This year, more than any other year of my career so far, my work has focused almost exclusively on sex toys. Whether I was writing for GQ, MEL, SELF, smaller clients, or this blog, most of the articles I’ve cranked out this year have been about vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, cock rings, and the like.
As such, when my nearly-annual craving for a new tattoo hit me, I began to wonder why I hadn’t yet gotten a sex toy tattoo. I think there were a few main reasons for this:
- I am always worried about incorporating actual brands or products into my tattoos incase their creators do something egregious in the future. Like, imagine if I got a dildo tattooed on me and then its maker was outed years later as a misogynist, homophobe or transphobe. If you think that sounds unlikely, that’s sadly probably because you haven’t been in this industry for as long as I have. I’ve seen some shit, man. ☹️
- Since they’re gonna remain on my skin for the rest of my life, I’ve been relatively careful about only getting tattoos that were “appropriate” enough that I wouldn’t be embarrassed if, say, a member of my extended family was to see them on me during a beach day. Sex toy tattoos don’t quite fall into that category, although I’m nowhere near as embarrassed about them now as I would’ve been a few years ago, because of the success I’ve attained writing about them and the internal work I’ve done in therapy on confidence and agency. (And also, I can’t say that I do beach days with my extended family very often.)
- I didn’t know which sex toy I wanted to get tattooed on me. Many have been meaningful to me in different ways.
The more that I thought about it, though, the more that the Magic Wand made sense to me as a potential tattoo. It’s a truly iconic sex toy, one that is deeply entangled with the history of sex-positive feminism. From its popularization at Betty Dodson’s Bodysex workshops in the ’70s and beyond, to its prevalence in queer and straight porn alike, to the dramatic takeover of its distribution by Vibratex in 2014-2015 when Hitachi wanted to stop making it, this vibrator has a story that is so much bigger than just the toy itself – which is part of why I felt like it’d still be okay for me to have it on my skin even if its makers fucked up in some major way. (Having interviewed the lovely Shay Martin, owner of Vibratex, though, I doubt that would ever happen.)
So I emailed my go-to tattoo artist, Laura Blaney, who’d previously done the pink bows on the backs of my thighs, the flowers on my right arm, and the pen and pencil on my left arm. I told her I wanted to get the Magic Wand with some flowers I associate with love and joy, roses and daffodils. (Flowers are one of Laura’s specialties as an artist.) We had to put off the appointment for a few months because she was on maternity leave, which just gave me more time to sit with the tattoo idea and decide that I did indeed really want it on me.
As it turned out, this tattoo is the largest and most involved one I’ve ever gotten. It takes up most of my thigh, but is positioned such that I can easily hide it with a skirt or shorts if need be.
Because it’s so large, it took two sessions to complete: three and a half hours were spent on outlining all the shapes, doing the daffodils and the shading on the wand, while another five-hour session was devoted to the roses and filling in color on the wand. I had initially wanted the wand itself to be light pink, because I thought white seemed a little boring for my tastes, but in talking to my spouse about it, eventually I decided it made more sense to leave it white; it made it more instantly recognizable as the iconic sex toy that it is, and also contrasted nicely with the brightness of the flowers.
As per always, the tattooing process with Laura was smooth and easy. There were definitely times when it was painful but those were few and far between; for the most part I was able to just breathe through any discomfort and focus on various distractions instead. (I was reading a Nick Drake biography during our first session and Leslie Jamison’s addiction recovery memoir during our second session; the other tattoo artist also put Back to the Future and then Seinfeld on the TV while we were working and those were enjoyable too.)
I’m absolutely in love with this tattoo, as I’ve been enamored with every other tattoo Laura has given me. Her work is just beautiful, and she’s extremely detail-oriented and focused on clients’ comfort.
She used Saniderm on my freshly-done tattoo, which I’ve had used on me a few other times before; it’s a clear bandage that goes over the tattoo and keeps bacteria out while still letting the skin breathe, so that it’s protected during the first few crucial days of healing. I would highly recommend Saniderm if your artist offers it as an option; it’s always amazing to me how close the tattoo is to looking healed by the time I gently and carefully peel off the bandage with the help of some Dove soap on the third or fourth day after getting inked.
I’m thrilled to have a permanent reminder on my skin of the importance of self-love, self-care and self-pleasure, as well as the history of the sex-positive feminist movement which is so close to my heart (and, now, my junk). Thank you to Laura and also to everyone involved in the Magic Wand’s storied ascent to being one of the most popular and iconic sex toys of all time!
Previous posts about my tattoos:
- I Wear My Heart on My Belly: My First Tattoo! (September 2015)
- Behold: My New Thigh Tattoos! (August 2016)
- 8 Things Nobody Tells You About Getting the Backs of Your Thighs Tattooed (September 2016)
- Nude, Lewd, Screwed, & Tattooed (January 2017)
- Introducing… My New Tattoo! (March 2018)
- My New Tattoo is an Ode to Writing (July 2020)
On the day of my appointment, I took all my usual safety measures (mask, hand sanitizer, obsessive hand-washing), and took an Uber to the studio. The tattooing stations were appropriately socially distanced, and the few other people present were all wearing masks the entire time. Laura wiped down my phone and Kindle to sanitize them when I arrived, so I could use them safely while getting tattooed. We discussed layouts and colors a bit, settled on the design I wanted, and then started the inking process.
I spent many, many hours on the phone with my Sir this year. If we conservatively guesstimate 2.5 hours a night, every night – keeping in mind that most of our phone calls last about 4 hours, but we skip nights here and there – that adds up to over 900 hours on the phone. But, as I reasoned to myself every time I wondered if this is excessive: if we weren’t a long-distance couple, it’s likely we would have spent at least that many hours together over the course of the year. So. Maybe it’s slightly less ridiculous viewed through that lens.
Another moment of unadulterated glee. We snapped this on a sunny day in July, during one of Matt’s many visits to me in Toronto. We had just done an impromptu 
It’s impossible to write about my 2018 without writing about travel, since I did so much of it – and it’s impossible for me to write about travel without complaining about it, because travel stresses me the fuck out. (Extremely #FirstWorldProblems, I am well aware.)
This photo was taken impulsively during a jaunt to a local sex shop with a few other sex-blogger babes, just after the 
No post like this would be complete without a selfie taken with 
I’ll close on another happy note. Matt took this picture of us in our hotel bathroom on our first night at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit – one of the first events we’d ever attended together as a couple, and the first time I was introducing him to many of my friends in the blogging community. I’m visibly proud to be at an industry event, representing my business and my brand, with someone I love so much.
May 29th, 2018. I wore this out to a café to do a bunch of dayjob work, and then to a ServiceOntario office to get my health card renewed. Sometimes I like to dress cute on days that are utterly unglamorous, just to infuse a little je ne sais quoi into the banality of the day-to-day. I also feel like I usually get better service wherever I go when I’m dressed nicely and have lipstick on… which is problematic from a classism perspective, but good to know…
May 31st, 2018. When I went to see 
June 10th, 2018. I’m bad at taking weekends off. That’s just #FreelancerProblems, I guess: when you’re (mostly) your own boss, get to set your own hours, and know that working harder = making more money, sometimes it’s hard to stop. So what was supposed to be my “nice relaxing Sunday afternoon” turned into 
