Author: Kate Sloan

Sextistics: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown (2018)

Kate Sloan

Happy new year, friends! I hope your New Year’s Eve was lovely and that your 2019 brings exciting experiences, sweet comforts, big laughs, and as much (or as little) sex as you would like.

As you probably already know if you’ve been following me for a while, I keep a sex spreadsheet. It’s nerdy, yes – but it’s also endlessly useful for me as a sex writer, when I need to refer back to the facts of an encounter I’m writing about. Not to mention, it helps me reflect on what works and doesn’t work for me sexually, so I can make better decisions for myself going forward.

Lots of folks have been inquiring about my spreadsheet lately in my email and DMs, as it’s the time of year to start on such things if you are inclined to – so here’s all I’ve written about it so far in one handy-dandy list:

  • My original blog post about it explains some reasons you might want to keep a sex spreadsheet, and gives some tips for making your own.
  • Last year I wrote a piece for Glamour about it, too, which goes into detail about what I learned from my 2017 spreadsheet and what I planned to change about my sex life going forward.
  • Here’s a Twitter thread in which I talk about not only my sex spreadsheet but also the spreadsheets I kept of my orgasms and first dates in 2017. There are screenshots!
  • Here’s my Sextistics post from last year, where I listed a bunch of stats and findings from my 2017 spreadsheets.
  • Incase you need it, here’s a blank template of my spreadsheet which you can adapt for your own purposes. But honestly, I think building one for your exact needs is part of the geeky joy of this endeavor!

Okay, now that you know why and how I keep sex stats, let’s get into the stats themselves! Time to crunch some numbers…

Overview

  • In 2018, I had partnered sex 147 times. That works out to an average of 12.25 times per month, 2.83 times per week, and 0.40 per day. (This is particularly wild if you know that 92.52% of the sex I had this year was with my long-distance partner, who I only see for a few days each month.)
  • I had 144 orgasms from partnered sex.
  • Meanwhile, my partners had a total of 154 orgasms during sex with me. (Look, I’m not saying my blowjobs are legendary, but…)
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of the kink activities I incorporated into partnered sex this year: biting, bondage, bootblacking, choking/gagging, DD/lg roleplay, electrostimulation, face-slapping, facials, fisting (attempted), gloryholes, human furniture play, hypnosis, intoxication, kicking, knife play, medical roleplay, pegging, punching, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, spanking, squirting, tickling, trampling, watersports, wax play.

Compared to Last Year…

  • I had 79.26% more sex.
  • I had an orgasm in 97.96% of the sex I had, versus 93.90% last year.
  • I had 76.92% fewer partners!

Partners

  • I had a total of 3 sexual partners this year: my current boyfriend, a former romantic partner, and a friend with benefits. This is a pretty significant drop from previous years (13 in 2017, 12 in 2016). Just wasn’t feelin’ slutty this year, I guess.
  • One of those partners (33.33%) was a new addition this year, bringing my total number of lifetime partners up to 30 (that’s a 3.45% increase from this time last year).
  • I met one of those partners on Twitter, one via a podcast interview, and one at our former mutual workplace – all in 2017.
  • The percentage of times each partner gave me an orgasm range from 50.00% to 101.47%. Predictably, since comfort and familiarity are important factors in my sexual enjoyment, the more sex I had with a person this year, the higher their frequency of giving me orgasms became.
  • My partners this year were, on average, 7 years older than me (up from 5.6 years older last year) – though, notably, the person I had the most sex with and who gave me the most orgasms is only 1.33 years older than me.
  • 66.67% of my partners this year were cis men and the other 33.33% was a non-binary person.
  • Astrologically speaking (!), 66.67% of my partners this year were fellow earth signs (one Taurus, one Capricorn). The third was a Scorpio.

Locations

  • I had sex in a total of 12 different locations this year.
  • These included: my place, my parents’ place (once!), a partner’s place, a sex club, and 8 different hotels (5 in New York, 1 in Alexandria, 1 in Boston, 1 in Toronto).
  • The locations likeliest to facilitate orgasm for me were: the Standard High Line hotel in New York (150.00%), the Ace Hotel in New York (116.67%), the Godfrey Hotel in Boston (114.29%), my own home (106.17%), and the Hilton Mark Center hotel in Alexandria (100.00%).
  • The locations least likely to facilitate orgasm for me were: a sex club (50.00%) and a former partner’s place (50.00%).

