Events & Places

Date Diaries: Towers, Oysters, & Amorous Nights

Kate Sloan

Hi! Welcome to something new I’m trying, Date Diaries, a feature where I’ll write about dates I go on. I’m revisiting a week I spent with my partner in Toronto back in December, for our first anniversary…

On mb’s first night back in town, I went to meet him at the airport, which has become a tradition for us. We have a protocol whereby I have to ask him, prior to his takeoff, what he’d like me to bring him at the airport – food, gum, coffee, whatever – and then meet him in the arrivals area. It’s exciting, getting to see him at the earliest possible moment, rather than waiting for him to Uber to my apartment like I used to.

On this day – December 12th – I subwayed across town to Pearson Airport in the west end from a psychiatrist appointment in the east end, trying to read my Kindle on the train but failing because I was too excited to concentrate. Once we found each other in arrivals, we took a car back to my place, ~reconnected~ with some sex-‘n’-kink, and then were faced with the question of where to go for dinner.

This always happens. Usually he gets in late, because air travel is a chaotic nightmare, and by the time we’re settled and ready to eat, many restaurants have closed their kitchens. So it’s become a tradition of sorts for us to go to Bar Isabel on those first Toronto nights, because their kitchen is open until at least midnight (bless them, bless them all). It’s one of the best-reviewed restaurants in the city, and for good reason: the ambiance is chill and romantic, the tapas-style menu is impeccable, the cocktails are swell, and the servers are top-notch.

As the clock ticked over to 12:00AM of the next day – December 13th, our anniversary – I tweeted about how happy I was to have spent a year with such a wonderful person, and we toasted to our relationship, our love, and our future. Aww.

What I wore: I was feeling romantic so I put on the dress I was wearing the day that we met, one year previous. It’s a black and red floral-print fit-and-flare dress I got at H&M god knows how many years ago. I also wore my collar, of course.

What we ordered: We usually get the punch when we go to Bar Isabel; I think this time we got the “fancy punch,” which contains liquors, citruses, teas, herbs, and bubbly wine (they change up the specific ingredients on a night-to-night basis), because we were celebrating! We ate oysters, bread, manchego cheese, shishito peppers, and grilled octopus. Divine.

My boyf is an over-the-top romantic, making him a good match for someone like me who is sentimental as fuck and also likes to write about dates she goes on (hiii). For our anniversary, he surprised me by taking me to one of the fanciest and most tourist-y places you can go for dinner in Toronto: the 360 Restaurant at the top of the CN Tower. As we were walking to the elevator that would take us up to the restaurant, we were bustled into a photography area where they snapped some cheesy pictures of us in front of a green screen – hence the adorable watermarked monstrosity you see above.

The whole conceit of the 360 Restaurant is that you get the best possible view of Toronto, and the entire restaurant rotates slowly, so you get to see all the way around over the course of your meal. I hadn’t been up there since my mom took me to an opening-night party for The Lion King back when she was working as an entertainment reporter more than a decade ago, so it was cool to go back, especially with someone I love so much.

After dinner, we checked out the famous glass floor and then cabbed to Civil Liberties for a nightcap before heading home. Ideal date night!

What I wore: Sir told me weeks beforehand that if I planned on buying a new dress for our anniversary, he wanted it to be blue and shiny/sparkly in some way – which, honestly, knowing me, it would’ve been anyway. I trawled the local mall all day, trying on several unsatisfactory contenders, before finally landing on this $17 pale blue velvet spaghetti-strap dress from Forever 21. I wore it with black tights, my collar, a black cashmere cardigan, and the gorgeous blue Coach bag mb had just given me as an anniversary gift. The suit he’s wearing, by the way, is the same one he wore on our second date; aww.

What we ordered: We split a dozen oysters and I thiiink I had roasted salmon with risotto on the side. And, as per usual, we drank excellent cocktails, though I can’t remember what they were. I was pretty focused on the cute boy across the table from me!

Sir introduced me to La Banane and it’s become one of our favorite Toronto dinner spots. The food and service are both absolutely incredible. I feel like a queen every time we go here.

