Beauty & Fashion

Behind the Seams: Hearts, Weddings, & Bumblebees

Kate Sloan

July 3, 2022

My spouse asked me on a long-distance date, wherein we each go to a restaurant in our respective cities and talk on the phone while we eat. I wore this outfit to Blu Ristorante to sip some fancy cocktails and eat some delicious butternut squash ravioli while my love and I caught up about our days.

I had just recently acquired these black leather Chucks after going back and forth on them for a long time. Despite loving the aesthetic of this particular shoe (and owning a similar, dark purple pair back in high school), I was worried they would give me Bad Gender Feelings, as sometimes happens when I wear something that veers a little too far past the borders of my particular femmeness. But I’ve actually worn them so much. They go with pretty much every casual outfit, and – as this one shows – are even suitable for some dressier looks too.

What I’m wearing:
• Navy figure skater dress – American Apparel
• Black leather Chuck Taylor All-Star high-top sneakers
• Black leather Coach Station bag – vintage on eBay
• Apple Watch with red leather band from Jewlz4less
• Teal leather Tiffany & Co. dog collar – a gift from my love

July 4, 2022

It’s funny how I thought these shoes would feel too far afield from my femmeness, but then they ended up sort of stretching my femmeness to accommodate them, in a way that I’ve really enjoyed.

While I’m wearing this shirt almost as a tunic or dress in this ensemble, it was sold as a regular unisex tank top by American Apparel when I bought it several years ago; I got two of them (this one and a light teal one) and went up a couple sizes so I could wear them as nightgowns around the house. I’ve rarely worn them out but liked how the colorway looked with these shoes.

I love wearing pearls with more androgynous-leaning outfits like this. They lend a tinge of feminine sweetness to the look, balancing it out.

What I’m wearing:
• Slate grey “Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender Pride” tank top – American Apparel
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Chuck Taylor All-Star high-top sneakers
• Black leather Coach Station bag – vintage on eBay
• Pearl necklace – gift from my love
• Apple Watch

July 12, 2022

Calvin Klein makes some of my very favorite loungewear; I have practically worn my CK modal nightgowns to shreds at this point. In trying to ascertain whether they made any comfy clothes that were actually meant to be worn outdoors (not that there’s anything wrong with just rocking sleepwear in public), I saw that they had this great modal tank dress. It’s a longer, looser cut than I’d normally feel comfortable wearing, but the fact that it’s black lends it a sort of simple sophistication that I nonetheless enjoy. Incidentally, this dress is now my favorite thing to wear for air travel – over some leggings and under a cashmere cardigan – because it’s so damn comfy.

I wore this outfit to go have drinks at my local pub with an old friend who I used to date. We caught each other up on our lives over a couple pints, and then I sauntered back home in the lingering summer-evening light.

What I’m wearing:
• Calvin Klein compact modal tank dress
• Black leather Chuck Taylors
• Pink leather tote – Coach
• Apple Watch
• Blue and black sunglasses – purchased at the hotel gift shop at Woodhull 2017; I wore them a lot to hide my tears while mourning a breakup that happened shortly thereafter, and this was the last time I wore them before they broke and had to be thrown out

July 23, 2022

Another look for getting drinks nearby with an old friend (a different friend this time). It’s hard to put together an outfit that is both amenable to the heat of summertime in Toronto and relatively presentable-looking, so I gave up and wore a bumblebee romper instead.

Kidding aside, I kinda live in MeUndies rompers during the warmer months, both at home and while out and about. They’re incredibly comfy, breathe relatively well, and come in an ever-changing assortment of eccentric prints – ideal.

What I’m wearing:
• Bumblebee-print modal romper – MeUndies (who also, no doubt, made the underwear I was wearing that day – my steadfast dedication to certain brands is a very stubborn-Taurus trait, huh)
• Black leather Chuck Taylors
• Pink leather tote – Coach
• Pink rhinestoned heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Matching KN95 mask – MaskC

August 24, 2022

I wore this outfit in the evening after Matt and I had gotten back from an afternoon spent at the local nude beach, Hanlan’s Point. (If you’re curious, you can read about my experience there in this newsletter essay or hear about it in this Dildorks bonus episode.) When we got home, we showered off all the sand – SO MUCH SAND – and then rested and hydrated for a bit before getting dressed for dinner.

