Author: Kate Sloan

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 11 Favorite Blog Posts

Kate Sloan

I wrote over 125 blog posts this year. It’ll be 137+ if you count this 12 Days of Girly Juice series. That’s 2.63 blog posts a week, for the whole year. Uhhh. I wasn’t joking when I said that sometimes my hypomania makes me more productive than is actually good for me…

Choosing my favorite 11 blog posts of the year was a tough task, but these are the ones I enjoyed working on the most and have loved looking back on since. They’re also, in many cases, some of the posts my readers seemed to resonate most with. Yay!

“Slow Burn“ was the first post I ever wrote about my Sir, back when he was just my crush, occasionally my Sir or my daddy, but not yet my boyfriend or my partner or my love. It featured – weirdly, and incomprehensibly to anyone who is not us – a photo of the room we were in when we kissed for the first time. It’s a “romantic screed” about wanting to fuck someone, but not being able to yet, and the ways that repeated recollection and rumination can re-write a memory into a legend. I sent this piece to mb before publishing it, to make sure he was comfortable with it; he devoured it and replied immediately, “Wow wow wow, wow that’s good. I consent to all of it. A lot.” Later that night, on the phone, he asked if he could read it out loud to me, thus beginning what would become one of our most treasured traditions. Suffice it to say that this post holds an important place in my heart.

I wrote “Do You Want It Too?“ in the very early days of my relationship with mb, when we were still negotiating, experimenting, and working out the kinks (so to speak) in our new D/s dynamic. I was amazed by how asking for something you want, sex-wise or kink-wise, can be incredibly vulnerable and scary, but tends to pay off if you’re doing it with a kind, open-hearted person. I wrote about some of the manifestations of that in our early courtship: cocktails, honorifics, iron pills, sadomasochism, makeup, and more. Our New Relationship Energy was amplified by the constant rediscovery that he, indeed, wanted what I wanted.

Next, predictably, we fell in love, and that’s what “How Did You Know You Were In Love?“ is about. I became obsessed with this question from the moment mb texted me from a London hotel room to let me know he’d been Googling “love” and reading its Wikipedia page to try to figure out if it fit what he was feeling (what a nerd). We talked about how both of us had been in love a few times before but it was hard to know if that word also applied to our present feelings, simply because it all happened so quickly, so intensely, from a distance of 500 miles. But through much self-reflection – including writing this post – I eventually realized that yep, I was very much in love.

mb’s fave thing I’ve written about him is “Little Girl Blue,” so I couldn’t leave it out. It was directly inspired by the first gift he ever bought me: a copy of Maggie Nelson’s Bluets. Our relationship was haunted by the color blue, especially in its early days – a blue app, a blue button-down shirt, a blue book, a blue collar, blue cells in a spreadsheet, two gorgeous blue eyes. This is a post about how everything can seem beautiful and meaningful when you’re mired in new love – everything is heightened, from feelings to words to, yes, colors.

“8 Strategies For Taking More (Consensual) Pain“ was definitely my favorite how-to post I wrote all year. It highlights some of the cognitive, linguistic, and logistical methods I use to increase my masochistic limits in kink scenes. I hope folks found it useful!

I’ve long been captivated by the idea of revisiting emotionally significant locations from your past to imbue them with new meaning, and that’s what “This is the Place“ is about. I wrote about romantic interludes in playgrounds, parkettes, and parking garages – and what happened when I returned to those locales at less tumultuous times.

While I had previously written about our first date, I think “A Second Date in a Golden Room“ is my favorite thing I’ve written about a specific date with my Sir. It was definitely the most nervewracking date of my life, because of the amount of build-up that preceded it and hopes I had charged it with. I interwove the story of the date with excerpts from our actual texts that day, seeking to recreate the adrenaline high that seized me and wouldn’t let go. Peppermint tea and peppery pasta, a black velvet dress and a blue wool suit, a warm hand in mine and warm lips almost kissing me – these are some of my sense memories from one of my most exciting nights on this earth.

mb and I collaborated on a lot of posts this year – most notably our Intimate Intercourse series of interviews – but I think my fave collab we worked on was “Cocks & Cocktails: Drink Pairings for Sex Toys.” I threw a bunch of sex toy names at him and then made frantic notes while he extemporized on which drinks best suited those toys. Synthesizing the brilliant thoughts of someone I love is always a fun challenge, and I love the way one of my interests and one of his came together to make this post.