Highs and Lows

  • My most sexually active month was December (33 times), because I was able to spend more time than ever with my long-distance partner (a week in Toronto, a long weekend in New York). We’re still not quite sure how we fit 33 sex sessions into 11 days together, but okay.
  • My least sexually active month was February (6 times) because it was one of my shortest visits with my partner.
  • I had the most partnered orgasms in December (31) and the fewest in January and February (6 each). This just makes sense, given that people get better at getting me off the better they know me and my body.
  • The highest number of times I had sex in one day was 5, because, uh, sometimes my partner and I go a bit overboard when we haven’t seen each other in a while and finally get to be together. Hilariously, the day that this happened was 4/20, but we weren’t even high!
  • The most orgasms I had in a partnered sex session was 2 (this happened 10 times throughout the year – yay), which might not seem like a lot for some of you, but is pretty impressive for my relatively mono-orgasmic body.

Correlations

  • The sex acts most highly correlated with orgasm for me were using a vibe on my clit while a partner fingerbanged me (56 times), using a vibe on my clit while a partner fucked me with a dildo (53), and receiving oral sex while being fingerbanged (24).
  • Less common ways I got off were using my fingers on my clit while a partner fingerbanged me (9 times) and using my fingers on my clit while a partner’s dick was inside me (only once this year!).
  • Common reasons I didn’t come at all (which happened 13 times) were: I was sick/tired, the location of the encounter made me feel self-conscious or uncomfortable, or I was more focused on getting my partner off.
  • I’ve noticed connections between my income and my sexual activity in previous years. This year, my highest-income month was indeed also my most sexually active month (December), and one of my lowest-income months was also one of my fewest-orgasms months (October), which suggests to me that perhaps financial anxiety inhibits pleasure, and financial security makes good sex more accessible to me, both physically/logistically (airfare and hotels are expensive!) and emotionally/mentally.

Toys

  • My most-used vibrators with partners were the Magic Wand Rechargeable (46 times), Doxy #3 (30), We-Vibe Tango (21), and Eroscillator (20). What these all have in common is that they’re rumbly and can reliably get me off (although the Doxy #3 has tons of mechanical problems so the word “reliable” is a bit of a stretch).
  • My most-used dildos with partners were the Njoy Eleven (18 times), Fucking Sculptures Corkscrew (18), Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble (13), and Vixen Creations Randy (2). Using dildos with partners was a less frequent occurrence for me this year than it often has been, likely because I was fucking people who are highly skilled with their fingers.
  • My most-used impact implements with partners were my Weal & Breech purpleheart truncheon (7 times), Kronic Sensations wooden bat (4), Weal & Breech purpleheart paddle (4), Viktoria Creations leather bat (4), and Weal & Breech purpleheart mallet (3).
  • Frequently-used toys in other categories were my under-the-bed restraints (7 times), Aslan Leather harness paired with Godemiche Ambit for pegging (7), a blindfold (4), and the Neon Wand (3).

Did you keep a sex spreadsheet this year? Do you plan to try it out in 2019?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 1 Fantastic Toy Company

Kate Sloan

Every December, I choose and highlight one company whose products tangibly improved my year, and that I think all my readers need to know about. Usually it’s a tricky decision, but the astute among you could probably already guess what company I chose, because I’ve been harping on about them all year long: Weal & Breech and L’Amour-Propre.

“But Kate!” you might be saying. “That’s two companies!” Yes, technically. But they’re run by the same duo, Josh and Tal, both excellent humans who make kinky trinkets here in my hometown of Toronto. And frankly, I couldn’t pick just one!

L’Amour-Propre deals primarily in acrylic pins and suede collars, each of which I have several of. My first item from them was a turquoise suede collar, bought basically as a fashion accessory late last year. However, as my relationship with my then-new partner developed, more and more products by this delightful little company became important in the story of our ~looove~. My darlin’ bought me a “Pun Slut” pin, for example, because he understands my soul. And when we decided we both wanted him to collar me, this royal blue suede collar was the only option we ever seriously considered. I still vividly remember the way he stared at me in the NoMad dining room as we discussed our collaring plans – like he couldn’t wait to wrap that suede around my neck and own me.

That collar was beautiful and served us well. But we were even more thrilled when, a few months later, we inquired about a custom upgrade because the suede wasn’t quite holding up to the sweaty wear-and-tear we’d put it through. Tal sought out a gorgeous blue leather at our request, and made a new collar for me that has thus far proved much hardier. We greatly appreciated Tal’s willingness to make our dream collar a reality.

