- The highest number of times I had sex in one day was 5, because, uh, sometimes my partner and I go a bit overboard when we haven’t seen each other in a while and finally get to be together. Hilariously, the day that this happened was 4/20, but we weren’t even high!
- The most orgasms I had in a partnered sex session was 2 (this happened 10 times throughout the year – yay), which might not seem like a lot for some of you, but is pretty impressive for my relatively mono-orgasmic body.
Correlations
- The sex acts most highly correlated with orgasm for me were using a vibe on my clit while a partner fingerbanged me (56 times), using a vibe on my clit while a partner fucked me with a dildo (53), and receiving oral sex while being fingerbanged (24).
- Less common ways I got off were using my fingers on my clit while a partner fingerbanged me (9 times) and using my fingers on my clit while a partner’s dick was inside me (only once this year!).
- Common reasons I didn’t come at all (which happened 13 times) were: I was sick/tired, the location of the encounter made me feel self-conscious or uncomfortable, or I was more focused on getting my partner off.
- I’ve noticed connections between my income and my sexual activity in previous years. This year, my highest-income month was indeed also my most sexually active month (December), and one of my lowest-income months was also one of my fewest-orgasms months (October), which suggests to me that perhaps financial anxiety inhibits pleasure, and financial security makes good sex more accessible to me, both physically/logistically (airfare and hotels are expensive!) and emotionally/mentally.
Toys
- My most-used vibrators with partners were the Magic Wand Rechargeable (46 times), Doxy #3 (30), We-Vibe Tango (21), and Eroscillator (20). What these all have in common is that they’re rumbly and can reliably get me off (although the Doxy #3 has tons of mechanical problems so the word “reliable” is a bit of a stretch).
- My most-used dildos with partners were the Njoy Eleven (18 times), Fucking Sculptures Corkscrew (18), Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble (13), and Vixen Creations Randy (2). Using dildos with partners was a less frequent occurrence for me this year than it often has been, likely because I was fucking people who are highly skilled with their fingers.
- My most-used impact implements with partners were my Weal & Breech purpleheart truncheon (7 times), Kronic Sensations wooden bat (4), Weal & Breech purpleheart paddle (4), Viktoria Creations leather bat (4), and Weal & Breech purpleheart mallet (3).
- Frequently-used toys in other categories were my under-the-bed restraints (7 times), Aslan Leather harness paired with Godemiche Ambit for pegging (7), a blindfold (4), and the Neon Wand (3).
Did you keep a sex spreadsheet this year? Do you plan to try it out in 2019?