Monthly Faves: Wooden Spoons & Booty Shorts


My therapist asks me occasionally, “Do you feel you have enough social supports in your life?” and my answer is always yes – but this month, it felt more like a resounding “FUCK YEAH!” I am so blessed to have incredible friends and a wonderful community of online followers (that’s you!). Here are some of the sexual and social highlights of my September…

Sex toys

• SheVibe sent me the new Fuze Foreman dildo to review, which I will do soon. While my vagina isn’t exactly aflutter over the Foreman, I am always pleased to see more uncircumcised dildo options on the market. It’s been ages since I’ve banged/blown someone with an intact foreskin and I miss it… but the Foreman is a suitable substitute for the time being!

• In preparation for the #BirthdayBruises spanking party (more on that later), I ordered a couple of wooden “pervertables” off Amazon: a long-handled wooden spoon and a little bamboo rice paddle. My friend Taylor also brought a long wooden shoehorn to the party. I love all sorts of spanking implements, but there is something especially cool about corrupting innocent objects into instruments of kink. A little creativity makes everything more fun.

• I used my hands quite a bit this month. Having an orgasm without any technological assistance always makes me feel like a badass. I usually find those orgasms aren’t as strong or as long-lasting as the ones I have with vibrators, but it’s still a neat talent to have in my back pocket! (Or down the front of my pants, as it were.)

Fantasy fodder

• I sexted a bit with someone this month who mentioned that having someone sit on his face is his favorite thing. It’s been many years since I’ve sat astride someone’s mouth, but I’m not necessarily opposed to it. In real life, my bad hips, bad knees, chubby body, and chronic anxiety make facesitting a nervewracking proposition – but in fantasy, at least, it can be hot as hell. Can I consensually smother a cute boy with my ladybits, please?

• My obsession with A-spot stimulation continues to haunt my sex life, both actual and imagined. For this reason, when I’m sexually interested in someone, I tend to notice the length of their fingers. And maybe think about how those fingers would feel deep inside me. And how the person’s face would look as they fucked me that way. And what they would say to me when they were about to make me come. Unf.


• As you might know, Bex and I launched our podcast this month after working on it for what feels like eons! We’ve been truly blown away by the enthusiastic reception the show has received: over 200 Twitter followers in the first three days after launch, countless supportive tweets, and lots of suggestions for topics we should cover next. If you’ve enjoyed our first couple episodes, we’d love if you could leave us a rating and review on iTunes! Thanks, babes. 💖

• For Bex’s birthday, we co-hosted a spanking party, where several of our closest friends were invited to give Bex a good smackin’ to celebrate their 25th. It was so much fun: a bunch of my favorite people, packed into a cozy Airbnb apartment, talking, laughing, playing music, and engaging in casual impact play. The whole evening made me reflect a lot on how grateful and happy I am to have built the kind of life where an event like this is commonplace. I’m surrounded by sweet, supportive sex nerds and that brings me joy every day. (If you want more juicy details on the party, check out the Storify I put together of all the tweets and Instagram posts from that evening and the planning that led up to it!)

• Many months ago, my friend Anais told me, half-jokingly, “A spanking buddy is just something everyone should have.” In the time since, I’ve often idly wished for a friend-with-benefits where the benefits are just spanking. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex – obviously – but there is something particularly delicious about a spanking just for the sake of a spanking, and not as foreplay or an accessory to bangin’. After some careful discussions of boundaries and expectations, I kinda have the spanking buddy of my dreams now, which is pretty rad.

Femme stuff

• Sometimes when I’m having a bad anxiety day, I take it out on my eyebrows, plucking hairs I shouldn’t. It leaves ’em looking sparse, but that just means I get to put more effort into filling them in with makeup and making them perfect. This month I combined Anastasia Dipbrow, Benefit Gimme Brow and a cheapo drugstore brow pencil to create sculpted brows where there was once just a couple of meager caterpillars.

• Bex wanted to hit up the Black Market while they were in town, and when we went, I fell in love with a Dr. Seuss-esque T-shirt that says “Gonna Fuck This Ham.” I pride myself on my sense of humor, but sometimes I inexplicably laugh way too much at stupid shit. This shirt filled my very soul with glee, so I had to have it, and now it’s mine.

• The Black Market also sells children’s dancewear items, which, if you can find them in a big enough size, can be worn by adults comme moi. They’re delightfully bright and sparkly. I wore a turquoise crop top and pink shorts to our spanking party, prompting a friend of mine to say upon seeing me, “The ’80s called, and they said you look great.”