Let’s get sappy… “10 Thoughts on a Long-Term Relationship Out of Left Field“ was my love letter to the whole idea of established, settled love, something I hadn’t really experienced for years. It wasn’t always my decision to end relationships so soon after beginning them, but nonetheless it still felt like my fault: the result of a personal failing, an embarrassing inability to sustain anyone’s interest. So, needless to say, I had a lot of Feelings about finally finding someone I wanted to stay with for a while, who wanted (and wants) to stay with me for a while too.

One of the most fun (yet most complicated) posts I worked on all year was “A Month’s Worth of Phone Sex,” which is exactly what it sounds like. I made scattered notes after every phone-sex sesh we had all month – which, as it turned out, totaled 19 times in 30 days – and then tried to write about them, though, as I’ve learned over and over in my years of being a sex writer, it’s very tricky to write about sexual encounters in a way that adequately translates the magic of them to someone reading from the outside. I did my best, though!

Finally: “When Your Partner Comes Out As Your Partner“ was definitely one of my most emotional and meaningful posts all year long. Reading it still makes me cry. Whoops.

What are your fave things you’ve read or written this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

Hello! Today kicks off 12 Days of Girly Juice, my yearly 12-part wrap-up of the things I loved most throughout the year. Over the next month, I’ll be sharing my fave sex toys, events, sexual encounters, and so much more from 2018! Today’s edition, however, is about something much simpler: femme delights! Read on to find out which fashion and beauty items I most adored in 2018.

Aimanté

Last year I waffled about my preferred perfumes, writing about 7 different ones instead of picking One Scent to Rule Them All. This year, however, there is a clear choice topping my list of fragrance faves: Aimanté, the bespoke scent my boyfriend commissioned Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me for my birthday.

Dirkes described the scent thusly: “The rich fragrance of ripe blood orange and brilliant red geranium create a feminine opening. Middle notes of sweet honeyed balsams and sparkling amber are given texture with a hint of dark cocoa and patchouli. The earthy roots of vetiver provide a dark grounding for the accord.” My nose isn’t sophisticated enough to pick out the individual notes; all I know is that it’s an impossibly feminine and sexy scent. It feels more “me” every time I wear it, and I’ve worn it a lot.

It feels like a miracle that I am the only person in the world who gets to wear this exact formulation and that I love it so much. It also feels like a gift, each and every time I spritz on some Aimanté, that someone in the world loves me enough to have given me this beautiful thing that brightens my days.

MeUndies lounge pants

These are the real MVP of my freelance-writer wardrobe. I own two pairs – one in basic black, and one in a Christmasy red plaid – and I wear them all the time when I’m bummin’ around the house. They are divine.

I must say, I’m not a fan of pants as a category, so I balked a bit at the idea of spending $60 for a pair. (It should go without saying that I was never a Lululemon or Adidas girl!) But I’ve worn these so much that they’ve become worth it to me on their cost-per-wear ratio alone. The modal is super soft, the cut is lovely and flattering, and each pair has FOUR POCKETS. (As a hyperfemme, I am always thrilled by pockets.) The holy grail of lounge pants, truly!

L’Amour-Propre collars

I would be remiss not to mention one of my most-worn accessories of the year, my collar. Strangely, I already owned a L’Amour-Propre collar before I even met my Sir – a turquoise one – but we decided, upon meeting and becoming serious about our D/s dynamic, that we wanted one that would be just ours. So we settled on a royal blue suede one, and later upgraded to a royal blue leather one.

These collars are lovely, simple, eye-catching, kinky-looking but not too over-the-top to wear in everyday situations, and comfortable enough for all-day wear. They’re everything I want and need in a collar.

CowCow dresses

I discovered this affordable brand on Amazon this year and was quickly smitten. They make flattering A-line dresses in a myriad of wacky prints and a wide range of sizes, for reasonable prices. Some of my favorites: a purple one with pink and purple kiss-prints, a rainbow one, and one in my signature turquoise and pink.

