A Year With the Double Trouble (+ Win My Favorite Toy!)


November. I creep to the post office with a harried desperation in my step. Once there, I slink to the service counter and slide my “missed delivery” notice toward the clerk, hoping she won’t ask me what’s inside the package she fetches for me. She doesn’t. I clutch it to my chest the whole way home, protecting it from the world and the prying eyes of others, like it’s my baby. It kind of is.

imageDecember. I’m enthusing about my new toy – the Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble – to an equally new fuckbuddy. “Why don’t you marry it?!” he jibes, and I think through this scenario like it’s an actual possibility. Already, the Dub Trubz has given me more orgasms than this fuckpal has, so it seems like a decent contender for spousal consideration.

A few weeks into fucking me on the regs, my FWB’s getting frustrated that he hasn’t been able to make me come. It’s not his fault, I tell him; it takes me a while to warm up to new partners, and for them to learn what I like. “Show me how to get you off,” he texts, and I come over to his house with my Double Trouble and Tango crammed into my bag.

Post-makeouts and foreplay, I lube up my favorite side of the D-Trub – the slightly thinner, longer side – and push it inside myself. I let him grasp the other side and take the reins, but I offer a running commentary of directions to help him along: “Tilt the handle down so the tip hits my A-spot better. Move it in small in-and-out motions. A little deeper, please. Harder. Just a liiiittle faster. There. Yes. Like that. Right there.” It doesn’t take long. I fall to pieces in front of him, the Tango handily handling my clit while he strokes the DT over my spot again and again. He finally got to see me come. He’s thrilled.

imageJanuary. I masturbate constantly with my not-so-new-anymore treasure. It’s like the honeymoon phase in a relationship; I just can’t see anything wrong with it, nor do I want to. It makes me squirt, it makes me giggle, it makes me come and come and come. I take it in the bath, to fuckbuddies’ houses, to coffee-dates with friends so I can show them my fave toy. Sometimes I’m lying in bed and I catch sight of it on my nightstand, and I have to use it immediately. It’s that good.

February. Planning my first anal sex experience, I’m sexting with a handsome hookup who loves using toys on me. “Any particular toys you want me to bring?” I ask him, nervous and excited. The hotel room is booked; this is really happening.

image“It’s about what you like,” he replies. “Even if I’m having a good dick night, that’s gonna be three rounds, max, with variable stamina. But if you want to get rammed with a toy for another 20 minutes, bring that. ;)” My heart quickens and I slide the Double Trouble into the toy bag I’ve already packed well beyond its capacity.

When the moment for toy-ramming actually arrives, there are really only two choices worth considering, and they’re both on the nightstand of our hotel room. “It’s up to you,” I tell him when we’re trying to decide which one should be the one to get me off. “The Eleven is more G-spotty, and the Double Trouble is more A-spotty.”

He fingered me a little, earlier in the night, so he’s bang-on when he intuits, “It seems like you’re in an A-spot kind of mood tonight.” (This is before I realize that I’m pretty much always in an A-spot kind of mood.) He fetches my Hitachi and lubes up the dildo, and I give him my same old detailed play-by-play of how to fuck me with this blue glass behemoth. He absolutely nails it. “I wish my dick was shaped like this,” he mutters, mere minutes before making me come so hard I practically black out.

March. “Some orgasms are quick, small, and barely noticeable,” I tweet. “And some orgasms involve the Double Trouble.”

April. I have a lacklustre Tinder hookup in Minneapolis. It sates my BJ craving but doesn’t get me off – one-night stands almost never do – so I wreck myself with my Dub Trubz after the dude drives me back to where I’m staying. Once again, a damn good dildo saves the day.

May. I’m on antidepressants for the first time in my life, and suspect that they might be affecting my sexual sensitivity. During a threesome with Bex and my favorite fuckbuddy, he uses his fingers and then the Double Trouble on my A-spot, and I don’t even get close to coming. That’s when I know for sure that my orgasmic capabilities have been stunted by the medication. If that dude’s fingers can’t get me off, something is wrong; if the D-Trubz can’t get me off, something is really wrong. I quit the pills the very next day.