Little things

Brainstorming big projects. Emotional detox. Pumpkin muffins. Protodome. Going to improv shows by myself as self-care and then treating myself to McDonald’s after. Chatting and laughing hysterically over vegan food for hours with Mia and Ben. Fantasizing about writers’ retreats. Discussing crystals, sex, and intimacy with Khadeja. Honey whiskey and apple cinnamon cider. The Blogcademy. Seth Cohen. How beautiful John and his camera make me look. Sugarpill’s “Birthday Girl” eyeshadow. Taking my friend to buy her first butt plug. Jimmy Stewart impressions. Impromptu slumber parties. Singing “Zidane to Vivi” while Brent played piano. Pesto pollo pasta and dulce de leche cheesecake at 7 West. My nice clean desk. Meeting my baby nephew for the first time. Making hilarious edits for conservative magazines (“mid-bang” to “during intercourse,” for one!). My new glasses. Demo-bottoming for a spanking class, and dreaming of doing that more.


What were your favorite Sex Thingz this month, my loves?

Review: Tantus Uncut #1 (+ GIVEAWAY!)


When I give sex advice to youngins, one of the things I always tell them is, “You might think you know what you like and what you want, but once you actually start having sex, that might change completely.”

I say this because it’s a lesson I’ve learned countless times in my journey from virgin to pervert: don’t knock anything until you try it.

A particularly salient example of this is my attitude toward realistic dildos. When I was 15, 16, even 18, and the only sex I’d had was of the lesbian variety, I scoffed at cock-like dongs. I thought of penises as a necessary evil in hetero sex, a means to an end, an accessory to the main event. I got off most easily from a tongue on my clit, and figured that I’d just have to suffer through the other components of straight fucking. And part of me believed that all women felt that way. So who would ever need or want a realistic dildo?

Wow, how my opinion changed. Sometime around my 19th birthday, penis-in-vagina sex entered my sexual repertoire. And while there was definitely a learning curve, once my partner and I had figured out each other’s bodies, our PIV sex became fucking stellar. I still couldn’t (and can’t) get off from penetration alone, but it hardly mattered to me. I began to crave cock, just as I’d thought I never would.

All this to say: the Tantus Uncut #1 is the kind of dildo I would have hated at age 17, but that I absolutely love now.


The first time I put the Uncut #1 in my vag, I noticed that it felt a bit like my beloved Mustang – i.e. soft, squishy, but firm enough to please my G-spot. I’m not the only one who’s made this comparison. Tantus’ flexible dual-density O2 silicone pairs beautifully with the big juicy head on the Uncut #1, making for a dildo that feels real enough to indulge my PIV fantasies while also still feeling, y’know, like a great dildo.

Once, after a long wank sesh with the Uncut, I slid it out of me and fondled it, and I was amazed at how real it felt when it was all warm and wet. The skin-like texture and fleshy squish of this dildo make it one of the best nonporous realistic options on the market, right up there with the VixSkin line.

Dimensions-wise, the Uncut #1 is a bit strange. Its 1.75″ girth is perfect, but it has an insertable length of 7.45″, which is… excessive. Luckily, you don’t have to use the whole length (I never do, because I physically can’t), and those extra inches will be a blessing if you use this dildo for strap-on play, since harnesses shorten dildos’ useable length.


The shaft of the Uncut #1 features lots of veiny texture. I have to use more lube than usual for it to be comfortable, but then, I’m not much of a texture fan. Occasionally I get that “vaginal rugburn” feeling once the lube dries down a little, but usually at that point I’m halfway to orgasm and the pain mingles with pleasure so I just feel properly fucked rather than sore.

I don’t find that the Uncut targets any particular spots inside me. Its coronal ridge slides over my G-spot deliciously with every thrust, and it’s long enough that I get a little A-spot stimulation if I shove it in as deep as it’ll go, but neither spot gets a lot of stimulation from this toy. It’s more of an all-over sensation for my vagina – which still feels pretty excellent.

Overall I’m dazzled by what an excellent realistic dildo Tantus has created with the Uncut #1. I initially wanted it for the novelty factor – foreskins, yay! – so I didn’t expect it to be this terrific. High five, Tantus!


Now, here’s some exciting news… I am giving away an Uncut #1 to one lucky reader!

The lovely folks at Tantus gifted me two Uncuts, identical except for their color, and I decided to keep the mocha one – so the cocoa one is up for grabs! See the Rafflecopter widget below for deets on how you can enter.

Just so you know: this was a sample piece, so it won’t come in plastic packaging. (But don’t be alarmed: it hasn’t been used, obviously.) This giveaway is also only open to readers age 18+ from Canada and the U.S. Sorry, international friends!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

In Praise of the Uncut Cock

I have this very vivid memory from when my boyfriend and I had only recently started dating. I hadn’t seen or touched his penis yet, and I was nervous about it. We were sharing a plate of greasy food at a bowling alley and I told him about how my female friend had given me a “penis lesson,” a little lecture on what to do with a dick when I finally encountered one. I told him that her advice had included the foreskin, since her boyfriend had one – and my man said to me, “Well, I’m uncut too. Just so you know.” And I suddenly felt ten times more nervous than I had before.