When I was younger, I resisted adopting a “style uniform,” because I wanted every day’s outfit to be eclectic and unexpected. But I’ve come around to the practice of dressing more-or-less all the time in a way I know flatters me and makes me feel great. No matter what’s going on in my head or in the world, a fit-and-flare dress and a pair of kickass boots are a combination I feel stellar in.

Coach Mercer satchel

I bought this late last year as a little self-care treat during the brief window of time when I had a sugar daddy and thought I might continue having one for the foreseeable future (womp womp). It’s a wee little open-top leather satchel, just barely big enough to fit my laptop, wallet, journal and pen – the exact right size, therefore, for my purposes.

I love the robin’s-egg blue color; it’s ladylike yet fun. I love the softness of the leather, always one of my favorite qualities of Coach bags. And I love that it’s a little piece of luxury I bought myself when I was able to. Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself!

Wythe Hotel T-shirt

I bought a commemorative shirt from the hotel where my boyfriend first told me he loved me, because I am a sap. I didn’t know, however, when I ordered it, that I would end up wearing it at least once a week. It’s soft and comfortable and it reminds me of a very happy memory. What’s not to love?

Lotta From Stockholm peeptoe clogs

I bought these on the advice of a foot fetishist, who is, shall we say, biased. They are yellow and sexy and comfortable and perfect. They are my new go-to summer shoe. Thank you, Lotta, whoever you are.

Sugarpill liquid lipsticks

I have a couple of these – one in hot pink, “Girl Crush,” and another that is equally bright pink but laced with gold glitter, from a limited-edition set Sugarpill issued this year. Both are packaged adorably and make me feel like a sparkly megafemme when I apply them.

Unlike many liquid lipsticks – and I’ve tried lots, being a blowjob lipstick aficionado – the formula of these makes them feel feather-light on the lips, so much so that I sometimes forget I’m wearing one. They’re not quite friction-proof enough to have passed the blowjob test, and they don’t even hold up that well through food and drink, but I don’t mind reapplying them in public. I mean, have you seen the cute packaging on these?!

Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink in “Pioneer”

This was a recommendation from Rae and I’m so glad I listened to them. I’ve been looking basically all my life for a perfect red lipstick, one that’s bright and cool-toned and opaque and actually stays on, and this is it. As with many liquid lipsticks, it’s dry and drying, and takes a little while to dry once applied, but those are my only complaints about it. If this lipstick was a person, I would give it lots of kisses.

Gap cashmere cardigan

I’ve searched for the perfect black cashmere cardigan for a long time; it’s a surprisingly tall order. I prefer V-neck ones, because I usually wear cardis unbuttoned and don’t like how a high collar looks that way. I also need my cardigans to have long sleeves (though I often roll ’em up) and I like a classic, feminine, curve-hugging cut. Almost no one makes this type of thing!

However, the Gap made one briefly last year, and had a sale that made the $150 price tag slightly more palatable to me, so I bought it. It’s actually perfect. It’s exactly what I wanted. It goes with every outfit. Living in a cold climate calls for cashmere, IMO, and I usually get mine vintage ‘n’ cheap, but I was happy to spend more than I normally would on such a flawless, indispensable basic.

IT Luggage turquoise suitcase

Okay, you might not think a suitcase counts as a femme accessory, but when you travel a lot and/or are in a long-distance relationship, it does! Bored of the basic black one I’d been hauling around for years – and of squinting in vain at the luggage carousel post-flight, trying to figure out which bag was mine – I snapped up this one by IT Luggage, in my favorite shade of vivid turquoise. Upon receiving it, I immediately tied a hot pink bandana to the handle, making it truly mine.

This suitcase is light, roomy for its size, and aesthetically delightful. I get supremely stressed out when I travel, but this bag makes the whole experience about 12% more fun, so I consider it to have been a worthwhile investment.

Frye engineer boots

These are – it must be said – immensely kinky-looking. I feel like a lithe domme whenever I wear them: like someone should be kneeling in front of me, cleaning and shining my boots while I page through a glossy magazine.

