I’m sure some of you read the headline of this post and thought, “Yeah, Kate, I was trapped inside alone for most of 2020 – I know all about the benefits of masturbation, thanks!!”
I hear you. And I’m grateful for any sacrifices you may have made in service of public health, even if sometimes those sacrifices came in the form of, say, staying home with your rabbit vibrator in lieu of hopping on Tinder to get inadvisably railed by an unvetted, unvaccinated stranger.
While 2020 had a lot of downsides (obviously), I think one minor silver lining is that so many people spent so much more time masturbating than they ordinarily would. It’s a great way to get to know oneself better sexually, and to focus on one’s own priorities, desires, and pleasure, in a world that sometimes makes that difficult. It’s also, as previously discussed, almost always the safer option than partnered sex – and not just during a global pandemic! Here are 7 reasons masturbation may just be the safest sex you’ll ever have…
1. You can’t contract or transmit an STI
Sexually transmitted infections are part and parcel of human sexuality. In a world where you can stock up on condoms at any drugstore and buy PrEP online, we’ve got a better handle on STIs than we did decades or centuries ago, but acquiring or transmitting an STI is still a risk of partnered sex nonetheless.
With STI stigma being gradually reduced by the hard work of sexual health activists, and effective medical treatments now available for most STIs, it’s true that many of us (especially those of us with financial privilege and no preexisting conditions) wouldn’t suffer nearly as many consequences from getting an STI nowadays as we would’ve in ages gone by. But it’s still nice to know that when you jerk off (provided your hands and toys are clean!), you likely won’t be jeopardizing your own health.
2. You can’t get pregnant
I’ve definitely been through periods of life when I was oddly paranoid about getting pregnant, sometimes to the point of avoiding penetrative sex despite being on birth control and using condoms… An unexpected baby is a very scary thought, particularly when you know you’re physically and/or financially not up to the task of child-rearing quite yet (or at all)!
The good news is, masturbation can’t get you pregnant (again, provided that your hands and toys are clean, i.e. that they don’t have someone’s recent semen on them!), so you can go to town on yourself without fearing future babies.
3. There are no consent issues to worry about
Although I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule (probably having to do with trauma triggers), generally you’re not going to run into consent-related snafus when fucking yourself. After all, you know on a moment-to-moment basis what you’re okay with and what you’re not – or if you don’t actually know those preferences, masturbation is an ideal way to figure them out.
As someone who likes to involve intoxicants (e.g. weed, alcohol) in sexual scenarios, I also appreciate that drunk/high masturbation is overall much safer than drunk/high partnered sex. I’m not going to push my own boundaries or take advantage of myself, even when pleasantly buzzed.
Some people think it’s a consent issue to masturbate while thinking about someone who hasn’t consented to be thought about in that way. I disagree, because I don’t believe in policing people’s thoughts – but keep in mind that it can be a violation to share those thoughts with the person in question, so I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless your relationship with that person is such that it would be acceptable.
4. No travel is required
Sounds silly, maybe, but I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 3+ years – just think how many bus accidents and plane crashes I’ve risked to get laid! The odds are low, of course, but on a bad anxiety day, I’d much rather skip any potential risks and just stay safely tucked into my bed, with an armful of sex toys.
Naturally, this also means masturbation can be more accessible and safer than partnered sex for people whose travel is limited by disability, financial status, pandemics (of course!) and other factors.
5. You can accommodate your own physical needs
This unfortunately isn’t true for everyone – there are, for example, disabled folks who are unable to masturbate and who may hire sex workers or sex surrogates to address this – but for many people, masturbation may allow for more of their access needs to be met than partnered sex. You can use your comfy ergonomic pillow or convenient suction cup dildo or relaxing heating pad without any fear of judgment.
For example, when I’m alone on a bad pain day, I can wrap a heating pad around my sore knee without worrying if someone else thinks it’s unsexy or unwieldy, keep my body still in particular positions so as not to overexert myself, and adjust the room to a temperature that I (and only I!) find agreeable. While I’m lucky enough to have a partner who’s always eager to make adjustments according to what I need, I know not everyone is that fortunate, and so sometimes masturbation can be a blessing.
6. You can accommodate your own mental/emotional needs
I can’t even count the number of times a random hookup teased me about something they didn’t know was a sore spot, made a body-shaming comment that stung more than I let on, or called me a triggering name during a kink scene.
Some of these incidents weren’t intentionally hurtful – they may not have known better, and I may not have known enough about my own brain and trauma history to be able to fill them in – but nonetheless, sometimes masturbation feels like a safer choice when you’re in a fragile frame of mind or going through a difficult time. If you trigger or upset yourself somehow, at least you can deal with it without also having to manage someone else’s reaction at the same time.
7. You won’t break your own heart
Sad but true: many times in my life, I’ve had sex with someone I loved (or just really, really liked) who I knew didn’t feel the same about me. It could almost be a form of emotional self-harm at times, returning over and over again for empty sexual experiences with people I wished would date me, but who only thought of me as their fuckbuddy.
While it would’ve been almost impossible to talk me into it at the time, I wish I’d spent some of those nights at home by myself instead. Probably I’d’ve had more orgasms and cried fewer tears. But hey, you live and you learn. Now I know that calling masturbation “self-love” isn’t just a cheesy euphemism – it’s also a true description of the healthy, healing pleasure you can give yourself whenever you need it.
This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
