Which came first: the urban legend, or the kink?
It’s hard to say. I went to see the movie Hysteria in theatres with my then-boyfriend when it came out in 2011, and I don’t recall having any particular Kink Feelings about it. I mean, the movie contains (among other things) a flustered Hugh Dancy bringing several women to orgasm with oil-lubricated hands, and Maggie Gyllenhaal punching a police offer in the face while dressed in a devastating ballgown, so there’s a lot to love about it, kinks-wise. But I think, at the time, I was still so squarely vanilla that I mostly just giggled at the funny bits and enjoyed the celebrity eye candy.
The movie, if you don’t know, tells a fictionalized account of the vibrator’s oft-cited origin story. “Female hysteria” was an “illness” ascribed to uterus-havers for centuries, to account for everything from insomnia to irritability to (yes) sexual frustration. Though we now know that hysteria’s many symptoms were likelier the results of sociopolitical oppression, restrictive clothing, and various as-yet-undiscovered actual illnesses, back then it was blamed on a “wandering uterus” (hence the name, which stems from the Greek word for uterus, hystera). Various measures were employed to bring the uterus back to its rightful location – or, in some cases, to remove it fully (which, spoiler alert, didn’t work). One frequent prescription for hysteria was to have sexual intercourse more often – with one’s husband and only one’s husband, of course.
Award-winning technology scholar Rachel Maines theorized in her book The Technology of Orgasm that Victorian doctors may have stimulated women to orgasm with their hands to alleviate hysteria symptoms. She argues this practice may even have spurred the invention of the vibrator, because manual stimulation of the vulva is tiring and physicians would want a more efficient method of producing “hysterical paroxysm” (orgasm) in their patients. However, this tale is just a hypothesis and there is little, if any, proof it actually happened. A doctor named Joseph Mortimer Granville indeed invented the first electric vibrator in the 19th century, as the film Hysteria posits, but he didn’t have sexual uses in mind, and wasn’t even a particularly forward-thinking chap in terms of sex or gender.
That said, a story doesn’t have to be in line with your ethics or even be true for it to incite a hellfire in your kink-brain. I’ve always been turned on by the idea of “sex as a service” in kink roleplays, whether we’re talking about a daddy getting his little girl off to help her sleep, a masseuse administering a deft “happy ending,” or – yes – a Victorian doctor bringing off his patient with skilful hands. I enjoy these dynamics’ interplay between searing heat and cold detachment, the obvious and inescapable power differential, and the sense of mastery and of being mastered. Maybe I’m drawn to these fantasies partly because of how many casual hookups I’ve had: in a world where non-dudes’ orgasms are considered an optional add-on rather than a core feature of sex, it’s hot to imagine someone who will not only get me off, but who will do so with precision and efficiency because it’s their literal job.
Sometime after that first viewing of Hysteria in 2011, I began fantasizing about cool-eyed doctors in clinical lab coats. I thought about their gentle bedside manner, their soft baritone assurances that “the procedure is perfectly routine” and “this won’t hurt at all.” I thought about stethoscopes, speculums, and cold dollops of lubricant in an open palm. I thought about strong fingers stroking my outsides and penetrating my insides. I thought about my own inhibitions in this fictional scenario, the weakly suppressed blush creeping onto my cheeks and the quickening of my breath, always met by the doctor’s soft promise that it’s okay to feel what I’m feeling; it’s okay to make noise.
I thought, too, about how the doctor would feel in these situations. Actual Victorian physicians were unconvinced women could have orgasms without penetration or at all, since the model of sexuality back then was highly intercourse-focused (which still hasn’t changed as much as one would hope, to be honest). Would they even be aware that their patients’ obvious signs of sexual arousal were indeed sexual arousal? Would they feel themselves getting sympathetically turned on and not know why? Would some of them be fully cognizant of what they were doing and secretly delight in it? Would a particularly attractive patient break their composure, prompting them to want to add their mouth or cock to the “treatment plan”? Would they do this under the guise of medical necessity, or would they simply come clean and confess to wanting their patient that badly, medical license be damned?
