travel

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 7 Bangin’ Selfies

Kate Sloan

Today’s 12 Days of Girly Juice post highlights the 7 selfies I took this year that really tell the story of my 2018, which was… a difficult call, to say the least. Also, yeesh, it was hard not to make these just 7 great pictures of me with my boyfriend, BUT I REFRAINED. (Partially.) Enjoy…

I spent many, many hours on the phone with my Sir this year. If we conservatively guesstimate 2.5 hours a night, every night – keeping in mind that most of our phone calls last about 4 hours, but we skip nights here and there – that adds up to over 900 hours on the phone. But, as I reasoned to myself every time I wondered if this is excessive: if we weren’t a long-distance couple, it’s likely we would have spent at least that many hours together over the course of the year. So. Maybe it’s slightly less ridiculous viewed through that lens.

In any case, this is a photo I took while on the phone with Matt, and it captures a joy I rarely manage to depict in my selfies. I’m relaxed, I’m subby, I’m collared, I’m little, and I’m talking to someone I love. Last year’s selfies roundup also included a gleeful moment on the phone; I guess long, intimate, giggly calls with beaux have brought out some of my happiest times in the past year. And I’m fine with that. Some naysayers criticize technology for encouraging social detachment and isolation, but for me this year, technology – like FaceTime and Apple Calendar and Google Docs – served mostly to make me feel closer to my loved ones, not further away from them. Any technology that brings forth a smile this gleeful can’t be all bad.

The most important aesthetic decision I made this year was getting a new tattoo. Big, beautiful flowers framed by a bold, unmissable message. Shout-outs once again to Tender Ghost for the original idea and to Laura Blaney for bringing my vision to life in her signature gorgeous style; I’m happy with this beaut every time I look at it.

I took lots of selfies in the days and weeks after getting this image inked on me. Like all the best tattoos, it helped me feel more connected to my appearance, like I had more of a stake in it and more control over it. Even on days when I otherwise felt unattractive, seeing this art on my arm made me feel like I was, myself, a work of art. So I took selfie after selfie, showing myself – proving to myself – just how deeply pretty I really am.

Another moment of unadulterated glee. We snapped this on a sunny day in July, during one of Matt’s many visits to me in Toronto. We had just done an impromptu hypno scene in a nearby parkette, hence the mutual post-kink glow. I love looking for hints of our D/s dynamic in photos of us: the shyness of my submissive smile, the “watchful proud daddy” vibes in his face and his posture.

Also notable: our matching outfits. A mantra in our relationship is “We match”; I like to say it when one or the other of us is worried that our feelings are excessive, unprecedented. If one of us is feeling “too” in love and panicking about it, or missing the other “too” much and feeling guilty about it, it’s helpful to be reminded that we’re almost always on the same page, feelings-wise. We love each other a lot. We have no chill. We match. It’s for this reason that Matt started choosing coordinating ensembles for us when possible, and I love it. Especially when we’re both in blue, because, well… we have a history with that color.

It’s impossible to write about my 2018 without writing about travel, since I did so much of it – and it’s impossible for me to write about travel without complaining about it, because travel stresses me the fuck out. (Extremely #FirstWorldProblems, I am well aware.)

This is one of those photos taken automatically by a machine in the customs area of an airport – “Remove your hat and sunglasses; look at the camera; we are now taking your picture” – and, while they’re never very flattering, this one takes the cake. I had never before seen a photo of me that so perfectly captures how I feel about traveling.

It’s strange that someone with so many airport-related anxieties, someone prone to fainting on buses and crying on trains, would end up in a long-distance relationship. But maybe it’s actually perfect. Maybe being reunited once again with my beloved is one of the only things capable of pushing me through those fears to the other side.

That said, I definitely prefer when he comes to visit me and I can just meet him in the arrivals area and then go home. There are, after all, no TSA agents or grumpy entitled men or bureaucratic nightmares in my home – and there is a comfy bed where I get to kiss my boyfriend and don’t even have to show anyone my passport in order to be admitted.