After dinner, we rounded out our evening by going to see Hook-Up at the Bad Dog Theatre (their hilarious and often quite romantic runaway hit) and stopping by Civil Liberties again for more cocktails. Three of our very favorite things in one night – amazing!

What I wore: This dress is one of Sir’s faves in my wardrobe so he chose it for our fancy night out; it’s a form-fitting, low-cut, navy velvet dress with an asymmetric hem. I bought it at Forever 21 when I briefly had a sugar daddy, envisioning wearing it on elegant dates with him, though that plan never came to pass! This time I paired it with black tights, a black cashmere cardigan, my collar, and my new Coach bag again.

What we ordered: Our appetizers were oysters again (we’re so predictable) and seared foie gras with hazelnuts and a little cup of wine on the side. I had their duck breast entrée (soooo tender and good) and Sir had the Eurobass. My fave cocktail here is the Penicillin; I don’t normally like smoky Scotch but this drink blends it with lemon, ginger, and honey, making it much more palatable. Toward the end of the meal, the restaurant staff had to re-seat us to make room for a big group that was coming in, and they sent over two glasses of amaro on the house for our trouble (my first time ever trying amaro!). Sooo fuckin’ classy.

Been on any date you’ve especially loved lately?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 4 Fun Events

Kate Sloan

Hi, friends! Today’s 12 Days of Girly Juice instalment is all about sexy and sex-adjacent events I attended in 2018 – and because I am such a lucky lady, there were lots of them. However, these 4 were the ones that stuck out to me the most…

The Playground Conference

Organized, as always, by the inimitable Samantha Fraser, the Playground Conference was easily a career highlight of my year. I was invited to speak in two sessions: the opening plenary about personal storytelling as a form of activism, and a live recording of The Dildorks. As is par for the course at events like these, a lot of the most fun stuff happened “extracurricularly,” like hotel-room spanking parties, late-night phone sex, and a blogger get-together punctuated by boozy, frosty milkshakes. Yummm.

The sessions at Playground this year were as fascinating and eye-opening as always. I learned about kink negotiation, blowjob techniques, BDSM psychology, and lots more. I was reminded once again of how important and uplifting it is to spend time around other sex nerds, especially those wiser and more experienced than me. What a blessing to be able to do that.

On a personal note, Playground was also my first experience with following event-specific protocol assigned to me by a long-distance partner, including wearing outfits he chose for me and sending him daily updates in photographic form, and as such, it’s a fond memory in the history of my relationship. Aww.

Sex Writing 101

I was thrilled this year that the Naked Heart Festival, an LGBTQ literary event, invited me to teach an introductory sex writing workshop as part of their wide-ranging programming. I was surprised at the size of the crowd that came out, and it delighted me to talk to them about the practical, ethical, and creative considerations involved in sex writing: everything from consent to pseudonyms to pitching stories to sexual mindfulness. (My boyfriend was sitting in the front row, gazing up at me like a rapt angel, which helped, too.)

Someday I’d like to offer this class online, since I think I have a lot of useful stuff to say about the sex writing world, having been in it for 6+ years. Let me know if you’d ever be interested in attending a webinar, purchasing an e-course, etc. along these lines, and I’ll see what I can do in 2019!

The Bed Post Sex & Sexuality Variety Show

Bed Post is the brainchild of Erin Pim, a brilliant, kinky firecracker who also hosts a podcast of the same name. I’ve guested on both the podcast and the live show several times, and it’s always a raunchy good time!

I can’t think of any other event that does quite what Bed Post does: it’s a blend of storytelling, burlesque, comedy, and music, all united under the overarching theme of sex. On the Bed Post stage, I’ve crooned ukulele tunes about BDSM, explained the joys of knife play, read my review of a Teddy Bear vibrator, and given fisting advice to strangers. I’ve wolf-whistled at a curvy redhead doing an outer space-themed striptease, hung on the every word of a captivating phone sex operator‘s stories, and laughed my ass off at a weirdly hilarious tale about revenge porn. I never quite know what I’m going to see when I show up at a Bed Post performance, but I always end up loving every minute.