Another fave kinky accessory of mine comes from L’Amour-Propre too: a heart-shaped lock we had engraved with the word “Daddy’s.” I wear mine on a chain around my neck to occasions where my regular collar might look out of place or not quite fancy enough. I adore it.

As a side note: Tal also does custom-engraved pins, which are ideal if you’re going to an event and want to clearly telegraph your name, Twitter handle, pronouns, or any other crucial information. And their new leather bookmarks are a kinky bookworm’s dream.

Weal & Breech, meanwhile, makes impact toys more gorgeous than any I have ever seen. I’ve collected several of their products over the two years they’ve been in business: a sturdy and stingy paddle, a sensually smooth truncheon, and a terrifying pair of nipple clamps. All of mine are made of purpleheart wood, because I enjoy the matchy-ness of that, and because it’s visually stunning.

Most recently, though, my partner reached out to W&B’s founder Josh to inquire about an anniversary gift for me. The company had recently Instagrammed prototypes of a hefty new mallet they had in the works, and both my BF and I had drooled over ’em and wanted one real bad. My partner asked if Josh could make one for me, and Josh – who I think of as the Ollivander of impact toys – knew, of course, that it should be made of purpleheart to match my other pieces. The final, perfect touch is a wrist strap made of the same blue leather as my collar – another thing my partner didn’t even have to request. Josh and Tal are sweetheart-geniuses. My mallet is unimaginably beautiful, and easily the thuddiest impact toy I own. Swoooon!

What was your favorite sex toy company of the year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 2 Fears Defeated

Kate Sloan

I’ve conquered a lot of fears in the past few years, or at least attempted to. Hell, life with an anxiety disorder is basically just a long process of battling fears, like walking through a brambly underbrush with a machete in each hand. In 2015 I upped my blowjob game and delved into threesomes; in 2016 I fucked on camera and navigated casual sex; and last year I explored polyamory more deeply and got better at tactful rejection. That’s a whole lotta scary things, and I’m proud of myself!

Here are two things I’d previously feared, that I managed to face head-on in 2018…

Long-distance relationships

I swore, when I was younger, that I would never fuck with an LDR. “I need a lot of attention and physical affection,” I reasoned, “and that just isn’t practical if the person lives far away.” What I had neglected to plan for, however, is that sometimes you fall in love with a geographically distant person even if you had planned not to – and that distance does not have to preclude the exchange of attention and affection.

Knowing full well about the hurdles long-distance couples face, my partner and I approached our relationship with thoughtfulness and intentionality. We built systems and routines that helped bolster our burgeoning intimacy: good-morning texts, near-nightly phone conversations, FaceTime calls whenever convenient, selfies and tweets and emails. We crafted a sex life from sexting and phone sex (more on that in a sec) that feels as real, enjoyable, and important to me as any in-person sexual connection I’ve ever had. We made it clear to each other, day by day by day, that we are committed to making this relationship work and making it last. We look for new ways to do that all the time.

We’re also deeply privileged to live not terribly far from each other – a 90-minute flight or an ~11-hour bus ride – and to be able to afford to see each other about once a month. It’s funny: when we first started dating, we agreed that 2 months was about the maximum amount of time we’d ever want to go without seeing each other, but we’ve never actually waited that long. The longest we’ve spent apart at a time is about 5 weeks, but we average around 3 weeks between each visit. Sometimes it’s hard, but it’s always doable.

Ultimately I’ve come to realize that long-distance relationships – if they’re as conscientiously intimate as this one – may actually be better suited to how my brain works than local ones, in some ways. I’m an easily-overwhelmed introvert, so being able to talk to my partner while pajama-clad in my bed at the end of the day is often preferable to, say, going out for drinks or schlepping my stuff to someone’s house in the cold. When a local partner is too busy to see me for a while, my anxious brain takes it as a personal affront – but somehow it still feels like a treat every time my long-distance partner spends time with me over the phone. Our in-person visits give me something to look forward to, like a life preserver to cling onto when I feel depressed, and also give me motivation to deep-clean my room at least once a month. It’s pretty ideal, actually.

I’m not saying long-distance relationships are something I’ll continue to look for in the future – it’s my hope that they’ll be a rare exception in my life, rather than a commonplace thing – but I’m not nearly as put off by the prospect of them as I used to be. And that’s nice, because it means more opportunities for love, sex, kink, and joy are open to me now, all around the world.

Phone sex

Another thing I thought I’d never like! Weird.

