sherlock

Monthly Faves: Steel Wands & Sweet Words

Kate Sloan

Hope you had a pleasantly scary Halloween! Here are some things I enjoyed in October…

Sex toys

• We-Vibe sent me their Anniversary Collection and I adore it. It contains updated (and sparkly!) versions of two of their best vibes, the Tango and the Sync. The included case works for both storage and charging, and makes this duo super travel-friendly – always an important consideration for someone in a long-distance relationship like me.

• I’ve owned my Njoy Pure Wand for years but it deserves just as much revere now as it did when I first bought it. Truly, if you like intense G-spot or prostate stimulation, there is nothing better. Also, adorably, my partner bought his own recently, so sometimes we each separately use ours while having phone sex. Aww.

• Speaking of Njoy: I feel like I mention the Eleven every five seconds on this blog, but like… seeeeriously… it is quite good. It’s also integral to the story of how my Sir and I met (our first contact of any kind was him tweeting a link to my own Eleven review at me) so it’s, um, very romantic when he pounds me with it.

Fantasy fodder

• At one point this month, my partner – an actual living kink genius – sent me the following text: “What if the We-Vibe Anniversary Collection was actually sent to you as a medical device to treat your obvious hysteria symptoms, and you have to call in and speak to a doctor over the phone who can supervise your treatment by controlling the device and monitoring your progress?” We did a “hysteria hotline” roleplay over the phone that night – not a new thing for us, but the inclusion of the remotely controllable We-Vibe Sync was a new element of it – and it was so hottttt, helpppp.

• My monthly writing assignment for my Sir involved making some recommendations of porn and erotica for him, and one of my selections was a Sherlock fanfiction story where John has a hypnosis kink and Sherlock takes it upon himself to play with this newfound knowledge. I have a long-standing weakness for subby-John/dommy-Sherlock stories, and this one paints a particularly excellent picture of what trance feels like and why it can be so hot.

• Still giggling over this story: in a cab ride back from a Halloween party, I told my Sir I desperately had to pee, and he (jokingly?) suggested we do a watersports scene upon arriving back at our hotel. I told him he wouldn’t be able to get all his clothes off fast enough to account for the urgency of the situation, and he was basically like, “Try me.” Once we were in our room, he shed his clothes faster than I’ve ever seen him do it, and laid down in the shower for me before I was even half out of my dress. While my emotions in the moment were a mix of anguish and amusement, in retrospect it was a surprisingly hot experience; unbridled enthusiasm from a sexual partner often is.

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: I read my review of the teddy bear vibrator at the Bed Post variety show. I reviewed my favorite band’s new album, while meditating on depression, toxic masculinity, and men’s inner lives. (Please check out the album; it’s divine.) On our podcast, Bex and I discussed sex education, roleplay, polyamory myths, and fear play, and I interviewed my pal Dick Wound about knives, death, sweat, and all kinds of weird shit.

• Excited to announce I’ll be teaching/speaking/reading at this year’s Naked Heart festival! It’s coming up soon; grab your pass online, or you can get tickets to individual sessions at the door.

• Hey, thanks for the outpouring of love when my Sir decided to come out as my Sir! We were both thrilled and relieved that the reaction was so positive. Taking this risk together made me feel even more in love with him and even safer in this wonderful relationship, which was already one of the best ones I’ve ever been in.

Femme stuff

• I got my legs waxed for the first time this month! Actually, it was my first time getting anything waxed. My technician asked me if I had a decent pain tolerance, and I was like, “Uhhh… Yeah.” It wasn’t too bad at all, and I had silky-smooth legs for a little while. Would do again!

• If you’re in the centre of the Venn diagram composed of “people who like spooky things” and “people who live in Toronto or are familiar with historical Toronto landmarks,” you probably need this “Honest Dead’s” shirt. Every time I wear it (in Toronto, at least), I inevitably get asked multiple times where it’s from.

• As I told you on Monday, I have a new collar! I want to give an extra shout-out to Tal at L’Amour-Propre for being so accommodating of our special request vis-à-vis material. Tal is the actual best and I highly recommend their products!