We went over to El Rey, a fantastic Mexican restaurant/mezcal bar in downtown Toronto, for margaritas, tacos, etc. Their patio was super chill and everything we ate and drank was excellent; would recommend.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink and white striped linen shirt, tied into a bow in the front – Old Navy
• White tank top underneath (unseen) – a gift from the brand #LubeLife
• Blue pencil skirt – bought from ASOS several years ago and subsequently tailored to fit me better
• Black prescription sunglasses – Zenni (I love these and kinda want to wear them all the time)
• Pink leather tote bag – Coach
• Black leather Frye harness boots

September 18, 2022

While visiting New York for a couple weeks, I wore this to go have brunch with my friend Brent on a patio in the Queens neighborhood he’d recently moved to. It turned out that the restaurant had a policy where every entree optionally came with a free drink (mimosa, bellini, etc.), which we had in addition to some fruity frozen cocktails we spotted on the menu… so, needless to say, our brunch got a bit boozier than anticipated, but for me and Brent, that mostly just means we talk about sex more and make more puns.

My spouse bought me these jeans several months ago and, while I love their flattering high-rise cut and they’re probably my favorite jeans I’ve ever owned, I haven’t been able to bring myself to buy another pair for my collection (maybe in a navy), because they cost $128 and I wear jeans so seldom that that seems steep. But I will probably wear these until they’re falling apart.

What I’m wearing:
• Red T-shirt featuring a fun illustration of the Hitachi Magic Wand – Pen & Kink
• Black high-rise vintage-wash jeans – Madewell
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Red rhinestoned heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Red heart-shaped leather bag – Kate Spade (isn’t it the best?!)

September 23, 2022

My lovely spouse had been asked to officiate their sister’s wedding, so we took the train to Philadelphia for the weekend and stayed in a hotel there while joining in the festivities.

Matt’s suit, custom-made for the wedding (which you’ll see below), was burgundy, and we’d decided (as we often do) to coordinate our outfits. I saw this vintage Betsey Johnson dress in my size on eBay and impulsively snapped it up, knowing I probably wanted to wear navy to the wedding instead but imagining that this red dress could be my backup. I ended up wearing it to the wedding rehearsal and then the rehearsal dinner, which is where we were headed when these photos were taken.

It was a lovely, crisp day, the rehearsal went beautifully, and the food and drinks at the rehearsal dinner were as delightful as the company. When my fibro fatigue caught up with me, I said my goodnights and slipped away to take a hot bath in our hotel room by myself – at which point I read the last few chapters of Carrie Soto is Back and wept so hard at the book’s beauty that I think I freaked out my spouse for a sec when they arrived and saw my teary face!

What I’m wearing:
• Red brocade dress – vintage Betsey Johnson, bought on eBay
• Cropped red cardigan – Urban CoCo
• Opaque navy tights
• Red leather heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
• Black heels – some random company on Amazon; bought as part of my Bettie Page costume for Halloween a year or two ago

September 24, 2022

Here’s what I wore for the actual wedding, which was wonderful, emotional and sweet. After having a transcendent brunch, just the two of us, at The Love, we got all dolled up in our hotel room and then caught a shuttle to the venue, where photographs were taken for a while before the event itself started.

Matt let me help them choose some of the accoutrements they wore with this stunning suit; my main contributions were finding the pocket square they went with (it’s barely visible here but had a vivid red-and-blue abstract floral pattern) and picking a shade of lipstick that matched their suit almost exactly. It was “Velvet Jazz” by Lisa Eldridge, and we each bought a tube and both wore it to the wedding. Cute.

