travel

Behind the Seams: Babely in Berlin

Kate Sloan

September 15th, 2024

What does one even wear for an international journey lasting 12+ hours?! I’m an overanalytical femme, so I thought about this question for way too long while gearing up for my recent trip to Berlin. Is it gauche to wear what basically amounts to pajamas in a public place like an airport or airplane? And if so, do I even care?

In this case, I decided that comfort mattered more than respectability. Travel makes my fibro symptoms flare up like nothing else – plus, I had just received these delightfully soft lounge pants in the mail, so why not wear ’em, decorum be damned?!

I was a very very lucky girl and had a business-class ticket for the longest leg of the trip (first time I’ve ever flown not-economy, wheee!), so my seat could recline fully flat when I wanted to sleep. With the hood of my cashmere hoodie pulled up over my head, my trusty Nidra Deep Rest mask over my eyes, and the airline-provided blanket and pillow swaddling me, I got a better night’s sleep than I ever dreamed possible on a plane. I have probably been ruined for all future flights… 😅

What I’m wearing:

• Black cashmere hoodie – a gift from my spouse’s parents
• Pink T-shirt with a dominatrix on it – the gift shop at the Leather Archive in Chicago
• Black/pink/blue heart-print lounge pants – MeUndies (I think you get 40% off if you buy through that link, btw!)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade Perry satchel
• Apple Watch with navy leather Hermès band – both gifts from my spouse

September 17th, 2024 (day)

This was my first day attending the work event that I’d been flown to Berlin for, and I was really nervous to meet all these new people in a totally unfamiliar environment. Big “first day of school” vibes!! Accordingly, I intentionally chose an outfit that made me feel more confident, powerful, and outgoing – and it actually kinda worked! I made some cool new friends and felt more like myself than I normally do in anxiety-provoking situations. (The years of therapy probably helped, too…)

As with my recent trip to Portland, I’d decided to theme my entire Berlin wardrobe around a unified color scheme; this time, it was green, turquoisey-blue, and yellow. In these photos, you can see that I’m holding a yellow reporter’s notebook by Leuchtturm1917, a German brand, which I bought specifically for note-taking on this trip (nerd!), along with a limited-edition teal and yellow Lamy Safari pen. God, I love pretty-looking writing tools.

In the afternoon, we got to go on a walking tour of the history of sex in Berlin. Our tour guide, Jeff Mannes, is a wildly knowledgeable sex educator and social scientist; would highly recommend taking their tour if you’re ever in town! We learned so much, especially since Germany is largely considered the birthplace of sexology and has fascinating histories with regards to queerness and sex work.

What I’m wearing:

• Teal T-shirt – Torrid (it’s gonna become abundantly clear that I placed a big Torrid order right before this trip, haha!)
• Black/blue/green plaid leggings – Torrid (I love the way these look, and how comfy they are, but they ripped after a single wear, unfortunately)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather jacket (on my arm) – Danier Leather
• Yellow leather Kate Spade Perry satchel
• Prescription sunglasses – Zenni
• Sex toy earrings – PleasurePunk (one of them is a Womanizer-style toy and the other is a rabbit vibe!)
• Apple Watch
• Name tag!
• …and a special shout-out to Paul Taylor for the fresh haircut

September 17th, 2024 (night)

I headed back to my hotel room to change, and caught up with my beautiful spouse mb, who was able to come spend the week in Berlin with me (yay!!). We got changed and went out for dinner with a big group at Knödelwirtschaft NORD, a place that specializes in traditional German dumplings called Knödel. They were delicious – pillowy, savory, comforting – and it was fun to share them with new pals while talking shop and gossiping about our lives.

