I think we’d all like to be a little hotter. It doesn’t have to be about other people’s approval or attention; sometimes you just wanna feel foxy, for your own benefit. Or sometimes your confidence needs a boost so you do want to attract external attention.
Whatever your reasons are – and it’s no one’s place to judge, so don’t let them – here are ten simple ways to make yourself cuter, more appealing, more intriguing. Go get ‘em, tiger.
1. Stand up straight. Check your posture in a mirror. Don’t slouch. Hold your head centered and straight on top of your neck. Practice with books balanced on your head like a debutante in an old novel if you have to. Do regular check-ins throughout the day to see if you’ve maintained your posture goals. Eventually it’ll become second nature.
2. Smile. I have resting bitchface and so do a lot of people. I get it: it feels unnatural to walk around with a smile on your face. But it doesn’t have to be a massive grin, don’t worry. Just let a small smile play around the corners of your mouth when you’re out and about. This isn’t one of those “You’re obligated to smile because some dude on the street told you to” sort of things – it’s something you can do for yourself, if you want. A slight smile makes you seem more open, cheerful, relaxed, and approachable. If that’s an effect you want to achieve, give it a try.
3. Open up your body language. Quit crossing your arms. Roll your shoulders out and back. Look around you confidently instead of staring at your phone. Take big, easy strides. Fully face the people you talk to, and make good eye contact. Let your body be a billboard bearing this message: “I’m easygoing, friendly, and open to getting to know you!”
4. Cultivate passion. There are already things you’re passionate about; don’t be afraid to talk about them. And if nothing comes to mind (?!), find something to love boldly and deeply. Books, music, theatre, art, history, stationery, sex toys, sharks, woodworking, fitness, storm patterns, architecture, arboriculture, whatever. There are few things hotter than seeing someone’s eyes light up as they talk about something they love.
5. Wear clothes that fit you. Get some stuff tailored if you need to (and you probably do). Get rid of anything unsalvageably baggy or tight. (If you’re the type who holds onto clothes in the hopes of one day being able to fit into them, fuck that – live your life now, not later.) Put on a belt. Cinch your waist with a jacket or cardigan. Get your pants taken up so they don’t drag on the ground. You’ll feel so much more capable and confident when your clothes complement your body instead of hiding it or squeezing it.
6. Speak with conviction. Don’t be a mumbler! Speak clearly and at a volume that’s definitely audible but situationally appropriate (no yelling in the library, please). Say each word like you chose it specifically and carefully. Try to eliminate transitional, buying-for-time words and phrases such as “like” and “you know” and “um” (but don’t beat yourself up about it, because it’s hard). If swearing makes you feel tacky, give it up; if swearing makes you feel boss and badass, go right on ahead. Believe that your words and ideas are important and speak them accordingly.
7. Stay informed. Follow the news. Keep up with culture (the parts that you like). Learn new words. Read. Form educated opinions on things. You don’t have to be a genius, but some level of intelligence and awareness is almost universally smokin’ hot.
8. Do stuff. Get out into the world. Meet people, go on adventures, have experiences. Learn new skills, try new things, visit new places (in your city or in the world). Sitting at home and surfing the internet every night is incredibly fun and relaxing (I’m a geeky introvert; I get it) but it leaves you with not much to talk about and not much experience to draw from. Like Sarah Dopp says: “Make at least some choices based on what will make for the better story.” People who do lots of stuff are generally more interesting than people who don’t do much.
9. Improve your conversational skills. Read Dale Carnegie’s book and any materials you can find on active listening. Ask people about themselves. Come up with some interesting questions you can ask just about anyone, like “What are you passionate about?” and “What’s the last book you read?” and “What are your goals?” and really listen to what people say in response. Join the social skills subreddit for some extra help and support. Practice coming up with follow-up questions for when people tell you stories or mention things in passing, like “What did you think of that?” or “How did that go?” or “If you could do that over again, would you do it differently?” Try to remember what people have told you about themselves before, and bring it up the next time you see them: “So what ended up happening with your mom’s art show/your dog’s vet appointment/your job interview?” To state all this more simply: ask people about themselves and be genuinely interested.
10. Work on your self-love. I’ve written about this before, so have a read through that. I still wholeheartedly recommend writing or speaking positive affirmations about yourself on the daily and looking at Gala Darling’s writings on “radical self-love”. Phase haters out of your life, both the kind who hate on you and the kind who hate on people in general (e.g. tabloid magazines, YouTube commenters, overly negative friends). Remind yourself of your value daily, even if that means you have to shove your insecurities to the back of your brain in order to shine a little light on what you’re most proud of. Always always always remember that hotness is subjective, so even if you don’t like what you see in the mirror, there are plenty of folks who would – even if that seems absurd to you, trust me, it’s true, it’s true, it’s true.
What else can a person do to make themselves hotter/cuter/more likeable?