My long-beloved Frye harness boots finally kicked the bucket this year – a cobbler pronounced their soles unsalvageable – so I’ve been wearing these engineer ones a lot instead. They’re more grown-up-looking than my usual style, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe this scrappy kinky femme is finally becoming a sophisticated kinky femme.

What fashion/beauty items did you love this year?

5 Quick Tips For Gifting Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

It’s holiday time, and maybe you’re planning on buying a sex toy for your sweetheart, your best friend, or your mom. (Hey, I don’t know your life.) But let’s face it: the vast majority of people who purchase sex toys for someone else are bad at doing so. So I’ve put together this little guide for you to read before you leap into your holiday shopping!

Make sure they actually want a sex toy. If you buy a giant veiny dong for someone who’s barely comfortable saying the word “vagina” out loud, sorry – you’re missing the mark. Sex toys, like porn and perfume, are a highly personal purchase, and so you should probably only buy one for someone else if you know for a fact that they want one, because they have told you so. Ideally, you should buy one that they’ve mentioned wanting, if indeed they got specific.

Do your research. You can read the toy’s specs on its manufacturer’s website, but if you want the juicy details, you should seek out some sex toy review blogs. (Hint: you’re on one currently! And there are plenty more in my sidebar.) Thorough reviews will give you a sense of what the toy feels like, what it’s good for, and any potential drawbacks it may have. Pro tip: it’s good manners to buy through a reviewer’s affiliate links if you can, so they get a financial kickback for the assistance they gave you with their writing.

Think outside the box. Just because a toy can be found in the section of the shop marked “men’s toys” or “women’s vibrators” doesn’t mean it’s limited to being used by only that type of person. People with penises can enjoy products made for vulvas and vice versa. Just make sure anything that’s going in a butt has a flared base and you’re basically good.

Fill a hole (so to speak) in their sex life. While dildo collectors and vibrator hoarders definitely do exist, the average person doesn’t need more than one or two of any particular category of toy. Try to figure out which types of toys your gift recipient has already tried and which ones they haven’t. Maybe they love G-spot stimulation but have never experienced vibration on that spot, for example, or maybe they’re curious about anal play but don’t yet own a butt plug. You get the idea!

When in doubt, get a gift card. Seriously: buying sex toys is highly personal and, for many people, quite vulnerable, too. Your giftee may well prefer the freedom to pick out their own, on their own timeline. You can still feel good knowing you’re bankrolling their pleasure.

What’s your strategy when buying sex toys for someone else?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

The “Helpless Little Slut” Instruction Manual

Kate Sloan

Author’s note: Last Christmas Eve, I had just met my boyfriend 2 weeks earlier and already we were sexting rather frequently and intensely. He was my Sir and my daddy, and I was his good girl and his helpless little slut. I mentioned to him in passing that it can be hard to get me off more than once in a session, and that partners usually only figure out how to do it after lots of practice. Sir had an idea – he assigned me the task of writing instructions for giving me multiple orgasms, in the style of a toy’s instruction manual. Ever a teacher’s pet, I started writing immediately, and later that night – after a distracted viewing of It’s a Wonderful Life during which I wrote and wrote – I sent him this. Enjoy!

Congratulations on the purchase of your very own Helpless Little Slut®, this season’s hottest toy!

Your new fuckdoll comes equipped with several built-in parts which enable her to reach Orgasm or (for advanced players) Multiple Orgasms. These parts include:
• Her Clit
• Her G-Spot (located 2–3 inches inside her Pussy on the front wall)
• Her A-Spot (located 5–6 inches inside her Pussy on the front wall, in front of her Cervix)

Understanding these features is vital to making full use of your Slut, so take a few moments to locate them before playing!

What follows is a guide for inducing Multiple Orgasms in your Slut. She doesn’t require batteries, so with skill, attention, and patience, you’ll learn how to make her keep going and going and going!

Step One: Warm-Up

Your Slut works best when powered up gradually and with care. Take your time with this for optimal operation later on.

Jumping straight to your Slut’s sensitive Clit can short-circuit her system. Approach with caution!