Please observe, if you would, my new phone case (visible on the right side of the photo)! It’s by Bailey Hikawa and I am obsessed with it (thanks to May-Li Khoe for the recommendation!). I sometimes have issues with hand pain/weakness due to fibro, and have been known to get the dreaded “smartphone pinkie,” so I was intrigued by this phone case and how it helps you distribute the phone’s weight across multiple fingers more easily. It also functions as a stand, allowing the phone to be propped up at various different angles – perfect for watching videos in bed, setting the phone upright to face me while I’m working at my desk, etc. It’s also nearly the exact same shade of raspberry pink as the first gaming device I ever owned, a Game Boy Color my parents bought me when I was ~8, so this phone case feels sweetly nostalgic to me even though it’s new. (You can see mb’s new case from the same maker in these pictures as well – hers is the Nami and has a more flowy/rounded design.)

What I’m wearing:

• Red floral-print dress – H&M like 7 years ago
• White socks with rainbow hearts – gift from my mom I think?
• Black leather Chuck Taylor high-top sneakers
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – from the Zatchels Pride collection (this bag is really too small for my purposes, but damn is it ever cute!!)
• Rainbow earrings – 3Delightfulshop on Etsy
• Apple Watch

September 18th, 2024 (day)

Primary colors ahoy! Day 2 of the work event had me feeling slightly less nervous, and yet, more nauseous… My fibro was flaring up harrrrd from travel stress, and I didn’t have access to my usual medicine over there (if ya know, ya know), so I was raw-dogging all the full-body pain and malaise. I tried to pick an outfit that would make me feel better mentally, without making me feel worse physically – hence the bralessness (bras of any kind are a total no-go for me during flare-ups) and the bright colors to lift my mood! Clearly they hadn’t kicked in yet when I took these dour-faced pictures, however…

I wore this to take notes on some informative presentations, and then to a Shibari workshop taught by KOR Berlin. It was a lovely, meditative experience, complete with a gorgeous live demo. I love kinksters so much.

What I’m wearing:

• Red tri-blend T-shirt with Lickability logo – gift from my spouse (it’s merch for their company!)
• Blue pleated tennis skirt with built-in shorts underneath (!!) – Zhanchtong
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Hitachi Magic Wand earrings – FUELifestyle on Etsy

September 18th, 2024 (night)

I changed into something more formal for the evening, because we were going to Tim Raue, which is ranked the 30th-best restaurant in the world and has 2 Michelin stars, so obviously I had to bring my A-game. (Uhh, have I mentioned that my spouse is a foodie?)

First, a group of us went to a local brewery called BRLO, where an experienced brewer taught us how beer is made. I had a glass of their Berliner Weisse and, damn – I’m not normally much of a beer gal, but that was one delicious sour!

And then was our fancy-ass dinner at Tim Raue. OMG. The menu incorporated a mix of Thai, Chinese, and Japanese flavors/ingredients/techniques, and was wildly good, a cavalcade of savory deliciousness. “A triumph,” as Starrina would say!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Rainbow earrings – 3Delightfulshop
• Apple Watch

September 19th, 2024 (day)

One of the places I really wanted to visit in Berlin was the Jewish Museum. My dad’s side of the family is Jewish, so I consider myself culturally Jewish if not religiously (I never had a bat mitzvah or anything), and I appreciate opportunities to feel more linked to that lineage. Knowing it would be an emotional experience, I skipped makeup entirely (it would just get cried off!), and I wore a scarf that my late Bubbie knitted for me. It was almost like having her there with me, holding my hand as I walked down hallowed halls of our ancestors’ histories.

Amazingly enough, there happened to be a sex exhibit on, which was all about Jewish views on sexuality, from queerness to gender-fuckery to menstrual sex to abortions. It was an extremely moving exhibit that left me with a lot to think about. The museum’s permanent collection is more focused on general Jewish history, including (of course) a lot of stuff about the Holocaust. The photos above were taken in the Garden of Exile, a work of architectural art unto itself, in which the ground is slanted, creating a sense of scary unsteadiness as you stumble between columns. It’s meant to evoke the feeling of uncertainty and disorientation that European Jews faced when they were driven from their homes during World War II.