When I was a teen, my beloved friend-with-benefits would sometimes call me up and read erotic Harry Potter fanfiction to me over the phone. If I got turned on enough, occasionally I would touch myself while she breathed these fanciful words into my ear. I liked listening to her struggle to get through each sentence while straining to hear the changes in my breathing, the slide of skin against wet skin.

That was my only experience resembling phone sex, until about 9 years later, when a prospective sugar daddy emailed me asking if he could pay me for the pleasure of my company over the phone. The price was right and he was charming as hell, so we fell into a pay-to-play arrangement that culminated in a couple nights of him whispering filthy things to me while I moaned and purred and held a vibe on my clit.

I had always imagined that phone sex would require an equal give-and-take, a 50:50 exchange of dirty words and ideas back and forth, and indeed, I’m sure that this is how it works for many people. But I am a bottom, and a sub, and I go pretty nonverbal when subspace kicks in, so I knew I wouldn’t be well-suited to talk someone to orgasm. What I had overlooked, though, is that lots of tops and doms prefer to be the person driving the action, not only in person but over the phone too. That’s what my sugar daddy was into, and when I started dating my current boyfriend, I discovered that he was into it, too. He calls himself a “phone-sex top”: someone who says most of the shit and is more than happy to do so. It’s my reactions he gets off on: my moans, my squeals, my subspacily slurred responses to his questions. In this regard (and several others), we are perfectly well-matched.

It’s funny how I went from abhorring the idea of phone sex to it being easily 80% (or more) of my sex life this year. It’s a near-daily routine for us now, and as such, we’ve developed our own patterns, techniques, tropes and styles within our phone play, which you can read about in the interview series we did about it. Just like in-person sex with a consistent partner, our phone sex gets better and better the more that we learn about each other, and strives for a balance between reliable old favorites and exciting new explorations. It makes me so happy and doesn’t feel, at all, like a consolation prize for the “real thing.” Phone sex with my partner is real, deep, romantic, exciting, and a wonderful comfort.

What fears did you overcome this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 3 Fave Encounters

Kate Sloan

Welcome to what is always the filthiest entry in my 12 Days of Girly Juice series: the one where I write about my favorite 3 sexual encounters of the entire year.

Moreso than being the best sex of my year, these are usually more like the most memorable, emotional, and/or ground-breaking encounters of my year. But yeah, sometimes they were also the best.

Predictably, this year all three of these were with the same person: my boyfriend/Sir/daddy, who I jokingly-but-not-at-all-jokingly refer to variously as my “dream dom” and a “sex god.” The only time this has happened previously was in 2016, when I guiltily chose 3 encounters with the FWB I was in unrequited love with, and he mimed affixing a badge of honor to his chest when I told him about it. But this time, it’s not embarrassing, because my BF not only knows I love doing sex and kink stuff with him – he works hard to make that the case. Aww. So without further ado, here are the 3 most memorable sex sessions of my 2018…

High Line First Time

I’m sentimental about first times. Many of us are. It’s a particularly useful trait for a sex writer, though, because first times are often juicy and exciting and strange and interesting and worth writing about. This can be true even if the sex itself is straight-up bad, as it often is when you’re learning a new person’s body.

However, my first time with my partner wasn’t bad at all, and I imagine that’s because at that point we’d spent many dozens of hours discussing and dissecting our kinks, sexting voraciously, and having phone sex in the dead of night. As a sex educator, I often advise people that sexting and discussing sex before the actual event can make it a lot better, but I think I didn’t fully realize that in practice until this year, when a boy I’d only spent about 2 hours with in person ever somehow fucked me better than… well, let’s just say… probably everyone I’ve ever met on Tinder, combined.

It happened at the Standard High Line, truly one of the most beautiful hotels I have ever seen, let alone stayed in. After checking in, we rode the elevator up to our room; he pressed the wrong button twice before finally getting us to our floor, because he was nervous, though he seemed otherwise as cool and collected as ever. The room had floor-to-ceiling plate-glass windows all along one wall, so I stared out at the city while we talked and giggled and took our coats off and laid out all our sex toys on a table. When a lull fell upon our conversation, he growled and pounced and shoved me up against that windowed wall, its coldness pressing into my back while his warmth pinned me there. He kissed me breathless and then started peeling my clothes off while looking up at me with utter reverence, like, “I can’t believe this is happening; I can’t believe I’m this lucky,” and that’s how I felt, too.

