vibrators

Vibrators Are For Everyone

Kate Sloan

How did vibrators develop a reputation as being “for women,” when in fact they can feel good for anyone, regardless of gender or genitals?

I think there are several answers to this question, but one of them is the fact that vulvovaginal orgasms are usually seen as more “complex” and “elusive” than penile orgasms. However, this is a misconception; people with vaginas reach orgasms less frequently and less reliably than people with penises because our culture frames penetrative intercourse as the main/best/only “real” sex act, and it’s a sex act that happens to stimulate the penis directly, while largely ignoring vulva-owners’ main sexual pleasure organ, the clitoris. (This is why, for instance, Kinsey found that women take an average of four minutes to reach orgasm during masturbation, and lesbian women orgasm more often than straight women.)

By their very nature, vibrators provide more intense sensations than any part of the human body can. So it makes sense that a lot of people with vulvas, now and in the past, turn to vibrators to get themselves off. The sex act we’re supposed to find most satisfying usually isn’t, and our partners may be unaware or indifferent to that fact – not to mention, many of us receive inadequate sex education which leaves out crucial information about sexual pleasure – so of course we often use mechanical tools to help us close the gap between our real sex lives and what we wish they were. There are many other reasons people use vibrators, of course, but I think this has been a big one historically, and it partly explains why vibrators are seen as being for vulvas primarily.

That being said, vibrators can feel good for anyone. They function by stimulating sensitive nerves, which we’ve all got plenty of. Vibrators have been shown to help with sexual dysfunctions like erectile dysfunction and anorgasmia, too. To think of vibrators as being “only for women” (by which people usually mean “only for cis women,” sigh) is not only limiting, but also plainly false.

There are lots of benefits to using vibrators on penises, besides just “they feel good” (duh). This masturbation method can be physically easier to achieve than a traditional stroking motion, so it’s a good option for people with disabilities or chronic pain, or just people who feel like jerking off in a slightly lazier way sometimes (#relatable). Vibrators can also be enjoyable for many transfeminine folks, including those who experience genital dysphoria – several of the transfems I know are especially enamored with the Magic Wand and/or the Hot Octopuss Pulse. Vibrations also feel really different from any other type of stimulation, so if you’re ever bored of your masturbation routine or just feel like trying something new, they’re a great addition to your nightstand drawer.

As the partner of someone with a penis, I also really enjoy using vibes on them. It can be easier on my chronically sore hands than giving a handjob (or a blowjob, for that matter), and it allows me to snuggle up close to my partner and watch their reactions. I can utilize my many years of experience using vibrators on myself to inform my technique when using them on a partner, and the results are often explosive.

The clitoris (left) and penis (right), including the parts that are located inside the body. Image via Anatomy of Sex.

On that note, one of the things I like best about using vibrators on penises is that it really demonstrates how similar our genitals are to each other. Clits and dicks are formed from the same tissues in utero, and respond similarly to stimulation. While there are some toys which are specifically shaped to suit one or the other, many vibes can easily be used on all kinds of genitals, with wand vibrators being a prime example. I think this is heart-warming, in that it shows us we’re all more alike than we realize – but it’s also practical from an economic standpoint, in that you don’t have to buy multiple vibrators if you and your partner are able to share the same one (possibly even at the same time!).

When I took a 2-week break from vibrators recently, the main thing I noticed was that my orgasms without vibrators are much weaker than those with vibrators. Contrary to sex-negative discourse which claims that vibrators cheapen sex or make it less “real,” incorporating vibrators into my sex life has only ever improved its quality, and the intimacy I feel with my partner(s), because those earth-shattering vibrator orgasms make sex more fun for both of us. I wish that everyone who wants that magnitude of pleasure could experience it – and I think one way to help create that world is to further normalize the idea that anyone can use a vibrator. Yes, even you.

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at The Haus of Shag, who carry some of my all-time favorite vibrator brands, like Fun Factory, Magic Wand, and Dame. Feel free to check ’em out! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

10 Ways Vibrators Can Be Therapeutic (+ a Giveaway!)

Kate Sloan
Photo via Bellesa

It would be easy to think, comparing my work to that of my journalism-school colleagues now reporting on business and politics, that what I do is comparatively frivolous. Sex writing is, after all, largely about fun and pleasure – or at least, that’s how it’s often perceived from the outside. In reality, many people writing about sex today delve into hugely important sub-topics of that realm, like health justice, trauma, education policy, and gender inequality. Sex is no small thing, and it never has been.

That’s why today I wanted to highlight for you 10 ways that people use vibrators therapeutically. As with all medical suggestions you read online, you should run these by your doctor and/or therapist before trying them – and if you do, I hope you find them helpful!