Speaking of people being unjustly driven from their homes: I don’t know the museum’s official stance on Zionism, if it has one (there was a strange “Are you a Zionist?” flow-chart on one wall, which seemed to evade the question altogether of whether one should be a Zionist or not), so there were definitely times when it felt weird to read all these accounts of how the Nazis persecuted Jews, given how the Israeli government and military are now persecuting Palestinians to similar effect. If we’ve vowed to “never again” let anything like the Holocaust happen, then we must oppose genocide, in every instance – and seek to help those being targeted – even when we happen to share a religious or cultural background with the perpetrators. I wish (to say the least) that more of my fellow Jews understood this.

What I’m wearing:

• Yellow T-shirt – Torrid
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Green scarf – hand-knit by my late Bubbie
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Apple Watch

September 19th, 2024 (night)

What’s the best way to cheer yourself up after a day spent moping around the Jewish Museum? DESSERT FOR DINNER!!

…Okay, not exactly. On this night we went to Coda, a dessert-themed restaurant that has 2 Michelin stars and is currently ranked the 62nd best restaurant in the world. (Uhh, sorry for the many foodie brags in this post; I just think it’s amazing that my beloved takes me to so many ridiculously wonderful places, and I gotta yell about it sometimes!)

While they serve a full menu, including savory dinner options, Coda uses techniques and ingredients from the dessert world in all their dishes. Some of my favorites included a brioche donut stuffed with gouda and rutabaga, and a raclette-filled waffle dipped in kimchi powder and yogurt – but the real showstopper was an ice cream popsicle covered in caviar. I mean… what?! As a slut for all things salty-sweet, I was in heaven.

What I’m wearing:

• Navy skater dress – American Apparel
• Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Black leather satchel with rainbow panel – Zatchels
• Black leather Frye harness boots

September 20th, 2024

Living with fibromyalgia this past decade or so, I’ve come to value comfortable clothing more highly than ever before. So I was happy to find this dress at Torrid – it’s made of a super comfy cotton-spandex blend, has a 1950s-ish fit-and-flare silhouette without painfully constricting my midsection, and it even has pockets! I ended up wearing this same dress on my 8-hour return flight to Toronto a few days later, in fact, because it made me feel more presentable than the pajamas-esque flight outfit at the top of this post, but was every bit as comfortable.

I rocked this dress for many hours on this day as well. After a brief stop at the beautifully airy Concierge Coffee, we made our way over to the Schwules Museum – a.k.a. the Gay Museum. Yes, it’s a museum about gayness. Of COURSE we had to go!! Its current main exhibition is about sex work, and I loved it. We had already learned a bit about the history of sex work in Germany on our walking tour earlier in the week, but this exhibit was more focused on the present-day sex workers of Berlin, their struggles, and their joys. It was lovely to see.

After that, we set out to walk to Other Nature, a queer/feminist sex shop. Along the way, we happened to pass by the BRLO brewery again, and mb hadn’t been able to come with me on my previous visit there, so we stopped at their beer garden to have a drink in the sunshine – absolutely perfect. We also used their photobooth machine while we were there, because of course we did.

Then, at Other Nature, I was able to buy a German copy of my own book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do (a.k.a. Kinky Things, Prickelnde Spiele für 101 Nacht), which was surprisingly emotional for me! I knew that my publisher had printed the book in German, but had never really had a reason to own a German copy, but of course I wanted to buy one while I was in Germany – and it was cool to get it from the exact kind of shop that I most enjoy seeing my work carried at. 🥰 In the evening, we went to Rutz, the only restaurant in Berlin that has 3 Michelin stars, for a dinner that was – as you might imagine – transcendent.

What I’m wearing:

• Green A-line dress – Torrid
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch

September 21st, 2024

By our last full day in Berlin, I was feeling pretty worn down by all my fibro symptoms, and just wanted to dress for comfort… hence this braless-tee-tucked-into-jeans ensemble. After a great breakfast at Frühstück 3000 (I’m still thinking about their potato terrine), we went shopping for fetishwear at a store called Schwarzer Reiter, which translates directly to “Black Rider.” It very much reminded me of stateside fetish shops I’ve loved, like the Leather Man in New York and Northbound Leather in Toronto.

