BDSM

Interview: Tina Horn of “Best Sex Writing”

Kate Sloan

The two things I love most in the world are sex and writing. So, obviously, Best Sex Writing is the kind of book title that gets my attention.

This year’s edition is edited by Jon Pressick, self-described sexuality media mogul (who has actually interviewed me before, you might recall!), and it’s fabulous. The essays range from academic analyses of racial politics in porn, to journalistic examinations of sex education, to deeply personal stories about sexual adventures. It’s a total treat to read, entertaining and compelling all the way through, and I’m confident that anyone who digs my blog would also dig this book!

I was invited to be part of the book’s blog tour, and when I saw that interviewing an author was an option, and one of the authors was Tina Horn, I knew she was the one I wanted to talk to.

You might remember Tina Horn as one of my favorite porn performers, or as a presenter at the first Feminist Porn Conference. Or you might know her from her podcast, writing, or teaching. In addition to Best Sex Writing, Tina’s also got a new book out called Love Not Given Lightly, which features profiles of various people working in sexuality.

Her piece in Best Sex Writing is called “The Gates” and it’s about her time working at a women-owned BDSM house in the Bay Area. It’s simultaneously a journalistic profile of the women there and the place itself, and a personal look into Tina’s own time as a switch there. I loved reading it and was excited to chat with her about it!

Girly Juice: What was your goal when researching and writing this piece?

Tina Horn: I wanted to write about the period of my life when I was working at The Gates as a professional switch. But I didn’t think the world needed another memoir of a middle class white girl with some literature degrees finding empowerment through professional BDSM. I made it my project to look outward. What was the story of the woman who started her own underground business? What were the social dynamics between the women who worked there? What objects were in the rooms, and how were they designed? How were things organized and regulated? I wanted my consciousness, my experience, to come through the concrete details, and I wanted to get some closure since moving on from that work by honoring it in journalism form.

GJ: As both a journalist and a sex worker, you have plenty of experience with interviewing as well as being interviewed. Do you have any tips or strategies for making a source feel comfortable and able to open up when interviewing them about a sensitive topic like sex?

TH: There is always an ethical question for a journalist or nonfiction writer: at what point are you exploiting your subject? Exploitation comes from false pretense.You work to make someone comfortable and trust you so you can get your story out of them: that’s the job, the craft of reporting. I do my best to negotiate with my subjects when I’m reporting on them just as I would for a kink scene. I ask them what’s off-limits, what THEY want to talk about, how much time they have to talk.

For example, I interviewed Sage Travigne, the owner of The Gates, for my piece. I told her the interview was for my thesis, which it was. Before the final version was published for my Masters I sent it to her for review: not only fact-checking but to give her the chance to take out anything that made her uncomfortable. Before it was going to be in Best Sex Writing, I sent it to her again to get her permission. So, transparency in process is key, especially when you’re dealing with a part of someone’s life that is highly misunderstood and stigmatized such as sex work and kink.

As for getting people comfortable talking about sex: frankly, I’ve made it my work to interview people who are already comfortable and have trustworthy boundaries with subjects of sex, kink, gender, and relationships. Because then we can skip the awkwardness and go deep.

GJ: One thing that struck me about your story on the Gates is the camaraderie and companionship between the employees there. Is that a common experience when doing sex work in shared spaces, or is the Gates exceptional in that way?

TH: Well, I can only speak from my experience, or anecdotally from the many sex workers I know. If you read an article by a service industry person who worked at an amazing woman-run restaurant that transformed her life, you would never assume that all restaurants were like that.

I do think the Gates was an exceptional place for community, humor, creativity, ethics, and female camaraderie. But it’s important to point out that not everyone who has worked there over the course of twenty years has found it to their liking. I happened to find that place when it fit really well into my life. That’s what I love about nonfiction writing: the specificity of a story helps people to realize NOT that all places are like that, but that places like that are POSSIBLE.

GJ: A lot of your work (including your podcast, which I love!) focuses on unusual kinks. Do you have any advice for someone who is uncomfortable or apprehensive about their kink(s)? How about for someone who thinks they don’t have any kinks but wants to explore and find out?

TH: Thanks, I’m glad you love “Why Are People Into That?!” If you have a desire and you’ve internalized some shame about it, remember not to police your own imagination. What goes on between your ears when you’re masturbating is your business. And if you want to live out your fantasy, you just need to focus on communication, compatibility, negotiation, and consent.

Research online, read books, watch porn, find media about your kink. There’s no one way to do any kink: figure out your style. Ask yourself the central question of my podcast: why am I into this? And finally, to quote the great Funkadelic: Free your mind and your ass will follow.

GJ: Lastly, since sex toys are an area of personal interest for me, I have to ask: what are your favorite toys and other sex products to use, either with clients or in your personal life?