June. I declare on Twitter that if my vagina were a polyamorous person, the Double Trouble would be its primary partner. (Truth be told, when I’m between partners, this toy feels like it’s my primary partner.)

28796671452_838a1a04bf_oJuly. I have a new kinda-boyfriend, and my fave fuckpal is in town. I have a lot of sex. No, really, a lot of sex. And a lot of it involves the Double Trouble. It’s fascinating to observe different partners’ approaches to using it on me.

One memorable afternoon, me and my fuckbuddy are gettin’ down to business in my bedroom in an Airbnb, while Bex shoots porn in the next room. While warming me up with his fingers, he reminds me in a low, vaguely dom-y tone, “We have to be really quiet.” I nod and pull a pillow over my face as a preemptive measure. He hands me my Hitachi, then lubes the Double Trouble and pushes it into me. I thought I could be quiet. Now I’m not so sure.

When we go out for dinner, I say to Bex, “You’re gonna lock the door, right?” and without missing a beat, they reply, “Duh. There’s a Double Trouble in there.”

August. I bring my Dub Trub to Woodhull so the other sex bloggers can ooh and aah over it. They do. One afternoon, horny and socially overwhelmed, I skip a session and sneak upstairs to my hotel room for an introvert break that is also a masturbation break. I work myself up with deft precision, Tango in one hand and Double Trouble in the other. It’s quick and easy. I feel instantly better.

Later in the month, I bring a new beau back to my place, and we hook up for the first time. “I want you to show me where your A-spot is,” he whispers darkly; he’s obviously been reading my tweets. I help him find it with his fingers first, and then I arm him with the DT. He picks up the necessary skillset admirably fast. After I come, he tells me, “That was hot,” and I radiate a glowy grin.

img_3885September. I’m miserable. Heartbroken over a recent romantic rejection, bitter over a couple of nasty break-ups, and as dour and depressed as I’ve been in recent memory. My genitals feel foreign to me, and most days, masturbation is too much work to contemplate. But when I need it, the Double Trouble is there. It sleuths out my A-spot. It makes me come. I don’t have to think, or try, or fantasize. Paired with the Magic Wand or Tango, it’s nearly instant. I’m unspeakably grateful for sex toys, because they make my life a little easier when it seems very, very hard.

October. I go to Malta and Italy for two weeks. Knowing I’ll be sharing a hotel room with my mom the whole time, I give minimal thought to masturbation. At the last minute, I decide to pack my Tango and G-Spoon, just incase. They end up being indispensable to me, since travel stress makes me horny as hell – but I still wish I’d brought my Double Trouble. True, I would’ve panicked the whole time that it’d get lost or stolen somewhere in an airport or a cargo hold, but nonetheless, I miss it. It’s my go-to guy.

November. I have an impromptu threesome with a handsome friend and a pretty lady. She plays with my nipples, kisses me, and tells me how cute I am, while he fucks me with the Double Trouble. He stands by the edge of the bed so he can fully harness the strength of his quads to ram me. At one point I start to get anxious and ask him, “Are you tired? Do you want to stop?” and he all but rolls his eyes, because he knows I’m prone to insecurities about taking too long to come. “You just lie back, relax, and feel good,” he instructs me. While I’m coming hard a few minutes later, he quips, “See what happens when you trust me?” and it’s one of the hottest things I’ve ever heard.

The next morning, Suz has to go home early, so it’s just me and Handsome Pal snugglin’ naked in bed. One thing leads to another, and once again, he’s got that big chunk of blue glass buried in me. “Harder,” I pant. I want more sensation. I want it to almost hurt. I want to come so hard for him. “If I go any harder, I might impale you,” he comments, “but I think you want to be impaled.” And then he presses the DT’s tip even more insistently against my A-spot, slamming the toy in and out of me faster. My yeahs and right-theres and don’t-stops coalesce into gasps and screams. The orgasm hits me like a train. I haven’t come that hard in months.

The 20th is the one-year anniversary of the Double Trouble’s arrival in my life. I decide I want to do something to mark the occasion. I ask the many-times-aforementioned friend with benefits – the person who’s handled my D-Trubz the most, other than me – for a mini-review to include in this post, and he writes back: “Fucking a partner with the Double Trouble fulfills my fantasy of having some kind of prehensile sci-fi alien penis… Recommended!” I simultaneously laugh and get turned on, a thrilling Pavlovian response. Unf.


