Author: Kate Sloan

Which Sex Toy Should You Buy Your Sweetie For Valentine’s Day?

Kate Sloan

Buying sex toys for someone other than yourself is always a gamble. (Hell, sometimes buying one for yourself is a gamble.) It’s a very personal category of product, like porn or perfume; you can’t necessarily know what’ll work for someone even if you think you know them very well. Usually you’re better off getting them a gift card, or taking them shopping.

That said, there are a few products out that I think are relatively safe bets, depending on you and your partner’s tastes and bits. Here are my top Valentine’s gifts recommendations for 2020…

The We-Vibe Chorus is a brand-new offering from the company that basically invented the couples’ vibe. (Yes, I am side-eying every company who’s ever ripped off We-Vibe’s original, award-winning design very hard right now.) Like the We-Vibe Sync, it’s an adjustable, C-shaped vibrator meant to be worn with one arm inserted to hit the G-spot and one outside on the clit. However, unlike the Sync, you control the vibrations by squeezing the accompanying remote, like a sexy li’l stress ball (or you can turn off that function and just use it like a regular remote).

In a departure for We-Vibe, this one uses a technology called AnkorLink in lieu of Bluetooth – supposedly it’ll maintain its connection more consistently because it can pass through flesh better. You can control the vibe with the remote or with We-Vibe’s proprietary We-Connect app, making this a viable option for long-distance partners as well as local ones. If you like (or think you would like) couples’ vibes for use during sex in private or play in public, this is the most glorious new one I’ve seen in years.

Available at SheVibe.

The Magic Wand Plus is a long-awaited addition to Vibratex’s Magic Wand family. It bridges the gap between the overly strong, loud, plug-in, porous-headed Magic Wand Original and the comparatively sleek, 4-speed, silicone-topped Magic Wand Rechargeable (still one of my all-time favorite vibrators). The Plus has the silicone head and the 4 speeds, but not the rechargeability – or the high price tag.

This makes it, as far as I’m concerned, the best choice for someone who thinks they want a wand, or a powerful vibrator in general, but isn’t totally sure and doesn’t want to drop $100+ on one. It’s a luxury electric wand at a decent price, and if my Vibratex experiences are anything to go by, it’ll last you a good long time. (My MWR is still going strong after nearly 5 years.) Go forth and buzz!

Available at SheVibe, and the Smitten Kitten.

PinkCherry sent me one of their Candy Hearts butt plugs recently and, while I’m not normally one for super cutesy sex toys, this one is kind of charming. It’s silicone and the base is made to look like a candy conversation heart emblazoned with an explicit message. This is the kind of thing that sells like hotcakes in sex shops around this time every year.

Of course, part of the appeal here is that a gentle, adorable aesthetic can make a toy seem less intimidating. Butt stuff is old hat for many people, but if your partner is an anal newbie (and digs hyperfemme style), this might be just the thing to help ease them in – and at a totally doable price point, too. With its 1.6″ diameter, this plug isn’t totally beginner-friendly but would probably be comfortable for most butts after at least a few minutes of warm-up with (extremely lubricated) fingers. Happy Valentine’s to your butt!

Available at PinkCherry U.S. and PinkCherry Canada.

I’ve wanted a Liberator Decor Heart Wedge for years even though I already have their (very similar) Wedge and Jaz shapes. What can I say – I’m a sucker for hearts. As with most of Liberator’s products, this one is essentially a firm foam pillow made for supporting bodies during sex. It holds weight far better than a stack of regular ol’ pillows, and the soft casing can be zipped off for laundering, so don’t worry about ruining your “velvish” heart with semen or squirt!

I think this would be an especially lovely gift if your sweetheart has been experiencing body pain or some other health condition that makes certain sex positions more difficult or uncomfortable to get into lately. However, I think pretty much any sexually active person could benefit from having one of these around. Sometimes you just need a little help finding the right angle, and you might as well do that using a product whose aesthetic makes you smile.

Available at SheVibe.

I got a chance to check out the new Womanizer Premium at ANME Founders recently and was really impressed with how far this line’s “Pleasure Air” technology has come. Incase you haven’t heard, companies like Womanizer and Satisfyer are cranking out toys that use tiny blasts of air to create touchless clitoral stimulation that feels something like a mix between oral sex, a clit pump, and a tiny person rap-tap-tapping on your junk. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it certainly is unique!

