Kate Sloan

Spit x Girly Juice: Their Cameras, My Toys

November 13, 2015March 22, 2021Kate Sloan

Dear darlings: as I write this, I am gearing up for what will inevitably be one of the best weekends of my year.

Tonight, Playground Conference kicks off. It runs until Sunday night, and will be a whirlwind of smart panels, silly storytelling, and fun times with friends. I’m so excited!

My pals at Spit are running an erotic boudoir photography session for all attendees who want to go, and asked if I’d like to lend them some “props” for folks to use in their pictures. I’m always happy to assist with this sort of thing (what’s the point of having a huge sex toy collection if I’m the only one who ever uses it?!) so I picked out some stuff I thought they might like.

Here’s what I packed into a bag to hand off to the Spit folks today…

An assortment of dildos! I selected some good ones that I thought would look nice in photos, and boiled ’em yesterday so they’d be all clean and pretty for Spit and their subjects.

To keep things balanced and to provide a wide array of options, I chose three realistic dildos and three that are less so. In the penis-esque category: the Tantus Adam O2, Tantus Mark O2 and Tantus Uncut #1. (Um, I like Tantus. And, possibly, I didn’t want to part with my VixSkin for a weekend.) In the less-realistic camp: I pulled the Topco Rascal El Diablo (it’s huge!!), Maia D3 DIL, and Fuze Wilde. All of these toys are really gorgeous and I think they will translate well to photos.

Naturally, you can’t lend someone harness-compatible dildos for photos without also lending them a harness! I’m hesitant to trust anyone with my Aslan Jaguar, but I know if anyone’ll take good care of it, Spit will.

The great thing about the Jag is that it’s suuuuper adjustable, so folks of most body sizes and types will be able to sport this beautiful harness in their photos if they want to. Yay, inclusivity!

I can’t seem to find my Aslan cuffs at the moment (WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIVING, am I right?!), but these pink metallic cuffs from Unicorn Collaborators are just as pretty and just as effective. And they have hearts and stars on them!

I bought these at the Erotic Arts & Crafts Fair a couple years ago, and ever since, I’ve been dearly wishing that Unicorn Collaborators had an online shop so I could recommend their kink wares to everyone I know. Ah well, maybe one day…!

This silk and leather pearl-studded blindfold is from the Lelo Bridal Pleasure Set, and while you might recall that I kind of hate it, it sure does look pretty in pictures.

What sexy props would you want to have on hand if you were posing for boudoir photos? And, more importantly: will I see you this weekend at Playground?!

My Dream Partner (At Least, Right Now)

November 7, 2015Kate Sloan

He’s so damn smart. He knows all my big words and even teaches me some new ones. His eyes sparkle with intelligence. He gets all my references and odd turns of phrase because he’s whip-smart, quick and responsive.

He’s funny as hell. Makes me laugh so hard I can’t breathe. Comes up with dumb puns to impress me, and high-fives me when I pun back at him. His celebrity impressions are spot-on and he’ll valiantly try even ones he’s not confident about because he wants to make me laugh. Sometimes I say something that strikes him as so funny he can’t help but dissolve into giggles, gasping for air, eyes squeezed shut.

He smells amazingly good. I can nuzzle my nose into his chest, inhale deeply and immediately feel at home and comforted. He lends me a shirt he’s worn and I wear it all day and feel swaddled in sexiness and sweetness.

He’s a total kinky perv like me but his consent ethics trump everything and always come first. He’s into long conversations about likes and dislikes, and debriefs while we cuddle naked after trying something new. He values safewords, safe-signals, 1-to-10 scales, check-ins. He only wants to do things we’re both excited about.

He’s a gentle kisser and cuddler but a rough fuck. He pins me down, grips my wrists above my head, manipulates me like a doll. He growls things in my ear that make me dripping wet and then follows through on them. He values the clit, understands its fragility and what it likes, but can also pound the fuck out of my G-spot with fingers or cock or toys. He’s hungry to make me come, to challenge me and himself, to change things up, but still fall back on old faithfuls. He’s quick with a condom and a bottle of lube and can accomplish both while biting my neck, grinding a thigh against my pussy and announcing in salient detail what he’s about to do to me.

He’s tender and affectionate. An arm around my waist while we walk in public. Gently stroking my hair while we lie on the couch watching Netflix. Offering me an arm to cling to, like an old-fashioned gentleman. A quick kiss on the top of my head or the back of my shoulder whenever he feels like it. Long aimless cuddle sessions.

He’s romantically and sexually adventurous, but deeply rooted. He sees no reason we shouldn’t explore, diversify, experiment with other people, but his first priority is always making sure I feel safe, cared for and valued. His heart leans monogamous while his brain excitedly explores other avenues with me.