I have the most exciting news for you, my loves: you can win a Double Trouble!! Last week, I reached out to SheVibe and Fucking Sculptures to ask if they’d provide a gift card that one of my readers could win and potentially put towards a DT, but both companies are fuckin’ superstars and they each generously offered an actual goddamn Double Trouble for my giveaway instead. Amazing!!

If you win one, SheVibe or Fucking Sculptures will ship you the toy for free if you live within the U.S. If you’re located elsewhere, you’ll have to pay the shipping yourself (but trust me, it’s worth it).

The giveaway goes until December 1st. I’m so so happy I get to hook up two of my lovely readers with my very favorite sex toy!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

  • Glad to be the first one to thank you for this fantastic opportunity. I love glass (and also metal) dildos. This would be a great Christmas present for me.

  • Lavender

    hooly shit I would love a DT <3 <3 <3 I haven't bought any new toys in far too long and I definitely need to Get On That

  • timhughes

    My wife and I only have one glass toy from Fucking Sculptures as of now and she has always wished that it had more thickness to it so this would be great to find under the Christmas tree.

  • Amanda

    Omg. Ever since you started tweeting about the DT, I’ve been intrigued. And way too broke to even contemplate affording one. Winning would possibly make my year. 😍

  • Demi

    I have the large G-Spoon and oh my god the DT seems AMAZING. More girth and smoother glass? Umm, yes please.

  • Nikki

    I’ve never used a glass dildo, and have always admired the Double Trouble aesthetically. I’ve been having a not-great relationship with my vagina recently and using a gorgeous new toy like that this might go a ways towards us making up 😉

  • Claire Ahhhhh

    This is so pretty. I’ve been coveting it for a long time and I think it deserves a coveted spot on my bedside table!

  • Alex

    This is an incredible blog post! Please please please do more chronicles like this, so interesting!
    I’ve been wanting to try a glass or steel dildo because of the ability to warm and cool them, and this toy looks sooo gorgeous! I’d love to leave this lying around and see if anyone figures out what it is 😛

  • Livvy Libertine

    I have been wanting a glass dildo for ages! This one seems perfect!

  • Yes.

    I’d love to win it because I love g-spot toys and have read you raving about this one SO much!

  • Sophie Rose

    I am a quiet reader of your blog. Every Monday & Thursday morning, the first thing I do when I wake up is check your blog for new posts. Now, on Wednesdays I get to listen to your Dildorks podcast which is a win-win for me. Another plus for me is that Bex is posting more frequently….I’ve missed their posts this year.

    I am so amazed at your ability to know what you want sexually at such a young age. It took me so long to even have a clue what to ask for and I often wonder what my sexuality would look like if I had been prescient enough to explore as you are doing. My favorite posts that you have written are the ones about A-spot stimulation, which toys are best for A-spot stimulation, and your adventures with A-spot stimulation.

    I’ve tried to get in touch with my G-spot, I really have, but it doesn’t do as much for me as A-spot. I thought maybe I was just unusual or something….most sex bloggers are very into their G-spot….but for me, A-spot stim is where it’s at. Completely.

    There is a post you have written that describes your favorite A-spot toys and I’ve bookmarked it in my journal (because I’ve got a strange addiction with journaling my every thought and feeling). I refer to it often, when I’m contemplating buying a new toy, as a reminder and a guidepost.

    I was in San Francisco this summer and I really was dreaming about trying to tour Fucking Sculptures studios but then I had no idea of that was even possible. My next toy purchase is going to be a Double Trouble from Fucking Sculptures…somehow, some way. I really want to own one for myself. The idea of a two-sided toy that will satisfy my A-spot desires as well as a girthy side….I want.

    Your continued, constant advocacy of the Double Trouble is why I am reminded over and over again that I need to get one for myself….if it could just go into the back of my mind and perhaps disappear…. but nope, there you are writing about the joy of the Double Trouble again!

  • Lucy Nelson

    So far, I have one bumpy glass dildo that I bought on (sigh, pre-education me) Amazon, and it’s alright, but I’d really love a more beautiful, safer, and more effective dildo to use. I am also developing a bit of a size queen mentality as well, so I’m hoping something like this may meet my (ahem) growing needs.