Media

• Pinegrove’s new album Skylight is gorgeous (with caveats about the lead singer’s problematic behavior). The refrain of the title track – “Whatever you’re feeling is alright… Whatever you’re feeling is natural” – felt particularly needed.

• I read a lot of books this month, and their common theme seemed to be “shitty men interfering with brilliant women.” Sigh. What else is new. All of them were good, though: The Wife is about a woman who decides to stop giving her husband a free pass to be terrible after decades of marriage; The Real Lolita is the tale of the pedophilic kidnapping that supposedly inspired Nabokov’s masterpiece; Our Kind of Cruelty is about an obsessive love that turns into a sick delusion; and Gone Girl is about… well, if you’ve never heard of Gone Girl, you should really watch the movie and/or read the book, stat.

• My Sir recommended we watch some of James Acaster’s comedy specials together this month and we loved them. What a strange man with a strange sense of humor.

Little things

Eating chicken noodle soup while paging through The Science of Orgasm. Getting slightly better at rejecting creeps when necessary. Interviews with articulate, generous kinksters. Thigh bruises from sweet and loving impact scenes with my Sir over the phone. Seeing Dick get a lap dance at a sex club (OMG) and then hanging out in a hot tub with Lav. When autocorrect knows me too well. Max telling me stories from touring with his band (“I don’t feel too good…”). Kissing Sir in between songs at a Hippo Campus concert and keeping my hand in his hoodie pocket. Knowing he still loves me even though he made me laugh while I was eating a French fry and standing over him so I accidentally spat some potato onto his jeans (“CLOSE YOUR MOUTH, little one!!”). Autumn daiquiris. A literally perfect truffle risotto at the NoMad (and also truffle mac and cheese the night before; give me all the truffles). Boys in bowties. Phrenology skulls (the best creepy decor!). Watching horror movies with my family. Attending a Halloween party with some of my favorite goofs. Feeling like part of a community.

Monthly Faves: Dick Gifs & Donut Panties

Kate Sloan

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If I had had a lot of sex this past month, I’d nickname it Cocktober. But alas, that was not the case. My sex life was spooky in a seasonally appropriate way, at least in the sense that my vag remained so barren, it practically developed cobwebs. Zing! Anyway, a lack of partnered sex doesn’t have to mean a lack of sexual developments in one’s life. Here’s what I was into in October…

Sex toys

• My relationship with the Pure Wand is a volatile one. There will be long stretches of time when direct, intense G-spot stimulation just feels painful to me, and I retreat to my favorite A-spot toys for the sweeter pleasure they provide. But lately, my G-spot’s been more receptive to touch than usual, so I’ve been pounding the fuck out of it with my Pure Wand on the regs. To paraphrase Wallis Simpson, “When a Pure Wand is right, there is nothing else to use in its place.”

• My clit was in the mood for pinpoint stimulation this month: it wanted the Tango and Eroscillator far more often than the broad-headed Magic Wand. The whims of my clit are a mystery to me; I just do what it tells me to do.

Fantasy fodder

• I’m oddly entranced by this gif of an animated dick pounding a vag, ejaculating, and pulling out. It’s not so much the creampie fetishism that does it for me; more just the novelty of seeing a somewhat three-dimensional, dynamic illustration of fuckin’. Sigh… I miss getting banged real good.

• I’m fascinated by close-up videos of ladies getting their clits rubbed until they come. That particular view of vaginal contractions is so cool. This one is my original favorite, and I’ve also recently enjoyed this one and this one.

• In a matter of days, I devoured Katie Forsythe‘s epic Sherlock fanfiction novel, All the Best and Brightest Creatures. She writes Sherlock differently from story to story, but this particular Holmes is asexual and homoromantic. The way she writes sex scenes is so beautiful and poignant, and it’s been a useful reminder of how much my sexual responses are tied up in my emotional responses. Everything feels hotter and lovelier to me if it has an emotional context that lights me up (like, for example, Sherlock Holmes’ bottomless, tragic affection for John Watson).