What followed was about 6 hours of sex, so things get a little blurry here. I remember feeling nervous and comfortable all at once, and crying out in pain while he scratched and bruised me in our big white bed. I remember that he hypnotized me in person for the first time, and I felt astonished all over again by his competence and the depth of perversion that matched my own. I remember that he bent me over his lap and spanked me with a paperback copy of Bluets – the first gift he ever got me – while intermittently reading passages from it aloud, which seemed to me then (and still) like the most goddamn romantic thing I could imagine.

When he held me down with one hand and pushed the Eleven into me over and over with the other, I thought about how this very dildo was the first thing we ever talked about, in a quirky and casual exchange on Twitter – and how it felt like things had finally come full-circle. And inside that circle was a lot of goddamn orgasms.

Melting in His Mouth

Speaking of orgasms… The gendered orgasm gap is still a rampant issue culture-wide, with countless factors contributing to its existence. In my own life, where this gap has existed, it’s usually been due to two main factors: the men I was fucking weren’t very good at touching vulvas, and I wasn’t very good at telling them how to touch mine. (If these problems sound familiar to you, please read and/or ask your partner[s] to read She Comes First and Becoming Cliterate, stat!)

This pattern explains why I’ve grown so blasé about new partners going down on me: they’re often not great at it, and it’s rare I feel brave enough or even invested enough to want to give them a crash course. But if someone makes it clear that they want to stick around in my life – and I want that too – I’m much more inclined to put the work in so they can learn how to get me off, especially if they’re appropriately enthused about this prospect.

My partner told me in some of our first explicit text conversations about his passion for eating pussy, but unlike many men who brag about this, he dropped some words and phrases that displayed a deeper-than-average understanding of cunnilingus, such as “stamina,” “enthusiasm,” and, uh, “Ian Kerner.” (Sex nerd in the haus!) My interest was piqued, though I remained skeptical.

The first time he made me come with his mouth, we had been dating for 6 months. I’m confident it would’ve been sooner if we weren’t long-distance, but even local partners usually take a while to figure it out. We made out for a long time, him grinding a thigh firmly against my vulva (a mutual fave) and biting and spanking me. He told me I’d been so good that I could choose how I wanted him to get me off, and I requested the Eleven and Magic Wand – but we didn’t even get that far, because in the midst of him warming me up with his mouth on my clit and his fingers pressing into my G-spot, I realized I was quite possibly going to come that way. I managed to choke out, “I’m getting really close, Sir,” and he knew just what to do, staying the course until my whole body tensed, spasmed, and finally relaxed.

He kept pounding me with his fingers afterward, because he knows I like that and is a gem. Hot tears poured out of my eyes. I know orgasms aren’t a dependable measure of love, devotion, or even attraction or skill, but it felt to me in that moment like he had found yet another way to prove how much he loved me. Figuring out how to make me come is hard, and actually executing the process is hard too, but 5 of my 30 lifetime sexual partners (!!) have managed it. In each case, they were people who really, really cared about me, and who made me feel comfortable and safe. What a beautiful thing.

His eyes sparkled with emotion when he crawled up my body to lie beside me. I asked him what he was feeling and he said, “You just came in my mouth. That’s really fucking intimate.” I had to agree.

Woodhull Wonderment

A friend-who-shall-not-be-named was able to procure me some marijuana-spiked edibles at the Sexual Freedom Summit (shh), and it led to some of the best sex of my year. Thank you, anonymous and resourceful friend o’ mine.

Prior to meeting me, my boyfriend had never tried weed, but under my careful stoner tutelage, he waded into high sex this year with me. While I’ll gladly smoke up and bone down any day, there is something special about sex on edibles: the high is (in my experience) slower, trippier, and more all-encompassing. True, you can overdo it more easily with edibles and it’ll take longer to come down from your fuck-up if you do, but if you get the balance of intoxication just right, it can be some of the best sex ever.

That was the case, this one fateful night at Woodhull. We each munched half a weed cookie, and by the time it hit us, we were on the balcony of our hotel room, kissing and pawing at each other in the stupefying heat. I’d paid extra for a room with a balcony, wondering when I booked it whether we would even use it – and because of this night, I’m glad I did.

Our makeouts got intense on that balcony, the way they can when inebriation strips away your self-awareness. I was craving pain, as I often do when high, so I asked him to slap my tits; he slipped them out of my dress, standing in front of me so no onlookers would get an eyeful, and smacked me around until I was panting. Then he switched to slapping my face, bringing me down full-force into a deep and disorienting subspacey state.

