clit

Progress Report: G-Spot Orgasms (Take Three)

Kate Sloan

When I first wrote about my G-spot here, I had figured out how to make it feel good and swell up, but that was about as far as I’d gone. When I wrote an update a couple weeks later, I had given myself a seemingly “blended” orgasm by using a very intense G-spotting dildo in conjunction with a reliably excellent clit toy.

This time, I’m checking in to let you know that, for the first time I can remember, I managed to achieve a seriously intense, blended orgasm during intercourse with my boyfriend.

It started out innocently enough. At around 4AM, we dragged ourselves to bed, wanting sleep but also wanting to fit in a little “intimate time” before nodding off. We agreed that it would have to be slow and lazy sex, because neither of us had the energy for the hard ramming that is usually my preference.

Earlier that day, I’d been reading Deborah Sundahl’s book (yes, still – I’m a slow reader, okay?!) and she mentioned that it’s sometimes helpful for a man to concentrate on rubbing his coronal ridge over the G-spot with every thrust. I told this to my boyfriend and he accepted the challenge.

I was on my period, and feeling slightly self-conscious about my ladybits, so we skipped our usual foreplay and cut right to the chase. My man condom’ed and lubed his cock, I grabbed my Eroscillator (my clit’s best friend, and a perfect choice for those times when I’m too exhausted to rub myself during sex or just can’t be bothered), and we got down to business.

Normally my G-spot needs a good amount of prep and warm-up before it becomes sensitive enough to register pleasure, but as Ms. Sundahl predicted, my spot seems to gain sensitivity the more I use it and the more I focus on its sensations. So when my man slid into me, there was vaginal pleasure almost immediately.

Using a vibrating (or oscillating) toy during sex presents an advantage over using my hand, which is this: I don’t have to think when I’m Eroscillating my clit. I just have to turn it on and hold it there, and maybe increase the speed after a while. This makes it ideal for trying to induce internal orgasms because it allows me to focus all my attention on my G-spot.

And focus, I did. As the Eroscillator trembled faithfully against my clit, I directed all my awareness onto the feeling of my man’s cock sliding over my G-spot again and again (he is very, very good at locating my spot, and seems to only get better as time goes on). I was in another world; normally I’m mentally present enough to be aware of how I’m moving, the sounds I’m making, the way my boyfriend might be experiencing the interaction, but this time, the pleasure was so great and so deep that I didn’t notice any of that stuff. I probably looked like a total lunatic, but who cares?

After less than five minutes (very uncharacteristic for me when there’s no foreplay involved, and especially when I’m tired), I was suddenly hit with a super-strong, profound, internal, indescribable tidal wave of an orgasm. I let out a cry which my boyfriend later told me was loud enough to make him worry it’d wake the neighbors.

It was a different quality of orgasm than I’ve ever experienced before. Not only was it deeper and stronger, but it left me with a feeling of utter exhaustion and satisfaction that I only very rarely get from clitoral-only orgasms (after an hour-long cunnilingus session, for example). It was so all-consuming that I felt like I could barely move afterward. It was difficult to even sit up in bed for long enough to put my menstrual cup back in. And I fell asleep seemingly within seconds after lying back down.

We’re going to experiment more with this combination of techniques to see if it’s a reliable way to give me these splendiferous blended orgasms. I’m going to attempt to lower the amount of clitoral stimulation (for example, by keeping the Eroscillator on its lowest setting) so I’ll be forced to rely more and more on the G-spot stim to get off. I think this could be a very important step toward my eventual ability to get off with my G-spot alone. (And honestly, if that never fully happens, I won’t even care. Just let me have more of those glorious orgasms!)

Readers: If you can have G-spot orgasms, how did you first learn to do so? Any tips for a n00b like me? If you haven’t yet mastered your G-spot, what methods have you tried? What methods have you yet to try?

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Rub My Own Clit, Dammit!

Kate Sloan

I’ve understood, for as long as I can remember, that the clitoris is the main source of female sexual pleasure. There’s never been any doubt of this in my mind. I’ve been having clitoral orgasms since I was nine years old, and it’s only in the past few years that penetration has even been included in my masturbation at all. I completely understand, and have for a long time, that penetration, by itself, typically doesn’t do a whole lot for me.

However, despite all this, I still felt shitty and inadequate when I had heterosexual intercourse for the first time and got nothing out of it.

I think a lot of women probably react this way. Whether you’ve mastered your clit or never even heard of it, it can be a massive letdown to realize that this one sexual act, which our culture has placed on a giant pedestal, isn’t the ultimate bringer of pleasure. It sucks to think something’s going to blow your mind and then find it disappointing – not only because of that disappointment, but also because it makes you feel like there’s something wrong with you.

