Author: Kate Sloan

Self-Isolating and Bored? Here’s 15 Pieces of Media to Entertain You…

Kate Sloan

Dear friends: This is a hard time. I’m proud of you for wherever you’re at, whether you can’t stop crying in bed or you’re doing pretty okay actually (or something else entirely). Whatever reaction you’re having is valid – as long as you’re not one of those “This virus is cleansing the planet!!” ecofascists or a “But people should still pay their rent somehow!!” capitalist.

My friend JoEllen recently published a list of “comfort media” to consume in These Trying Times. I wanted to do something similar, although I will say that not all of these works are necessarily comforting. Some of them are just cathartic, or absorbing, or all of the above. When I’m sad or anxious, sometimes I don’t want to turn away from those feelings – sometimes I want to walk right into them, revel in them, exorcize them from my body.

In that spirit, here are 15 pieces of media, across various genres and formats, that I think you might find helpful right now in one way or another. (A note: all the links to books in this post go to the Powell’s website. Powell’s is a great indie bookstore that you should absolutely support in these tough times if you can, instead of lining Bezos’s already-overstuffed pockets.)

Stephen King, it must be said, is a problematic fave. However, he has written some of the best apocalyptic fiction in the biz. I often find it useful to focus on his terrifying stories in times that are, themselves, also terrifying – because, I reason, I may be having a tough time but at least I’m not handcuffed to a dead man’s bed (Gerald’s Game) or running away from my axe-wielding husband (The Shining).

There are three King novels that feel particularly salient to me in These Times, and they are as follows. Under the Dome is one of my all-time favorite books – it’s a hefty 1,000 pages but the pace is snappy enough to make that seem reasonable, as is often the case with King. In this story, an invisible but impenetrable “dome” descends on a small town in Maine called Chester’s Mill, cutting off its residents from the outside world and plunging the population into a panic. You’ll see familiar moments in this story – grocery store riots, lying politicians – but also moments of hope, triumph, and the goodness of humanity. (P.S. If you like audio formats, you honestly owe it to yourself to read Under the Dome as an audiobook – it’s read by the ever-wonderful Raúl Esparza and is beyond compare in its genre, IMO.)

The King novel most prescient of our current situation is, of course, The Stand, his epic novel about a flu strain engineered by the army as a biological weapon which then gets leaked into the world by accident. It quickly infects and kills over 99% of Earth’s population, and the survivors are left to cobble together some semblance of a new society in the wreckage. There’s lots of good stuff in here about friendship, grit, and goodness – all balanced with plenty of that signature King darkness and evil. This book shows a version of pandemic response that’s far more drastic than anything our world will likely face due to COVID-19, so it’s escapist in the sense that it allows you to think, “Well, things are bad, but at least they’re not this bad.”

I also gotta shout out my favorite lesser-known King novel, the relatively recent Sleeping Beauties, which he co-wrote with his son Owen. This one’s also about an apocalyptic scenario of sorts: all the women on Earth start contracting a mysterious illness where, when they fall asleep, they essentially go into a coma and cannot be awakened. Hilariously, we then get to see what happens when the men of the world are left to fend for themselves. Chaos ensues, obviously. This one isn’t as well-reviewed as some other King novels, but I wonder how much of that is due to its vaguely feminist themes!

If you like podcasts and/or roleplaying games and haven’t yet dove into the amazingness that is The Adventure Zone, you’re in for a treat. It’s my favorite podcast of all time – maybe even my favorite piece of narrative media ever? It has made me laugh and cry more than any other podcast, certainly.

TAZ is the three McElroy brothers (of My Brother, My Brother and Me and Polygon fame) playing tabletop RPGs with their dad. The first campaign, Balance, follows a flamboyant wizard named Taako, a wholesome carpenter named Magnus, and a goofy cleric named Merle as they work to collect 7 dangerous relics from all over their magical world. Start with episode 1; after that, there’s still SEVENTY-SIX more episodes for you to listen to in the first campaign alone. (Yeah, it’s a hugely epic story.) One of the later campaigns, Amnesty, is also a gorgeous blend of comedy, camaraderie, and magical realism.

