gay

What I’m Into: Glory Hole Porn

Kate Sloan

I’m trying out this new thing where I’m going to write semi-regular posts about “what I’m into.” Bex really hit the nail on the head with her tweet to me about it – it’s all about tracking how my sexuality and desires shift over time and giving you all a nosy little glimpse into my fantasy life. (Do you get nosy about that kind of stuff? I know I do…)

I have a proper porn review lined up for you and coming really soon, about a feminist porn site you’re going to love, but today I don’t have a lot of time to write so I wanted to briefly tell you about my other current porn obsession: glory holes. Specifically, amateur glory hole porn.

I think I’ve had a slight glory hole fascination ever since I first heard about them. Anonymity and oral servitude are two things that really appeal to me in fantasy-land, and those are also the two absolute mainstays of glory hole porn. You have no idea whose dick is poking through that hole; all you get to see is someone enthusiastically sucking it off, for the sheer pleasure of it.

I forget if I’ve told you before that I have a weird blowjob porn obsession. I’m calling it weird because it’s a porn preference that doesn’t translate to real life for me; I don’t like giving BJs all that much. I think they show up in the porn I watch because I empathize with the guy getting his dick sucked, not the fellator. I don’t have penis envy; it’s just that BJs are a lot more demonstrative and visual than cunnilingus. A good blowjob translates to video better than good pussy-licking.

My recent kick of watching glory hole porn started with this video, in which a “chubby fag” (so says the video title) blows a couple of guys through a glory hole while a saucy-sounding woman talks dirty to him from behind the camera. The juxtaposition of gay male sex with a female narrator is very strange, and yet I can’t deny that her ongoing commentary adds a little something to the overall effect.

After that, I fell down the rabbit hole of glory hole porn, so to speak. I watched this and this and this. And I consistently found it all really fucking hot.

The only thing that’s missing from this sort of porn, in my view, is reaction noises from the man being blown. Moans and grunts and growls are very important to my enjoyment of porn and it’s a slight ladyboner-killer for me when there aren’t any.

What are your thoughts on glory hole porn? What are you into right now?

4 Ways to Bring a Little More Gay Into Your Life

Kate Sloan

As the Pride festival nears, I’m spending a lot of time pondering my queerness. Specifically, where my queerness fits into my life as a person in a “straight” relationship.

Being bisexual has always been a bit of a struggle for me, identity-wise, because ever since I came out I’ve always hated the idea of being mistaken for straight or gay (both of which have happened to me countless times). I wish people would just “read” me as bi, but it rarely seems to happen.

And now that I’ve been dating a man for over two years, and have a gender presentation that’s as cis and femme as ever, it seems my queerness always gets lost in the shuffle. Even in queer spaces, I don’t always feel understood or seen. I’ve gotten booed for kissing my boyfriend at Pride events, I’ve had people try to explain basic LGBTQ concepts to me as if they’d be totally foreign to my mind, I’ve had people give me stares that say “What are you doing here?” It makes me sad.

Bleeding-heart complaints aside, I know that there are other people who feel the way I do – people whose identity straddles some line(s) between hetero and queer, and who feel skewered on that fence. Here are some suggestions for how you can re-access the gay side of yourself, if you’re feeling like you’ve lost it a little bit.

1. Volunteer for an LGBTQ organization. There is surely one in your area, so get Googlin’! I’m using the word “organization” broadly here – you could do fundraising at your local nonprofit, get in contact with school administrators to see if you can help set up GSAs, join the street team for your city’s Pride festival, or even see if your local LGBT yoga group needs help washing mats. It can be enormously nourishing to meet new people from your community and to do good work for that community. (And baby, if you ain’t got no time, maybe you could give some money instead.)

2. Consume queer media. If you do this already, do it more! Some recommendations: books by S. Bear Bergman and Ivan Coyote, porn by Courtney Trouble and Shine Louise Houston, documentaries about the LGBT community, and The L Word in its entirety.

3. Wear a queer talisman. Granted, plenty of LGBT folks think it’s tacky as hell to wear a rainbow bracelet or gay suspenders or what have you. But, honestly, when I’m going into a situation where I absolutely do not want people to mistake me for straight, sometimes it makes me feel a whole lot better to adorn myself in one or two loud-and-queer accessories. My talisman of choice is usually my rainbow wristband – it goes with every outfit!

4. Re-read old journals/blog posts/love letters from when you had your first same-sex crush. Remember how weird that felt? How scared and yet excited you were? Remember all the concerns these new feelings raised for you – how/when/whether to come out, what label(s) fit you best, what it all meant? Those seminal experiences paved your path into a queer identity and (hopefully) community, so they’re worth revisiting if you’re feeling a little cloudy on those topics.

I know there will inevitably be people who want to tell me something like, “Just be who you are! It doesn’t matter whether people think you’re straight or whether you’ve ‘got enough gay in your life.’ Just live your life.” And they’re right, to a certain extent… but hey, queer folks should know better than anyone that sometimes you gotta engage in some self-care in order to feel okay about how people are reacting to you. And this is some of mine.

Photo credit: Sue Maguire.

Sharing the Sexy #18

Kate Sloan

• Sex-positive feminist podcast The G Spot has just released its entire first season as a Valentine’s Day gift for you or someone you love.

• How to have sex with a survivor. Important stuff.

• I think we can all agree that the new Fucking Sculptures line of glass dildos looks pretty damn excellent. I’m intrigued by the Corkscrew, and laughing at their choice of name for the Hooded Nun.

• Porn in space?! Oh man, this should be good.