(Yes, I know there’s nothing wrong with me; I’m perfectly normal. I’m one of the 75% of women who can’t, as yet, orgasm from penetration alone. Didn’t stop me from feeling like a failure when I lost my hetero virginity.)

A few weeks after we first fucked, my boyfriend and I had a chat about our sexual goals. I had a bunch of random ones, comprising all kinds of stuff from butt plugs to back alleys, but my man had only one item on his sexual to-do list: he wanted me to reach orgasm while he was inside me. Not necessarily from his penis alone (he’s very clued-in and knows how unlikely that would be), but an orgasm nonetheless. And because he asked so sweetly, and wanted it so sincerely, I knew I had to figure out a way.

I did a bunch of research, came up with ideas, and made notes. I read about the Coital Alignment Technique and the anterior fornix. But eventually, I came to the conclusion that these fancy methods and positions were too complicated for us to tackle as beginners, and I would have to keep it simple. I would have to rub my own clit during sex.

The idea of that was intimidating. I didn’t want him to see my weird orgasmic faces up close, or to get annoyed at me for taking too long to come. But he seemed enthused about my suggestion, so we gave it a shot.

We determined that, because he takes far less time to reach orgasm than I do, we’d have to commit to lots of foreplay to get me super turned on, to help bridge that gap. He went down on me (my boyfriend is a self-professed “cunnilingus king”) until I could feel the stirrings of an orgasm building in my pelvis, and then, already hard and condom’ed, he slid into me.

I touched myself. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him looking. I turned my head to the side so he couldn’t see my expressions. I focused really hard on the sensations in my clit, trying to ignore the distraction of his penis. And after several difficult but pleasurable minutes, I came. Hard.

Immediately, I burst out laughing and shouted, “We did it!” He laughed too, and held me for a few moments, both of us revelling, before continuing to fuck me.

Over the next few weeks, we practiced a lot more. It got to the point where his cock was no longer a distraction, but instead, an addition, an asset, a huge help.

To this day, this is still the method we use to ensure intercourse is satisfying for both of us, because we both find it fun and easy. It may not be as interesting as the C.A.T., but it works for us, and I don’t feel ashamed of it anymore.

I guess I wrote this for all those women who worry that it’s “weird” to touch themselves during sex – that it’s insulting to their partner, that it’ll look strange, that they shouldn’t have to add anything “extra” to sex. Because the thing is, our anatomy is built oddly, and many of us need that additional stimulation. If it feels tacked-on initially, give it time; it won’t be long before it starts to seem just as natural as a penis in a vagina.

You know you’re a sex nerd when…

Kate Sloan

…you use the words “cunnilingus” and “fellatio” all the time in regular conversation.

…you’re taken aback by any woman who’s upset she can’t climax from intercourse alone, and throw statistics at her.

…you spend a disproportionate amount of time idly surfing Lelo, Njoy, Liberator, and Jimmyjane’s websites.

…you go to a sex shop with a friend and spend the entire time doing mini-reviews of every toy you see, regardless of whether or not you yourself have used it.

…your friends know to ask you if they have a sexual problem or need a toy recommendation.

…you own both The Ultimate Guide to Fellatio and The Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus, have read both thoroughly, and lend them out as needed.

…you quote Violet Blue, Kidder Kaper, Dan Savage, and Tristan Taormino in everyday life.

…you periodically make a huge event out of putting your sex toys in boiling water to sterilize them.

…you react in utter horror to jelly toys.

…you explain to your partner, during sex, the benefits and drawbacks of the position you’re in, and suggest possible alternatives and alterations.

…you have a favorite kind of condom, and you order it in bulk online.

…you’ve repurposed your Lelo boxes into storage for lube and butt plugs.

…the slightest hesitance on your partner’s part causes you to ask them a series of questions to make sure you’re respecting their boundaries.

…you’ve done MojoUpgrade at least 5 times.

…you’ve taken one of your parents to a sex shop before, at their request.

…you know the layout of your local sex boutique so well that you’re thrown off when they change it at all.

…you know the nutritional information and caloric content of semen, menstrual blood, female ejaculatory fluid, and various kinds of flavored lube.

…you own several thick, dark, large towels.

…your first response to any plea for sexual advice is “Ask your partner what they think!”

…you know the efficacy rates of all the birth control methods off the top of your head.

…your masturbation sessions are more like lab experiments.