What I’m wearing:
• Navy sequinned dress – Le Chateau (I had wondered if it was a tad bit too sexy or flashy for a wedding but I think it ended up being fine)
• Cropped red cardigan – Urban CoCo
• Opaque navy tights
• Red leather heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade
• Black leather heels – Amazon
• Red rose hair accessory – Amazon
• Red rhinestoned heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• False lashes – Sugarpill

People Can Dress Slutty If They Want to, Dammit

Kate Sloan

I was interested in fashion from a young age, and so I started reading fashion magazines in my early teens or perhaps even before that. There’s a lot of positive stuff I took away from those mags – including the overall sense of feeling justified in caring about clothes, because so many other people evidently did too – but I think that consuming that type of media at such a young age also kicked off a lot of insecurities for me.

And frankly, it may not even matter that much what age you are when you read fashion magazines. One of the first pieces of advice I give to people who ask me how they can develop more body confidence is to immediately stop consuming media that is critical of people’s bodies, and lord knows fashion magazines are included in that category. Even the well-intentioned ones use coded terms like “flattering” when they mean “makes you look thinner,” or “professional” when they mean “helps you meet the sexist, racist and ableist standards of the hegemonic class.” Truly, it’s astonishing how much ideological garbage you have to wade through just to find info about what denim silhouettes are trending or which up-and-coming shoe designers to check out.

But what I want to talk about today is whorephobia and slut-shaming in fashion, which sadly seem to be nearly as rampant now as they were 20ish years ago when I picked up my first issues of Seventeen, CosmoGirl and Teen Vogue. People still talk about “dressing slutty” or “showing too much skin” as if they were mortal sins, even people who really ought to know better. It’s fucking bullshit. Here are a few of the many reasons why.

 

Reason #1: Who cares?

Sure, there are situations in which showing off large swathes of your body could be inappropriate or get you in trouble. I can understand, for example, why you might not want your young child to wear a miniskirt so short that she could unintentionally flash people, or why it would be inappropriate to wear a bikini to a funeral (most funerals, anyway).

But assuming we’re talking about a grown adult who isn’t beholden to a strict work dress code or attending a particularly buttoned-up event, I repeat: WHO CARES? It very likely isn’t affecting you or your life in any way, and if it is, I’d invite you to consider that maybe that’s a “you problem” and not a “them problem.”

I’m truly saying this with love and compassion: if you find yourself so concerned about how other people dress that it is regularly making you feel angry, indignant, sad, or otherwise upset, you have probably stumbled across some deeper issues within yourself that therapy could help you unpack and address. It has been my experience that people who make comments on what I wear are moreso commenting on their own feelings, hangups, prejudices and/or traumas around apparel and self-presentation, even if they’re not totally aware of that at the time.

 

Reason #2: Damn, your whorephobia is showing

A brief note on terminology: Slut-shaming and whorephobia are two related but separate concepts. Slut-shaming is judging, insulting or otherwise shaming someone for behaviors you deem slutty or sexually “immodest,” which could be anything from hosting a 30-guy gangbang to having a bra strap visible at church. Whorephobia is prejudice and discrimination against actual sex workers (and sometimes, against people who are perceived as acting or dressing like sex workers, whatever that means).

A lot of commentary on “revealing” clothing is deeply based in slut-shaming and whorephobia, which themselves have a lot of DNA in common with misogyny, racism, classism, homophobia and transphobia. You aren’t being smart or morally righteous when you tell people they’re dressing too sluttily; you’re just being a bigot.

Plus, oddly enough, a lot of people who make this argument are basing their notion of how sex workers dress on outdated media portrayals like Pretty Woman. A quick glance through online sex worker directories like London Deluxe can show you that folks in that line of work dress in all sorts of different ways. Negative stereotypes about sex workers literally contribute to the rates of violence and murder perpetrated against them, as well as the legal hurdles they’re forced to face (such as the laws known as SESTA/FOSTA). Again, whorephobia isn’t cool or smart or progressive. It’s just gross, dangerous and ignorant.

 

Reason #3: People should be able to wear whatever the fuck they want

Bodily autonomy is a huge component of my personal ethical framework, and I consider clothing and other self-presentation choices to be part of that. When people choose to “dress slutty,” they do so for a myriad of reasons that may or may not be visible to an outside observer, including anything from making a political statement to alleviating gender dysphoria to reclaiming their body after an eating disorder or sexual trauma.