While we’re talking about immersive fantasy podcasts: have you heard of Hello from the Magic Tavern? It’s an almost entirely improvised narrative fiction podcast about a guy named Arnie who accidentally falls through a magic portal into a faraway fantasy land called Foon. Looking to understand the planet he’s landed on, Arnie sets up his podcast recording equipment at a nearby tavern and begins weekly interviews with various guests from around Foon – swordsmen, shopkeeps, goblins, and royalty – all while backed up by his two faithful cohosts, a self-aggrandizing wizard named Usidore and a horny shapeshifter called Chunt. Start with episode 1 and get lost in Foon – it definitely seems better than Earth right now!

Brilliant comedian and musician Lane Moore wrote a book called How to Be Alone which feels particularly needed at this time. It’s full of thoughts about anxiety, attachment, and the longing for intimacy, but its tone is ultimately hopeful – by the time I finished this book, I felt much better about the idea that I might not always have a partner, or tons of close friends, and that might be okay. If you’re struggling with feelings of loneliness and isolation, pick this one up; reading it is like having a profound chat with a good, smart pal.

Lane is also doing a nightly Twitch show (last I checked, anyway) at 8 p.m. Eastern time, also called How to Be Alone, that you can watch right here. She describes it as being like Pee-Wee’s Playhouse for lonely adults – and don’t we all need that right now?!

Looking for something uplifting to read? You really can’t do much better than Alexandra Franzen’s You’re Going to Survive, for which she interviewed professionals across multiple fields (cuisine! music! fashion! non-profits!) about the hardest moments of their careers and how they got to the other side. I’ve never seen a more striking illustration of the notion that “this too shall pass,” always.

If you’re less about distraction and more the type of person who likes to dive directly into your feelings and face them head-on, I highly recommend the movie Contagion (2011), a fast-paced thriller about a high-mortality virus that originates in bats and pigs and quickly spreads around the world. It’s topping the charts right now on streaming sites and whatnot; evidently a lot of people are turning to it, for one reason or another.

The main thing I found comforting about this film is that the scientific and medical professionals in it are incredibly competent and smart (and are, notably, mostly women). The science presented in the movie was thoroughly researched and the moviemakers consulted professionals in the relevant fields, so one could even say Contagion is educational. On an emotional level, watching the brilliantly-acted suffering of mb Damon’s character – who (mild spoilers here) loses his wife and son within the first few minutes of the movie – is cathartic in the most ineffable of ways. He is us and we are him. Hang in there, mb Damon.

If you like fanfiction – and even if you don’t – the novel-length Sherlock stories written by Katie Forsythe (a.k.a. Wordstrings) are worth looking into. She’s a brilliant writer who explores themes of mental illness through the familiar characters of the Holmes universe. I find it’s very hard to worry about my own problems (or even my own planet’s problems) when I’m tracking Sherlock and John’s journeys through crime scenes, drug hazes, and sexual tension.

All the Best and Brightest Creatures might be my fave. An asexual (but not sex-repulsed) Sherlock gets together with a bewildered-yet-horny John, all while they try to solve mysteries set in place by one Jim Moriarty. I’m not sure I’ve ever read a fanfic story so gripping. And conveniently, Archive of Our Own lets you export fanfic in formats that’ll work on your e-reader, so you can lounge in bed or in the tub with Sherlock and John to keep you company.

It’s all too easy to fall into a YouTube rabbit hole these days, consuming news videos and conspiracy videos galore about the current situation. But why not make your YouTube gallivanting into a more pleasant, educational, and uplifting endeavor? I can’t recommend Philosophy Tube highly enough – it’s a campy-yet-esoteric video series in which the dazzling Olly Thorn presents his ideas on topics as wide-ranging as sex work, witchcraft, and Jordan Peterson. He takes an honest look at the world as it is, and theorizes on ways it could be better, kinder, stronger. His videos are also plenty theatrical and silly at times – this isn’t some dry philosophy lecture!