This photo was taken impulsively during a jaunt to a local sex shop with a few other sex-blogger babes, just after the Playground Conference here in Toronto. I was, and am, stunned that this career and this community have enabled me to make friends from literally all around the world: the ladies pictured here come from areas as wide-reaching as Hamilton, New England, and (wait for it) FINLAND. Amazing!

When I was a baby sex nerd reading erotica anthologies in my childhood bedroom and illicitly listening to sex podcasts in math class, I never dreamed that one day my sex-nerdiness would lead me not only to an incredible career but also to friendships that cross national borders and lift me up every day. What a beautiful life I’ve carved out for myself, and what wonderful people I’ve found to share it with.

No post like this would be complete without a selfie taken with Bex, my best friend. We didn’t take many this year, but hopefully that just means we’ll take more next year.

This smiley selfie was snapped at a sexual science symposium. (I like alliteration!) We got together with my ex-sugar daddy and his wife – quite an odd crew, to say the least – and went to this big gorgeous science center in New York to chat with dildo-makers, sexual psychologists, strap-on experts, and more.

When this photo was taken, Bex and I were extremely high from some pre-event tokin’ and smokin’. It was around Valentine’s Day so the whole joint was littered with little heart-shaped candies, which we kept munching because weed. With Bex giggling next to me, asking the speakers pertinent questions, and occasionally producing candy from their jacket pocket to appease me, I knew that he was truly the best friend I need and deserve.

I’ll close on another happy note. Matt took this picture of us in our hotel bathroom on our first night at the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit – one of the first events we’d ever attended together as a couple, and the first time I was introducing him to many of my friends in the blogging community. I’m visibly proud to be at an industry event, representing my business and my brand, with someone I love so much.

And once again, we match. Blue and pink: my blog-branding colors, my two favorite colors, and also two of the bi pride colors (we’re both queerdos!). Someone noticed our coordinating outfits, and asked Matt, gesturing at his shirt, “Did you do that on purpose?” He smiled a proud-daddy smile and replied, “Of course.” I felt as brightly happy as the pink flowers bursting open on my dress.

Come Fly With Me: 5 Travel-Sex Stories

Kate Sloan
A rumpled morning-after bed at the Wythe Hotel in Brooklyn.

I truly felt like a jetsetter the first time I sexted in a TSA line.

Leaving New York felt impossibly sad, in no small part because of the cute boy I’d just met there – but my bleary travel day was brightened by the salacious selfie I suddenly received from him as I traversed that long, slow line.

“HEEELLLPPP,” I replied immediately, my eyes sweeping over his hairy chest, blue eyes, and full pink lips. “911? Yes, sorry, I received a very fire selfie and my heart exploded. What do I do?”

Without missing a beat, he wrote back: “Yes, this is emergency services. Deep breaths, and don’t take your eyes off it. Your heart will repair itself in a few minutes once it adjusts.”

I giggled maniacally at my screen, blushed hard, tried to collect myself. “I’m in a TSA line,” I explained, “and the people around me 100% must think I’m an idiot right now.”

“Welp,” he replied, “sorry if I set off any alarms.”

“Yeah, I’m probably gonna end up on the no-fly list because of all the stars in my eyes,” I mused. “Those seem hazardous.”

I watched the undulating ellipsis as he typed, until his next words appeared: “Guess you’d be stuck in New York then…” Oh, what a tragedy that would be.

After dropping my friend Mia off at her swanky Airbnb post-drankz one night.

The sluttiest night of my life was the time I accidentally booked two sex-dates for one night. It was purely a scheduling error, not intentional at all – but fortunately, both dudes were amenable to the situation.

Dude #1 was my dommy fuckbuddy at the time. I dropped by his place for an early-evening fuck around 6PM. Wanting to try something new, I’d packed some Kegel balls to insert pre-spanking. A far cry away from traditional vibrators, these jiggly little balls vibrate your bits from the inside out every time you get hit, and they don’t even have a motor. It’s a neat trick, and it went over smashingly.

