Author: Kate Sloan

Wanking on the Rag: A Squeamish Masturbator’s Guide

Kate Sloan

I love to masturbate. Um, of course I do, I write about sex toys. But I mean, beyond just doing it for the physical pleasure of it, I also enjoy it mentally and emotionally: it’s a way for me to recharge, to unwind, to be good to myself.

So it sucks that there’s one week every month where masturbating is more mess than it’s worth. Or is it?

Here are some of my top tips for jerking off when you’re bleeding. Some of them are overlaps from my post on menstrual sex, but solo sex is worth honoring, too!

1. Choose a nonporous toy. If your collection includes toys made of jelly, TPR, CyberSkin, etc. (shame!), skip them for the time being. You can always use a condom over them, which you should be doing all the time anyway, but it would be best to just bite the bullet and upgrade to a toy you can use safely during your period.

Many of my toys have been subjected to menstrual blood, including my all-white Ella and my beloved Pure Wand. Nonporous toys should wash totally clean with a little soap and water, and the non-mechanical, waterproof ones can be boiled to sanitize. I do have one jelly toy left over from my ignorant days, which I never use anymore – but if I did, I’d leave it alone during my period. Bloody bacteria growing in toy pores = gross!

2. Buy yourself a blood towel. It should ideally be dark-colored and large. Hell, buy two, especially if you’re a squirter. Every time you masturbate or have sex during your period, lay out the towel underneath you so you can have at it without worrying about a mess.

If you’ve got the cash, why not spring for a red Liberator Throe? I can’t think of a better way to honor your divine reproductive essence while keeping your sheets clean! (On a related note, if anyone would like to buy/send me a Throe, please get in touch…!)

3. Investigate alternative menstrual products. Jade and Pearl make sea sponges which you can stuff up your vag at moon-time. They make it possible to be penetrated without mess, whether by a partner or by your own fingers or toys.

I also have a wide variety of menstrual cups which I use for everyday period wear. Depending on the cup, I may be able to penetrate myself shallowly or not at all while wearing one, but they’re great if you just want to masturbate clitorally.

4. Stay away from your cervix. Some folks get very sensitive while they’re bleeding, especially in the cervix area. If this is true for you, try a toy that’s squishier, shorter, or focuses on your G-spot rather than the far reaches of your vagina.

If you really crave a good pounding, maybe take an ibuprofen half an hour before attempting it, and avoid hard materials like glass and steel. Flexible silicone will be your best bet during this time.

5. Think of orgasms as painkillers. Sometimes, when I’m on my period, I feel miserable and achy and have no desire to jerk off. My cramps get so bad that I just want to lie on the couch and watch bad TV. But then I remind myself that I’ll feel better if I force myself to have an orgasm – and guess what? I always do.

It doesn’t have to be a big production. If you’re feeling too sore or lazy for penetration, don’t bother with it. Just grab your favorite clit toy and get off in a way that’s comfortingly familiar to you. You may not feel terribly enthused at first, but power through it if you can: there’s a good chance your cramps will ease up if you can make yourself come.

Jerking off can be a very healing and affirming thing to do during your period, a time when we’re most likely to have complicated relationships with our genitalia. Stop worrying about the mess and just be good to yourself!

Sex Toy Wishlist #3

Kate Sloan

Yes, it’s that time again, folks! Here’s another list of sex toys that I’m aching for at the moment.

1. Duncan Charles Designs G-Brush – I’ve never tried a ceramic dildo before. I imagine it shares a similar firmness and heft with glass, which sounds pretty good to me. Duncan Charles Designs make some gorgeous ceramic toys and my vag is already fawning over the sight of this G-Brush. I feel like it’d either be profoundly uncomfortable or astonishingly effective.

2. ISA Research and Education Kegelcisor – I am very partial to kegel exercisers that double as pleasurable toys. The idea of it is so wonderful, though it’s so often poorly executed. This stainless steel “Kegelcisor” looks like a winner, though. (Can you tell yet that I love toy materials with a naturally low temperature? Give me glass and steel e’ry day!)

3. Venus Aromatic Bath Salts – Normally I don’t even look at “sensual” products on sex toy websites, but this brand of bath salts comes in a scent called “man.” Seriously, “MAN.” There was some joking around between my Twitter followers and I about what this could possibly mean, but I’m guessing some sort of tame cologne scent. Still, though: a must-try. If just so that, when someone asks me what I’m wearing to make me smell so nice, I can say, “Man.”

4. We-Vibe Tango – We-Vibe’s rechargeable clitoral vibes are supposedly some of the strongest available. After less-than-satisfying experiences with Nea, Mia, and others, I would really love to get my hands on a clit vibe that knows what it’s doing. Particularly one that comes in blue. (Oh, We-Vibe, you know the way to my heart.)