After that, we went to a museum called the Topography of Terror for their audiovisual guided tour, which told the story of Hitler’s rise to power, the horrors of the Holocaust, and its grim aftermath. Sounds bleak – and it was – but it was also thoughtfully curated and sensitively presented, and felt cleansing and cathartic for me to attend. And of course, I had my love there, holding my hand, during all the hardest parts.

What I’m wearing:

• Bright yellow Beatles T-shirt – Torrid
• Black high-waisted jeans – Madewell (a gift from mb a few years ago)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Yellow leather Kate Spade satchel
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather (featuring several enamel pins, including one with the German and Canadian flags intertwined, because someone back home had told me that Germans might treat me less warmly if they mistook me for an American, lol!)

 

Have you ever been to Berlin? What places/activities would you recommend there? And what did you WEAR?!

What’s in My Bag (For a Long, Long Flight)?

Kate Sloan

Remember when I used to do these “what’s in my bag” posts?! I haven’t done one in ages, but this week, I laid out all the stuff I’m packing in my carry-on for an upcoming 9-hour journey to Germany, and thought it’d be a good time to bring back this format.

The bag itself

…is a Perry medium satchel by Kate Spade, in a bright yellow shade called daffodil. I’ve chosen a turquoise/green/yellow color scheme for this trip’s wardrobe, and had been wanting a yellow bag anyway, so I bought this for this trip specifically and am sure I’ll carry it a lot when I’m back, too.

It has two open compartments and one zippered compartment in the middle, and is roomy enough for all of this stuff, except the travel pillow which needs to be tied onto the strap. I wish it had an outer pocket for my passport, but other than that, it’s pretty much a perfect carry-on bag for my needs.

Sleep/comfort

I’m taking a red-eye, and hoping to get some sleep during it, although sleeping on a plane is always trickier than it should be… To make it as easy as possible, I have a memory foam travel pillow that supports my head and neck, and has an angled back that lets it sit flush against the seatback for more comfortable spinal alignment. It came with some earplugs, plus a little bag that you can stuff the pillow into when you’re not using it.

Next to that is my trusty Nidra Deep Rest eye mask, the only one I’ve ever found that truly blocks out all light and doesn’t cause any eye discomfort. Here’s hoping I’ll be able to get some much-needed rest on the flight with the help of these accessories!

Meds, etc.

I probably won’t feel sick on the plane, but you never really know, so I’ve packed chewable motion sickness pills and Pepto Bismol tablets. I also always bring a pain pill or two on flights, because air travel makes my fibro pain flare up a ton.

Then there’s the obligatory minty gum, for freshening up, giving myself a burst of wakefulness in the morning, and/or chewing to prevent ear-popping issues during takeoff and landing. I’ve also got lip balm (the air is dry AF up there), a charger for my iPhone/iPad/Apple Watch, and a couple of disinfecting wipes, which I use to clean my phone and other much-touched objects after traveling.

Entertainment

Keeping yourself occupied on a long flight can be a challenge, but I’ve packed the best tools for the job: my Kindle, loaded up with a zillion ebooks; my noise-canceling AirPods Pro (in a cute floral case) for all my audio needs; and my iPad mini, well-stocked with TV shows, podcasts, and a few games. Normally I bring my laptop when I travel, but for this trip, I wanted to unplug as much as possible.

After taking these photos, I also decided to add in my reMarkable 2; it’s slim enough to easily fit amongst the other stuff, and will enable me to get some writing done, if inspiration strikes, which I will later be able to auto-transcribe and export to other devices if I need to.

The yellow iPhone-shaped thing is a portable battery pack which can recharge any and all of my devices on-the-go. I was delighted to be able to get a yellow one to match the bag, haha! This’ll give me a lot of peace of mind when I’m traveling; no more hunting down unoccupied power outlets in airport terminals!

Glasses & wallet

Nothing too exciting here, but I’ve got my glasses, my prescription sunglasses, and a microfiber cloth to clean their lenses.

The Kate Spade heart wallet is surely one of the cutest-looking objects I own, and was a gift from my spouse. It’s got my payment cards, ID, etc. and also a printed copy of my COVID vaccination record, which no one really asks to see anymore (womp womp) but I’m glad I have it anyway, just incase.