While I’m talking about YouTube, I would be remiss not to mention the Bon Appetit channel, which is basically porn if you enjoy food, competence, and kindness. Our mess of a planet kind of fades into the background while you’re watching, for example, Claire Saffitz trying to make KitKat bars from scratch, or Amiel Stanek sampling every way to cook an egg. I wish the channel would start putting out videos of the BA chefs making quarantine-appropriate dishes from their own separate homes!

If you are a video game person, you’ve probably already been turning to your games of choice for entertainment and comfort. But if you’re looking for recommendations specific to this moment, I’ve gotta say that the immersive, competitive, and plot-driven nature of the Pokémon games has made them invaluable to me through all of this. You add “pocket monsters” to your team, train them, and battle with them, all while traversing strange lands and meeting interesting people. I would suggest starting with HeartGold or SoulSilver if you’re new to the series – they’re both fairly accessible and they also take longer to get through than most (if not all) of the other main-series games. If visuals are important to you, the X/Y and Sun/Moon versions look much nicer, though they are definitely less challenging than previous iterations.

There’s also the game everyone is talking about right now, Animal Crossing. A new version is out for the Switch but I’m also quite partial to the 3DS version, New Leaf. Animal Crossing is essentially the Seinfeld of games, in that it’s a game about nothing: you have a house in a small idyllic town, and you can make friends with your neighbors, decorate your home, go fishing, buy cute clothes, and just generally lead a low-stakes fantasy existence. If you need a whole other life to distract you from your real life, Animal Crossing is definitely a good option.

Along similar lines, it’s very easy to get absorbed in any Harvest Moon game. The focus of these is farming, which doesn’t seem like it would be that interesting – and indeed, sometimes isn’t – but it has clear goals, and sometimes you need that. You can also befriend (and even marry) other villagers, mine for valuable ores, upgrade your home, take care of livestock, and cook from recipes. My favorite in the series is the very simple and straightforward Friends of Mineral Town.

What media are you turning to these days?

15 Sex Toys For When Your Hands Hurt

Kate Sloan

My hands hurt most days lately. It’s one of the many manifestations of my as-yet-undiagnosed chronic pain disorder, and a particularly annoying one, given that I type words for a living. Fun!

However, in better news, I have noticed that the sex toy industry is (slowly, slightly) starting to become more inclusive of folks with chronic pain and other disabilities. Here are some toys I think could be useful if you, like me, struggle with pain, inflexibility, and/or weakness in your hands…

The Fun Factory BeOne is a bullet-sized vibrator that fits comfortably between two fingers, so you don’t have to grip it with your sore hands. The tip curves comfortably into the clitoris without much effort or angling required. I wish the motor was rumblier, and that the button for changing speeds was placed more conveniently (I can’t hit it without temporarily changing my finger placement, which disrupts flow sometimes), but I’m glad vibes like this exist. Along similar lines, you could also try “finger vibes” like the Jopen Key.

I recently got my hands on a Tenga SVR, a small vibrator attached to a silicone loop. You can use this contraption as a cock ring that offers external stimulation for the clitoris or perineum during penetrative sex, or you can use the vibrator clitorally while the loop is wrapped around two or three of your fingers. This gives a little extra grip and stability, which I find useful when hand pain is flaring up. This vibe is also great for finger-banging, an idea I first found out about from Kevin Patterson: you can slip your fingers through the loop and then slide them inside your partner, and the vibrator portion of the toy will stimulate them externally. Neat! (The LoveLife Rev looks to be a similar type of vibe, though I can’t attest to how it holds up against the SVR’s motor, which is wonderfully rumbly and strong.)

The new We-Vibe Wand has a feature called SmartSilence that a lot of reviewers have hated, but that could be useful for folks with pain or strength issues in their hands. The feature causes the toy’s vibrations to “pause” when you remove the toy from your body, and resume once you bring it back into contact with your skin. While I can understand why some people find this aggravating, it might be useful for those moments when you need to re-lube a dildo, adjust the vibration speed, take a drink of water, answer a text, etc. but don’t want to expend precious hand function on pressing finicky buttons. Just lift the vibe away from your body and go do what you gotta do.