5. Fun Factory G4 Patchy Paul – Up til now, I have somehow managed to go through life without owning a single Fun Factory toy. This definitely needs to change. The G4 vibes are rechargeable and waterproof and are hailed as some of the strongest vibes you can get with those qualities – plus, they come in positively delightful colors. I’m pretty sure Patchy Paul and I could get to be good friends.

Review: Tantus Mark O2

Kate Sloan

When the Tantus Mark O2 showed up at my house and I took it out of its packaging, I was creeped out. Holding it in my hands, I couldn’t escape the feeling that I was holding my boyfriend’s disembodied cock. Because seriously, the Mark’s dimensions are almost identical to those of my favorite human dick. And that, actually, is why I requested this toy.

See, I have a small-to-average-sized vagina, and Mark is an average-sized dildo. Not “average” in dildo-land, you understand, but in the realm of actual, real-life cocks. With an insertable length of 5 ½" and a diameter of 1 3/8", this dildo is an homage to the Average Joes of the world, and for that, I have to applaud Tantus.

Mark is from Tantus’s O2 line, which means it’s made of dual-density silicone – firm on the inside, squishy on the outside. It’s tons o’ fun to squeeze and fondle, just like a real cock. I have two other O2 dildos, Adam and Flurry, and they’re all excellent quality. If you want a body-safe toy that actually feels somewhat real, it’s hard to go past O2 (though, to be fair, I haven’t had the chance to try VixSkin yet).

Mark’s head isn’t very pronounced, but there is a realistic coronal ridge running around the bottom edge of it. The veins on the shaft are more noticeable aesthetically than tactilely – I can barely feel them in use.

This isn’t a G-spotting dildo. If you want G-spot lovin’ in an O2 toy, I suggest you pick up the Adam because it does a much better job of that. Mark is more about creating a sensation of fullness (for those of us who can actually be filled up by a 5 ½" x 1 3/8" dick, anyhow) than it is about hitting magic spots. I can get it to reach my A-spot when I thrust deeply with my knees bent, just like my boyfriend’s actual dick does, and that’s nice but not anything to write home about.

This dildo surprised me and earned a spot in my top drawer, because it feels great and I can have blended orgasms with it easily… but I don’t know if that means other people will like it. I feel I have a particular affinity for it, because of how much it reminds me of my love, and that’s obviously not a good criterion if I’m going to recommend this toy to anyone else. You might like Mark if you have a smaller vagina that likes smaller toys, or if you’re a trans* guy, boi, and/or harness-user in search of a truly average member. But if you crave something bigger, or you need G-spot attention, look elsewhere – Mark ain’t your boy.

5 Books That Have Shaped My Sexuality

Kate Sloan

I don’t read as many books as I’d like to. This is partially due to the fact that I spend zillions of hours a day on the internet, reading blogs and articles and other web resources. Still, though, I owe a lot to the books that I’ve read on sexuality, and I wanted to profile some of them today.

1. Butch Is a Noun (S. Bear Bergman)

Bear is perhaps my all-time favorite queer author. At the time that he wrote Butch is a Noun, he still identified as a butch and used gender-neutral pronouns (he’s since started identifying as a trans man and uses male pronouns now, from what I’ve seen). Bear visited my high school at one point and read aloud from Butch at one of the first Queer-Straight Alliance meetings I ever attended, and I was immediately enthralled. His writing is richly descriptive and often hilarious. This book helped me refine my ideas and fantasies about what I, as a queer femme, am looking for in a partner: a chivalrous, old-fashioned gentleman (though not necessarily male-bodied or male-identifying), who is nonetheless well-versed in new and progressive ideas about gender and sex.

2. Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships (Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá)

The “polyamory bible” used to be The Ethical Slut, but ever since Sex at Dawn came along, it’s pretty much reigned supreme in poly circles. It presents countless fascinating arguments for the idea that monogamy doesn’t come naturally to humans, using plenty of evolutionary psychology and bonobo research to prove its central point. This one is definitely worth a read if you’re interested in delving into consensual non-monogamy or have already made that plunge.

3. The Vagina Monologues (Eve Ensler)

In a world that shames, commodifies, and minimizes vaginas, it’s unspeakably refreshing that a play like this could get so popular and be talked about so often in the public eye. This piece is a must-read if you, like so many of us, suffer from vagina shame, or just don’t think about your lady-parts all that often (although, if you’re reading this blog, I doubt that’s an issue of yours). I also encourage men to read this, if just to gain some perspective on the pussy.

