I have a lot of qualms with the emphasis our culture places on penis-in-vagina sex. I know it’s how babies are made, obviously, so it’s considered the quintessential straight sex act – but I think women really get the short end of the stick on that one.
Most of us can’t have orgasms from penetration alone. Many of us feel too embarrassed – either because of our own insecurities or because of things our partners have actually said – to stimulate our own clits during sex. And some of us, beyond being unable to orgasm during PIV sex, don’t even get any pleasure out of it at all.
I used to be a member of that last group, and it made me feel defective and disappointed. So I started doing some research and experimentation to figure out how to make my G-spot feel pleasure even without getting my clit involved. Here’s what I learned – it won’t work for everybody, but it’s worth a shot.
Get a good G-spot toy. Hang tight, don’t use it yet – we’re going to talk about that in a minute. Just get your hands on one. I often recommend this one because it’s not too expensive and it’s made of firm, G-spot-loving glass. However, if money’s no object, the Pure Wand and Comet Wand are widely considered some of the best G-spot toys on the market.
While you’re shopping, you’ll also want to pick up a good, long-lasting, vagina-safe lube. For a glass or steel toy, you can use a silicone-based lube like Sliquid Silver; if your toy is silicone, you should use a thick water-based lube like Sliquid Organics Gel.
Empty your bladder and lay down a thick folded towel or two. Many folks find that G-spot stimulation feels like the urge to pee, especially when they’re just starting out. This is normal, so don’t get freaked out if it happens to you. But do make sure to lay down some towels so you can relax into the sensation. Nothing kills a mood faster than the sudden belief that you are going to wet your bed.
Partly for this reason, I also think it’s best if you start out doing this stuff on your own, as opposed to with a partner. Even if you have the most open-minded, non-judgmental partner in the world, another set of eyes could still make you feel vulnerable and ashamed under certain circumstances. Try it alone first until you’re used to how it feels, and then you can invite your partner to join the party if you want to.
Slowly add G-spot stimulation. Lube up the toy you chose before and slide it in, while continuing to stimulate your clit. Try to focus on the feelings in your clit so you won’t get too disoriented or sidetracked by the new, foreign sensations in your G-spot.
Place your focus on the G-spot stimulation. I don’t know about you, but I usually have to concentrate pretty hard on what my clit is feeling in order to get off… except for occasional sessions where my focus shifts to my G-spot. These orgasms are always more intense for me.
Just notice the sensations in your G-spot and any pleasure you might be feeling. If you find this distracting rather than arousing, don’t despair; you can try again a week or a month from now when your G-spot will likely be more sensitive.
Try to reach orgasm at this point (if orgasm is a normal part of your masturbation sessions, and if you want to, that is). That way you can move onto the next step…
Try post-orgasm G-spot stimulation. The G-spot swells up during arousal, so it may reach its peak sensitivity right before or right after orgasm, when you’re most physically aroused. Experiment with different kinds of thrusts – hard and fast, slow and smooth, rocking back and forth, jagging in and out – and see if anything feels good.
After going through this process several times over the course of a few weeks or more, you may find that your body has started to make connections between G-spot sensations and sexual pleasure. Some people have this connection right off the bat, but some don’t, so this process is a good option if you need help sensitizing your G-spot.
Don’t get discouraged if you still can’t reach orgasm from G-spot stimulation alone. Most women can’t. Pleasure is pleasure, so as long as you’re enjoying yourself, you’re golden. Orgasms can happen in all sorts of ways, so there’s no reason to bully yourself into making it happen in one specific way.
More experienced readers: how did you “wake up” your G-spot?