• A line of lingerie for trans woman has launched.

• Interesting… Apparently gay and bi men are less depressed than straight ones. (Also, please watch the Steve Hughes video at the top of that post – it’s a classic!)

• He’s a dildo engineer and Reddit grilled him about his work. Incase you ever wondered. I know I did!

• When will feminists stop being equated with bitches?! And did it ever occur to the writer of that piece that maybe the reason it can be hard for a feminist to get with a man is not that she’s a bitch, but that he’s an ignorant, privileged asshole?

• Here’s some important information about the U.S.’s new birth control policies.

• Um, apparently Cosmo thinks you should wear Spanx on dates to keep you from having sex too soon?

• Here’s an amusing urban legend about sexual ignorance.

• Dodson and Ross explain how to use your PC muscle during sex.

• Call a spade a spade? Epiphora says call a sex toy a sex toy. What do you think?

Sharing the Sexy #7

Kate Sloan

• Here’s the 7 dumbest myths about gay sex.

• Modern Family actor Jesse Tyler Ferguson is launching a company that sells stylish bowties to benefit pro-gay rights organizations. I don’t know about you, but I love being able to buy cute things and support my favorite causes at the same time!

• This dildo is apparently spiritually charged. Would you buy one?

• This theory of attraction purports to explain why we get into certain kinds of relationships with certain kinds of people.

• This headline is so ridiculous, it requires no commentary: Man Tries to Rape Raccoon, Gets His Penis Bitten Off.

• Got a vaginal infection you want to cure naturally? (I am so amused by the suggestion to put garlic in your vagina. I’ll definitely try this next time I get an infection…!)

• This guy’s penis inhaled a condom…?! “Basically you know when the tip goes inside out and inside your penis? That’s it.” Uh, no, I don’t know if I’ve seen that one before.

• I made a list of examples of how our society actively encourages women to suppress our sexuality. Can you think of any more?

• The Pervocracy writes about that age-old battle: vibrator vs. penis. My thoughts, as someone who owns a zillion vibrators and has a wonderful boyfriend with a wonderful cock? Both are satisfying. Both are immensely pleasurable. And both have their time and place in my life, absolutely.

• Feeling generous? A Steampunk’s Guide to Sex is taking Kickstarter donations.

• In sex-positive circles, we spend a lot of time discussing all the kinky and out-there things we’d like to try… but what don’t you want to do in bed? My list: scat (but I’d give watersports a shot), armpit-licking, group sex with four or more people, ass-to-mouth, and getting fucked with anything over 8 inches long (sorry, huge dudes!).

• This man cut off, cooked, and served his own penis. I’m speechless.

• In honor of Bi Visibility Day, Carrie wrote about being an out-and-proud bisexual. Hell yeah!

• Rush Limbaugh is seriously blaming small penises on feminists. What the fuck is wrong with this guy?

Sharing the Sexy #5

Kate Sloan

• Have you entered my giveaway yet? (FYI: I’ve added some extra conditions to the rules at the bottom, since some people didn’t quite understand a couple of the entry conditions.)

• Suffer from chronic urinary tract infections? Read and learn.

• Some guy tried to burn his pubes off. People are idiots.

• A 26-year-old woman answers questions about being into bestiality. Personally I believe that only adult humans can truly give consent to have sex with other humans, and that “consent” from any other type of creature (whether that be a human child, a dog, or whatever else) does not count and should not be acted upon. What do you think?

• This old video from Playboy TV discusses Kegel exercises, pelvic health, and the Kegelcisor. I just bought one and am excited to try it out!

• Dodson and Ross: can you ruin your clit with too much pressure? I had an ex who could only get herself off by grinding against furniture. Have you overcome something like this?

• Stevie Wonder said something homophobic but is now back-pedaling on it.

• This guy’s penis is (according to him) 10 inches long and 7 inches in circumference (that’s about 2.2 inches in diameter). In other words, he’s as thick as a Tantus T-Rex and even longer. In that post, he describes some of the sexual problems he’s encountered. Remember, folks: bigger is not always better. (Plus, he has the idea that he’ll only feel he’s satisfied his partner when she has penetrative orgasms, which is a whole other problem…)

• I don’t know how you feel about NC17-rated Glee fanfiction (I don’t even watch Glee, myself), but this gal sometimes writes “alternate universe” stories in which Kurt is a pre-op trans guy.

• Lately I’ve been reading the blogs of a couple who are in a consensual “Daddy/little girl” relationship: Daddy Vinnie and A Lolita’s Life. While I wouldn’t want to be in a 24/7 relationship like this, I’ve certainly had lolita fantasies before.

• Conservatives are mad that there’s a not-so-obviously gay character in ParaNorman. I thought it was really clever and wonderful. The comments are great too: “If a parent isn’t prepared to answer some unwanted questions… then chances are, they aren’t prepared to be a parent in the first place. Do these people ever stop clutching their pearls?”

• This anti-rape ad campaign is excellent – and, for once, doesn’t involve victim-blaming.

• Roland writes about creep shaming. In my view, guys who go on tirades about how creep shaming is “oppressive” and a “women’s privilege” are totally ignoring the glaring fact that “creep” is literally one of the only truly hurtful words that can be used on men (as compared to all the zillions of mean words that men call women all the time, like “slut,” “bitch,” and “prude”). Not to mention that women need a word to describe men who have made them uncomfortable, and “creep” isn’t typically a word that’s used lightly, unlike “whore” and “bitch.”

• The Frisky asks: what are the weirdest places you’ve masturbated?