Miscellany

Can’t forget my passport! I’ve also got a travel-sized pack of Kleenex and a black KN95 mask (there are extras in my checked luggage).

My house keys have a couple of different keychains on them: a heart-eyes emoji one from Aerie and an internal clitoris one from the sex toy brand Womanizer. My journal, in which I’ve written my packing list, is (as ever) a large ruled hardcover Moleskine, paired here with a pink Retro 51 Tornado pen.

And that’s about it! What do you bring on long-haul flights (or what would you bring)?

West-Coast Cities & What I’d Wear

Kate Sloan

This morning, I received some great news in my inbox: my U.S. immigration interview has been scheduled for early November!

I haven’t mentioned it much here (or possibly at all?), but my spouse and I have been working with immigration lawyers for quite some time, putting together my application to move to the U.S. You would think it would be a simpler process, since my partner is an American citizen and we got married nearly 3 years ago (!!), but it’s been a bureaucratic labyrinth. I’m very glad (and very, very lucky) that we have professionals helping us through it.

Anyway, because my application is still pending, I’m not currently supposed to enter the States – so, naturally, I have been daydreaming about a lot of American cities that I want to return to, or visit for the first time, as the case may be. *wistful sigh*

I’m an east-coast gal – born and raised in Toronto, trying to move to New York – and, while I generally gel better with east-coasters culturally, west-coast cities nonetheless intrigue me. Here are a few I’d like to visit when I’m allowed to again, and some dreamy outfits I’d wear…

Portland

Undoubtedly my favorite west-coast city, Portland is full of impassioned weirdos, cool bookstores, and great coffee. (Also, incidentally, one of the best-stocked sex shops I’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting, Spartacus Leathers.)

You’d look right at home in Portland wearing a plaid flannel shirt, skinny jeans, and boots (god, remember that odd-looking collaboration collection Dr. Martens did with Pendleton?! How very Portlandia), but I usually want to dress more femme than that. In a patterned dress, colorful cashmere cardigan, lace tights, and a pair of ever-ubiquitous Docs, I’d feel comfy enough for an hours-long jaunt betwixt the shelves at Powell’s, but would still be dressed-up enough for a drinks date at the Multnomah Whiskey Library afterward.

Since Portland is famously the “city of roses,” naturally I would incorporate a rose motif into my ensemble: a red rose hair clip, and earrings to match. Add a cozy scarf, a cute little crossbody bag, and a poppin’ red lip, and I’m ready to stroll through the rose garden with my sweetheart, even if it gets chilly.

Los Angeles

L.A. culture and New York culture are often regarded as opposites, but I think people from both cities have a flair for the dramatic, just in different ways. And since I love a themed outfit (which is one of the ways I have a flair for the dramatic), I’d have to dress up in a caricature of Californian glamor if I went there.

Pink and blue feel like very Cali colors to me. A blue silky tank top tucked into a Barbie-pink high-waisted skirt would be the ideal foundation for my outfit. I’d pair that with pink lips, pink heart-shaped sunglasses (very Lolita), and a pink heart necklace from my favorite L.A.-based designer, Tarina Tarantino. Sunscreen is a must-have for sunny California days, natch, as is an adorable Instax camera that matches my outfit. I’d bring along a blue moto jacket incase it got colder at night.

I wonder if Los Angeles escorts and strippers would have the best recommendations for where to get sexy high heels locally. These blue ones are by Manolo Blahnik, and while I could likely handle wearing them for the duration of a cab ride, dinner, and an improv show at the Upright Citizens Brigade, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to traverse the whole Hollywood Walk of Fame in them!

San Francisco

My main reason for wanting to go to San Francisco is that it’s a major hub for queer folks, so of course I’d want to dress in a loudly gay manner there. If ever there was a good reason to buy rainbow boots…!

I’d make sure to wear bike shorts under this flowy yellow dress, so I wouldn’t flash anyone if the breeze picked up as I walked along the Golden Gate Bridge. A shiny red jacket would keep me cozy in the event of wind or rain. And of course, gotta have coquettish red sunglasses and a red lip to match.

