It is odd to be writing this from my spouse’s sofa in New York while the majority of my sex toy collection is back home in Toronto. It is odd to have to call upon sense-memories of what these products feel like, instead of just being able to pick them up, place them on my junk, and make a pronouncement borne of concrete reality. But this entire year has been odd, and so have our relationships to places and people and objects that are not located within the tiny rooms many of us have been stuck in.
So here are the 9 best sex toys I acquired in 2020, ranked according to something much more simple than the multi-categoried rating systems some sex toy reviewers adhere to – my list is based solely on how much delight the thought of each product conjures in my mind when I think of it. That has to do, I suppose, with how much pleasure these toys have given me over the year, creating a Pavlovian link between my experience of them and the sight of them, even in photos taken months ago and 500 miles away.
9. Dame Arc (available at SheVibe)
I told you about this toy very recently, so I won’t blather on about it here. Suffice it to say, it’s a G-spot vibe that manages to be much more than that – and it looks very pretty on my nightstand, in my hand, and in my holes. I look forward to seeing whatever Dame does in 2021!
8. Vibratex Magic Wand Plus (available at SheVibe, Peepshow, Come As You Are [Canada], and the Smitten Kitten)
I admire Vibratex for committing so steadfastly to making a toy that is neither flashy nor fancy. The thing about wand vibrators is that they do not need to have either of those qualities; they just need to be strong, rumbly, easy to hold, and easy to operate. This is why the wand category in any sex shop, online or offline, can be one of the plainest-looking sections but can also garner some of the highest customer ratings of the entire catalogue.
The Magic Wand Plus is the Platonic ideal of a plug-in wand vibrator. It does what you expect it to do, and no more, because that’s all it needs to do. It’s not exciting or interesting, nor does it have to be in order to keep its prized spot plugged in next to my bed, where it will likely remain for years to come, called upon a few times a week to deliver efficient and predictable orgasms. It’s like the friend of yours who is never the life of the party but is always the designated driver for whom your heart explodes with drunken love at the end of every evening out. I love it; I think most people would.
7. We-Vibe Nova 2 (available at SheVibe, Peepshow, Come As You Are [Canada], and the Smitten Kitten)
Finding a rabbit vibrator that works for your body is like finding a pair of jeans that works for your body: harder for some people than others, and a huge mood-booster when it finally happens. My Nova 2 and my favorite Madewell jeans have in common the ability to make me heave a sigh of relief: My body isn’t weird or broken after all!
The problem of creating a universally-useable dual-stimulation vibe has plagued the sex toy industry since dual-stim toys became a thing, and We-Vibe made big strides with their Nova 2. Its flexible arms give it more customizability and adaptability than any rabbit vibe I’ve ever tried. If you’re determined to get a dual-stim toy (and frankly, I think two separate toys are the better call for most people), this is the one I would recommend.
6. Hot Octopuss Amo (available at SheVibe and Peepshow)
Lots of my pals with penises are jealous of the vast variety of vibrators available to people with vulvas; Hot Octopuss’s rumbly-as-fuck dick vibes are some of the only products that’ve ever made me wish I had a penis. So it was thrilling that the company evidently used its profound knowledge of good motors to create such a powerful bullet vibe.
It can feel a bit vulnerable and worrying to be a person who sometimes needs vibration to get off – I often find myself feeling jealous of friends and partners who can get off just about anywhere, using only their hand (or, like, a partner’s thigh). But with small vibrators as powerful as this one on the market, I feel much more equipped to have sexual adventures away from home, even impromptu ones! (…Post-pandemic, I mean.)
5. I’m not sure why this doesn’t seem to be sold at any reputable North American stores, or why I was given one at ANME if Satisfyer didn’t plan on making it available over here, but nonetheless… The Curvy 2 is probably my favorite pressure-wave toy at the moment, and the one that feels the most like good oral sex to me. The nozzle is a good size for my clit, and the shape and size of the toy are ergonomic even for my achy hands.
This toy also has the benefit of being useable as a G-spot vibrator if you flip it around. And the Satisfyer app remains one of the best and most responsive sex toy apps I’ve ever used. While I wish this company would quit plagiarizing Fun Factory so much, I can’t deny that some of their designs are brilliantly unique, and the Curvy 2 is a prime example.
4. Clone-a-Willy (available at SheVibe and Peepshow)
Maybe listing this toy here is sort of cheating because what I’m really commenting on is the size and shape of my partner’s dick, not a pre-made dildo… but… the Clone-a-Willy is a fun product in and of itself, because you get to do a science experiment that ends with you owning a brand-new vibrating dildo!
I think this is one of the most inventive products on the market. It has occasionally been imitated but has never been replicated. It is just so cool to be able to make a copy of your favorite dick (or dildo, or cucumber, or fist…), especially so affordably.
3. Laid D2 (available at Peepshow)
I mean… it’s a beautiful, smooth, heavy dildo made of 500-million-year-old granite. It can hit my G-spot and my A-spot. What’s not to like?!
This toy has even made its way into the rotation of dildos my spouse routinely uses to fuck me – which is a high honor, because usually they stick to toys I’ve owned forever and that we know work well for me, like the Eleven and Double Trouble. The D2 is just that good.
2. Kinklab Power Tripper (available at SheVibe and Come As You Are [Canada])
I bought this for Matt as an anniversary present last year, and it was definitely one of those “this is technically for you but secretly it’s also for me” gifts. The Power Tripper is an attachment for the Neon Wand, an electrostimulation toy. When you plug the Power Tripper into the Neon Wand and then tuck it into the waistband of your underwear (or somewhere else on your body), you yourself become an E-stim toy. Every time you touch your partner, they’ll feel a zap of pain wherever you made contact.
This is really fun for sadomasochistic play, because it makes the whole process feel more organic and intuitive. It’s like being able to pick up a slice of pizza with your hands when you were previously trying to knife-and-fork your way through it. I didn’t bring any of my other Neon Wand attachments with me to New York this time because they’re delicate and bulky, but it’s okay because the Power Tripper is basically all we need at this point.
1. New York Toy Collective Carter (available at SheVibe and Come As You Are [Canada])
This dildo brings me so much joy, whether it’s strapped into my Aslan Leather harness, or slamming into me while my partner grips it firmly, or just sitting on a windowsill looking pretty. It was a Valentine’s Day gift from Matt, in my two favorite colors, and is simply one of the prettiest dildos I’ve ever owned.
But it’s not just pretty. It’s squishy and comfy and flexible and can also hit all my internal spots with aplomb. And I just feel better using it than I do with mass-produced toys from mainstream companies, because New York Toy Collective is a Black-, trans-, and queer-owned business, so I’m happy to support them whenever I can.
What were your favorite sex toys of the year?