After that date was done, I rushed home and showered for my next one. Dude #2, a Twitter crush visiting from out of town, picked me up and drove us to my favorite pub. Midway through a giggly, tipsy dinner, I texted my dom from earlier, “Should I fuck this guy? I can’t decide.” He weighed the options carefully, taking the decision seriously, and eventually decreed that yes, I should return to this bro’s hotel with him. It turned my dom on, he said, to imagine me fucking someone else just hours after fucking him. (Dude #2, I should say, knew about this whole exchange and was on board.)

Hours upon hours of hotel-sex and fitful sleep later, I got up at 5AM to head out to my 6AM dayjob. As I walked down the creaky old hotel hallway, I heard a creepy clicking sound that seemed to follow me. When I stopped, it stopped; when I continued walking, it started up again. I looked behind me, ahead of me, and around me, but there was no one. My heart froze in my throat.

And then I realized it was the Kegel balls in my coat pocket, clacking together like a taunting soundtrack for my walk of shame. Whoops.

Dressed up at the Holiday Inn Toronto Downtown Centre.

At Woodhull 2016, a fellow blogger held a gathering in her hotel room. She offered up her collection of reject dildos for us to choose from. What an absolute saint.

I knew what I wanted as soon as I saw it. Unlike vibrators that are inspired by nature, this one was inspired by the utterly unsubtle dick of a fantasy creature. It was a behemoth of a dildo, in my blog’s branding colors: pink and blue. I thanked Luna, its original owner, and then cradled it under one arm as I walked down the hall and got on the elevator to take my prize back to my room.

The thing about conferences held at hotels, though, is that there are always guests who aren’t part of the conference, and you have to contend with them. I’d learned this when I took the elevator down in a loud vulva-print dress the day before – and I learned it again, as I endured an uncomfortable elevator ride with two suit-clad blushing businessmen and one giant dildo in plain sight.

I prayed for time to pass more quickly, and wished I’d brought a bigger purse. And as soon as I stepped off the elevator on my floor, I burst into humiliated giggles. What a trip.

At a hotel somewhere in Chicago.

Pros of using Hotwire to find a hotel room: it’s easy, allows for impulsive sex getaways, and is, above all, cheap.

Cons of using Hotwire to find a hotel room: you have no idea, really, what kind of hotel you’ll end up in until it’s already booked. And that’s scary. Sometimes in a sexy way. Sometimes not so much.

My first anal sex experience took place at the Knights Inn, a low-budget hideaway in Toronto’s infamously rough Regent Park neighborhood. The inn itself was sketchy and mildly unsettling, like a scene from The Shining if the film had gone a little tattered and yellow at the edges.

My valiant fuckbuddy knew what a momentous occasion this was, and how much preparation should go into it. He spent long minutes relaxing me, making me giggle, turning me on. And though he is vanilla as fuck, one way he attempted to rev my engine was by spanking me.

The trouble was, the walls were paper-thin. We could hear a cadre of frat boys getting drunk and rowdy in the next room, and though I considered this par for the course, my FWB was spooked. I could feel him backing off the spanking again and again, terrified of making noise, even though the guys on the other side of the wall were being louder than we would be all night.

My handsome friend bunched the thin hotel-bed sheets in his palms and draped them over my upturned ass, as if that would muffle the sound. He experimented with punching instead of slapping. He fretted and overanalyzed and adjusted and readjusted. Finally, enough was enough, and I told him – laughingly, lovingly – to stop.

Hotel sex is supposed to be an escape, but sometimes you still can’t escape your own inhibitions. It’s okay. There are always other things you can do.

Naked and incredulous at the Standard.

The first time I banged my Sir, we were staying at the Standard High Line in New York, one of the most beautiful hotels I’d ever stayed in. I was so nervous I could hardly walk in a straight line.

As we checked in, the clerk asked, “Are you sensitive to noise? This room is right underneath a nightclub, so it can get loud.” It wasn’t an issue. We had no intention of sleeping, and we planned to be pretty loud ourselves. Not that we told the clerk any of that.

My beau pressed the wrong elevator button twice before he got his shit together and hit the right one. He was nervous. It was cute. I was smitten.

