ANME

Monthly Faves: Creeps, Couture, & California

Kate Sloan

This month was a wacky one: I traveled too much, worked too much, and had too much sex (okay, actually, maybe not enough). Here are some January highlights…

Sex toys

• I was so excited when I saw that We-Vibe has launched a new wand vibe, and when they offered me one to review. It does not disappoint: it’s waterproof and rechargeable, the vibrations are rumbly and strong, and you can use standard-sized wand attachments with it but it’s more ergonomic and sleek than your average wand. There are some problems with the controls scheme on mine (I’ll say more about that when I do a full review), but overall I’m quite pleased with this toy. Thanks, We-Vibe!

• Another We-Vibe thing: they sent me their new Chorus vibe in a vibrant, glittery pink (eee!) and my partner controlled it via the We-Connect app during a phone sex session. I’m very impressed with the motor, and with the way this toy stays connected to the app way more consistently than previous iterations. My partner still finds that the app is too buggy and imprecise for their style of dominance; hopefully We-Vibe will update it and smooth things out.

• I revisited the Zumio S this month after chatting with a Zumio employee at ANME and thinking, “Huh, I haven’t used that thing in a while.” The slightly wider tip really does help to diffuse this toy’s intense oscillations so they’re more tolerable for folks with sensitive clits like moi. Orgasms with this toy are always zanily intense!

Fantasy fodder

• I’ve dug into season 2 of Netflix’s You, a quirky dramedy about a pathological stalker and murderer who’s also a mega-romantic. It has been described as “Dawson’s Creek meets Dexter” and that’s pretty spot-on. There are a few sex scenes in this show, but my favorite and most-fantasized-about one will always be the first one with Beck from season 1, where (spoiler alert) our deranged hero Joe finally gets to bang the girl he’s been crushing on, and… comes, instantly. (As we’ve discussed, I definitely have a premature ejaculation kink!) That sense of desperation, of “I’m so lucky to be here” and “I can’t believe this is really happening,” gives me alllll sorts of kink feelings about Joe – and it’s especially interesting juxtaposed with the way he also seems to want to be a dom and/or a vaguely daddy-esque figure to the women he dates.

• One of my frequent fantasies while receiving oral sex lately has been about a sexual dystopia where clitoral suction – as opposed to a more licking-centric style of cunnilingus – is so stigmatized that you have to seek it out in secret from skilled underground practitioners. Why is my brain like this? I don’t know.

Sexcetera

• The deadline for my book was on the 17th, and I managed to get my draft submitted 2 days early! I’m still acclimatizing myself to having so much extra time and brain-space after working so hard on this project for months upon months… It’s supposed to come out in March 2021, so sit tight!

• It was lovely to be able to attend ANME Founders in Burbank this year – although admittedly, my body was not thrilled about the jet lag and long flights! In any case, I got to hang out with my best friend, see what’s new in the sex toy industry, and chat with some industry pals – all under the California sun. ☀️

• Sextistics: this month I had in-person sex 21 times and phone sex 9 times, totaling 30 sessions.

Fashion & beauty

• I was traveling for more than half of this month, so skincare became extra important to me – planes and stress turn my skin to garbage which, in turn, makes me feel like garbage! I’ve been enjoying Kate Somerville exfoliation products, and serums by The Ordinary.

• Been kinda obsessed with designer shoes lately. First there was the royal blue Loubs. Then there was the sky blue Manolos. Then there was the simple, pointy black Cole Haans. I think that’s all I need for now, but staring at fancy shoes online sure calms me down when I feel overwrought.

• In December, I cut my hair short! I love it. Products by DevaCurl have become must-haves for me now. Scrunch, scrunch, scrunch!

Media

• Did you know John Mulaney made a kids’ special called John Mulaney & the Sack Lunch Bunch? I expected it to be fairly silly, and it is, but it’s also stuck with me a lot since I watched it. Jake Gyllenhaal’s guest appearance as an unhinged music teacher is a highlight – but I gotta say, my favorite song in the show is definitely “I Saw A White Lady Standing On The Street Just Sobbing (And I Think About It Once A Week).”

• If you’re not listening to You’re Wrong About yet, you are MISSING OUT. I’m usually not much for podcasts that discuss historical or news events in painstaking detail, but this one is exceptional, not least because the two hosts are some of the most empathetic, thoughtful humans ever to sit in front of a microphone. Their current multi-part series on the O.J. Simpson trial is magnificent.

• Andy Shauf’s new album The Neon Skyline is the fictional, musicalized story of one drunken, heartbroken night at a Toronto dive bar. As with everything Andy writes, it’s lovely and occasionally devastating.