Before you proceed to her Pussy, we recommend warming up your Slut with activities including, but not limited to:
• Kissing her Lips, Face, Neck, Shoulders, Breasts, Belly, and Thighs
• Biting her Lips, Neck, Shoulders, Arms, Breasts, and Thighs
• Sucking her Lips (the ones on her face) and Nipples
• Holding her down with firm pressure on her Wrists, Arms, or Chest
• Slapping her Breasts, Ass, Thighs, and Face
• Exploring and discovering your own technique(s)!

You’ll know your Slut is ready for the next step when she is:
• Moaning
• Rolling her Hips
• Flushed
• Wet
• Increasingly incoherent
• Begging for it

Step Two: External Stimulation

Your Slut’s Clit is the most sensitive and responsive part of her anatomy. Approach it with care and caution so as not to overload her processor.

As you wait for her Clit to reach full sensitivity and readiness, we recommend exploring and stimulating these nearby areas on your Slut:
• Inner Thighs
• Mons Pubis
• Outer Labia
• Inner Labia
• Vaginal Opening (taste it for a burst of flavor!)
• External G-Spot (easily locatable due to red heart decal ❤️)

When your Slut is ready to have her Clit touched, she’ll make telltale whining and groaning sounds. See how loud you can make her before you deign to proceed!

Your fuckdoll’s Clit comes equipped with a Clitoral Hood which serves to protect her Clit from overstimulation and pain. Stimulate her Clit through its Hood and/or the Inner Labia at all times for best performance! (This rule may occasionally be broken by advanced players but we do not recommend beginners eschew this measure.)

Hint: Giving Multiple Orgasms to your Slut is easiest if her first Orgasm occurs from solely Clit stimulation.

Use your fingers and/or mouth on your Slut’s Clit. Listen and respond to her sound effects to learn what to do!

Hint: Your Slut’s first Orgasm can usually be induced without the use of a Vibrator, but subsequently she may need the additional power of a mechanical supplement, such as the We-Vibe Tango or Magic Wand Rechargeable. Hold it yourself or (for your added convenience and freedom) instruct her to do so!

Troubleshooting: If your Slut freezes up with an Anxiety Error, try these handy passphrases, or variations thereof, to get her functioning again:
• “You taste delicious.”
• “You’re beautiful.”
• “Just relax and enjoy.”
• “I could do this all night.”
• “Does that feel good, baby?”

Increase the length and intensity of your Slut’s Orgasm by applying rhythmic, firm pressure to her Clit, Clitoral Hood, and Clitoral Shaft while her Orgasm occurs.

Step Three: Interlude

After Orgasm, your Slut’s delicate Clit needs time to reset. However, you can still play with her! This is an opportune time for other activities, including but not limited to:
• Kissing, Biting, and Slapping (see above)
• Blowjobs (your Slut’s yielding Mouth becomes even more so after Orgasm!)
• Penetration (see below)
• Cuddling
• Touching and/or Squeezing her Shoulders, Breasts, Back, and Hips
• Pressing her External G-Spot with firm, circular pressure

Your Slut’s Refractory Period may last as few as ten minutes or as long as an hour. Don’t despair: there are lots of fun ways to use her in the meantime!

Troubleshooting: if your Slut seems overly fatigued after Orgasm, she may be in need of water, a snack, and/or some words of reassurance. However, some fatigue and incoherence is normal at this stage. (For advanced players: she may be particularly susceptible at this stage to Erotic Hypnosis.)

Hint: We recommend returning to the Warm-Up step (see above), albeit for perhaps a shorter period, before attempting to give your Slut a second Orgasm.

Step Four: Penetration

Optionally, you may touch the inside of your Slut’s Pussy with your fingers, your cock, and/or a Dildo.

Your Slut’s G-Spot responds to hard pounding or pulsing, while her A-Spot prefers firm stroking and pulling. Both Spots work best when stroked with a consistent, steady rhythm. Your Slut may ask for a faster rhythm as she approaches Orgasm; it is up to your discretion whether you give her what she wants!