Sexcetera

• By the time you read this, I will be in Malta! My mum and I are traveling across the ocean to attend my beautiful cousin Sacha‘s wedding. After hanging out there for a week, we’ll fly north to Italy and spend an additional five days in Rome. I’m so excited I can hardly think straight!! Supposedly our WiFi will be a bit spotty, so if you notice I’m tweeting and Instagramming less than usual, that’s why – but I’ve got blog content queued up, so even in my absence, I am present. Hi!

• I did a lot of writing this month that I’m super proud of! For Bitch Flicks’ bisexual representation theme week, I wrote about Alex Kelly from The O.C. and why she’s a precious angel who should be protected at all costs. The Establishment published a piece I wrote about how spanking helps my mental health. Herizons magazine published a slightly reworked version of an article I wrote last year about the “is squirting just pee?” debate. I wrote about using coconut oil as lube for Ignite. And if, after all that, you still want more of me (!), you can read this interview that fellow sex blogger Layla did with me; we talked about friendships, mistakes, and rainstorms, among other things.

Femme stuff

• I haven’t had sex in over two months, and I’ve been describing this period as a “dick detox,” because it genuinely does feel like I’m conquering an unhealthy addiction. Not that I pursue sex to the detriment of my health, my relationships, or my life (I don’t), but just that the presence of male romantic interests in my life tends to distort my self-perception somewhat (as I told you last week). So it’s been interesting to watch the ebb and flow of my gender presentation as I figuratively flush the dick from my system. I’m more okay dressing butch, skipping makeup, and wearing what I want to wear instead of trying to appease the Dick Gods. Hallelujah, I’m free! (At least, for now…)

• Aslan Leather makes my favorite kink accoutrements. After owning a pink and black Aslan collar for months, I bought a plain black one to round out my collection. It matches every outfit. I love it to death.

• I was sent a Nudestix concealer pencil in a beauty subscription box, and I adore it. The pencil format makes it super portable and easy to apply, and the formula is decently blendable without sacrificing coverage. This sleepy little femme gives Nudestix two brightened under-eyes out of two!

• Still enamored with MeUndies. They are soooo comfy. And they recently introduced new pairs that are covered in PINK DONUTS. Yyyyyoink! (I also just learned that they sponsored a SlutWalk and created custom slut-positive underwear for participants to wear… Amazing!)

Little things

The utter deliciousness of making a structure chart for a piece of writing. Philosophizin’ about kink with friends. Edamame. My freshly redesigned portfolio. Regina Spektor’s new album. Jake Peralta’s frosted-tips Florida aesthetic. The “Lush Vibes” playlist on Spotify (best music to write to!). Spanakopita from Athens Pastries. Compliments from my therapist. Bex texting me, “I love you. Don’t forget.” My new ukulele case (a necessary purchase because I’m taking my uke overseas to play a song while my cousin walks down the aisle at her wedding!). Learning how to roll joints with flavored rolling papers – and the Seth Rogen tutorial video that taught me! Watching porn on a rooftop with Suz. Dancing my ass off with Steph and Holly at Comedy Bar’s ’90s dance party. Awkward attempts at flirting with improv crushes. Caramilk martinis and goofy selfies with Anais. My brand-new pink European plug adapter. #StonerFemme paraphernalia. Listening to Naive Thieves while high. Brent misremembering Bowtie‘s name as “Squimmy.” Posh British accents. Fictional universes so compelling and comforting, you don’t want to go back to real life. Warm scarves knit by people who love me.

Escorts, Strippers & Porn Stars, Oh My!: My Top 5 Favorite Fictional Sex Workers

Kate Sloan

 

Sex workers’ rights movements have come a long way in the past century, but they still have a long way to go.

There are places in the world where sex work is legal – certain kinds are allowed here in Canada, and it’s legal throughout Australia, where they even have sites like Escorts & Babes to help clients find what they’re looking for. But despite all this, we still live in a world where sex work is stigmatized and belittled.

An important step in the destigmatization of any group is good media representation. (We’ve seen that in the past couple years with Laverne Cox, for example, who is a television trailblazer for the trans community.) Lots of sex workers in movies and TV are still just reductive caricatures, but some of them are less so. Here, then, is a list of my top 5 favorite sex workers in films and television. Who are yours?