My look would be rather different if I was attending the Folsom Street Fair – think black leather and dominatrix vibes – but I think this would be the ideal outfit for daytime touristy shenanigans in the “city by the bay.”

 

What are your favorite west-coast cities, and what do you regard as the best things to do there? (Asking for a friend… The friend is me, when I’m allowed back in the USA!)

 

This post was sponsored by my pals at Slixa. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What a Trip to Italy Taught Me About Pleasure, Purpose, & Power

Kate Sloan

It has been more than five years since my first (and, so far, only) trip to Italy, and I still think about it pretty often.

It was a glorious few days that my mum generously tacked onto the end of a trip we were taking to Malta for a cousin’s wedding. We figured, “when in Rome” (or, more accurately, “when in the Mediterranean”), might as well splurge on ourselves as a fun, once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. We stayed in the gorgeously ornate Bernini Bristol hotel. Our room overlooked the Piazza Barberini, which contains the famous Fontana del Tritone (Triton Fountain). At night, after luxuriant dinners of rich pasta and fine wine, we’d visit the fountain, throw coins in, and make wishes.

Once, I wished for romance, but it was already all around me; the city itself was romance. Earlier that evening, we’d been winked at by a waiter, who’d asked us after our meals if we wanted “dessert, or anything else.” We’d strolled down the street to a gelateria and had a wine-flirty conversation with the nervous employee behind the counter as he scooped up our treats. And now, at the fountain, as I breathed in the cool night air and contemplated my wish for romance, a dark-haired man approached us and handed me two red roses. He said something in Italian that I didn’t understand, but I think I heard bella somewhere in there. I said Grazie, grazie! and wished I knew more words to thank him as he walked away.

Everything in Rome seemed sensual and quasi-sexual to me in a way I rarely felt at home. Maybe it was just the excesses of vacation, but it felt woven into the fabric of the city, too. The resplendent meals. The ambient chatter of people passing you in a piazza. The click of cobblestones against your heels.

There was a slick salesman at a leather goods shop who sweet-talked us into buying leather jackets. I know his flirtation was a sales technique, but it felt more like seduction or sex giochi (that’s Italian for “sex games,” mio caro!). Our interaction lasted at least an hour, and was far longer and more relaxed than any sales transaction I’d ever experienced – he made us feel like we were visiting his home. He pulled jackets and skirts and boots in our sizes from the racks all around us, and implored us in his elegant accent, “Just try it on.” And every time we emerged from the dressing room, he’d make us feel like runway models, with the intensity of his gaze and the specificity of his compliments.

We wore those leather jackets the day we sprinted to catch up with our tour group so we could traverse the Roman Forum, explore the Colosseum. The chill in the air wasn’t depressing, like on dark Toronto nights that portended cold Toronto winters; the crisp breeze in Rome actually felt flirtatious, caressing our skin, reminding us we were lucky to be able to feel such things, lucky just to be alive in this world.

Our lunches and dinners were so obscenely pleasurable that I still think about them five years later, like the indelible look in a long-lost lover’s eyes that you still recall fondly after they’ve gone. The endless embrace of butter and cheese. The free-flowing wine, encouraging us to laugh, light up, and look around with gratitude at our lovely lives. The waitstaff, who acted as though any kind of restraint or self-flagellation related to food would be not only misguided but in fact not worth talking about at all.

I remember the day we planned to go to the Vatican; I realized in horror that the clothes I’d packed were deeply ill-suited for the hallowed institution’s conservative dress code. Pants and long sleeves were required, but these were rare in my relaxed hyper-femme aesthetic, so instead I wore a prim cardigan buttoned up to the top, and loud floral-print leggings under my black dress.

Perusing the statues, paintings, and altars, I felt bowled over by all that history – like time itself was topping me in a hardcore kink scene and the only thing to do was surrender.