This fantasy haunted my brain for years, and somehow I never thought I’d really be able to act it out. This conviction was so strong, in fact, that when I met another person who shared this kink, I wanted to overlook his boundary-crossing and rudeness to pursue a potential scene with him. Eventually my self-respect overcame my carnal curiosity, but it was a hard-won battle. That speaks to how powerful this fantasy had become in my mind.
You can imagine my delight, then, when I disclosed this kink to my current boyfriend during one of our early phone chats and he expressed some interest in it. We began playing with it in phone-sex roleplays (and once in person so far). He is always a doctor and I am always a patient experiencing hysteria symptoms – usually sexual frustration and intrusive sexual fantasies, though my character’s naiveté varies so sometimes she doesn’t even have the language to identify these symptoms as such. Likewise, his degree of complicity in the situation’s sexual bent also changes: sometimes he is actively attracted to me and knows what that means and entails, and other times, he is more detached and professional (I enjoy both). Sometimes we imagine we’re physically together in his office at a medical practice; other times, I’ve called in to some kind of medical help line. Sometimes he uses hypnosis or (imagined) anaesthesia to relax me, or perhaps to lull me into a state that makes me easier to take advantage of.
Often, he has to explain my own anatomy to me, and I find this particularly exciting. As evidenced by my overlapping interests in roleplaying as a little girl or a precocious student, I love kink dynamics that allow for teaching and learning. The power discrepancy is electric, and when the thing being taught to me is something as basic as knowledge of my own body, that imbalance feels even more pronounced. I often envision my character in this roleplay as being either a virgin or the wife of a sexually clueless man (as I’m sure many Victorian men were), so that my doctor can introduce me to sensations totally new to me. Although in real life I’ve been a sex toy reviewer for 6+ years and an avid masturbator for much longer, in the headspace of this roleplay I can re-experience the magic of discovering new things my body can feel for the very first time.
Like many of my kinks, this one raises a moral dilemma for me. The whole idea of “female hysteria” is, of course, rooted in misogyny (not to mention cissexism), as are its treatments – whether imagined or real. But as I’ve discovered again and again with kink after kink, there can be something powerful about subverting your oppression into a source of pleasure. Though my boyfriend, playing the all-knowing doctor, is outwardly in control of the scene every time we do this roleplay, really it’s always me who’s in the driver’s seat. It’s me who requested this type of play, defined what I find hot about it, and set the boundaries I want respected. If I was born in Victorian times, maybe I’d be subjected to horrible medical interventions to “treat” my unacceptably high libido – but because I was born into this modern era instead, I get to explore authentic pleasure, guilt-free, with people who accept and adore both my libido and me. It’s a small comfort in a world still wracked by sexism and shame, but I’ll take what I can get.
Do you have any fantasies you feel guilty about? Have you ever experimented with hysteria roleplay or other types of medical play?
As a sex educator and sex toy reviewer, a question I get asked a lot is: “What’s a good vibrator for a beginner?”
The dominant holds onto the submissive’s wallet, phone, keys, or another important object. I discovered the joys of this power-play last summer, when my then-dominant would sometimes keep my phone and debit card in his pocket while we grocery-shopped together if I didn’t feel like schlepping my whole big purse to the store. We initially did this purely for practicality’s sake, but I immediately noticed how it deepened our power differential: I had to ask him every time I wanted to look my phone or buy anything, so he had a ton of real-world control over me. Taking a submissive’s phone away for the evening could also be a fun way to “punish” them for being too distractible on dates, if they consent to that type of discipline.
The dominant sends the submissive to the bathroom with instructions. Maybe their task is to take a series of dirty photos and text them to the dominant; maybe it’s to remove their underwear and surreptitiously give them to the dominant upon their return; maybe it’s to touch themselves until they’re super turned on and then come back without finishing the job. (Wash your hands, please.) It’s probably best to avoid anything that could get you arrested or will result in a long lineup of other patrons waiting to use the bathroom, but hey, what happens in the bathroom stall stays in the bathroom stall.