Song 32/52: “Amicably”
Lyrics:
I hope your summer brings some sun
And that you spend it with someone
And I hope that when you’re sad
You’ll think of what we had
And say “At least we had some fun”
I hope the drive isn’t too long
I hope your coffee’s nice and strong
And I hope that when you go
You’ll blast the radio
I hope they play your favorite song
Chorus:
I’m gonna miss you
Not gonna kiss you goodbye
I’m gonna cry soon
It feels like somebody died
Because I loved you
And I still remember why
I hope your new place feels like home
And that you won’t be too alone
And if times are getting tough
And your friends are not enough
I’ll always answer when you phone
And now, we head our separate ways
And set our sights on brighter days
But I never will forget
That feeling when we met
And how you set my life ablaze
(repeat chorus)
It was the right thing to do
I think we both know that’s true
You couldn’t just stay
It was the right way to go
Because we both gotta grow
And go our own way
But let me just say:
(repeat chorus)
Songwriting diary:
I was improvising various different lyrical/melodic lines over a simple chord progression, and sang the first two lines of this – “I hope your summer brings some sun/ And that you spend it with someone” – and then built the rest from there. It was one of those magical woo-woo songwriting experiences where it seemed like I was hearing the song clearly in my head and just writing down what I heard.
I have a few friends who’ve recently gone through breakups that were amicable but painful, and I’ve found it inspiring to listen to their stories of letting go of old resentments and arguments and just being happy and hopeful for each other as they both head off into the sunset. That type of breakup has been extremely rare in my life (mine have historically been, for the most part, extremely one-sided and very painful) so it was interesting to inhabit that brainspace for a bit while writing this song.
I think this is the fifth song I’ve written about exes in this challenge… My exes just really haunt my brain. Not in the sense of yearning for them or thinking about them constantly, but more in the sense of: our shared history is always informing my decisions on some level, however indirectly, and I refer back to each of them as mental touchstones in the way I conceptualize my life story, whether in writing or just in my head. So it makes sense that I’m referring to them and considering them in a lot of songs.
Song 33/52: “Nobody Likes Me”
Lyrics:
I wish I’d made a few more friends back in college
It was too hard with all my doubt and anxiety
Instead, I filled my little head with lots of knowledge
And kept it down if anybody talked to me
I didn’t wanna be alone
I didn’t wanna spend my nights at home
I didn’t wanna be that girl
Who stays inside and never sees the world
Chorus:
How do I shake off the feeling that nobody likes me?
How do I go to the party when no one invites me?
How do I banish all the shyness from my mind?
How do I learn that other people can be kind?
But hey, I’m doing fine
My classmates tried to make new friends, oh so sweetly
And I did too, but I was nervous, and it showed
I never let nobody in, not completely
‘Cause then they’d see that I’m a fraud and then they’d go
I didn’t wanna scare them away
I didn’t wanna hear what they might say
I didn’t wanna be so meek
That no one in my class had heard me speak
(repeat chorus)
Don’t worry, there’s a happy ending
I think I’ve finally found the key
Because at last, I stopped pretending
And I went to therapy
I investigated all the shit that makes me wanna hide
And divested from the stresses that were festering inside
Now I’m happier and healthier and I’ve got friends
I hope that’s how your story ends
How do I shake off the feeling that nobody likes me?
How do I get down to healing my jumbled-up psyche?
How do I banish all the shyness from my mind?
How do I learn that other people can be kind?
But hey, I’m doing fine
Hey, I’m doing fine
Songwriting diary:
As I’ve done a few times before in this challenge, I used a random word generator to pick 3 words to inspire a song, and the words it gave me this time were “form,” “college,” and “shallow.” I didn’t end up incorporating either of the other words, but “college” got me thinking about how much I struggled socially and mental health-wise during my time at university. I already have a song that I wrote about anxiety while I was in the thick of it, but hadn’t really written one that looked back at that time in my life from a further-removed vantage point.
The second line of the chorus (“How do I go to the party when no one invites me?”) went through more rewrites than any single line of lyrics in this entire challenge thus far. I had trapped myself by wanting it to rhyme in 3 different places with the preceding line (originally the two lines went, “How do I shake off the feeling that nobody likes me?/ How do I wake up from dreaming that everyone fights me?”) and then I talked to my friend Brent about it and decided to let go of the need for it to be packed with internal rhymes. I’m not Sondheim and that’s okay!