As far as I can tell, the main things setting apart this latest model from previous Womanizers is the highly ergonomic, sexy shape – which I think would make it particularly suitable for use during PIV sex – and the extra power. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on one of these, because – unlike the tacky, leopard-print and rhinestoned Womanizers of yore – the Premium is elegant, modern, and totally covetable.

Available at SheVibe, and the Smitten Kitten.

 

What sex toys do you have your eyes on for Valentine’s Day?

10 Ways to Increase the Pleasure Quotient in Your Life

Kate Sloan

I’m a Taurus, which – according to many astrological authorities – means I am a born pleasure seeker. We Taureans are supposedly prone to seeking out magnificent foods, lounging in comfy clothes, pursuing mind-blowingly raucous sex, and just generally chasing “the finer things” in life. If you ever need advice on how to bring more sensual pleasure in your world, ask a Taurus!

On that note… today I have 10 suggestions for non-sexual ways to make your life more pleasurable. In a world like this, we need (and deserve) all the joy we can find. Here are some methods you could try…

 

1. Deepen your social connections and make new ones.

Okay, everyone likes to socialize in different ways, and feels juiced up by slightly different methods of socializing, so here are a bunch of suggestions you can take or leave. Invite a Facebook acquaintance to an improv show. Have brunch with your mom. Start throwing a monthly potluck dinner party for your friends and people you wish were your friends. Vow to eschew all shallow small-talk on Tinder and jump right into the deep end with every match. Strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you at the bar, if they seem open to that. Go to local meetup groups for your various interests and hobbies. Invite some of your Twitter mutuals over for board games. Ask the dude at the coffee shop what he’s reading and whether it’s any good. Text an old friend and ask them how they’re doing.

Humans are social creatures, and even if you revel in your alone time (god knows I do), your brain might benefit from the boost of good neurotransmitters you can get from a positive social interaction. Look for ways to further infuse your life with what is, for you, a joyful-yet-manageable amount of socializing!

 

2. Upgrade the sensory details in your home. (Thanks to Kaja – @KajaEcho on Twitter – for this suggestion!)

I’m not asking you to buy a Ladurée candle and velvet bedsheets, although… you do you! Even on a budget, it’s possible to make small changes to the way your space looks, feels, smells, and sounds. Put up some printed photos of you and your loved ones. Mix a little lavender oil into your evening bath. Fall in love with some new musical artists and play them through a Bluetooth speaker while you fold laundry. Rearrange some furniture so your home feels fresh again. Put up some fairy lights to give your space some cozy charm. Change your laundry detergent to a new scent that makes you happy. Stock up on delicious teas and cute mugs to drink them out of.

These upgrades might seem small, but they can change the way you experience your home and your life. Try some stuff out and see what sticks!

 

3. Learn something new.

When you fall down a WIkipedia rabbit hole, or pick up a new musical instrument, or start practicing a new language, not only do you expand your mind and your skillset – you also potentially activate “flow state,” a mental space where focus and enjoyment combine with the pleasure of feeling challenged. Regularly being “in the zone” like this is linked to better moods and increased overall satisfaction with life.

Pursuing new skills and knowledge can also make you feel more capable and empowered, and that’s a pleasurable feeling!

 

4. Laugh more.

This has major effects neurochemically, so while it’s not strictly true that “laughter is the best medicine,” it can certainly help!

Your city (or a city near-ish you) probably has improv or sketch shows you could go to. Netflix overflows with stand-up comedy specials. Lots of people online are making hilarious and under-discovered videos and podcasts. Plus you probably have at least one incredibly funny friend who you haven’t talked to in a while. As the McElroy brothers would say, “Fill your life with laughter and love!”

 

5. Enjoy food and drink more deeply. (Feel free to skip this section if food and/or drink stuff is triggering or upsetting for you for whatever reason.)

When I polled people on Twitter about their favorite non-sexual ways to access pleasure, this was one of the big themes that emerged. Many people deeply enjoy not only consuming fine foods and drinks, but also the processes of making them, learning about them, and/or serving them.