TH: NJoy toys are simply the best. Greg, the owner and designer, is so supportive of sex positive community that I feel great about endorsing his products all the damn time. The weight of stainless steel toys creates the most delicious pressure in my cunt and my butt, one of my favorite sexual feelings. They’re non-porous and easy to disinfect and sturdy which is great for brutes like me.

The Aslan Jaguar is like a second skin to me. I have a brown one and a black one with brass hardware.

I love Hathor Lube, which is fancy organic water-based lube with the supposed aphrodisiac “horny goat weed” in it. Funny story. I once sold this lube, among other things, to Beyoncé and Jay-Z. First of all – they said they didn’t have lube at home. Can you imagine how good Bey’s next record is gonna be now that she has lube?! Anyway when I told Jay-Z that this lube contained horny goat weed, he asked me if he could smoke it. I told him if he did, he should definitely write an online review.

Thank you so, so much to Tina Horn and the folks at Best Sex Writing! Make sure to buy the book; I bet you’ll love it as much as I did!

Book Review: Serving Him

Kate Sloan

I felt pretty starstruck when I saw Rachel Kramer Bussel at the Feminist Porn Conference, because I’ve been reading her erotica anthologies for years and I’ve determined that we are more-or-less sexually in sync – at least, if her story selections are anything to go by. We dig the same sexual acts, the same turns of phrase. So I always gravitate toward RKB over any other anthology editor, because I know I can count on her to deliver something that’ll turn me on. Serving Him is indeed edited by RKB, but I don’t feel quite the same about it as I feel about some of her other works.

I judge erotica anthologies by how many stories bore me versus how many make me put my hand in my panties, and this book has a medium score on that scale. As the title suggests, it’s full of juicy short stories about dominant men and submissive women (yes, this is a hetero-oriented tome).

Some favorite stories of mine include Lori Selke’s “What You Deserve,” which features fancy food and spanking; Maxine Marsh’s “Tackling Jessica,” in which a football move becomes a fantasy; and J. Sinclaire’s “Duo,” a delightfully smutty MMF three-way.

Some stories in this book contain elements that drain the arousal right out of me – breath-play, humiliation, and dubious consent, for example. While there are obviously folks for whom these things are the height of hotness, it actually made me somewhat anxious to read about them. The Tumblr social justice community has embraced “trigger warnings” wholeheartedly, and I’m wondering if it’s time for kinky/edgy erotica anthologies to do the same thing – sort of in the same vein as how Yes Means Yes uses themed keywords to help you decide which chapters you want to read and which you want to skip.

I also found there were some stories which focused overwhelmingly on the psychological aspects of Dom/sub dynamics, with very little actual smut. This, again, is something that doesn’t hit the spot for me, but may be perfect for folks who find the non-bedroom parts of D/s relationships just as exciting as the actual sexual encounters. To each their own, right?

I should note that I like Dom/sub scenarios, contrary to what this review might indicate. But I guess I only like ‘em when they’re focused on sex and maybe a little spanking – the other stuff is peripheral or antithetical to my personal sexuality, while it might be central to others’.

Thanks so much to Cleis Press for sending me Serving Him to review!

Sharing the Sexy #10

Kate Sloan

• Jessica wrote about dating a former pick-up artist. I don’t think I’d ever do this, because those dudes are inherently misogynist and gross, as Jessica’s story corroborates.

• E.L. James, author of Fifty Shades of Grey, has designed her own line of sex toys. Aren’t we tired of this madness yet?

• The Frisky profiled 12 impossible sex positions.

• Ever wondered what the male orgasm feels like?

• This former homophobe decided to pretend to be gay and live as a gay dude for a year.

• This nun became a sex therapist. Fuck yeah, sexual liberation! (Side note: do you remember that scene in The L Word about the lesbian nuns…?)

• Sex toy reviewer extraordinaire Epiphora reviewed the James Deen dildos. She is the best, truly. I turned down an opportunity to review a Deen Peen because I’m pretty sure it physically wouldn’t fit in my vagina, and her review makes me glad I made that decision.

• Aphra Behn wrote about hormones, moods, and “scientific sexism.” This post got me thinking about how, if menstruation were a male phenomenon, PMS would have been cured by now. Extra for experts: feminist writer Gloria Steinem’s excellent essay If Men Could Menstruate.

• I found an Etsy seller who makes aluminum butt plugs. Very curious to know how they stack up.

• This video of Hank Green discussing sex, gender, attractions, and behaviour has been all over the interwebz this week. I went into it thinking, “Great, another straight white cis guy trying to ‘explain’ what life is like for minorities,” but he actually gives a pretty good (and easy-to-understand) summary of these concepts, which I think will be helpful for other straight, white, and/or cis people who can’t quite grasp ’em.