His creative vocation (whatever it is) wows me every time, even as it’s old hat to him. His talent is so singular and sexy it makes me want to swoon and kiss him hard. And in turn he’s in awe of my talents, respects and supports them, thinks I’m the cleverest Head Bitch in Charge.

He plays no games. He says what he means. He acts like he likes me, because he does. His word is dependable and binding; what he says he’ll do, he does.

He’s so cute, it boggles my mind. I look at him in a grey sleep T-shirt or a lavender button-down or a zipped leather jacket and just think about how much I want to kiss that sweet face or get it between my thighs. He still gives me butterflies whenever he walks into a room, or shows up wherever we’re meeting for a date.

His written communiqué is on point. His sexts are delicious. His romantic emails are worth printing out and rereading late at night. He writes me dorky notes on post-its stuck to the sides of takeout containers or the inside covers of borrowed books. He’s all about words of affirmation, like me, and the words we exchange are affirming as hell.

Mainly what I remember when we’re apart is how he makes me feel. That’s more consequential than how he looks, how he fucks, how he talks. The very thought of him makes me giggly and swoony, but I also feel safe and affirmed in his presence. He’s “similar enough to me to make me feel comfortable, and different enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.” I want us to challenge and comfort and comfort and challenge each other for as long as we possibly can.

Monthly Faves: Happy Endings & Bubble Baths

November 1, 2015Kate Sloan

O is for October, and also for Orgasm, and Oooooh Yes, and Oh my god October was a sexy month. Here are some highlights…

Toys

• Honestly? I’ve been using my fingers a lot this month! I’ve often found they’re not stimulating enough to get me off on their own, but lately I’m thinking it’s mostly an issue of mental stimulation, not physical. I seem to get bored and distracted a lot more easily when I’m using fingers versus toys. But if I’m watching porn at the same time, often fingers are all it takes. Cool!

• The only two dildos in heavy rotation for me this month were the Eleven and G-Spoon. Dat A-spot action. Mmm, yes.

• Still mega infatuated with the Magic Wand Rechargeable. I find I rely on it more often when my life is particularly busy or stressful, because it gets me off easily and quickly.

Fantasy fodder

• Most of my fantasies this month were about getting fingerfucked to orgasm by handsome, vaguely dom-y gentlemen. It’s no coincidence that two of my favorite sexual encounters in the past few months also involved this act… but I wonder if it’s my fantasy because I did it, or if I did it because it’s my fantasy?!

• Amateur oral sex porn is my jam and gets mentioned here practically every month. Whoops. Usually I’m all about BJs but this month I was also diggin’ on some amateur cunnilingus scenes. Viz: extreme close-up, cute dude pleasin’ his lady, and (an old-school favorite!) porn stars teaching oral skillz.

• I recently revisited one of my favorite pieces of sex writing – Rachel Rabbit White’s essay on getting a “happy ending” massage – and it reignited my long-standing kink for sex as a service. I did a fair amount of research on Toronto-based “erotic masseurs,” even spending several hours reading testimonials on one practitioner’s website. As searingly hot as this notion is in my mind, I just don’t think I’ll ever have the guts to go through with it… (Or, let’s be real, the money. Sexy massages are expensive as fuck!)

Sexcetera

• I’ve been doing cam shows for horny patrons lately and it’s been fun! I thought I would feel skeezed out about masturbating on webcam for strangers, but actually it’s very affirming. I have my fair share of body insecurities, but it’s hard to hate your body when someone is actually paying you for the privilege of looking at it, all while jerking off and telling you how gorgeous you are. (Oh, horny men. The bad ones are awful, but the good ones are adorable.)

• The ever-charming Taylor J. Mace took some scantily-clad and naked photos of me for his porn company, Feisty Fox Films. He claims to be a photography novice, but damn, he made me look (and feel) fantastic! If you need a dose of body-love in your life, I heartily recommend enlisting someone clever to shoot photos of you in a flatteringly-lit room.

• By far, my best solo-sex experience of the month was when I drew myself a hot bath, crumbled half a Sunny Side and half a Brightside into the water, poured myself a big glass of white wine, turned out the bathroom lights, pointed my laptop at the tub with some fisting porn playing on it, climbed into the bath with my G-Spoon + Eleven + Tango, and went to town on myself for over two hours. Normally my baths do not even approach this level of luxury, but I had the house completely to myself for one elusive evening, so I decided to go all out. Damn, self-care feels so right and so necessary sometimes.

Femme stuff

• In mid-September I bought some men’s boxer-briefs because they come up higher on my torso and felt like the healthier choice while my tattoo healed. It took until October for me to realize how sexy I feel in them. They may not be “feminine” but I kinda want to wear them every day.