If you live in Toronto (or can get here) and haven’t yet checked out this great variety show, I highly recommend it!

Hookup

I’ve been attending improv shows in Toronto for well over a decade, and the Bad Dog Theatre’s runaway success Hookup is one of my favorites I’ve ever seen – to the point that I keep going back, again and again. Here’s the premise: the cast picks two single-and-ready-to-mingle audience members, interviews them about their personalities and aspirations, and then improvises a one-act play of sorts about what would happen if those two people met and hooked up.

Far from being the lewd or mean-spirited show this could so easily have turned into, Hookup is usually a sweet, incisive, hilarious celebration of love that leaves the entire audience glowing. If your ideal evening out at the theatre ends with your face hurting from laughing so hard and your very spirit feeling replenished, I think you would love Hookup. It regularly makes me giggle-shriek until I can’t breathe, and that’s a feeling we all need more of.

What sex-related events did you love this year?

More Toronto Date Spots

Kate Sloan

I’ve written about my favorite date locations in Toronto before, but now I am a grown-ass adult. Just kidding. Very much not that. However, since writing that post, I did start dating someone who has much more refined taste than me in things like cocktails and fine dining, and he has introduced me to many places in my own city that I had no idea existed and had no idea I’d love so much. So I thought it might be time to revisit this series.

A note: many of these places are pricier than I would typically recommend, and I’m aware that that makes them inaccessible to many. These could become your go-to date spots if you’re well-off enough to make that happen, but if you’re like me, they’re likelier to become special-occasion-only sanctuaries. Or maybe you’ll convince your sugar daddy or grandfather or tech-bro friend to take you to one. Hey, I don’t know your life.

Northwood has become my favorite cocktail bar in the city. (BlogTO agrees. Be still, my heart.) The atmosphere is chill and relaxed, though still fancy enough that I don’t feel out of place if I get dressed up for a Northwood jaunt. They do a bunch of proprietary drinks as well as a whole host of classics, and if you have an off-menu special request, they’ll usually do that, too. I adore their Lady Grey Sour (a sharp and refreshing whiskey sour with, oddly enough, black pepper sprinkled on top) and Black Walnut (a cinnamon-y, nutty sour that’s perfect for fall); they’ve also made me many a Southside, my favorite cocktail, and it’s always wonderful. If Ilissa is working, you know you’re especially in for a treat. Crucially, I feel completely at home here whether I’m with a date or just by myself with a journal or book. This place is a fave and will remain a fave.

Insomnia is partly known for its late-night eats (hence the name) but I’ve mostly come here for lunch and brunch. Their French toast, eggs specials, and breakfast cocktails are all delightfully fancy and the food is very filling. I’m particularly enamored with whatever magical tomatoey sauce they put on their homefries. The atmosphere in here is bustling and you’ll probably have to wait for a table, but it’s worth it.

Jacobs & Co. is a fancy-ass steakhouse tucked away in a nondescript building. I felt like a queen tottering up and down their many staircases in my high heels. The staff is fiercely smart and knowledgeable; our server gave us an extensive spiel about every cut of steak on the menu and helped us choose the right main and sides for our preferences. You’ve gotta try the incredible Caesar salad, prepared table-side; we also loved our oysters and potato puree. And of course, the steak was out-of-this-world delicious. I was especially charmed that they were able to make me my favorite off-menu cocktail, the Southside (sensing a theme?), and that they sent us home with plastic-wrapped dinner rolls to enjoy later that night or in the morning. The attention to detail here is commendable.

Bar Isabel is a Spanish-inspired bar and restaurant that gets pretty much universally positive reviews from Toronto foodies. The seductively low lighting makes this place feel intimate and cozy, and the kitchen is open late (midnight most days, 2AM Fridays and Saturdays), so this is an ideal spot for a post-sex bite or a night-owl date. I love munching perfectly-cured ham and sharp cheese on bread and sipping cocktails while cuddled up to my love.

