Hi hello hi! I was depressed for a lot of this month, but I still managed to find moments of sweetness, safety and sensuality through sex. Here are some of my August faves.
Sex toys
• My partner attended a fisting workshop (aww, how romantic) and the instructors suggested using a large dildo as an intermediary while working up to a fist. We experimented with one of the biggest dildos I own, the Vixen Creations Randy, and it did indeed help a lot – though I still haven’t been able to take my partner’s entire (enormous) fist. We’re getting there, though!
• Still swooning over the Eroscillator practically every day. It’s an enduring romance.
• I know I’ve mentioned The Butters a lot lately, but I used it more this month than I’ve perhaps ever used it before, so it bears repeating. Peepshow Toys were nice enough to send tons of jars of The Butters with me to Woodhull, and I distributed most of them but kept a couple for myself. My partner managed to almost-fist me (see above) and give me a full-body massage using this lube, plus I used on him for handjobs and prostate play and a pegging sesh, and we still had tons left over. It’s so good.
Fantasy fodder
• (Content note for incest roleplay in this one.) Reasons I love my partner #57294729: we were out for dinner one night this month and I casually mentioned that I’d been having some idle fantasies about him roleplaying as my older brother, and he was instantly interested. Obviously DD/lg is a staple of our relationship, but we’d never ventured into other familial roleplays. Something about the brother/sister dynamic suddenly appealed to me, though: I liked that there would be an element of caring and caretaking, as with a daddy/daughter dynamic, but that an older brother could be a little meaner, cruder, more selfish. We tried it in a phone-sex roleplay later in the month and it was… very very good. I love how open-minded my darlin’ is.
• I’m also, more generally, thinking about D/s dynamics that can incorporate some element of bullying, coercion, and humiliation without a) forcing me to inhabit a kink role that doesn’t feel good for me or b) going so far as to be actually upsetting. My partner and I are toying with the idea of doing some kind of school-bully roleplay, but we both have shitty past experiences with mean kids (I mean, who doesn’t, honestly) so we’re going to proceed with caution, if at all. In any case, it’s fun to fantasize about!
• I keep thinking about a time earlier this month when I combined two of my favorite things: high sex and facesitting. I don’t do nearly enough of this and need to do more. The combination of intoxication with that position made me feel like I was riding off into the sunset on a tsunami of pleasure… My partner remarked afterward, with a blushing and wet face, that he had, um, enjoyed himself thoroughly.
Sexcetera
• Early this month I attended the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and it was a blast as per usual! It was lovely to speak alongside brilliant educators, spend time with pals I only get to see once a year, and introduce my partner to this wonderful world I inhabit. Thanks to everyone I met there!
• Local sexy storytelling event Tell Me Something Good was a highlight of my month, as it usually is whenever it happens. This month’s theme was butt stuff, so I got up and told a story about a giant butt plug, an act of true friendship, and a surplus of Uberlube. My brother even accompanied me to the event, because I was having a particularly abysmal mental health day and wanted to see friendly faces. I appreciate having family who are chill about me being a Weird Sex Person.
• This month we recorded and released the 100th episode of The Dildorks! So excited and proud to have created a thing that’s lasted this long and been this well-received. Thanks and love, as always, to my co-host/best pal Bex, who is truly the mac to my cheese.
Femme stuff
• Uncharacteristically, I’m enjoying subtle pink and nude lipsticks lately. They have a timeless sophistication that sometimes just turns my crank more than an eye-catching red or fuchsia. “Chai” by Bite Beauty and “Pink in the Afternoon” by Revlon are two current go-to’s.
• I discovered West Third Brand fragrances through IndieScents, and I’m so glad! They make a lot of gorgeous scents, like Vintage Leather (maybe my current favorite leather fragrance?) and Leather Rose (a slightly more feminine take on leather). Next I want to try Old Bourbon, Smoked Sandalwood, and XXX.
• Hair accessories that match your outfit are always in style, IMO. I have some rhinestoned heart barrettes that I bought like 10 years ago at a dollar store in Chinatown and they are still the perfect topper for practically any ensemble.
Media
• I visited a small café/bookstore near D.C. with my love, and spotted Maggie Nelson’s The Argonauts on the shelf. I remarked that it was on my wishlist, and m’dude bought it for me, because he’s an angel. Him buying me Maggie Nelson books is a romantic tradition of ours now, I guess. I tore through this one in a matter of days; it’s about Nelson’s romance with her genderfluid partner Harry Dodge, and is full of sharp thoughts about gender, queerness, and family. I cried, let’s just say, many times.
• The first Adventure Zone graphic novel came out recently and I was overcome with emotion when I first held my preordered copy in my hands. TAZ has been an enormously important piece of media for me over the years, and I’m so glad the boyz are doing so well and continuing to make great art in podcast form.
• Mitski has a new album out, Be the Cowboy, and it’s a crash course in plucking the ol’ heartstrings through melodies and lyrics. Listen to “Nobody” – you gotta love a disco banger that starts with the line, “My god, I’m so lonely…”
Little things
Turquoise and pink luggage. Meeting Jessica Drake (she’s so nice, and introduced herself as a fan of mine! Whattt!). Kinky balcony makeouts. This amazing brunch place Sir took me to near Alexandria (how does he always find the best places to take me?! Answer: Foursquare). Sir writing on me and telling me to look at it whenever I felt anxious at the airport. A visit to the Distillery to hear Anais sing. Seeing Goodbye Honolulu play (with an unexpected cameo from Spock). Sex-blogger movie night. Getting totally absorbed in a writing project. Gossiping with Suz over drinks. A big-ass rainbow. Watching the behind-the-scenes DVD of the cast recording of The Producers with my mom (after rejecting multiple other options). Generous, kind, articulate interviewees. Powering through Deadline Day with the help of coffee and a donut. Sir copyediting me in Google Docs (swoon-o-rama). Sushi and drinks with Max, my favorite bruddy. Planning a trip to Boston with my love. Staying up late writing while listening to jazz and the rain. Getting all dressed up for a drinks-date at Civil Liberties, where they make brilliant cocktails based on vague orders like “something summery” or “something cucumber-y” or “something with ginger and cinnamon” (that last one was maybe the best cocktail I’ve ever had). Instagram flirting. Competent nerds. Hope.