While I’m talking about We-Vibe… Hands-free vibrators like the We-Vibe Sync (read my full review here) are a godsend on bad pain days. I like this one in particular because you can adjust the two hinges so that the toy applies your ideal amount of pressure to both your clit and your G-spot. You can control the Bluetooth-enabled toy with an app on your phone, which I definitely find less physically taxing than pressing buttons.

Another new, potentially helpful product from this savvy company is the We-Vibe Chorus. It’s very similar to the Sync in shape and motor quality, but it uses a technology called AnkorLink that’s supposed to be more reliable than Bluetooth (so less tinkering required), and its accompanying remote optionally lets you control the vibrations by squeezing it: harder squeezes = stronger vibrations. Depending on how your hand pain manifests, this might be easier for you than pushing buttons or operating an app.

Pulsators, in general, are a lovely option for chronic-pain sufferers, because (as long as you brace yours against something like a pillow between your legs) you can get “fucked” without the exertion of manual thrusting. My current favorite is the Fun Factory Stronic G (read my review here), though if you’d like some rumbly clitoral or perineal vibration alongside your pulsation, the Bi Stronic Fusion is also terrific.

On bad pain days, I prefer vibrators with dials over those with buttons, as I find them easier to operate. The CalExotics Turbo Glider (read my review here) is a classic, and – while it lacks the bells and whistles of many other vibes I’ve mentioned here – it holds up, despite how long it’s been around. And it costs less than $20! If you don’t mind spending more to get more power, many BodyWand models also have dials instead of buttons.

If you have a prostate and like to have it stimulated, some of the best hands-free options for that are Aneros prostate massagers. They’re designed to rock back and forth against your spot when you squeeze and relax your muscles. Some people can even have orgasms from this alone!

As for penile stimulation, some kind of vibrator is probably your best bet if your hands hurt – it won’t require as much (or any) squeezing and stroking; you can just hold it on your shaft and/or against your frenulum and it’ll do the work for you. These toys even work without an erection in many cases. Two of the most popular and high-quality options on the market right now are the Fun Factory Cobra Libre II and the Hot Octopuss Pulse Solo Lux. (The latter can even be controlled with a wristwatch-like remote, for added ease of use.)

Finally, I would be remiss not to mention the Liberator Jaz, a compact sexual positioning aid made of firm foam covered in soft, washable microsuede. (Read my full review here.) Sometimes my hand and arm pain is so bad that it hurts even to reach all the way down to my genitals unaided; the Jaz tilts my hips toward me, not a lot, but enough that it’s not so much of a strain to touch my own junk. I’ve had mine for years and I still adore it.

What sex toys do you turn to when your hands are achy?

Quarantine Challenge: Try a New Sex Thing

Kate Sloan

If you – like so many of us – have effectively locked yourself into your own home because of the current global pandemic situation, I commend you. Social distancing is a smart and life-saving measure, difficult though it may be.

Articles abound on the internet right now about things to do while in quarantine, whether said quarantine is self-imposed or imposed by health officials or even your country’s government. I think that’s great – people are obviously very anxious right now, and being given explicit instructions or suggestions for what to do is (for me at least) often helpful when you’re distraught.

Since this is ostensibly a sex blog, I have some suggestions for things you could try if you find yourself cooped up at home, either with a partner or just by yourself. (Or, I mean, if you have a roommate who you think is both hot and chill, maybe they’d want to join in?!) Try these if you’re feeling bored, horny, ‘n’ exploratory…

Have lots of orgasms! Studies show orgasms reduce stress and boost your immunity, two effects we both sorely need right now. If it helps to think of this process as purely medicinal rather than erotic, then do that – I understand this isn’t exactly the most arousing time in history! I find big, strong vibrators are my best companion when I just want to crank out a climax. If you choose to order a new sex toy in these trying times, I strongly suggest you look into buying from your local indie sex shop if you have one – their income, like that of many small businesses right now, has probably taken a nosedive.

Work up to something big. While your housemates are cleaning out their closets or drafting the next Great American Novel, maybe you could work on your own magnum opus: your hungry holes! You could use toys or your hand to explore gentle stretching sensations the likes of which you’d feel if you were getting fisted, for example. If you’ve ever wanted to get into butt stuff but been too nervous or too tight, good news – you’ve probably got lots of time to spare now. So pull out those anal sex toys (ones with a flared base only, please), slather ’em in lube, and sloooowly acclimatize yourself to the sensation. (Remember, though: scientists say one of the coronavirus transmission routes is fecal-oral, so please, for the love of god, wash your hands when you’re done… which you should’ve been doing anyway.)