When we filed into the Sistine Chapel and gazed up at the ceiling, I felt a peacefulness and rapture I’d previously only ever experienced after taking a lot of pain in a scene. The stillness and reverence in the room were overwhelming. I barely dared to move or even breathe. The art had a message for me: that I should appreciate the present moment, drink in beauty wherever it shows up, savor every second of precious life. I felt humbled by the holiness of the chapel, rendered more whole by its wholeness.

Sometimes I watch media set in Italy and feel, once again, that creepy and comforting feeling of being in a place so old and well-worn that it takes on a godly quality. I look at the red lipstick adorning so many Italian women’s faces and think of the Armani lipstick I bought in the Sephora opposite the Spanish Steps, and the way applying it felt like casting a magic spell. I flip through my photos of lush countrysides and ornate architecture, longing to live that life again.

Someday I’ll go to Italy with my spouse, I suspect, and we’ll make new memories every bit as juicy and jubilant as these. But until then, I’ll keep visiting Rome in my daydreams, learning its lessons again and again: to enjoy the here and now, to revel in pleasure without guilt, and to view myself always as a powerful temptress capable of anything, even summoning red roses with the toss of a coin and the whisper of a wish.

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Traveling While Chronically Ill: My Must-Haves

Kate Sloan
gotta love those flattering airport portraits

Later this week I have to get on a plane for the first time in a while, and I’m dreading it. Of course, I’m thrilled to be able to go see my spouse, especially since it’ll have been over a month since I last saw them – but the travel itself? Not my fave.

Travel tends to be hell on my chronically ill body, for so many reasons: the stress, the rushing, the cold air, the cramped seats, the waiting around, the social anxiety, the lugging of luggage… Usually by the end of a travel day I am a husk of myself, like I’ve been body-snatched by a sullen alien. Not fun!

However, in all the travel I’ve done as part of this long-distance relationship, I’ve learned how to mitigate my symptoms as best as I can, before, during, and after traveling. Here’s what works for me, incase it helps any of you too…

 

Routine

Routine is the most important thing for me in my travels. Without a routine, I fall to pieces.

My current travel routine involves making a packing list about a week in advance, packing my suitcase over the course of 1-2 days before I leave (spacing it out as needed due to fatigue and pain), checking into my flight online in advance so I don’t have to do it at the airport, and getting to the airport at least 2.5 hours before my flight takes off. If it’s possible to pre-select a seat, I choose one by the window so I don’t have to get up/move around at all once the flight takes off, and can rest/nap if I need to. (I always have my eye mask with me to block out light incase I need a quick snooze, or am just feeling overwhelmed and need to exist only inside my own head for a while.)

Part of my routine is knowing exactly where I have to go and what I have to do: my terminal, gate, flight number, seat number, etc. I’ll stash my passport and boarding pass in an outer pocket of my carry-on bag so I always know where they are and can access them quickly. Basically my goal is to pre-emptively eliminate as much stress and uncertainty as I possibly can.

 

Outfit

My go-to travel outfit is as follows:

  • A simple modal slip dress, possibly with an Aerie bralette underneath
  • Black cotton leggings
  • A cardigan over top (cotton in the summer, cashmere in the winter)
  • Cozy socks
  • Black leather boots

Traveling is such an ordeal that I always want to be as comfortable as possible, all day long. If that means having to wear a literal nightgown onto the plane (albeit dressed up with various other elements to make it look more presentable), so be it! I also hate feeling stressed and rushed in the TSA line, so I engineer my travel outfits to be easy to disassemble and reassemble as needed.

Planes are usually pretty cold, regardless of what the temperature is outside, and cold is one of my big pain triggers, so I never regret having a cardigan with me. If it’s super hot out, I might keep the cardigan in my bag until I get onto the plane, but I always bring one.

 

Luggage

Luggage cubes are transformative! They are little zippered cases that you can use to organize what you pack. I’ve found them crucial for longer stays, when I don’t want to have to rip my entire suitcase apart to find a fresh pair of underwear or a new shirt. Usually I’ll keep underwear and socks in one, T-shirts in another, and dresses in another. Not only does this make my stuff easier to find; it also helps with compressing my clothes so they take up less space and I can fit more things in my suitcase.