Hint: Your Slut comes pre-equipped with interactive communication abilities for easier location and stimulation of her Spots. Override your Slut’s frequent incoherence by asking simple “yes/no” or “either/or” questions, such as:
• “Do you want it deeper?”
• “Harder or softer?”
• “Faster or slower?”

Important: Though your Slut responds positively to Penetration, her Clit must also be touched if Orgasm is your goal. Handily, your Slut can handle this herself with her Fingers or a Vibrator if you are otherwise occupied. (Don’t forget to release her Dominant Hand [the right one on the standard model] from any restraints that may be restricting it if you would like to activate her Self-Stimulation Mode.)

Penetration makes Orgasm easier for your Slut and also results in a stronger, longer Orgasm. Note: this means Multiple Orgasms are most easily achieved if you deny your Slut the Penetration she craves until after her first Orgasm.

Troubleshooting: Add Lube to your Slut’s Pussy as needed if it becomes dry or uncomfortable, so she can remain usable for you as long as possible! (Some types we recommend: Sliquid Sassy and Sutil.)

After each Orgasm, return to the Interlude stage to keep from overloading your Slut’s Clit.

Note: Your Slut’s daily Orgasm limit is likely to be three, depending on her comfort, sensitivity, recency of other Orgasms, and other pertinent factors. However, we invite you to aim for the stars!

By following these instructions, you’ll be able to maximize your enjoyment of your brand-new Helpless Little Slut®!

How to Flag as Kinky on a Dating Site

Kate Sloan

Dating while kinky is hard! The majority of people are vanilla (or think they are), so having BDSM proclivities can narrow your dating pool significantly, especially if your kinks are a crucial part of your sexuality.

However, kinky people have been flagging to find other kinksters since time immemorial, and though online dating sites are a far cry from the cruising parks and leather bars of yore, you can flag there, too. Here are some ways to do that!

Consider a dating site specifically for kinky people

Though they are certainly rarer and smaller than vanilla dating sites, kink-specific hubs – like BDSM Dating Only – are out there and are worth a shot. You’ll have fewer potential matches to choose from, sure, but the ones you can choose from will be more open-minded than the average person when it comes to kinks.

Include visual cues

These are likely to go unnoticed by vanilla viewers, but kinksters will pick up on them right away. For example, you could wear a collar in some of your photos, frame one of them so your prized impact toy collection is visible behind you, or share a photo of you all dressed up at a kink event.

Use kink language

When you describe yourself in your profile, for example, you could note as an aside that you’re “subby,” “sadomasochistically inclined,” “sexually open-minded,” or whatever wording works best for you. You could call yourself a “good girl,” a “leather boots enthusiast,” or “a whiz with a paddle.” Get creative!

Mention kinky interests

Do you like going to munches? Are you passionate about leather culture? Is Mollena Williams-Haas one of your all-time favorite people on this planet? Again, vanilla people will mostly just skip over this information, while kinksters’ ears will perk up immediately. You could also just keep it simple and include the word “kink” in a list of your interests.

Link to kinkier stuff elsewhere

For example, you could provide your FetLife username so potential paramours can go creep your profile and see if you’d be compatible. Or you could link your R-rated Instagram page to your profile, to satisfy curious connoisseurs. Or, if you’re me, you could say, “I write a blog; you can check it out at girlyjuice.net”!

Hint with your media preferences

For example, listing Secretary as one of your favorite movies could raise some eyebrows (just don’t list Fifty Shades – a lot of kinksters hate that franchise, for good reasons!). You could slip The New Topping Book or SM 101 into your “favorite books” section. Mention favorite podcasts like Why Are People Into That? and The Dildorks (hiiii!). Like-minded people will message you in a tizzy about your impeccable taste!

Just say it

It only needs to be one line of your profile – something like “I’m kinky as fuck and ideally looking for a sadistic dominant person,” or “I prefer to take control in the bedroom and am looking to date submissive folks with a masochistic streak.” This approach has the advantage of being amazingly clear, but it may also discourage people who only maybe-sorta identify as kinky, or who find your openness about kink a bit overwhelming. That said, if you know what you want, you may as well come right out and say it!

How do you like to flag as kinky on dating sites?

 

Heads up: this post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.