But people shouldn’t need a “good reason” to dress how they want to dress. They should just be able to do it.

I always find it hilarious when random people make critical comments about what I wear, because I just cannot fathom believing my opinion mattered that much, especially to a total stranger. While I used to be much quicker to jump to judgment when I was younger, at this point the most I’ll react to seeing a revealing outfit is to think “Good for them!” or maybe, if it’s chilly out, “Aren’t they cold?” My opinion of their outfit could not be further from the point.

What I really want is a world where – in the area of fashion and in every other area – we are all able to accept each other’s harmless personal choices and even celebrate them, instead of judging them. When we perpetuate whorephobia and slut-shaming, we’re perpetuating centuries-old systems of oppression and discrimination – and personally, I don’t think there’s a miniskirt short enough in the entire world to justify that.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Behind the Seams: Lovecore, Landscaping & #LubeLife

Kate Sloan

November 2, 2021

Been so long since I wrote one of these posts that these looks are from ages ago! Yeesh! Oh well – enjoy this assortment of outfits, mostly from seasons that have now passed us by.

During the pandemic, when I haven’t been wearing sweatpants and nightgowns, I’ve been vacillating wildly between dressing colorful and hyper-femme, and dressing in a way that is more subdued and androgynous-leaning. I liked that this look incorporated elements of both; it made me feel very cute and like my gender expression was in line with how I felt on the inside.

Pearls truly go with everything, if you ask me. This hat doesn’t, but I wish it did.

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made by Printful
• Dark grey T-shirt – borrowed from Matt, I think?
• Black skirt – ASOS years ago
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pearl necklace – a gift from Matt

December 24, 2021

Quite possibly the ideal Christmas Eve ensemble. I love to dress for an occasion!

I wore this to go over to my parents’ house for our typical Christmas Eve festivities, which include watching It’s a Wonderful Life while eating my mom’s legendarily good macaroni and cheese. I wanted to wear something that’d be comfy enough for lounging around with my fam but was still a little fancy and Christmas-y.

The Four Seasons Total Landscaping shirt makes me smile every time I wear it because that whole debacle with Giuliani was definitely the thing that made me laugh the hardest during that whole election week. It was one comical bright spot in what felt like all hell breaking loose.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Dark green Four Seasons Total Landscaping T-shirt – bought from the landscapers themselves; I cut off the hem and neckline
• Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black sequinned Ugg boots (these are soooo warm and comfy)
• Green knit beanie – H&M
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino

March 5, 2022

Sometimes Matt and I like to wear themed outfits for our phone dates, because we’re both nerdy in that particular way. On this night, we were planning on watching Spencer, the movie in which Kristen Stewart plays Princess Diana, so I did some research on famous Diana looks to help me put my outfit together.

I drew inspiration from the iconic ’90s silhouettes she was best known for wearing, and some of the bolder colors she wore. I also attempted a Diana-inspired makeup look, which was all about brown eyeshadows and pinky-nude lipstick.

I had also just recently gotten these Nikes in the mail after waiting over a month for them, so I was excited to show them off!

 

What I’m wearing:

• Blue dress – Joe Fresh (I originally bought this to wear on an anniversary date but it turned out to be much more conservative-looking than I thought it was gonna be; I usually like to show a little more skin on romantic occasions)
• Pink ribbon tied around my waist as a belt (I think this came with some PR mailer I’d received)
• Red socks – Gap
• Nike Air Force 1 low-top sneakers, in custom colors

March 25, 2022

I wore this out to a solo dinner date, one of my most treasured traditions. I eat dinner by myself, sip a martini and read a book on my Kindle. It’s truly the best.

I used to feel weird about doing this, but then I started to view it seriously as an important element of how I express self-love (in addition to, y’know, masturbation, the bread and butter of this blog). It’s a time when I can be totally alone – though surrounded by strangers – and just focus on relaxing and recharging. I especially like to do it at the end of a long work week, or when I’ve just hit an important deadline and want to celebrate. But also, it can be nice to do it for no real reason at all.