Toning the pelvic floor

Pelvic muscle contractions, the likes of which are experienced during orgasm and high levels of arousal, strengthen the muscles they employ. These muscles’ fitness is responsible for longer and stronger orgasms, yes, but also for preventing pelvic health issues like urinary incontinence.

Healing from trauma

My friend Sarah Brynn Holliday has written about how sex toys can be instrumental in rediscovering pleasure after sexual trauma. A sex toy you know well is controllable in a way that human partners are not, so when you need or want to control your sexual experience to avoid triggering or re-traumatizing yourself as best as you can, sex toys can be helpful.

Alleviating menopause symptoms

For some people, menopause causes the onset of “vulvovaginal atrophy,” wherein decreased estrogen levels in vaginal tissue cause the vagina to become dry, irritated, and sore. The vaginal walls may become thinner, leading to painful sex, especially sans lube. Gynecology professor Dr. Mary Jane Minkin told the Huffington Post in 2013 that vibrators stimulate increased pelvic blood flow, potentially alleviating these symptoms. Some of the menopausal women in my life have also found it psychologically helpful to masturbate more as they age, since our culture tends to harmfully frame older women as unsexual and unsexy (boooo!).

Managing depression

This is a big one for me. It doesn’t always work, but sometimes administering an orgasm through the use of a vibrator can kickstart the production of some happy neurotransmitters and thereby lift my mood. This is especially helpful given that, in the throes of a depressive episode, I often find my own genitals unsettling to touch – so it’s a godsend to be able to hold a vibrator against my pajama pants and get off without grossing myself out or upsetting myself further.

Massaging muscles

We all know about this one – especially since the famous Magic Wand Original (née Hitachi Magic Wand) was developed for sore muscles. This way of using vibrators has become particularly important to me since I developed chronic pain, and I’m so glad it’s an available option.

Increasing desire

There seems to be a “horniness begets horniness” effect at work in many people’s sex lives. It’s what sex researcher Emily Nagoski refers to as “responsive desire,” which she affirms is a normal way of experiencing your sexual appetite, despite the medical community’s historical insistence on misdiagnosing this as “hypoactive sexual desire disorder” or straight-up “frigidity.” In any case, if your sex drive is lower than you would like it to be, regular usage of vibrators is recommended by some doctors to boost your libido. Worth a shot!

Pleasure after injury

Several studies, for example, have noted vibrators’ ability to provoke sexual response even in people who have sustained spinal cord injuries that otherwise inhibit their sensitivity and functioning. This seems to be discussed most often in the context of obtaining semen from disabled men so they can father children, rather than in the context of pleasure or satisfaction, but its implications are encouraging nonetheless.

Combating vaginismus

Vaginismus is a vaginal pain condition in which involuntary pelvic muscle spasms make penetrative sex extremely painful or outright impossible. Vaginal dilators of steadily increasing size are one oft-recommended intervention for vaginismus, and these pair well with vibrators, both because vibration helps muscles relax and because pleasure can gradually overwrite the patient’s mental associations between sex and pain.

Mending relationships

Granted, a vibrator alone is not going to solve your relationship problems – interpersonal connections have too many complex layers for “quick fixes” to do any good. But if, for example, one partner has trouble relaxing into pleasurable sex due to stress in their life, or someone’s inability to orgasm has become a point of friction in the relationship, or your sexual connection has simply grown stale and rote, the addition of a vibrator could help. There will be other mental/psychological/interpersonal work to do, too, but you’ve gotta start somewhere. (Just please don’t buy a vibrator out of the blue for a partner who has never expressed any interest in owning one. This is coercive, presumptuous, and weird!)

Post-breakup self-care

For me, the saddest part of a breakup is always the idea that not only have I lost the love/companionship/pleasure I achieved with my ex, but also that I might never find those things again with anyone else. This is obviously bullshit, but it’s a very persuasive idea to a grieving brain. Vibrators have always helped me at this time: I know that even if my latest paramour has fucked off, I can still make myself come, and that’s powerful. It’s sometimes the first step toward rediscovering my own strength, resilience, and potential.

If, after reading all that, you’re thinking, “I’ve gotta get me a vibrator,” you’re in luck – the fine folks at Bellesa are offering up a Nirvana wand vibrator for one lucky reader in North America! Bellesa focuses on making sex toys for women, but of course, anyone of any gender and body type can use a vibrator, especially one as versatile as the Nirvana. It’s a rechargeable, waterproof, silicone wand vibe, and you can use it on any external erogenous zone that enjoys vibration. Yay!

Here’s how to enter: 1) follow @BellesaCo on Instagram, 2) follow me (@Girly_Juice) on Instagram, and 3) leave a comment on this Instagram post of mine answering the question “What’s one way you think vibrators can be therapeutic?” and tagging a friend. The giveaway will run for a week, and then I’ll pick a random winner. Please note that you must be over 18 and must live in North America to win. Good luck!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.