How could you dig deeper into whatever pleasure you already get from food and drink? Would it excite you to take a cocktail-making class? To tour the best Mexican restaurants in your city? To learn to bake a cheesecake from scratch? Would mealtime feel more decadent if you had some new plates and bowls? Would you enjoy your evening glass of wine more if you took some time to learn about wine-tasting? Is your go-to favorite pasta recipe in need of a new flavor profile? Lean into any preexisting passions you have in this area and see how far they can take you.

 

6. Let art awe you.

When I think about all the art out there that I’ve never seen, or even heard of, it makes my head spin! You never know when you’re going to discover your next favorite movie/book/band. Art can change your life and your whole worldview – or it can just cheer you up on a sad day.

If you’re not sure where to start, ask some trusted friends for recommendations, or peruse lists online of “The Best 100 [Memoirs/Concept Albums/Romantic Comedies/Whatever] of All Time.” Keep an open mind and let all the beauty and brilliance wash over you.

 

7. Keep track of your pleasure patterns.

The question “What makes me feel good?” might seem fairly easy to answer – but the thing is, you only know what you’re consciously aware makes you feel good. There could be lots of things that bring you great joy and comfort but that you haven’t explicitly identified as such.

Keeping a “pleasure diary” of sorts would be a good way to figure this out. Next time a day or moment feels really good, take the time to make a note of the factors involved – who you were with, what you were doing, what was going on around you – and see, after a while, if you notice any patterns. This information will be useful in shaping your life to better suit you.

 

8. Spend more time in nature. (Thanks to Jaimee – @jaimeebell_ on Twitter – for this suggestion!)

I’m a pretty “indoorsy” girl, so I often forget this, but connecting with the natural world can be really uplifting. I love taking long walks while listening to podcasts. An ex of mine always felt better after a bike ride to the beach. A writer I admire tries to make time each day to stand barefoot on the earth. It might sound very woo-woo, but somehow, our petty human problems seem smaller in the face of our planet’s massiveness and beauty. Spend some time near water, or trees, or mountains, or even just urban botanical gardens. It’s cheerifying in a completely different way than, say, marathonning a TV show on your couch (although I love to do that too!).

 

9. Explore more non-sexual touch.

Get a massage. Ask your friend if they’d like to cuddle while you watch a movie together. Moisturize your entire body, slowly, while listening to soothing music. Spoon your partner in bed while really focusing on and noticing all the parts of their body that are touching yours. Use a vibrator on your neck and shoulders after a long day. Give your family really good hugs the next time you see them. Despite the way our culture teaches us (especially men) to be somewhat touch-phobic, touch is good for you and can potentially lift your spirits a lot.

 

10. Do work you care about.

Granted, capitalism doesn’t always leave us much time for this… but if you regularly spend even an hour a day on, say, Twitter or YouTube, maybe that time could be rerouted into something more productive and satisfying.

This could take the form of volunteering for a cause you feel strongly about, like canvassing for your favorite political candidate or taking calls at an emotional support hotline. Perhaps you’d like to start a “side hustle” you find meaningful, like writing a blog that would’ve helped you if it had existed when you were a teen (hello, it me), or starting a podcast that highlights marginalized voices. Maybe you want to take more steps toward one of your “big dreams,” like by taking a class on how to write a book proposal, or getting your pilot’s license. We’re all inundated with mind-numbing busywork at least some of the time, but anything you can do to bust yourself out of that will give your life a joy boost.

 

What are your favorite non-sexual ways to access pleasure?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

The Choc-Block: An Erotic Chocolate Cocktail

Kate Sloan

I recently received a Valentine’s-themed “care package” from a sex toy company I sometimes work with. Among its contents was a bottle of Shunga chocolate body paint, an “aphrodisiac” product made for the type of light food-play often recommended by Cosmopolitan et al. (Do vanilla people know that when they smear each other with whipped cream like these magazines suggest, they are engaging in sploshing?!)

I’m not exactly a food-play aficionado (I think the closest I’ve come to a sploshing scene, other than that one cakesitting party, was the time I ate an M&M that had become fused to my skin after I accidentally had sex on top of it), but when my friend Dick joked on Twitter that he’d happily try out this “body paint” on top of some ice cream, a lightbulb went on over my head: why not make a cocktail with this stuff?