1. Vivian Ward from Pretty Woman. Setting aside the whole “rich dude rescues damsel in distress” motif of this film (ew), it’s hard not to love Julia Roberts as this plucky, goofy, lovable sex worker. She also rocks some truly wild and wonderful costumes over the course of the film. And that HAIR! Oh, that hair.

2. Irene Adler from Sherlock. Referred to fondly by Sherlock Holmes as “The Woman,” Irene Adler is a foxy dominatrix with a penchant for perfect 1940s hairstyles and impeccable red lipstick. She’s seemingly a lesbian but sorta falls in love with Sherlock, who seems to return her admiration despite probably being gay or asexual himself. I mean, who wouldn’t? She’s not only gorgeous but incredibly smart and shrewd, too. And she knows her way around a riding crop.

3. Satine from Moulin Rouge. Okay, Satine’s not exactly the most empowered character. Her entire life, as an escort and can-can dancer in a Parisian nightclub, is directed and ruled over by men, and (spoiler alert!) at the end she dies of consumption. But she’s strong-willed, seems to genuinely enjoy her work as a performer, and is damn good at it.

4. Gigolo Joe from Artificial Intelligence. Not enough people have seen this movie. It’s fantastic for so many reasons, one of which is definitely Jude Law’s performance as a cyborg designed to pleasure women. It’s a delight to watch him transform his hair color, accent, background music (which plays out of a radio in his wrist!), and entire approach to lovemaking depending on what his client-du-jour wants from him. He also proves himself to be a sweet, caring robot in non-sexual arenas, despite sex being his sole intended purpose in life.

5. John from Love Actually. I don’t know if this dude strictly counts as a sex worker, because he’s just a body double/stand-in on a porn set. But I had to include him because he’s completely adorable. Shy and nervous despite his explicit line of work, his entire plotline centers on trying to pluck up the courage to ask out his co-star, Judy, even though he’s already seen (and touched) most of her naked body. Aw, what a babe.

Do you have any favorite sex workers in fiction? I’d particularly be interested to hear from people who are, themselves, sex workers!

Heads up: this post was sponsored!

Monthly Favorites: Glass, Daddies, & Ganja

Kate Sloan

April was such a busy month, what with Feminist Porn Week and my semester at school coming to an end. I’m surprised I even had time to masturbate at all! (Okay, I’m not that surprised.) Here are some things I loved in my solo sexytimes this month…

Toys

• I finally got my hands on the new version of the We-Vibe Tango and it was everything I wanted it to be: almost identical to the old Tango but with a far less finicky battery/charger situation. Its exquisite vibrations rumbled my clit into a frenzy all month – and when I used it with the Dusk attachment, it was even able to induce hands-free orgasms! (More on that in a later post, I’d imagine…)

• I’ve been on a bit of a glass kick recently. This month I pulled out my Amethyst, which I got waaaay back in the day, and it got cozy with my G-spot plenty of times before the month was out. This dildo not only feels lovely but also looks great. I can’t resist blue glass!

• I’m still in love with my Fleshjack dildo. And duly impressed with my vagina for being able to handle it. You go, vagina!

Fantasy fodder

• Yep, still feelin’ Sherlock fanfiction. This month I enjoyed “At the Silken Altar” (Lestrade proving his gentlemanliness by letting Molly ride his face), “The School of the Seven Bells” (Sherlock and Molly and psychological bondage, oh my), and “Is He a Friend of Yours” (John roleplaying as Sherlock’s daddy). I also read some truly weird shit involving tentacles and alphas and omegas but I’m not sure how I feel about that yet…

• I saw this Heavenly Spire scene at one of the Feminist Porn Week screenings and it led to lots of fantasies about rough, anonymous gay male sex. Fuuuuck yesssss.