  • Tyler Giesel

    the way you describe this dildo has given me vag envy. i applaud your account 🙂

  • Sascha

    Reasons I want the DT: The ways you describe this toy make me lust after it; it’s fucking gorgeous; I want to play with A-spot stimulation.

  • Mad Maudlin

    This dildo is so beautiful, I just want to look at it every day. I didn’t even know what the A-spot was until reading this, still not 100% sure, but now i’m gonna find it.

  • Lia

    I get serious vag envy with every orgasm you get coming with this toy. It’ll probably end up on my Christmas list at some point even if I don’t win it!

  • Ryan”Puffy”Combs

    Always was curious, then saw it at good for her and now really want one.

  • 🎃⭐aj⭐👻

    I’d love to try a glass dildo! My toy collection is very small and doesn’t include anything glass (yet) despite ravenously browsing sex shops online and reading tons of reviews. Fucking Sculptures make some of the prettiest toys out there and I’d feel amazingly lucky if I ever get to own one!

  • lickedbyfire

    I want to win a Double Trouble because I want to be able to gush about it (in more ways than one, heh heh) the way that you do! I trust the word of GJ, and the word of GJ has got me pinin’ after this beautiful hunk o’ glass.

  • PatternedPatches

    After reading your review, I’m convinced this is the last toy I’ll ever need. Glass seems like the way to go.

  • It’s hard not to want one after reading that! I love A spot stimulation, and I’ve recently discovered that I was able to enjoy a big dildo and now I want all of them 😛 I’m not sure if I could take the double trouble, cause that thing is huge, but I sure want to work my way up there!

    This is a great giveaway, many thanks to you, and also to Fucking Sculptures and Shevibe who are so generous! Thanks to all three of you!

    Good luck all <3

  • BannabelSplit

    It’s made of glass, which is always a bonus, and beautiful glass at that. I’d love to try something smooth and a bit on the girthier side.

  • Tyler

    I’d like to win it because I’ve never actually had a proper dildo before (ahhh the joys of being poor, I can never convince myself to spend the money when smallish shampoo bottles exist), and also because I absolutely adore a-spot stimulation and this seems like a fantastic toy for it. It’s also gorgeous and I really love the look of glass. Thank you very much for the giveaway, and additional love to your excellent sponsors! <3

  • A+

    I’m a little worried, it’ll be too big for me, but I still want to try it! I really love A spot stimulation and have never owned such a pretty dildo before.

  • Hysterical Em

    The Double Trouble is a gorgeous looking piece of glass. You’re inspiring me to figure out my a-spot!

  • Rebecca

    I’ve never had a dildo before (only vibrators) and def not a glass one, so I’d love to try this. Not sure if it would actually help me with an orgasm, but I have yet to find my A-spot so this might help.

  • AlwaysTheLittleSpoon

    My partner bought me an Eleven this year and it changed my life, but every time you write/tweet about the DT I get an awful yearning. I need one!

  • Eliana Siegal

    I want a DT because I’m curious about a fun new way to stimulate my A- and G-spots!

  • Jessye Finch

    I want a DT because I’m obsessed with steel toys and want to try glass, plus your rave reviews have made me desperate to get my hands on one.

  • Katie

    I’d like a chance to try this toy out because I’ve never tried a glass toy! And why not make my first a highly rated choice!

  • V

    Joined the giveaway and hoping for a chance to use this as a giver and receiver. 🙂

  • Kean Woodsworth

    Christmas is coming up and I can’t imagine anything cozier than a lie-in with hot cocoa, a good dirty fanfic, and the Double Trouble freshly warmed and waiting on my bedside table. Yes please.

    • tawn

      Gracias for informing me

      • Kean Woodsworth

        De nada, Tawn!

    • ActualSquid

      Couldn’t have said it better myself, maybe I could join you?

      • Kean Woodsworth

        Steady on, Actual Creepy Squid. =^.~

  • Pretty much every word you’ve ever written about the Double Trouble makes me want one SO badly. Glass is just this flawless material to begin with and my absolute favourite for toys, plus I need to work on my A-spot.
    Also congrats on your one-year anniversary with your beautiful primary partner 😉

  • tawn


  • Kindred

    I’ve never had a glass toy and would love to try the DT both on myself and my wife.