El Catrin is a Mexican restaurant in the heart of one of my favorite Toronto neighborhoods, the Distillery District. If you crave authentic Mexican food and drinks, this place is a must-do. I adore their chicken tacos, guacamole, and tortilla chips. Having a traditional margarita here also kickstarted a months-long margarita obsession for me, and honestly, I’ve been unable to find one I like better in Toronto than the ones made here.

La Banane is where my darlin’ taught me to eat oysters – aww! It’s a fancy French restaurant with a seafood-heavy menu. We loved sitting at the bar, where we could watch chefs handling seafood up close and chat with them a bit (my partner’s an extrovert, okay). We were impressed with how the staff went above-and-beyond to make us happy, and seemed genuinely invested in making sure our meal was great.

Auberge du Pommier is a French restaurant located, weirdly, in the otherwise quiet and humdrum North York. I was surprised to see such a beautiful, ornate place hidden in that area. We sat on the lush patio and sipped white wine while marveling at the gorgeous decor. I tried foie gras for the first time here, and it was prepared to perfection. The black truffle risotto here is also one of my faves I’ve had, and I say that as a confirmed risotto fiend.

Queen Margherita Pizza is a big, bright Neapolitan pizzeria with multiple locations; I’ve only been to the Dundas West one. As you might expect, their wood-fired pizzas are A++. I also dig their lavender old fashioned, though my boyfriend insists a drink can’t technically be an old fashioned if there’s lemon juice in it. Oh well; it’s still delicious. The waitstaff here are always friendly, whether I’m here with a friend, a partner, or just a book to read. I love sitting in the window here and people-watching while I eat.

Pray Tell is a hoppin’ bar with great brunch offerings. It’s truly the epitome of Fancy Millennial Food, with items like avocado toast and mochi donuts appearing on the menu. We enjoyed their unusual selection of cocktails and their goofy, friendly staff.

Civil Liberties is a cocktail nerd’s dream, but also a great place to go if you know nothing about cocktails and nonetheless want to drink some. They have no menu; you just ask for what you want, however vaguely, and the genius bartenders will bring you something cool. I’ve ordered “a refreshing sour,” “something with ginger or cinnamon,” “something like a Southside,” and so on, always with excellent results. The vibe of this place is usually a little louder and more crowded than I would prefer for an intimate date, but I’m a sensitive li’l introvert, so your mileage may vary. In any case, if you and your sweetheart can get a couple of seats at the bar, you’ll be able to snuggle up close and whisper seductively in each other’s ears while you sip your drinks.

The Broadview Hotel was built from the wreckage of ancient strip club Jilly’s, which I unfortunately never got to visit before it closed for good. At least its replacement is lovely, though. I haven’t stayed at this hotel yet, but I’ve been to both the ground-floor bar and the rooftop bar. Both are beautifully designed and serve tasty cocktails, but we preferred the rooftop bar for its better, faster service and (obviously) better views. If you’re looking for a great rooftop patio in the city, it’s hard to go past the Broadview (and the Drake).

What are your favorite Toronto date spots?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2017: 4 Fun Events

Kate Sloan

Ah, sexuality events! Those saucy gatherings in dimly-lit venues, where I can be my truest self and wear my babeliest outfits. Here were my top 4 favorites of 2017… (Previously: 2016, 2015.)

Spit nights at Oasis. Local indie porno babes Spit put on a bimonthly night o’ magic at Toronto sex club Oasis Aqualounge. I’ve spent more time at Oasis this year than any other year of my life – mostly making out with my fuckpal in the pool, because damn that’s a good pool, and damn that’s a cute boy – and Spit’s events are always my favorite nights to be there. The crowd skews younger, there’s always a live porn shoot to ooh and aah over, and there’s often also a smutty variety show featuring comedians, poets, and musicians. (This year I performed in both a porn shoot and a variety show, because I am a well-rounded individual!)

Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit. This was on last year’s list but I couldn’t omit it from this year’s; it was just too damn good, once again. I made lots more blogger friends, cackling with them in clandestine hotel crannies until the wee small hours. We did a live Dildorks recording in front of a crowd. I learned so many interesting things at the sessions. Mostly, I felt a sense of community and solidarity with other Professional Sex People that I rarely get to feel throughout the rest of the year. Here’s hoping I can make it to this great event in 2018 as well!

Vagic Tricks. I was so excited this year to premiere my new workshop on little-known erogenous zones of the vulva and vagina. I don’t know if in-person sex education is really my medium – I feel like I convey my thoughts better through writing, which also incidentally makes me much less nervous! – but it was a fun challenge nonetheless. I was surprised by how many people came out to hear what I had to say, and I’ve heard from a few of them who told me my lessons have already upgraded their sex lives. Yay!

The Pink Market is a queer/feminist craft market. Yes, it is as great as it sounds, if not better. The booths are jam-packed with embroideries, leather goods, artisanal impact toys, art prints, pinback buttons, engraved pencils, and so much more. It’s the perfect place to stock up on holiday gifts for all your favorite weirdos and queerdos. I hope this event keeps happening year after year, because I love it so damn much!

What were your favorite sex-related events of the year?

Come Learn About Vulvas and Vaginas From Me!

Kate Sloan
Illustration of the internal clitoris from Dr. Laurie Mintz’s book Becoming Cliterate.

I’ve always loved teaching. A perpetual teacher’s pet, I used to help out other students in elementary school when they had questions about math curriculum, English texts, or the inner workings of the vagina (#SexNerdLyfe!). In high school, I was a “peer tutor” for a grade-10 history class and a grade-11 improv class, dutifully taking attendance, handing out worksheets, and answering kids’ questions. After I graduated, I coached my school’s improv team for a year, running scene drills and giving notes and cheering for those kids when they performed in improv competitions; the time I spent with that team is still, to this day, one of the proudest achievements of my life.

In recent years, I’ve befriended tons of sex educators – like my friends Bex, Taylor, and Sarah, to name a few – and started to think, “Hey, maybe I could do that too!” Whenever I see a pal wax poetic about blowjobs or kink or Tinder in front of a crowd, it stirs some itchy envy in me. The owner of local sex shop The Nookie, Veronica, kept asking me every time I saw her if I planned on pitching a workshop soon, and my answer was always the same: “I can’t think of any specific topic I know enough about to teach a workshop on!”

That all changed one day on a bus ride home from Hamilton. I’d spent the morning eating breakfast with my friend Suz at a diner, encouraging her to pitch some workshops and helping her brainstorm some ideas. As I sat squeezed into a window seat on a Go bus, staring out at the galloping highway, I suddenly had an idea for a workshop I could teach. And it was a good one.

See, I’m known, in my sex blogger circle, for spreading info on little-known erogenous zones. I’m all about the A-spot, the external G-spot, and the clitoral shaft, to name but a few. Beyond just enjoying stimulation of these spots myself, I also think it’s important we talk about zones like this, so that people don’t feel broken if their enjoyment doesn’t hinge on “typical” things like the G-spot or the tip of the clitoris. Plus, sex isn’t much fun without variety, and learning about different spots can help you achieve that!

I’d long considered teaching a workshop on the A-spot alone, but I wasn’t sure there was enough material there for a full hour-long or 90-minute session. So when it suddenly occurred to me to talk about not only the A-spot but also all the other little-discussed vulvovaginal hotspots, I knew I had my workshop pitch at long last.

I spent the rest of that bus ride frantically making notes, planning and structuring my workshop-to-be. I found that I am bursting with information about these spots, and so excited to share it with curious sex nerds!

So, without further ado: if you’re in Toronto, or can get here, you should come to the debut of my new workshop, Vagic Tricks: Hidden Hotspots of the Vulva and Vagina! It’s happening at The Nookie on Wednesday, November 29th at 8PM. You can buy your ticket online for $25. I hope to see you there, and I can’t wait to teach you what I know!