Song 34/52: “The Lube Song”
Lyrics:
Chorus:
Lube, lube, glorious lube
The special sauce of sex
When you’re in the mood
Or when you’re not, it can get you wet
Let’s talk about water-based
It’s available almost any place
It’s compatible with toys and condoms too
So you can do whatever you wanna do
The trouble is, it’ll dry up fast
But add some water and it’ll last
It can cost less than ten bucks a tube
And that’s water-based lube
(repeat chorus)
Let’s talk about silicone
It’s smooth as silk and it makes ’em moan
But silicone toys can be damaged by
This kind of lube; ask a scientist why
It’ll last and last, but it’ll stain your sheets
And just make sure it doesn’t leak
If you spill it, you’re fucked, and you have to move
And that’s silicone lube
(repeat chorus)
There’s one more type of lube I forgot to mention
I don’t have many in my collection
Oil-based lube is a great invention
But watch out – it can cause infection
It’s fine for dicks in most cases
But not for more internal places
Your gynecologist might disapprove
And that’s oil-based lube
(repeat chorus)
Lube, lube, glorious lube
So many kinds to explore
When you’re in the mood
Or when you’re not, you can still use more
Songwriting diary:
I walked down to the beach with my notebook and pen, and sat down to write some lyrics. I hadn’t pre-chosen a topic, but for some reason, after a few minutes of staring blankly into space pondering different ideas, the words “Lube, glorious lube” jumped into my head and I was off to the races.
As I wrote the rest of the lyrics, a bunch of children gathered very close by as their parents snapped a bunch of summery group shots. I have no idea why they chose that location, as I was no doubt photobombing them and they could’ve moved a few feet in either direction and been fine. But now, somewhere, there’s a series of family photos in which a sunglasses-clad stranger in the background is hunched over a notebook writing lewd lyrics about lubricant.
I had a lot of trouble accepting this as a “real song” even once I came home and put it to music. Jokey songs are not really my forte, and I also often feel guilty about “taking the easy route” when I write a song that’s this structurally simple. But I’ve received more positive feedback on this song than for practically any other in this challenge (which probably has a lot to do with my pre-existing sex-positive audience) so I should be gentler with myself about lighthearted songs like this one in the future.
Song 35/52: “Stay”
(Content note: this song deals with themes of depression and suicide)
Lyrics:
The depression’s pressin’ down on you
It can do whatever it wants to
Now you’re stressin’, dressin’ for the day
Wondering: what’s the point anyway?
I wanna hype you up
But I’m worried I’m not too tough
I wanna be your savior
But then I need to be braver
Chorus:
Maybe I’m not really a friend at all
If I can’t stop you and you end it all
Maybe I’m not as good as I say
If I can’t stop you and you go away
Hey hey, hey hey, I really want you to stay
Hey hey, hey hey, I know it’s harder to do than it is to say
When the news is lookin’ especially bleak
And you’ve had a really shitty week
Can I see you and feed you dinner, please
Or whatever else you’re gonna need?
I wanna keep you here
But the path is not too clear
How can I help you through
When I’m struggling just like you?
(repeat chorus)
Hey hey, hey hey, I really want you to stay
Hey hey, hey hey, I just want you to be okay
Songwriting diary:
I woke up in a panic one morning after having a really scary dream where a friend of mine was feeling suicidal and I actually heard him going through with it in another room. After checking the friend’s Twitter to make sure he was actually doing fine (and getting some nice hugs from my spouse, who was staying with me at the time and is very used to comforting me after anxiety dreams, which I have a lot), I took out my journal and wrote the lyrics to this song.
My partner got up to take a shower and I grabbed my phone to make some quick recordings of the melody I heard in my head. It was then that I improvised the “Hey hey, hey hey/ I really want you to stay…” part of the song, which ended up becoming key to its overall structure.
When I sat down at an instrument a few hours later to figure out the chords, I realized that in my head, the song really only had one chord. This is extremely unusual for me and I wondered if I should scrap the whole song because it was too simple. But then I remembered reading in various songwriting books earlier this year that one-chord songs are valid and not even uncommon in the worlds of pop, rock, and blues. So I put together an arrangement in Garageband to spice it up a bit, and I like how it came out!