4. O: The Intimate History of the Orgasm (Jonathan Margolis)

I’ve never heard another person talk about this book. It’s just not very well-known, which is a shame, because it’s brilliant and quite possibly my favorite book on the topic of sex. Margolis, with a surprisingly balanced and empathetic attitude for a straight cis guy, leads us through the history of the human orgasm. Of particular interest is his in-depth description of the Victorian era’s stuffy attitudes about sex, which hid all the suppressed, lascivious shit that was going on under the surface. His main hypothesis is that testosterone has been the most influential hormone in our history, and he may well be right.

5. Flow: The Cultural Story of Menstruation (Elissa Stein and Susan Kim)

As you might expect from a book about menstruation written by two women, this book has a serious feminist bent and leans heavily toward anti-establishment. Stein and Kim write about the male fear of menstrual blood, the various products that have been invented to make it disappear (often at the risk of women’s health), and alternatives to these sometimes crippling “solutions.” Definitely a book for the hippie-mama within, but still a great read if you’re tired of the world telling you to stuff a “dry wad of fuckin’ cotton”* up your vag every month.

*This is a quote from The Vagina Monologues about tampons. Yet another reason to read it.

Review: Njoy Pure Plug (Medium)

Kate Sloan

When it comes to butt plugs, I have a bit of a Goldilocks complex. The Pleasure Plug 1 and Ripple felt too small and slid out too easily. The Ryder and Dipper felt too big and required me to be warmed up before I could insert them. I’ve been searching for a plug that’s somewhere in the middle – large enough to stay in and be noticeable, but small enough to go in without a fuss. And I’ve finally found it in the gleaming, stainless steel, medium Njoy Pure Plug.

I chose the medium size because it measures 1 ¼" in diameter, exactly halfway between my too-small 1" toys and my too-large 1 ½" ones. I think the medium is an okay size for a beginner, especially considering how smooth and dragless steel is. If your ass is really tight and virginal, go for the small, but ambitious beginners should buy the medium right off the bat because they’ll be less likely to outgrow it in a snap.

As with all Njoy products, my Pure Plug arrived in a black wooden box covered by an elegant white slipcover that displays the company name and a silhouetted illustration of the toy inside. The wooden box contains a styrofoam cut-out of the toy, covered in hot pink satin, so that the toy fits perfectly in its allocated spot. Njoy’s packaging looks classy as hell, but it’s actually one of the few things that disappoints me about the brand – the satin is cheap and the styrofoam falls apart if you’re even a little bit rough with it. Sad trombone!

The plug itself is gorgeous, however. It’s made of high-quality stainless steel that won’t tarnish, even if you neglect to clean it for days. The steel is smooth and perfect all the way around (well, mine has a tiny bump on the inside of the handle, but that’s a fluke). It’s heavy for its size, as you’d expect from steel, so it feels totally luxe in the hand and in the butt.

Like glass, steel doesn’t need as much lube as a draggy material like silicone does. I prefer to use only a couple drops of lube (any kind – silicone-based is great for anal play) with my Pure Plug, because if I use too much, it warms up and drips out of me, making me feel like I’ve soiled myself. Not a pleasant experience. In fact, in a pinch, I can actually just spit on this plug and that’ll be enough lubrication to get it to go in, though I don’t recommend this!

Another benefit of steel over silicone is that it doesn’t retain any ass smell, the way silicone has been known to do. A quick wash with soap and water gets this plug very clean and makes it smell as good as new.

Once inserted, it feels fantastic. Weighty enough to be detectable at all times, without feeling like it’s going to slip out. Bulbous enough for me to feel sufficiently filled up, without preventing me from using another toy vaginally if I want to. The steel warms up to my body temperature and eventually gets to a point where it feels like it’s warmer than my body. It’s a very sexy sensation and I often find myself getting turned on while just wearing this plug around the house.

The plug’s handle is flawlessly designed, at least for me. Widthwise, it’s practically flat, so it sits between my cheeks obediently and comfortably – but lengthwise, it’s definitely long enough to assure me that it won’t slip inside. And there’s a finger hole which allows for easy insertion and removal.

I tried this plug during sex and found that it didn’t really work for me, mainly because I’m so small down there that there just isn’t enough room for an intermediate plug and my boyfriend’s cock. The plug kept wanting to turn sideways to make more room for the intrusion. But if you’ve got more space in your trunk, this would probably be a great plug to add to your partnered sexytimes.

So if you want a comfortable, high-quality plug for long-term wear, I can’t recommend the Pure Plug highly enough. Check out the measurements, choose the right size for you, and you won’t be disappointed: this is a wonderful, satisfying plug that’s just as nice to stare at as it is to clench around.