sacred sex

5 Ways to Make Your Orgasms Stronger

Kate Sloan

Yesterday I was doing some consulting work for a sex ed organization. They’re putting together some resources for youth who want to learn about sex without feeling intimidated or overwhelmed. They asked me and a few other young sex-positive folk for our input.

One of the points that came up – which may not be news to you, but is certainly still a problem – is that most sex ed is based in harm reduction and risk mitigation, rather than pleasure maximization. Once you learn the basics of STI prevention, birth control, and enthusiastic consent, it can be hard to find resources that take your sex life from “Okay, this is working” to “OH YES, I LOVE SEX.”

With that in mind, lovelies, here are 5 ways you can make your orgasms stronger – today. As always, not all of these suggestions will work for every person or every body, but give ‘em a shot and see how it goes!

1. Add penetration (or bigger penetration).

You probably know that when you reach orgasm, your pelvic muscles contract rhythmically. This feels great all on its own, but it’s even more intense when your muscles have something to clench around – so put something in your butt or your vag!

If you already do this (and most of y’all are sex toy savvy, so I’d imagine that you do), you can try something bigger to intensify the effect. If, like me, your usual dildo choices are smallish-to-average, try something enormous instead. It’s like adding extra resistance to your strength training workout, except you’ll be increasing pleasure as well as muscle!

2. Breathe through it.

Your feelings about “sacred sex” might range from enthused to skeptical… but you should know that using your breath to guide your sexual energy doesn’t have to be as woo-woo and ethereal as it sounds! It has actual practical implications.

Most folks tend to tense up as they get close to orgasm, and holding their breath is a part of that. While it’s true that getting off this way is generally the quickest and easiest way to do it, that doesn’t mean it’s the best.

As you get close to coming, notice your desire to hold your breath, but deny it. Breathe deeply and fully. If you like, you can mentally direct your inhales into your genitals to increase the energy flow to that area. It will likely take longer to get where you’re going, but it’ll be more of a full-body experience.

3. Rush.

I know I just told you to sloooow dooown – but weirdly enough, hurrying to the finish line can intensify your pleasure as well.

Test yourself. See how quickly you can get from absolute zero to orgasm. If danger turns you on, you can up the ante by doing this at a time when you know someone’s going to walk in on you in a limited number of minutes.

4. Change positions.

I alllllways masturbate lying on my back. It’s comfy and relaxing, but it doesn’t challenge my body or my mind, because it’s so easy and I’m so used to it.

If being upside-down doesn’t make you feel ill, give it a try: hang your head and torso off the side of your bed and come in that position. Some people say the blood that rushes to your head makes orgasms explosive.

5. Edge.

Get close to orgasm. Back off. Get close again. Back off again. Repeat until you can’t stand it anymore, and then finally let yourself come.

This one actually makes my orgasms weaker for some reason, but lots of people report astonishing results when they try it!

What’s your favorite way to boost your orgasms?

Breath and Energy Orgasms: Initial Attempt

Kate Sloan

A few weeks ago, I went to my local sex shop Come As You Are for a porn pyjama party (which is a story for another blog post, I guess!), and at the end of the night, they offered us a 10% discount on anything we wanted to buy from the store, as a way of thanking us for coming to the event and giving feedback on the porn they screened.

I perused the whole store before deciding I didn’t really need any more sex toys, but might want a book instead. Barbara Carrellas’ book Urban Tantra caught my eye because I’d previously read another book of hers. I bought it and have been reading one chapter each night before I go to bed.

Ms. Carrellas (long-term partner of trans icon Kate Bornstein, if you’re wondering) writes about sacred sex in a way that’s candid and easy to follow. She doesn’t bog down her readers with too many Sanskrit words or advanced yogic concepts, and she makes sure to explain in laymen’s terms any potentially unfamiliar ideas, like the seven chakras. Instead, she gives relatively concrete explanations of how to do things like breathe more deeply, raise your sexual energy levels, and even have what she calls a “breath and energy orgasm.”

I’m a skeptic about a lot of sacred sex stuff. I don’t know why. I’m a somewhat spiritual person, and obviously I love sex – but for some reason, I often find it difficult (physically and mentally) to combine those two ideas. Maybe it’s lingering anti-sex religious shame, or maybe just a lack of practice.

Last night, I got to the chapter in the book about breath and energy orgasms, one of the things that Barbara Carrellas is most known for. I read the whole chapter and then decided to give it a shot.

You should read the book for a more detailed explanation, but basically the technique involves “breathing into” certain chakras (energetic points on the body), starting at the lowest one (the perineum) and gradually working up the body until you get to the highest chakra (the top of the head). You’re supposed to do this while lying on your back, rocking your hips, and remaining constantly conscious of your breathing – kind of like an active meditation.

I’ll tell you right now that I didn’t have an orgasm, or anything resembling one. That doesn’t surprise me – it was my first attempt. But amazingly enough, I did get turned on – legitimately and tangibly so, with wetness and swelling and so on – and I did feel somewhat blissed out when I was done. It wasn’t like a post-orgasmic high; more like a post-yoga mellow. Except I was also sexually aroused.

This morning I woke up with a terrible headache. It feels almost like a hangover or some sinus tightness, except that it’s localized right on my sixth chakra (the “third eye” in between the eyebrows). In the book, Barbara mentions a few times that chakras can get blocked with “emotional gunk” and that this sometimes results in pain or discomfort localized to that spot, especially when you’ve been deliberately trying to move energy between chakras. I don’t know if that’s what happened to me, but that’s what it feels like. I guess my next step is to do some research on the sixth chakra and figure out what thoughts or feelings could be stopping it up.

I’m still having a lot of creeping skeptical thoughts about sacred sex, but I’m trying to keep an open mind. Part of being sex-positive, the way I understand it and live it, is being a perpetual explorer and student of all things sexual (all things that appeal to you, anyway).

What are your experiences with sacred sexuality? Have you ever had a breath and energy orgasm? Or any kind of metaphysical experience during sex or masturbation?