Pleasure seems to be in short supply these days. With so many of us either suffering directly or glued to the endless of doomscroll of other people’s suffering (or both, ugh), it would make total sense if you’ve been finding it difficult to access pleasure and joy lately.
But – as adrienne maree brown argues in her wonderful book Pleasure Activism – pleasure is important not only as a calming counterbalance to all the world’s stressors, but also as a guiding force that helps remind us what we’re fighting for.
Even “pleasure professionals,” like sex toy reviewers (hi, it me!) and escort service providers, can sometimes struggle to set aside enough time for pleasure, let alone enough money – so I gather that the average person struggles with this even more. Here, for your perusal, is a list of some key categories where I think pleasure is important, with 3 actionable suggestions at different price points in each category. I hope it inspires you to think about how you can bring more pleasure into your life today!
Food/drink pleasure
$ (free–$20): Raid your fridge/cupboard/liquor cabinet and try to mix yourself an original cocktail/mocktail. Ideally it’d be delicious, but hey, sometimes failed experiments are the most hilarious kind.
$$ ($20-100): Find a recipe online that you’ve never tried and would like to, shop for all the ingredients, and put on some great music in the kitchen while you cook. (If you hate cooking, maybe you can bribe a loved one with wine/pie/compliments to do it for you, and then enjoy the meal together?)
$$$ ($100+): Do some research to find a restaurant in your area that offers a tasting menu (or a bar that offers ‘flights’) that appeals to you and fits within your budget, and then go enjoy a cavalcade of fancy flavors. If you’re so inclined, invite a partner or friend along, and dress up!
Sound/music pleasure
$: Seek out some new music online (or at your local library, if you wanna go old-school!) and listen to it with your eyes closed, concentrating on it, meditating on it, letting it take you where it will.
$$: Look up local music venues and see what’s coming up – and then get yourself a ticket to an orchestral performance, or go see some jazz at a club, or lug out your steel-toed boots to go mosh with some youths at a rock show. Notice how the music affects your body.
$$$: Get yourself a musical instrument, maybe one you’ve never played or owned before, and spend some time teaching yourself how to play (there are tons of tutorials on YouTube and elsewhere) and/or jamming out. (If you have no idea where to start, might I suggest the ukulele? You can get a decent beginner’s one for under $50 and a great-sounding one for under $200.)
Mental/intellectual pleasure
$: Set aside a chunk of time to leisurely read a book you’ve been wanting to get to, perhaps with a nice cup of coffee/tea/hot chocolate to sip on while you read. (If you’re fresh out of good reading material, get on Google to find your closest Little Free Library and go exchange a book or two for something new-to-you.)
$$: Go see a movie you’ve been wanting to see, either by yourself or with a loved one. Optionally, bring a little notebook and pen and take notes like an insufferable cinephile. Or just sit back shoving popcorn into your face and let the art wash over you.
$$$: Get yourself a ticket to some live theatre – maybe a big showy musical, maybe an intense play, maybe an experimental one-person show put on by your local absurdist clown collective, who the hell knows. If you’re brave enough, make friends with the people sitting around you at intermission and discuss the Themes and Message of the work, assuming it has any.
Sexual and body-based pleasure
$: Get your hands on a bottle of coconut oil, almond oil, or similar – whether you grab it from your kitchen cabinet or from your local grocery store – and use it to massage a partner, or yourself. Go slow and be mindful of each touch to make your massage into a meditation. Ahhh, my body feels calmer just thinking about it.
$$: Get thee to a yoga class, spin class, Zumba class, or whatever else sounds like a fun way to move your body. If no such thing sounds fun to you (#relatable), maybe the money would be better spent on a visit to your local spa for a pedicure, facial, sensory-deprivation tank float, or similar.
$$$: In the mood to feel truly spoiled with pleasure? Reach out to your local luxury escort agency about hiring a pro for an evening (or longer, big spender!). Depending on the particular offerings of the provider you hire, your session could be anything from a sensual sadomasochism scene to an erotic massage to an unforgettable sexual experience. After all, if you want something done right, it’s often best to hire a professional…
Play/fun
$: Pick a creative activity you’ve never/rarely done before, or just aren’t good at (music production, drawing, video editing, graphic design?), and spend a couple hours trying to make something, teaching yourself the necessary skills through research and experimentation as you go. Play around, try stuff out, and remember that the process is the point!
$$: Buy yourself a new video game and set aside some chill time to play it. (Even if you’re not typically a video game person/don’t own a console, there are many many games available for phones and computers these days!)
$$$: Sign up for an improv class, art class, dance class, or some other fun creative thing that’ll get you socializing and ‘playing’ on a regular basis. Play is good for our brains, even as adults (perhaps especially as adults), and we shouldn’t stop doing it just because we grow up!
What are your favorite ways to access pleasure these days?
This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.