Later that night I had a terrible shrooms trip, but at least before that, I was well-fed…

 

What I’m wearing:

• Pastel tie-dye KN95 mask – a gift from my roommate Sarah
• Royal blue fit-and-flare dress – H&M
• Light blue cashmere cardigan – Autumn Cashmere, vintage via TheRealReal (I wore it to my wedding)
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Sparkly blue heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino
• Raspberry leather crossbody bag – Coach

April 20, 2022

This cardigan is just perfect. I bought it at the height of my obsession with “lovecore” fashion, and have worn it countless times since then. It’s cozy as hell.

One of the most memorable times I wore it was during my first solo shrooms trip. I knew I might be freaked out during the trip, so I wrapped myself up in love – or at least, that’s how I knew my shroomy brain would interpret this cardigan. I think it did keep me safe on some level, because that was one of the most euphoric trips I’ve had.

This wasn’t that day, though. This was an outfit I wore on a date with a guy I’m occasionally seeing. We sat and had drinks together in his fancy loft apartment and then did some sexy stuff and then he sent me home in an Uber. Living my best life.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Pink and red heart-print cardigan – Unique Vintage
• Black modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Black leggings – H&M
• Custom-color Nikes
• Raspberry leather crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask

May 5, 2022

I wore this on a date with that same guy. I bundled up because it was chilly and we’d previously had a date where we sat talking on a bar patio until my teeth were chattering from the cold. (That’s how you know the conversation is good – that you can be freezing and not care!) So this time I wanted to be prepared.

Black and red is a powerful color combo. I felt very confident in this ensemble.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Cranberry-red KN95 mask – MaskC
• Red knit cowl – an Etsy shop called Keely Devine that has since closed
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
• Black “Honest Dead’s” tank top – Pineapple Pinup
• Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots

May 12, 2022

This is the kind of outfit that I really admire on other people but struggle to wear myself. I think I read too many fashion magazines as a teen and really absorbed the message that folks with pear-shaped bodies, like me, should always emphasize their waist with clothes. But fuck that. This is what I felt like wearing, because my body was hurting and comfort was my priority, and it looked cute!

Incidentally, the sweatshirt is from my alma mater, which had recently changed its name from Ryerson University to Toronto Metropolitan University because of its namesake’s ties to the genocidal residential schools system in Canada. (You can check out the Indian Residential School Survivors Society website to learn more about that, and to make a donation to help folks who’ve survived that horror.)

 

What I’m wearing:

• Ryerson School of Journalism sweatshirt
• Long red modal nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Black leggings – H&M
• Custom-color Nikes

June 26, 2022

This isn’t an ad, but: The lube brand #LubeLife recently launched a limited-edition birthday cake-flavored lube, and as part of their promotion for it, they sent out PR mailers to journalists which included the lube, an entire Milkbar birthday cake (I was so surprised!!) and this shirt, which I instantly loved.

The day before, Matt and I had gone out shopping together. I’d thought I was gonna buy a new pair of jeans and hopefully a black modal jumpsuit, but neither plan panned out. However, I did see this black pleated skirt at Uniqlo and immediately knew I needed it. I don’t care that I’m 30 now; I can still dress like a schoolgirl if I want to!!

 

What I’m wearing:

• White #LubeLife-branded muscle shirt
• Black pleated skirt – Uniqlo
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with red leather band from an Etsy shop called Jewlz4less
• Pale blue Coach Mercer satchel

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

December has begun, and so it’s time for my annual “12 Days of Girly Juice” series!

2021 was a weird year in similar ways to how 2020 was – full of unpredictable chaos, medical anxiety, and untold tribulations. But there were still things to enjoy this year, and this series will once again highlight some of them. To start us off, here are 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my life in 2021…

 

Pink metallic Jeffrey Campbell cowboy boots

These were a gift from my love and I adore them. They immediately elevate otherwise-boring outfits to flashy works of art. They get compliments everywhere I wear them. They’re like the brightest, shiniest parts of my personality, distilled into a pair of boots.

I’ve loved cowboy boots since I was a teen, when I would wear them with all sorts of wild outfits. They add a certain air of rough-and-tumble-ness to otherwise feminine ensembles, which has always felt right to me as a queer femme who grew up as a tomboy. These Jeffrey Campbell ones are just the next step in my ~cowboy boots journey~!