I had packed a slew of sex toys, anything and everything I thought we’d need: impact toys, fancy glass dildos, travel-friendly vibrators, cuffs, a blindfold, a book we both loved (which is indeed a sex toy, depending on how you look at it). At his command, I laid it all out for him to look at, arranged it carefully like an Instagram flat-lay, because I wanted him to be impressed.

He must have been impressed, because as soon as I was done, he bolted toward me and pushed me against the floor-to-ceiling plate-glass window looking out on the city. His kisses were fierce and hot and immediate. I knew what was coming and I knew I would be taken care of. I will never forget the way he looked at me, so tenderly and searchingly, as he removed my clothes for the first time – and the way that cold, cold glass felt against my back as my heart pounded in my chest.

Hotel sex can be many things, but it is almost never boring. I can tell you that much.

 

This post was sponsored by THE LILY by Fleurotics. (They’re running a crowdfunding campaign currently that you should get in on!) As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

What’s In My Sex Bag? (January 2017)

Kate Sloan

There is a sick-‘n’-satisfying voyeuristic joy in peering into someone’s bag. I love finding out what someone carries around with them, whether it’s shared in blog posts or Flickr groups or Instagram hashtags.

But while the contents of my everyday purses are kinda interesting, what’s in my sex bag is really interesting, methinks. Here’s a glimpse, for all you nosy pervs out there (she wrote, lovingly)!

I left for New York on Saturday morning, and my trip itinerary includes a sex-date at a pre-booked hotel room with a fuckbuddy of mine. I’ve packed my petite House of Plume zip-up travel bag with a variety of items for all sorts of saucy eventualities.

Firstly and most importantly: vibrators. If I’m going to get off with a partner, typically vibes need to be involved. At home, I normally use my Magic Wand Rechargeable or Eroscillator, but both of those are bulky and thus not terribly travel-friendly. I’ve compromised by packing my Lelo Siri 2 and We-Vibe Tango, two delightfully rumbly and super-adjustable external vibes small enough for my jetset sexcapades.

I’ve packed my Tantus Ryder because of this wonderful text my FWB sent me while I was deciding which toys to bring: “I mean, if you wanted to do PIV with a butt plug in again, I wouldn’t say no.” This is the plug I was using the last time we did that, and he liked it because it made my vag even more preternaturally tight than it normally is. The Ryder’s fairly big, though, so I’ve also packed a smaller plug (the Lelo Bob) to help me warm up for it.

My FWB and I also share an appreciation for clit pumps, so I’ve packed mine. It pairs very well with weed, which I’m unsure if we’ll have access to… but even if not, I’m looking forward to experiencing this odd sensation with a partner for the first time.

The Funkit Signet is small, so it’s easy to travel with. As it’s made to enhance fingerbanging, I’m always excited to use it with people who have skilled fingers to begin with. Unf.

Next up: dildos. Most of my favorites – like the Double Trouble, G-Spoon, and Eleven – are too big, heavy, or valuable to bring with me when I travel. Occasionally I risk it, but I always worry that the airline will lose my bag or the TSA will take my dildos away from me, and I care too much about them to let that happen! So this time, I’m only bringing my Jopen Comet Wand. It’ll work well for any masturbation I do during my trip, and my FWB can also pound me with it if I’m in the mood for intense G-spot sensations.

I’m also lucky enough that my hostbean-with-the-mostbean, Bex, owns a fuckton of sex toys. So if I decide I need to borrow a Double Trouble or an Eleven or a Pure Wand or something, I’ll be able to. Yessss.

Condom-wise, I just threw in a few of what I had on hand: Crown and Naked condoms, sent to me by Condomania. It’s hard to travel with a bottle of lube, so I’m bringing some sample packs of Blossom Organics, Sliquid H2O, and Astroglide Natural, as well as a teensy sample-size bottle of Sutil.

What kinds of things do you pack when you go on sexy adventures? Got any toy-travel tips?

5 Love & Sex Lessons I Learned in Malta

Kate Sloan

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I just spent a week in Malta, an island in the Mediterranean Sea. Years ago, my cousin was visiting said island on vacation when she serendipitously met and fell in love with a handsome, fiery Maltese man. After years of tearful, stressful back-and-forths between Malta and Canada, now they are married and have a beautiful daughter together. What a romantic story, right?!