Fuck on drugs. I don’t know if you’re lucky enough to live (as I do) in a place where marijuana is legal and easily obtainable, for example, but if you happen to have a decent stockpile of your intoxicant of choice, maybe now’s the time to bust some out for sexy purposes. After all, you can’t exactly have a 6-hour edible-fuelled fuck-fest on a Tuesday under normal circumstances – but these aren’t normal circumstances. (That said, I would caution you to avoid drugs that you suspect will make you feel anxious and paranoid, since, y’know, we’re all already feeling that way all the time now.)

Make hand-washing sexy. There are infinite ways you could do this, from buying decadent moisturizing hand soap to putting a photo of your favorite hot celebrity above the sink with a drawn-on speech bubble that says “Scrub those hands for me, you beautiful bitch.” If you have a dominant (or can find one on, like, Twitter – there are a lot of horny/lonely/bored people out there right now!), maybe they could boss you via text into washing your hands more, or give you rewards for doing so.

Investigate a new-to-you porn genre. Some people are like, “When I retire, I’m going to really dive into the work of the classic Russian novelists,” but we’re pervs in a crisis, so we’re more like, “You know, I’ve always wondered what clown fetish porn was like…!” Just please make sure to pay independent porn creators for their work. (Here’s a beautiful video of me giving a blowjob that you can rent if you’re so inclined…)

What sexual thoughts and fantasies are on your mind in these trying times, if any?

They Can’t Take That (Wand Vibrator) Away From Me

Kate Sloan

I’m having a minor mental breakdown because the Scrabble app is being discontinued.

I know that doesn’t sound like it’s going to be relevant to sex toys and the other topics covered on this here blog, but bear with me for a moment. The Scrabble app – totally classic, with no bells or whistles, just that well-worn Hasbro aesthetic and those well-understood rules – has been my constant companion in my battle against anxiety and depression for several years. It’s one tool in my wide-ranging toolbelt of coping mechanisms, but it is a significant one. When I start to hyperventilate on the subway, or am en route to a party I’m nervous about, or am crying so hard I can’t get out of bed, I can always whip out my phone and play a few games of Scrabble against a skilled robot. The familiarity of the game, and my skill at it, calm me down in minutes.

When EA recently announced that they’re phasing out the classic Scrabble app in favor of the new (and way, way worse) Scrabble Go, and that users of the original app will be unable to keep using it past June, I honestly felt like a piece of the cliff I was standing on had suddenly crumbled and fallen away. Maybe it’s the fact that this announcement coincided with global panic about a pandemic as well as a continuing political shitshow, but it really felt like something had been taken away from me that I needed in order to function. Something I thought I could trust, and that I thought would always be there somehow, in fact will be gone in not too long.

That brings me to the Magic Wand. The Japanese corporation originally responsible for making and selling this legendary vibrator, Hitachi, almost pulled the plug on the product (so to speak) in the mid-2010s when – according to various sources – the conservative company got cold feet about the sexualization of their product. Marketed as a muscle massager, the Magic Wand had nonetheless picked up steam as a sex aid in North American masturbation workshops and porn flicks (though it is also available in the UK and elsewhere) and Hitachi wasn’t cool with that. American sex toy distributor Vibratex swept in and saved the day by taking over branding and distribution of the product so Hitachi could save face – but in the interim, Magic Wand fans were terrified. Theories abounded about the toy’s potential fate. Wands started popping up for hundreds of dollars on eBay and the like. The situation looked dire, until Vibratex started cranking out wands again (including the Magic Wand Rechargeable, a brilliantly-conceived update on the original) and harmony was restored to the universe.

I was reminded of this story when I heard the news about the Scrabble app, because there is something uniquely terrifying about finding out that what you once considered a constant comfort actually is not. This is true whether the thing that has crumbled is big – like your relationship, your family, or, say, the entire world order as you know it – or small, like an app or a vibrator. We place our trust in these things; they hold our emotional safety precariously in their hands. So it’s immensely destabilizing when one of them just winks out of existence.