I went home that night and started researching intact cocks. Everything I’d learned from scouring the internet, everything I’d picked up from porn, all of it was in reference to dicks sans foreskin – I had to start fresh.

In the process of trying to understand how foreskins fit into handjobs or blowjobs, I learned plenty about the politics of intactivism – like how circumcision is largely based on archaic religious or moral beliefs, and how medically unnecessary circumcisions on babies are ethically wrong because the child doesn’t get a chance to consent. Having grown up in a Jewish home (albeit a very secular one), I didn’t know much about foreskins and certainly had never seen one in person – but the more I learned, the more the idea appealed to me.

After the month or two it took for me to acclimatize to dealing with dick, I knew for sure that I love ‘em uncut. My boyfriend’s foreskin is perfect. It’s soft to the touch, like the way his lips feel when I run my finger across them. I don’t need to use lube when I’m jerking him off, because his foreskin makes it smooth regardless. His glans is kept safe all day so it remains pink and moist, as it should.

I think what I like most about his being uncut is that it makes his dick act like my clit. We’re both way too sensitive to be touched without the barrier of the foreskin or clitoral hood in the way. We both get off on indirect stimulation. This similarity made it much easier for me to learn how to please him. And in return, I think his sensitivity has given him a better understanding of how my junk works.

I recently got into a debate with my friend, who’s dating a Jewish guy, about routine infant circumcision. She argued that some guys are grateful that their parents circumcised them at birth. Okay, yeah, I’m sure that’s true. But the bottom line is, I cannot fathom making an irreparable change to someone’s body when they’re unable to consent, unless it’s strictly medically necessary to do so. And in the vast majority of cases, it’s not. So if I ever have a baby boy, there’s no question in my mind that I’ll leave him intact – for his health, for his sexual enjoyment, and for the pure moral standpoint that what he does with his body is up to him, not me.

Bonus reading: Check out the blog Uncutting, which is rife with information about intactivism, foreskin restoration, and the cruel pointlessness of routine infant circumcision.

Note: No pro-circumcision tirades in the comment section, please. I’ve heard it all before and I still disagree. Also, keep in mind that this post is intended as a celebration of underappreciated intact penises and not an admonishment of cut ones, so don’t take this as an attack on your cut cock – it’s not!

Sharing the Sexy #1

I’m going to start doing a round-up of links to articles, threads, photos, etc. that are relevant to the interests of this blog. It will be sporadic and periodic, but hopefully you’ll still enjoy it! Here’s what I’m diggin’ on this week:

This guy on Sexxit was all in a tizzy because his potential girlfriend masturbates every other day (GASP! The horror!). We set him straight.

• Also on Sexxit: would you date a pre-op trans* person of your preferred gender? The answers are largely offensive and ignorant (as you can generally expect when a mostly cis group has a discussion about trans issues), but there are a few good ones. I liked Afro_Samurai’s comment: “Really not certain how I would feel in terms of physical attractiveness. I’m certain I would be paranoid about saying something insensitive, screwing up with gendered language or something.”

• Misty writes about trans-friendly and genderqueer-friendly parenting. “What your (our!) job is, as a parent, is to give him the strength and confidence to be himself and to face those who will question him and give him crap because he doesn’t conform to their ideas of who he should be. Giving him yourself as support and the tools of confidence is what will ‘protect’ him in the long run.”

• Rosie describes her experience at a Body Pride workshop. I was at the same workshop, and will be putting up my article about it just as soon as I get my hands on the naked photos that were taken of me there!

• The SexIs Social writing contest applicants are being put to a vote. I would really appreciate if you could vote for one of my articles, whichever one you like best – I wrote Menstrual Sex: It’s Not Just For Vampires, The 5 Hallmarks of Feminist Porn, and Why You Should Buy Your Mom a Sex Toy. Thanks, lovelies!

• My new article came out on Sex Toys Canada: How to Improve Your Genital Flavour. It’s a rundown on dietary adjustments and tasty products you can use to sweeten yourself up, if you’re into that. I also wrote an article about the anterior fornix (or A-spot) for SexIs.

This period-tracking app looks perfect! (I use – do you use a period tracker?)

• I showed my boyfriend this foreskin-fingering technique and asked him if he’d ever tried it. He has a very very sensitive penis, so this was his answer: “AAAAAH WAAAAAT NOOOOO!”

Have a good weekend, y’all! I’ll see you Monday for more chattin’ about porn, sex toys, and all that other good stuff.