We wandered back inside and partook of what would soon become one of our favorite activities: high facesitting. Though we’re both fans of facesitting in just about any state, weed really amps up our enjoyment. The time dilation and disinhibition of a good high helps me relax into riding a partner’s face without worrying that I look weird, sound weird, or am taking too long. Meanwhile, I am sure the sense-heightening effects of weed help my BF enjoy tastes, smells, and sensations even more than usual – and in a reclining position, he can enjoy them in lavish repose. Ideal.

I fucked his face for who knows how long. Time didn’t fucking matter. When we were done, he told me, “You sat on my face for the perfect amount of time,” although neither of us could say with any certainty what that amount had been. As with most good sex, in retrospect I don’t remember many details – just the overall sense of hotness, closeness, and wild abandon.

What was the best or most memorable sex you had this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 4 Fun Events

Kate Sloan

Hi, friends! Today’s 12 Days of Girly Juice instalment is all about sexy and sex-adjacent events I attended in 2018 – and because I am such a lucky lady, there were lots of them. However, these 4 were the ones that stuck out to me the most…

The Playground Conference

Organized, as always, by the inimitable Samantha Fraser, the Playground Conference was easily a career highlight of my year. I was invited to speak in two sessions: the opening plenary about personal storytelling as a form of activism, and a live recording of The Dildorks. As is par for the course at events like these, a lot of the most fun stuff happened “extracurricularly,” like hotel-room spanking parties, late-night phone sex, and a blogger get-together punctuated by boozy, frosty milkshakes. Yummm.

The sessions at Playground this year were as fascinating and eye-opening as always. I learned about kink negotiation, blowjob techniques, BDSM psychology, and lots more. I was reminded once again of how important and uplifting it is to spend time around other sex nerds, especially those wiser and more experienced than me. What a blessing to be able to do that.

On a personal note, Playground was also my first experience with following event-specific protocol assigned to me by a long-distance partner, including wearing outfits he chose for me and sending him daily updates in photographic form, and as such, it’s a fond memory in the history of my relationship. Aww.

Sex Writing 101

I was thrilled this year that the Naked Heart Festival, an LGBTQ literary event, invited me to teach an introductory sex writing workshop as part of their wide-ranging programming. I was surprised at the size of the crowd that came out, and it delighted me to talk to them about the practical, ethical, and creative considerations involved in sex writing: everything from consent to pseudonyms to pitching stories to sexual mindfulness. (My boyfriend was sitting in the front row, gazing up at me like a rapt angel, which helped, too.)

Someday I’d like to offer this class online, since I think I have a lot of useful stuff to say about the sex writing world, having been in it for 6+ years. Let me know if you’d ever be interested in attending a webinar, purchasing an e-course, etc. along these lines, and I’ll see what I can do in 2019!

The Bed Post Sex & Sexuality Variety Show

Bed Post is the brainchild of Erin Pim, a brilliant, kinky firecracker who also hosts a podcast of the same name. I’ve guested on both the podcast and the live show several times, and it’s always a raunchy good time!

I can’t think of any other event that does quite what Bed Post does: it’s a blend of storytelling, burlesque, comedy, and music, all united under the overarching theme of sex. On the Bed Post stage, I’ve crooned ukulele tunes about BDSM, explained the joys of knife play, read my review of a Teddy Bear vibrator, and given fisting advice to strangers. I’ve wolf-whistled at a curvy redhead doing an outer space-themed striptease, hung on the every word of a captivating phone sex operator‘s stories, and laughed my ass off at a weirdly hilarious tale about revenge porn. I never quite know what I’m going to see when I show up at a Bed Post performance, but I always end up loving every minute.

If you live in Toronto (or can get here) and haven’t yet checked out this great variety show, I highly recommend it!

Hookup

I’ve been attending improv shows in Toronto for well over a decade, and the Bad Dog Theatre’s runaway success Hookup is one of my favorites I’ve ever seen – to the point that I keep going back, again and again. Here’s the premise: the cast picks two single-and-ready-to-mingle audience members, interviews them about their personalities and aspirations, and then improvises a one-act play of sorts about what would happen if those two people met and hooked up.

Far from being the lewd or mean-spirited show this could so easily have turned into, Hookup is usually a sweet, incisive, hilarious celebration of love that leaves the entire audience glowing. If your ideal evening out at the theatre ends with your face hurting from laughing so hard and your very spirit feeling replenished, I think you would love Hookup. It regularly makes me giggle-shriek until I can’t breathe, and that’s a feeling we all need more of.

What sex-related events did you love this year?