“Romance” was definitely a theme of my trip. It wasn’t a passionate getaway for me – I was sharing a hotel room with my mom, after all! – but the gorgeous European locale and the people I spent time with got me thinking (even more than usual) about love, sex, relationships, passion, magic, and commitment. Here are five lessons I pondered a lot while in Malta, and still to this day…

img_4471Spend time with people who bring out your best self. It’s soooo cliché to say that travel helps you “find yourself,” but it’s an oft-repeated truism for a reason: being away from your regular environment, and the people you regularly spend time with, shakes off the gristle of your personality and shows you what’s actually core to who you are. On this trip I got to hang out with some relatives and family friends who I adore, and who bring out the best parts of me just by being encouraging, sweet, and welcoming. True, you can choose to be your “best self” any damn time you please, but certain people make it wonderfully easy to do so. Spending more time with those people is good for your soul, methinks.

Your weirdness is what makes you noteworthy. As you might expect, it was certainly an icebreaker when I mentioned to new Maltese friends that I’m a sex writer. I probably wouldn’t have brought it up if I wasn’t, y’know, drunk at a wedding reception. But contrary to what I expected of this conservative Catholic country, everyone I mentioned this to was actually super chill about it, and in many cases, fascinated. I’ll never forget when I mentioned my sex blog to the feisty brunette beauty I’d just befriended and she confessed, “My lifelong dream is to marry a man who has a nine-inch penis.” I mean, honestly – I’m sure few people at that wedding were having conversations as interesting as I was! Don’t forget to rock your weirdness; it’ll attract delightful opportunities, people, and situations into your life.

img_4656There are multiple modes of pleasure, and all are valid. My libido’s been weirdly waning lately – due to a mix, I think, of depression, travel stress, and recent heartbreak. It’s disheartening when sexual pleasure has been such a source of joy for you, for such a long time, and then it no longer is (however briefly). But this trip reminded me that there are so many other sources of pleasure in life: music, food, good company, exciting adventures, and so much more. I had a euphoric experience with some coconut-and-cinnamon gelato in a Valletta side street, and thought: if this is the closest I get to an orgasm all month, I’d be okay with that.

When you love someone, you accommodate them. I got to hang out with a couple friends of the family on this trip who I don’t often see, but who I totally cherish. I’ve always thought they were married, because they’ve been together for at least as long as I’ve been alive – but the lady of the pair told me that they’re actually not legally wed, because they never got around to having a wedding. I asked her why, and she said – with the utmost love and affection in her eyes – that her partner is so shy, the thought of getting up in front of all those people would be terrifying to him, so they opted to skip getting married altogether. They don’t seem any less happy or any less in love for it, and it seemed to me that she doesn’t resent his shyness – she loves and accepts it. I found this story extremely touching and hoped that someday I’ll be so in love with someone that their supposed flaws just seem like wonderful quirks to me, and that accommodating them feels less like a sacrifice and more like a joyous act of love.

img_4494Rediscover delight by rediscovering play. Like many folks, I find it nourishing and uplifting to spend time with kids. I got to hang out with my five-year-old cousin on this trip, posing for goofy selfies and running around, and she reminded me of the sheer joy of play for play’s sake. Unlike kids, adults don’t usually chase each other for the fun of it, make silly faces for no reason, or laugh maniacally at the drop of a hat – but we definitely need to do more of that stuff. I did some “playing” of my own when I took a day off from our travel itinerary and played ukulele in our hotel room by myself all day: after months of feeling uninspired and writing zero songs, I cranked out two new ones in a matter of hours. Those songs wouldn’t exist if I hadn’t been idly messing around on my uke, trying things out, and playing. Sex is like that too: you usually learn the most, and have the most fun, when you let go of your preconceptions and just experiment in the moment.

Have you ever had an epiphany while traveling? What did you learn?

Travel Essentials For Sex-Savvy Babes

Kate Sloan

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Darlings, at the time that this post goes up, I will be zooming my way to Europe. My mum and I are spending two weeks there; it’s my first-ever trip across the ocean, and our first mother-daughter journey in a long time. The excitement is palpable!