I happened to have a smoky scotch on hand (Johnnie Walker Red is my fave at a low price point, and I wouldn’t dare mix something as pricey as, say, Laphroaig with a cheap-ass sex sauce), and thought the peppery flavor would go well with chocolate. I threw in some ginger bitters to round out the spicy flavor profile, although I bet this would also be delicious with orange or chocolate bitters. I didn’t add a garnish because I didn’t have any (FOR SHAME), but an orange peel – or even a little chocolate truffle skewered on a cocktail pick – would be excellent here.

An important note: as far as I can tell, this body paint – like other “edible” “novelty” sex items of its ilk – is not officially meant for consumption, and has not undergone the rigorous safety testing it would legally have to if it were advertised as a food product. I’ve been sipping this drink for a few minutes and haven’t died yet, but… partake at your own risk, okay?

With that out of the way, here’s the cocktail recipe I came up with, The Choc-Block (which is, yes, a tongue-in-cheek cockblocking reference in the name of this drink made with an… “aphrodisiac” product):

Mix well over ice (like, seriously, mix well – the chocolate is viscous and takes some time to incorporate). Strain into a glass over a big ice cube. Garnish if desired.

To my tongue, this drink mostly just tastes like a slightly mellower, sweeter version of the scotch I already enjoy. I might return to this recipe in the future if I want something boozy without the burn, or if I’m just looking for a refreshing dessert-y nightcap.

By the way, Shunga didn’t sponsor this post… I am just a fucking weirdo who likes to do strange stuff like this. I hope you enjoy this bev if you decide to make it yourself!

The Most Exciting New Sex Toys I Saw at ANME

Kate Sloan

Last weekend in Burbank, California, I attended my first ANME Founders, a tradeshow where sex toy manufacturers hobnob with retailers and media-makers while showing off their latest flashy toys. It was an exhausting trip – me and Bex were there drumming up interest for a forthcoming publishing project we’re working on – but the toys excited me nonetheless. Here are my faves that I saw…

California Exotics has a new line of bullets coming out called Glam. They are shiny and pretty, but – as anyone who’s read (or written) a lot of sex toy reviews could tell you – that doesn’t always mean a product is good-quality or can make you come.

However, when I picked up this bullet and turned it on, I said, “Whoa!” It was way rumblier than I was expecting. It also comes in a gorgeous turquoisey-blue. I’ll be impatiently refreshing the CalEx website until they release this little beaut.

Likewise, Dame has also released a new bullet. It’s called the Zee, and it is bright blue, USB-rechargeable, and decently rumbly (it’s comparable to their Kip clitoral vibrator which I reviewed recently). It’s cool to see this company expanding their catalogue so colorfully, and putting effort into making sure their motors are great.

I was heartened to see that many companies are now offering vibes that are easy to grip between your fingers, like the Blush Novelties Noje B6. As someone with a chronic pain disorder that often manifests as soreness, stiffness, and/or weakness in my hands, I appreciate having options that don’t require me to (literally) white-knuckle my way through hand pain in order to get off.

The folks at Clone-a-Willy have created a vulva-focused version of their flagship product: you can cast a mold of your bits and attach them to a Fleshlight-esque sleeve. A lot of people ask me whether there’ll ever be something similar for the inside of the vagina, but the folks at Clone-a-Willy told me that would be invasive and scientifically difficult – I would imagine because of the way the vag flattens in on itself when not “in use.” But this product is a perfectly serviceable substitute, and frankly I think my partner, for one, would be plenty happy owning a fuckable facsimile of my bits!

In a stroke of true genius, a company called CellMate has introduced an app-controllable chastity device. It’s ideal for people who like to do solo chastity play as well as folks who prefer to do it with a partner acting as their “keyholder.”

I suspect this product is also geared toward pro dommes (including those who only interact with clients online), since a sales rep told me one person can control up to 50 devices from their app at a time! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love the ingenuity of kinksters.

Finally: maybe this is old news – I wouldn’t know, because I barely follow Lelo anymore, now that they’ve fucked up so many times that I kinda feel gross even using their toys – but Lelo now makes a beauteous turquoise version of their large Smart Wand. I loved mine when I owned one, but the battery completely died after less than two years. If they’ve updated this toy’s inner workings so the battery lasts longer and the toy doesn’t have weird mechanical defects, that could be intriguing… if not for the fact that they still haven’t answered for their various past missteps. SIGH.