I used to be the type of person who could pack a small carry-on and be fine, but these days I tend to take longer trips and also just don’t have the strength to lug a suitcase around the airport with me anymore, so I always check it instead. It’s pricey – usually $50 for one bag or $80 for two – but I view it as a “disability tax” I just have to pay because my body physically cannot manage as much as an able-bodied person’s can.

Having to wait around at the baggage carousel after my flight is sometimes annoying, especially since at that point I’m usually so mentally and physically exhausted that having to wait a few extra minutes feels like an affront to my sanity, but I just try to calm myself down by playing games on my phone until the bags come out.

 

Carry-On

My go-to carry-on bag is a black leather Holiday Lane Page tote by Kate Spade. Previously it was a big turquoise leather tote by Coach. My carry-on needs to be comfortable to carry and able to hold all my stuff. It also needs to have a proper zip closure so it doesn’t spill everywhere when I stash it under the airplane seat in front of me. I use the hell out of these bags so I usually have to replace mine every 2-3 years or so (the handles inevitably start to wear through and the bag starts to lose its shape from overuse).

I usually buy some snacks (ideally granola bars or protein bars) at an airport shop once I’ve gone through security and stash them in my bag. Travel sometimes makes me feel a bit faint from all the overexertion and anxiety, and slightly sugary snacks can help. Also always a good idea to grab some gum to chew during takeoff and landing to help with ear-popping. And I always buy some water, because plane air is incredibly drying and dehydration can exacerbate anxiety and pain.

I try to bring distractions that I find joyful and uplifting, since air travel is so… not. Usually I’ll bring my Kindle stocked with good books, my iPad with some games downloaded and some Instapaper articles queued up, my phone and headphones for listening to podcasts or music, and my Nintendo Switch or 3DS for gaming. Sometimes I’ll also journal on the plane, so I gotta have my Moleskine notebook and a pen that won’t explode in the air.

 

Meds

Air travel is so exhausting, stressful, and demanding for me that I always end up experiencing a lot of body pain during and after travel, so sometimes I’ll pre-empt it by taking a painkiller (naproxen) before leaving for the airport or getting onto the plane. It takes the edge off, at least. I’ll also make sure to take my iron supplement on a travel day because otherwise I run the risk of feeling anaemic and maybe even fainting.

My doctor prescribed me an anxiety medication, Ativan, which I only ever use in emergencies because it’s habit-forming. Usually I keep some in my bag when I travel, because I know from experience that delays, cancellations, last-minute schedule changes, and other stressors can trigger an anxiety attack for me pretty easily, especially since I’ve had so many anxious experiences in airports that my body has a somewhat Pavlovian reaction to them now.

If I’m really freaked out, sometimes I’ll take a weed edible before leaving for the airport, but I wouldn’t recommend this unless 1) you know the route of your journey very well and don’t anticipate it’ll change much AND 2) you have lots of experience with this particular intoxicant and can therefore behave yourself even if you get a little loopy. (It would not be fun to be kicked off a plane for belligerent behavior à la Kristen Wiig in Bridesmaids.)

 

Arrival

These days I will almost always order an Uber to take me from the airport to wherever I’m staying, if it’s at all financially feasible. The stress of trying to find my way to a subway station or shuttle bus after the ordeal of travel is just too much for my body and brain. I’ve learned from all my experiences that immediately post-flight is a time when I’m highly likely to feel weirdly depressed out of nowhere, due to sheer exhaustion, and that’s a state in which I often feel unable to figure out public transport, especially if I’m worried I might start crying in public (it happens!).

Once I get to my destination, I need to relax. My spouse knows never to plan anything heavy-duty for the night of my arrival. Usually we’ll go out for dinner at a low-key local place. Sometimes I’ll take a hot bath with Epsom salts to de-stress my muscles. Sometimes my spouse gives me a massage, or just holds me close and says things like “You’re safe” and “You did a good job today” and “All the hard stuff is done,” to let my nervous system know that it can finally relax. I get to bed early and usually feel much better in the morning.

 

Fellow chronically ill people, what helps you when you have to travel?