• I bought a vintage red leather jacket for a Halloween costume that never came to pass, but it’s okay because I look hot in it. (Why must autumn slip away so quickly?! I want it to be leather-jacket weather forever!)

• MAC lipstick in “Matte Royal” is possibly the weirdest, most gothic lipstick I own. Maybe one day I will pluck up the courage to actually wear it out of the house…

What were your favorite things in October, my darlin’?

Dildoface: Leoweenie

October 30, 2015Kate Sloan

Happy Halloween, cuties! It’s time for another Dildoface video, wherein I do makeup inspired by a vibrant, beautiful sex toy. This time around, my face is an ode to none other than the only Halloween-themed dildo in my collection: the limited-edition “Batcock” version of the Vixen Creations Leo!

I hope you enjoy this goth-y smoky eye and bright orange lip, and that you consider rocking it at a Halloween event or two…

Products used: Too Faced Shadow Insurance • MAC eyeshadow in “Soft Brown” • various Morphe eyeshadows • Maybelline gel eyeliner • Smashbox pore-minimizing primer • CoverGirl 3-in-1 foundation • MAC Pro Longwear concealer • Make Up For Ever HD Microfinish powder • NYX blush in “Taupe” • ELF baked highlighter in “Moonlight Pearls” • Anastasia Dipbrow Pomade in “Dark Brown” • Clinique eyeshadow in “Sugar Sugar” (discontinued long ago!) • Colourpop lip pencil in “Rocket” • Maybelline Color Sensational Vivids lipstick in “Electric Orange”

You can buy the Vixen Leo at SheVibe! It’s pretty wonderful; read my review here.

What are you wearing on your face (and on the rest of you) for Halloween this year?!

Permission to Be Gross: 7 Deeply Unsexy Confessions

October 26, 2015Kate Sloan

Possibly the worst selfie I have ever taken.

I imagine it’s exhausting to be a flight attendant, or a car show model, or any other type of person who has to smile and be pleasant for hours at a time. Being that personable takes tons of energy, and I admire the work that goes into it.

In much the same way, working in the sex-positive field often comes with expectations that you will be “sexy” all the time. I feel a lot of pressure, in both my personal and my professional interactions, to put on a foxy façade even when I don’t feel so foxy.

While I love and admire women who are unafraid to be gross and strange – like Amy Poehler, who famously responded to a criticism of her “unladylike” comedy by snarling, “I don’t fucking care if you like it” – that’s just not me. I don’t have that kind of confidence, I guess. Feeling gross and unattractive makes me feel… well, gross and unattractive.

But I’d like to get more comfortable with that feeling, so that maybe it doesn’t bother me so much when it comes up in the future. So here are 7 very unsexy things about me, posted here with intense vulnerability and blushing and nail-biting but for good reasons. I encourage you to make your own list!

1. While I mostly like the way my vag smells and tastes, certain foods affect it in kind of gross ways. Eating sushi – one of my favorite foods! – gives it that strong “fishy” flavor that 1990s hack stand-up comedians so often joked about. I avoid sushi before dates for this reason…

2. I have psoriasis, a hereditary skin condition. Lucky for me, mine is fairly mild. I have it on my scalp, ears, underarms, and a random spot in between my eyebrows (why?!). I use a couple of prescription creams and a tar-based shampoo to keep it under control, but sometimes I’m still flaky/itchy. It ain’t cute.

3. I have a tendency to obsess over people I get romantically and/or sexually involved with. I’m able to keep it under wraps for the most part, so these people typically don’t know I’m thinking about them a lot or looking at their social media pages on the daily, but internally it is a problem and I wish I could fixate less. I think it’s linked to my anxiety.

4. I used to be really sexually selfish and sometimes I still am. I like giving pleasure, but I often don’t unless specifically told/asked to, either because I’m too anxious to initiate it or it just doesn’t occur to me because I’m distracted by my own pleasure. I’m working on it! I want to give more BJs, y’all!

5. I strongly dislike my body most of the time, despite being an advocate of self-love and self-acceptance.

6. I don’t eat well enough or get enough exercise, and I make excuses about both of those things constantly.

7. Sometimes I worry that a lot of my submissive sexual identity actually just stems from sexual uncertainty and insecurity. When you’re paralyzed in fear and worried about what your bedfellow thinks of you, it can be easier to just give up control and let them boss you around; at least then you can feel like you’re “doing something right” instead of fucking up spectacularly.

Are there any “gross” or “unattractive” things about you that you’re too embarrassed to talk about? Want to share? It’s kinda cathartic, I promise…