Porn Review: Dylan & Tina

Kate Sloan

I am not normally that into kinky porn. I also don’t particularly get off on people in drag. But when I heard that Dylan Ryan dressed up as her alter-ego Butch Friday to administer a stern spanking and fucking to Tina Horn in a scene for QueerPorn.TV, I had to have it. I bought the “download to keep” version for $16 – and I am someone who practically never pays for porn. (Not that anyone is really a frequent porn purchaser these days…)

The video is set in a BDSM dungeon with bright red walls and plenty of sex furniture. Dylan, dressed not in her usual high-femme garb but instead in a wifebeater, trucker hat, and men’s pants, roughly pulls Tina into the room, and they go right into the action: Tina gets on her knees and begs to blow Dylan’s big black silicone cock.

Dylan is a natural dom. I’ve seen her boss the fuck out of people in other scenes, but never like this. She keeps a cool, confident, quietly commanding demeanor the entire time. And let me tell you, it is hot.

There’s a lot of genderfuckery going on in this scene: Tina calls Dylan “Sir” and Dylan calls Tina “boy.” My pussy didn’t find this particularly exciting, but my mind did: there’s too much proliferation of traditional gender roles in mainstream porn, so what QueerPorn is doing is refreshing.

Tina straddles a black leather bench and Dylan spanks her for a good long time. There is biting, wailing, and scintillating dirty talk. They have natural spanker/spankee chemistry together, which makes sense, given that apparently the idea for this scene was borne from a spanking session they shared at a play party in Toronto.

Tina doesn’t entirely convince me that she’s a total sub. There’s one part, toward the end of the scene, where she’s just been tied up in a sex sling, still wearing her panties, and points this out to Dylan. Dylan says she’ll just cut them off, and Tina whines, “But I like these.” It’s a break in character and momentarily kills the mood for me, because I want to see Tina grovel and submit and instead she complains about wanting to keep her underwear intact. I mean, I get it, but come on. (It’s okay, though, because Dylan just pulls the panties to one side and fucks her like that.)

Dylan, meanwhile, is pitch-perfect. I love her. I think she might be my very favorite porn star, especially after seeing this. She’s just so real. Even when Tina is fellating her dildo, Dylan reacts as if she’s actually getting the best blowjob ever. It’s fucking sexy.

You get a lot of bang for your buck when you buy this scene. Gender play, dominance and submission, spanking, slapping, flogging, oral, fingering, bondage, fucking, orgasm denial. There’s a great payoff at the end when Tina comes on Dylan’s cock twice (real orgasms with added clitoral stimulation, I might add), and then Dylan just leaves her hanging in the sling.

Seriously, this is what alt porn is all about: the celebration of diverse identities and authentic pleasure. You MUST get this scene if you like BDSM, girl-on-girl sex, Dylan Ryan, genderfucking, or all of the above.

Review: Maddie’s Dungeon paddle and flogger

Kate Sloan

I will admit, it is tricky for me, a fairly vanilla (though extremely sex-positive) person, to write a proper review on implements of kink. I’m very aware of the fact that my perspective is probably going to be different from that of the target audience of these products. But I will write this anyway, because Maddie’s Dungeon was nice enough to send me a couple of lovely handmade spanking tools, and I want to tell you about them.

Of the two items, the oak paddle is definitely my favorite. There’s nothing fancy about this paddle – it’s just a smoothly-cut piece of wood with an easy-to-hold handle and a removable wrist strap – but it serves as an excellent reminder of why simplicity is a good thing. It gets the job done.

I thought my first foray into being spanked with a paddle would be significantly more painful than just getting spanked with a hand, but the paddle doesn’t change the amount of pain – just the kind of pain. My boyfriend’s hand produces a thuddy, dull pound, whereas the oak paddle is much more sting-y. I like both sensations a lot, and they both transmit vibration into my pussy – yum.

My boyfriend had primarily two comments on his experience using the paddle: he wondered about the usefulness of the wrist strap (I’ve been using it to hang the paddle from my curtain rod for storage, but we haven’t found another use for it) and he liked that the paddle is wide enough that he can hit both my asscheeks at the same time.

The major flaw of this paddle is that the wood isn’t treated with varnish. Apparently it’s thinly coated in mineral oil, but this doesn’t do much in terms of smoothing it out. I’m slightly worried about splinters with this one – I think Maddie’s Dungeon could vastly improve their wooden goods by giving them a coating in wooden salad bowl finish, or something like NobEssence’s “Lubrosity.”

As for the leather flogger (I can’t find the exact same one in their shop, but this one is close enough) – I don’t like it as much. I guess that’s to be expected, given that I’ve barely stuck my toe into the ocean of kink… but it’s not just that. My boyfriend and I both feel that it’s not very sexy-looking, with its pale grey half-braided falls and its messily-wrapped handle.

The flogger does sting, though, as it should, and it’s easy to wield. I think we’ll mostly be sticking to the paddle, however, since it feels more intimate and the level of pain is easier to control – plus, I just think it looks cuter in my boyfriend’s hand.

Thanks very much to Maddie’s Dungeon for donating some of their beautiful wares for review! Check out their paddles, crops and floggers if you’re looking to explore your inner painslut.