The world may be incredibly fucked up right now, but I still have my Magic Wand, and it feels like a security blanket. Even when I’m scared of what’s to come, I can still have orgasms. Even if I have to self-quarantine, I can still have orgasms. Even if I get sick, I can still have orgasms (assuming I can muster the energy to administer them). Lots of people are turning to lots of familiar comforts in times like these – beloved shows on Netflix, dog-eared and much-read books, Skype calls with loved ones – and I’m glad that the Magic Wand is one of mine… especially now that my long-cherished Scrabble app is being ripped from my hands. (Okay, I might be being a tad melodramatic. Just a tad.)

 

If you want to know more about wand vibrators available worldwide, check out this review of the Hitachi Magic Wand alternative in Australia. This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Can Camming Be Sex?

Kate Sloan

Here’s a story I’m embarrassed to share. (Gosh, that should just be the tagline of this blog, shouldn’t it?)

My first serious relationship was a monogamous one, but I still thought it would be fine to show off my naked body online. Of course, it crossed my mind that my boyfriend might have an issue with it, but the odds seemed too low to bring it up. (I know. I know. Don’t worry, I’ve learned better communication skills since then!)

So I would post nudes on illicit subreddits, and tease Twitter with my cleavage, and even do occasional cam shows – getting naked, jerking off with toys, the whole shebang. (I know. I KNOW.)

Of course, when my boyfriend found out about this, he was upset. We talked about it, and I stopped. Part of our initial disagreement on this matter came from differing definitions of relationship boundaries, which we should’ve talked about earlier – I believed my body was mine to show off as I pleased, short of actually having any kind of sex with other people. But the other basis for our disagreement was that exact definition of sex. I had, by that point, broadened my view of sex to include things like fingering, handjobs, and oral sex, but it had never really occurred to me to consider cam shows a type of sex. They were a sexual interaction, sure, and they could be sex work in some transactional contexts, but I didn’t think of them as the type of sex one would have to reserve only for one’s partner in a monogamous relationship.

Fast-forward the better part of a decade, and now I’m in a long-distance relationship. By necessity, I’ve come to view the various types of digitally-enabled long-distance sexual communication I engage in – sexting, phone sex, and yes, cam shows – as valid forms of sex. After all, they make up the bulk of my sex life at this point, and are every bit as arousing, exciting, intimate, and connective as the in-person sex I have with my partner. It would be selling both of us short to insist that these things are not sex.

Nothing sexual is ever quite that simple, though. I can’t say I always felt like I was “having sex” when I performed online for paying customers, trying to tune out their watchful eyes as I fucked myself with a dildo – but was I having sex? Do both people have to have their webcams turned on for it to “count” as sex? Is a sex cam show (as in, a show where two or more people are fucking on camera) different from a masturbation cam show, in that the viewer is more of a viewer than a direct participant? As we’ve seen countless times before, technology solves many sexual problems, but raises a slew of new sexual questions at the same time.

Bummer alert: I’m thinking about these types of questions a lot more now that we’re in the midst of the COVID-19 outbreak. A BuzzFeed article reports some people are sexting with their Tinder matches in lieu of meeting them at bustling bars and the like. The virus may abound in public places, but you’re more-or-less safe behind the screen of your phone, tucked securely away in your apartment. Around the time of the AIDS crisis, the concept of “safer sex” spread to the masses, but just last year I saw a Reddit post from an “incel” claiming that sex with a condom on doesn’t “count” as real sex. Digital forms of sex, too, are simultaneously decried as a poor substitute for “the real thing” and lauded as a safer alternative to physical closeness. Whether the “protection” you’re using is a condom or a smartphone, I don’t think the sex you’re having is any less real than unprotected and traditional types.

I think ultimately we are free to define sex in different ways; we don’t all have to agree on one definition, and we couldn’t even if we tried. I look forward to a future where our definition of sex gets broader and broader, so it can include more people, more safely.

 

Heads up: this post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.