Little things

Ringing in the new year with kisses and eggnog in New Jersey. Being overdressed for Starbucks. Obliging doormen. Matt reading my book chapters aloud to me every night during the writing process. A big night out for family-style Italian food and Hamilton. Dirty gin martinis. Getting ridiculously dressed up for a very fancy party. Matt taking my heels off me and putting my flats on me in the lobby of a luxury hotel. Lovably persnickety bartenders. Getting to write about Tegan and Sara for Herizons mag (it’ll be in the next issue, I think). Surprising Matt with tickets to Little Shop for their birthday (it greatly surpassed my already-high expectations). John from Uberlube announcing “Who wants lube?!” and handing out bottles of the stuff. Strategizing over fast food lunches. Bex domming me back to our hotel room when I accidentally got way too high on California weed. Editing my book for 5 hours in the Burbank Marriott lobby, and then getting veggie pasta and Southsides while reading Oliver Sacks. Cashing big checks. Buying new glasses (much-needed). Jazz and cocktails at the Flatiron Room. Watching Jacqueline Novak rant about blowjobs for an hour. Meeting cool people from Twitter for good drinks and good conversation. A sweet needlepoint gift from Eric. Complimenting hospitality staff on being excellent at their jobs. Incredible seafood platters. Belgian waffles at Café Landwer. Rhea Butcher saying they bought “women’s vitamins” because no one makes non-binary vitamins yet. Getting the “couples’ seat” at the Bad Dog Theatre and laughing so hard my glasses fog up. One of our favorite bartenders announcing “Bubbles!!” and bringing us champagne. Watching Jeremy & Elsie Larson’s daughters grow up. Penn Badgley’s feminism. Microwaveable heating pads. Reliable vibrators. Long-term love.

The Most Exciting New Sex Toys I Saw at ANME

Kate Sloan

Last weekend in Burbank, California, I attended my first ANME Founders, a tradeshow where sex toy manufacturers hobnob with retailers and media-makers while showing off their latest flashy toys. It was an exhausting trip – me and Bex were there drumming up interest for a forthcoming publishing project we’re working on – but the toys excited me nonetheless. Here are my faves that I saw…

California Exotics has a new line of bullets coming out called Glam. They are shiny and pretty, but – as anyone who’s read (or written) a lot of sex toy reviews could tell you – that doesn’t always mean a product is good-quality or can make you come.

However, when I picked up this bullet and turned it on, I said, “Whoa!” It was way rumblier than I was expecting. It also comes in a gorgeous turquoisey-blue. I’ll be impatiently refreshing the CalEx website until they release this little beaut.

Likewise, Dame has also released a new bullet. It’s called the Zee, and it is bright blue, USB-rechargeable, and decently rumbly (it’s comparable to their Kip clitoral vibrator which I reviewed recently). It’s cool to see this company expanding their catalogue so colorfully, and putting effort into making sure their motors are great.

I was heartened to see that many companies are now offering vibes that are easy to grip between your fingers, like the Blush Novelties Noje B6. As someone with a chronic pain disorder that often manifests as soreness, stiffness, and/or weakness in my hands, I appreciate having options that don’t require me to (literally) white-knuckle my way through hand pain in order to get off.

The folks at Clone-a-Willy have created a vulva-focused version of their flagship product: you can cast a mold of your bits and attach them to a Fleshlight-esque sleeve. A lot of people ask me whether there’ll ever be something similar for the inside of the vagina, but the folks at Clone-a-Willy told me that would be invasive and scientifically difficult – I would imagine because of the way the vag flattens in on itself when not “in use.” But this product is a perfectly serviceable substitute, and frankly I think my partner, for one, would be plenty happy owning a fuckable facsimile of my bits!

In a stroke of true genius, a company called CellMate has introduced an app-controllable chastity device. It’s ideal for people who like to do solo chastity play as well as folks who prefer to do it with a partner acting as their “keyholder.”

I suspect this product is also geared toward pro dommes (including those who only interact with clients online), since a sales rep told me one person can control up to 50 devices from their app at a time! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love the ingenuity of kinksters.

Finally: maybe this is old news – I wouldn’t know, because I barely follow Lelo anymore, now that they’ve fucked up so many times that I kinda feel gross even using their toys – but Lelo now makes a beauteous turquoise version of their large Smart Wand. I loved mine when I owned one, but the battery completely died after less than two years. If they’ve updated this toy’s inner workings so the battery lasts longer and the toy doesn’t have weird mechanical defects, that could be intriguing… if not for the fact that they still haven’t answered for their various past missteps. SIGH.

What upcoming sex toys are you excited about?