• (TW for weird age-play, incest, and dubious-consent stuff!) I’m thinking a lot about age-play lately, and specifically, Daddy/little-girl scenarios. Many of my orgasms this month were the result of fantasies involving phrases like, “Come on daddy’s cock now, sweetheart,” and “Is that your sweet spot, princess? Do you want daddy to touch it again?” This still feels very fucked up and guilt-infused for me, because of internalized kink-shaming and general weird feelings about my relationship with my actual dad, but I’m trying to be okay with it. Your fantasy life is just your fantasy life – can I get an amen?!

Et cetera

• This month was 4/20, the international weed holiday. I am by no means a pothead but I have dabbled in marijuana-aided masturbation from time to time. Normally I find it more weird than pleasurable, but sometimes you want weird, y’know? I gave it a couple more tries this month and it was definitely enjoyable, though I still feel it’s a bit overrated: I have friends who get hypersensitive when high, but I just tend to get spacey and hallucinatory.

• I tried to focus on self-seduction this month, because it was a stressful, busy time and I needed all the relaxation and pampering I could get. Scented candles, pink wine, and slow jams all helped me chillax for my self-love time. All I need now is satin sheets scattered with rose petals and maybe an on-call masseuse…

What were your faves this month?

Monthly Favorites: Sasha, Siri, & Sherlock

Kate Sloan

Here are some of the things that got my rocks off most regularly in March… (Can you believe the springtime months are upon us at last?!)

Toys

• While cleaning my room, I stumbled upon my Sasha Grey black glass wand, which I’d totally forgotten about. It remained by my bedside for the rest of the month and I used it a lot. Glass toys are so easy to just “grab and go” – I rarely need to use lube with them, which I love. This one feels really good but isn’t mega-intense like some G-spot toys are, so it’s been a go-to for my casual/lazy masturbation sessions lately.

• Another old favorite I rediscovered this month: the NobEssence Fling. Just, ugh, fuck, this toy feels so damn good on my G-spot, and it has finger holes for easier thrusting, and it’s handmade out of gorgeous burgundy wood. Marry me, Fling.

• The Lelo Siri 2 was my clit’s right-hand man this month. Rumbly, waterproof, portable, and a comfortable shape and size. Yes, yes, yes. (One warning, though: I’m pretty sure the Siri is haunted by ghosts, a.k.a. has mechanical problems. Mine turned on by itself at full power one morning, blasting me awake and rendering me completely confused. Its lights blinked at me for no reason all day after that. But it still works fine when I actually want to use it, soooo…?!)

Fantasy fodder

• One of my favorite fanfiction writers, Kasuchi, posted a new Brooklyn Nine-Nine story with tags that included “porn without plot,” “cunnilingus,” and “Jake Peralta’s talented mouth,” so of course, I was all over that shit. I read it three times in one day and jerked off twice (which is a big deal for me – I’m still not very multi-orgasmic!), and then it continued to haunt my brain for the rest of the month. I’m actually getting kind of turned on just writing about this story right now. Uh, I might have a problem.

• This month I finally got around to watching BBC’s Sherlock, which is fucking brilliant, and I discovered (to my extreme glee, obviously) that the fanfiction culture/community around this show is rabid and highly creative. A Cure For Boredom is my favorite piece I’ve found so far. I stayed up til 3AM reading it the night before an important work-related meeting, so that should give you some indication of how enthralled I was with this story.

• I didn’t watch a whole lot of porn this month, but when I did, it was mostly clips of Heather from IDeepThroat. She’s an old-school favorite of mine, for reasons I really don’t understand (why am I so obsessed with blowjobs in porn but not IRL?! The world may never know!).

Et cetera

• Bathtime masturbation loomed large in my legend this month. Would you guys be into a post about designing your own sexual self-care practice? Because, FYI, mine is definitely a long hot bath with scented Epsom salts, a big glass of wine, and a selection of waterproof sex toys. Blissful sigh.

• This Spotify playlist served as the soundtrack for much of my self-lovin’ this month. I particularly love this Alina Baraz song. Amazing how a great slow-jam can get your hips rolling and your mind racing…

What were some of your favorite sex-related things this month? Products, fantasies, helpful accessories, whatever! I wanna hear about ‘em!