What upcoming sex toys are you excited about?

Behind the Seams: Couples’ Edition

Kate Sloan

I’ve always enjoyed the thought of dating someone whose personal style mattered to them, whose grooming and aesthetic were joyful components of their life rather than just perfunctory choices. I admired couples who posed together for chic outfit photos on my favorite lifestyle blogs, and occasionally tried to match my ensemble to my beaux’. This wasn’t just vanity for me – a couple’s outward coordination feels to me like a manifestation of their inward coordination (though of course this isn’t the case for everybody). Matching felt like a love language. Dressing up to delight a partner felt like an act of sweet service.

I’m fortunate that my partner now agrees with me on these points, and we love to go on fancy dates together dressed in outfits that subtly reference each other’s (and also sometimes get us free drinks). Here are some of my faves we’ve worn lately…

December 13, 2019

For our two-year anniversary, we packed up our stuff for a brief staycation at Toronto’s beautiful Broadview Hotel. I’d watched its construction with eager fascination years ago (it was built from a broken-down and legendary old strip club called Jilly’s) but had never stayed there, so I was excited to check it out.

After getting very pretty, we went to the hotel’s rooftop bar for a drink, and then to Michael’s on Simcoe for a magnificent steak dinner. I made our waiter cry by thanking him for correctly gendering my partner. It was a good night.

mb is wearing:

  • Grey suit – Suitsupply
  • White collared shirt
  • Blue/pink/silver tie – vintage Emilio Pucci and was one of my birthday gifts for them the previous year (I love Pucci!!)
  • Black leather shoes – Allen Edmonds
  • Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush”

I am wearing:

December 30, 2019

For mb’s 29th birthday, we went out with a bunch of their pals for a huge prix-fixe meal at a fancy Japanese restaurant, followed by cocktails at Kind Regards. I felt so surrounded by love and joviality all night!

mb is wearing:

  • Pink blazer – thrifted earlier that day at a Goodwill in Manhattan; we were shopping for fancy vintage clothes to wear to a different party (see below) and I saw this, gasped, and MADE them try it on – doesn’t it look amazing?!
  • White collared shirt
  • Blue/purple/pink tie – also vintage and also a gift from me last year; this one’s by Express Design Studio
  • Black jeans, I think?
  • Black and gold “Please use they/them pronouns” pin

I am wearing:

  • Black sparkly velvet halter dress – Forever 21 a few years ago
  • Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
  • Black leggings – H&M
  • Black harness boots – Frye (an anniversary gift from mb)
  • My collar again
Photo by Scott Stanger

January 4, 2020

In late 2018 I met the great Tara Isabella Burton after I read her first book and she interviewed me about kink for her second. This year, she invited mb and I to her “unwedding“: a black-tie party meant to celebrate her not getting married. The dress code said “as extra as possible” and we took that to heart.

The party was wild. I swilled prosecco and cocktails, exchanged cringey ex stories with a brocade-clad bartender, debated modern movies with a film critic, watched a YouTube-famous chef swing-dance to a live jazz band, met (and kissed) a beautiful litigator, met (and kissed) a flirtatious professor, wobbled around in my heels, and just generally had a raucous good time. Congrats to Tara on “not getting married today“!

mb is wearing:

  • Blue velvet blazer – J. Crew (I SHRIEKED when I saw this; as has previously been discussed, I have feelings about velvet)
  • White collared shirt
  • Charcoal grey suit pants – also J. Crew
  • Red and navy tie – also J. Crew
  • Black leather shoes – Allen Edmonds

I am wearing:

  • Red lace dress – vintage via my mom; she bought it in the early ’80s to cover a Phantom of the Opera premiere for Global TV, and it miraculously fits me perfectly
  • Blue satin Christian Louboutin peeptoe pumps – a gift from mb, bought vintage from TheRealReal at 75% off the original price
  • Blue tulle hair clip – a gift from my friend Eric years ago
  • Silver sparkly clutch – bought vintage for $10 from the now-defunct Melanie’s Closet in Kensington Market in 2007
  • My collar again

Do you ever dress to match your partner(s)?