As per always, I have fretted far too much about the contents of my suitcase. The anxious part of my brain thinks if I can perfect all the plannable details of my trip, that the rest of it will go smoothly as a matter of course. While it’s silly to think we can ever get anything perfect, packing for a trip is still a fun opportunity to stock up on travel essentials. Here are some of my top picks, for sex-nerdy babes comme moi who hope to have a bon voyage!

Dr. Bronner’s. This liquid soap is a cult classic for a reason. Made of primarily natural ingredients and gentle on the skin, it can be used to wash your face, genitals (the outside parts only, please), and sex toys, among other things. I bring the citrus-scented version with me on every trip, in lieu of separately bringing the face wash, vulva cleanser, and body wash I’d use at home. It’s an excellent multi-tasker; check out the company’s FAQ for a list of more possible uses.

Travel-friendly lube. A solid (and therefore mess-free) oil-based lube like Southern Butter is a super travel-friendly option. It’s a fantastic lube, but it can do other things too: my friend Caitlin says they use it as a moisturizer, lip balm, makeup remover, and hairstyling product. When suitcase space is at a premium, multi-use products are highly valuable. Southern Butter can’t be used with latex condoms, gloves, dental dams or finger cots, however, because oil breaks down latex – so if your away-from-home sexploits will involve barriers, go with samples of water-based lubes instead, like those in the Sliquid Lube Cube.

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A sex toy case. House of Plume sent me some of their sleek storage solutions, and I’m smitten. The Mini Moi sex toy storage case is my favorite. It’s a little zip-around case with elastic straps for (optionally) holding toys in place, a mesh pocket for condoms and other small items, and an antibacterial fabric to discourage germs. It’s too small for, say, a Hitachi or a Doxy, but it can fit an admirable amount of stuff: I once crammed my Double Trouble, Tango, Aslan cuffs, and several condoms into it for a sex date, and had no problem zipping it up. It even has a cute little handle!

A USB-rechargeable vibrator. These are brilliant for travel, because you don’t have to worry about bringing a separate adapter to plug your vibe in; you can just plug it into your computer. My favorites are the We-Vibe Tango and Lelo Mia 2. For travel, I’d lean toward the Mia, because it has a locking function so your vibe won’t come alive in your bag.

img_4319A bandana. Consult the hanky code and choose color(s) accordingly. Most people aren’t familiar with the code, so a hanky might not be all that useful in a flagging capacity (depending on where you’re traveling), but it’s still a good thing to have on hand. You can tie it to your suitcase to make it more recognizable on the luggage carousel, tie it around your head to hide messy/dirty hair, wear it knotted around your neck to ward off sunburn, or even fashion it into an impromptu bondage device. It’s a versatile item!

A hard condom case. Condoms are apt to get crushed if they’re just free-floatin’ around in your purse or your pocket, and crushed condoms do not make for relaxed, happy, safe sex. Protect your condoms as thoroughly as you can!

Comfortable underwear. Travel could make anyone grumpy – long lines, flight delays, bureaucratic processes, bah humbug! – but you’re apt to get especially grumpy if your junk is uncomfortable. Choose underwear that you know won’t chafe, slide around, dig in, or ride up. Ideally it should also be cute enough that if you were to meet a good-lookin’ stranger and abscond back to their place for naked fun, you would feel maximally adorable.

img_4322A sleeping mask. Not only are sleeping masks lovely for helping you snooze on planes and buses, but they can also be appropriated as blindfolds in the bedroom. (You could also use the aforementioned bandana for this, if the fabric is thick enough to keep light from getting through.)

Essential oils. As my aromatherapist friend reminds me, scents can have a huge effect on our state of mind and overall subjective well-being. If you think it would help, have an aromatherapist make you a blend, or make one yourself. Choose oils you love the scent of. For travel, I especially love lavender and peppermint: lavender is calming, so it helps me expunge the travel anxiety from my body and maybe get some sleep on the plane, while peppermint can help with motion sickness and the lethargy of jet lag. So yummy!

What are your must-haves when traveling?