  • Suz

    I’ve been CRAVING this. It’s a wave of glass I absolutely need at my bedside table. If sex toys had a royal family, this would be our monarch.

  • Scarlet

    Goodness, after reading this post I knew I had to have this. I adore toys that have heft and weight to them. That are just heavy and leave an impression after you are done with them. Sounds like the Double Trouble is right up my alley, or I can only hope!

  • Brooooketastic

    I’ve had my eye on both the Double Trouble and G spoon for what seems like forever. I’ve never actually tried any glass toys before but it’s definitely on my to-do list.

  • BlackAsphodel

    It’s pretty & I love glass toys. That’s reason enough. 😉

  • Mariah

    One of the horde who’s never tried a glass toy before and oh man, after hearing so much about Fucking Sculptures and the Double Trouble in particular, I am so intensely desirous of one. Desirious? Desiring? I want. Want bad.

  • Rad_Lola

    I definitely have to update my toy collection for 2017… this guy has to join ❤️❤️ Haha, ugh, I’m obsessed with girth. This post definitely made me crave it 😍

  • Chelsea Leigh

    I’m still building up my sex toy collection, and it’s currently woefully lacking in glass or girth. The double trouble would go a long way to filling both!

  • bioastronaut

    My husband is currently unemployed, so I couldn’t justify any of the fun new toys that I wanted to get for black Friday… So thank you for the awesome giveaway and I’m crossing my fingers!

  • Wetlandia

    Well… I caved. I just ordered one during the Fucking Sculptures Black Friday Sale. You totally convinced me. I mean… how could I not, right? Who needs to eat, have savings or pay bills? Right?

    • Sophie Rose

      Me too! I got that email and I’ve been wanting one for a while now so how could I pass up this sale, right? Plus, Maria still has the special blue ones and they are so gorgeous! It’s my Christmas present this year.

  • Amelia

    I will gladly enter a contest for any free sex toy of high quality!

  • Lilou

    Daaaang. I’ve been wanting to try glass toys, and fucking sculptures (so beautiful!) for a while now.. My want is turning into a need!

  • April

    Wooo, well, honestly, because I don’t even know what my a-spot is, or if it exists (I’ve gotten pretty close to maybe feeling it, but only once). I’m also mentally ill, and the anti depressants I take kind of make my clit numb (but my sex drive is still as high as ever. It’s a special kind of hell). The Double Trouble sounds like the medicine for what ails me. Plus, I don’t own any glass toys, so that would be a rad addition.

  • FieryRed

    I somehow do not yet own a Fucking Sculptures toy, and this is an untenable travesty. Also blue, and glass, and beautiful smooth curvy-ness.

  • Claira Pam Vo

    Pretty much all of the above – pushing girth limits, never tried a glass toy before…and also, your raves about it have been very inspiring. 😉

  • Enchanted Forest

    I’ve never owned such a girthy glass toy and I’d be really interested in seeing what it’s like, especially after reading about your year with it~!

  • sternum

    I’ve played with a glass egg before, and while I loved the weightiness of it, it just made me want more. If I don’t win I’ll have to buy it, lol.

  • Mia

    All your posts about this toy have made me want to try it out! I don’t have any glass toys either so seems like a fun change 🙂

  • Teacup

    I have never had a glass toy before and that piece looks absolutely beautiful! I don’t even know if I could use it, I just want to stare at it all day. I unfortunately missed out on the limited edition space themed ones but I’ll definitely wait for the next theme they do and pick one up!

  • dv8

    I’d love to add a Fucking Sculpture to my art collection.

  • Sand

    I would like to see how it compares to everything else I’ve tried!

  • Telercoi

    Ah man, I was procrastinating so much trying to make a meaningful post… but here we are down to the wire! So I will just sum up:

    A) The way you talk about the double trouble makes me believe it will be an even better version of the nobessemce seduction… which can only be a plus.

    B) Just wanted to let you know the dildorks is my new favorite podcast. I’ve been looking for a replacement for Sex is Fun since it went off the air and thus far yall are it.

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