I’ve always enjoyed the thought of dating someone whose personal style mattered to them, whose grooming and aesthetic were joyful components of their life rather than just perfunctory choices. I admired couples who posed together for chic outfit photos on my favorite lifestyle blogs, and occasionally tried to match my ensemble to my beaux’. This wasn’t just vanity for me – a couple’s outward coordination feels to me like a manifestation of their inward coordination (though of course this isn’t the case for everybody). Matching felt like a love language. Dressing up to delight a partner felt like an act of sweet service.
I’m fortunate that my partner now agrees with me on these points, and we love to go on fancy dates together dressed in outfits that subtly reference each other’s (and also sometimes get us free drinks). Here are some of my faves we’ve worn lately…
December 13, 2019
For our two-year anniversary, we packed up our stuff for a brief staycation at Toronto’s beautiful Broadview Hotel. I’d watched its construction with eager fascination years ago (it was built from a broken-down and legendary old strip club called Jilly’s) but had never stayed there, so I was excited to check it out.
After getting very pretty, we went to the hotel’s rooftop bar for a drink, and then to Michael’s on Simcoe for a magnificent steak dinner. I made our waiter cry by thanking him for correctly gendering my partner. It was a good night.
Matt is wearing:
- Grey suit – Suitsupply
- White collared shirt
- Blue/pink/silver tie – vintage Emilio Pucci and was one of my birthday gifts for them the previous year (I love Pucci!!)
- Black leather shoes – Allen Edmonds
- Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush”
I am wearing:
- Shiny blue halter dress – Le Chateau
- Black tights
- Black leather pumps – Naturalizer
- Blue leather collar – L’Amour-Propre
- Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush” (we unknowingly bought each other the same lipstick for our anniversary like a couple of nerds)
December 30, 2019
For Matt’s 29th birthday, we went out with a bunch of their pals for a huge prix-fixe meal at a fancy Japanese restaurant, followed by cocktails at Kind Regards. I felt so surrounded by love and joviality all night!
Matt is wearing:
- Pink blazer – thrifted earlier that day at a Goodwill in Manhattan; we were shopping for fancy vintage clothes to wear to a different party (see below) and I saw this, gasped, and MADE them try it on – doesn’t it look amazing?!
- White collared shirt
- Blue/purple/pink tie – also vintage and also a gift from me last year; this one’s by Express Design Studio
- Black jeans, I think?
- Black and gold “Please use they/them pronouns” pin
I am wearing:
- Black sparkly velvet halter dress – Forever 21 a few years ago
- Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
- Black leggings – H&M
- Black harness boots – Frye (an anniversary gift from Matt)
- My collar again
January 4, 2020
In late 2018 I met the great Tara Isabella Burton after I read her first book and she interviewed me about kink for her second. This year, she invited Matt and I to her “unwedding“: a black-tie party meant to celebrate her not getting married. The dress code said “as extra as possible” and we took that to heart.
The party was wild. I swilled prosecco and cocktails, exchanged cringey ex stories with a brocade-clad bartender, debated modern movies with a film critic, watched a YouTube-famous chef swing-dance to a live jazz band, met (and kissed) a beautiful litigator, met (and kissed) a flirtatious professor, wobbled around in my heels, and just generally had a raucous good time. Congrats to Tara on “not getting married today“!
Matt is wearing:
- Blue velvet blazer – J. Crew (I SHRIEKED when I saw this; as has previously been discussed, I have feelings about velvet)
- White collared shirt
- Charcoal grey suit pants – also J. Crew
- Red and navy tie – also J. Crew
- Black leather shoes – Allen Edmonds
I am wearing:
- Red lace dress – vintage via my mom; she bought it in the early ’80s to cover a Phantom of the Opera premiere for Global TV, and it miraculously fits me perfectly
- Blue satin Christian Louboutin peeptoe pumps – a gift from Matt, bought vintage from TheRealReal at 75% off the original price
- Blue tulle hair clip – a gift from my friend Eric years ago
- Silver sparkly clutch – bought vintage for $10 from the now-defunct Melanie’s Closet in Kensington Market in 2007
- My collar again
Do you ever dress to match your partner(s)?