 

Tarina Tarantino red heart necklace

I’ve written about these necklaces before, but this year I acquired a new one for my collection in a shade of rich, bright red, and I love it. It’s wild how many outfits it goes with. It instantly jazzes up more casual ensembles, while bringing a sense of whimsy to my fancier looks.

Most memorably, I wore this necklace to my book launch party, knowing that it would make a lovely pendulum for our hypnokink demo – and it did! It felt like a magic trick, turning a piece of jewelry into a kink implement right before the audience’s eyes. I hope to add at least a couple more of these heart necklaces to my collection eventually!

 

Yokoo extra-large Warmer cowl in blueberry

Yokoo Gibraan makes some of the cutest, coziest knitwear on the planet. I saved up and bought myself a small red cowl from this shop when I was in university, but more recently I was able to get a larger one in a gorgeous shade of navy blue.

Having suffered from seasonal depression and poor circulation my entire life, winter is usually a dreadful, saddening time for me; too often I spend my days indoors with soup and a heating pad, even if I’d like to venture outside, because the cold is so depressing and uncomfortable. So it makes a big difference in my life if I can actually feel warm enough when I go out. Putting on this cowl over a coat or sweater brings some instant cozy cheer into my day, and for that, it was well worth the price.

 

Coach Cashin Carry tote in pink

This was definitely one of my most-used bags of the year. I had Matt buy it for me as a findom present while I was staying in NYC in early 2021, but we had it sent to my home in Toronto and my travel got repeatedly delayed, so I wasn’t actually united with this bag until I got back to Canada at the end of April – but as soon as I saw it in person, I was delighted that it was mine.

Surprisingly roomy for its petite size, this raspberry-pink structured leather tote is based on a 1969 design by Bonnie Cashin, Coach’s first lead designer. I love bags that look like they could have been made in the ’50s or ’60s, so this is right up my alley. I love that it can be carried by the handles or by its crossbody strap, and that it’s small enough to be unobtrusive but large enough to carry my notebook, wallet, glasses, phone, lipstick, hand sanitizer, pill box, and more.

 

“101 Kinky Things” custom-stitched hat from Printful

Shortly before my book launched, I decided I wanted to own some kind of “merch” featuring its cover text, but I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted. I experimented with mugs, tote bags, face masks, and other memorabilia on various custom-printing sites, but eventually I discovered that Printful.com will custom-stitch text or imagery onto the front of a snapback hat for you, and I was sold.

After working with me to finalize stitching color and placement, Printful sent me this beaut. I feel weirdly confident every time I wear it – and as a bonus, sporting it around town is basically free advertising for my book 😂

 

Kay Jewelers cultured pearl necklace

I wrote earlier this year about my love of pearl necklaces, and that love has endured. A simple string of pearls renders an outfit instantly classic and complete.

As someone who’s always loved “high-low” pairings, like wearing cowboy boots with a cocktail dress, I especially adore adding pearls to outfits that feel more 2021 than 1951. They feel like a link to my femme lineage, a timeless item that looks equally good on me as it would’ve on a mid-century housewife.

 

Black KN95 masks

Once again this year, face masks were an everyday necessity for many of us, and once again, I did my best to only wear ones that are comfortable, functional, and acceptably good-lookin’. They might not be the most glamorous item, but they were inescapably part of my “look” every time I went out this year, so I had to find ones I liked!

My everyday go-to masks this year were black KN95s, which my spouse introduced me to. They have a fantastic nose wire, are plain and relatively unobtrusive, and match every outfit. Sometimes, if I feel like wearing a more “fashion-y” mask that’s not as well-made, I’ll layer it over a KN95 to make sure I’m getting enough protection while still looking adorable. They’re an all-around great pick and I’m glad to have found them.

 

Calvin Klein modal slips

Calvin Klein makes some of my favorite sleepwear, and – as we’ve discussed – for me, there’s often a great deal of overlap between my sleepwear, loungewear, and casual outdoor outfits, so their stuff ends up playing a bigger role in my life than just being what I sleep in.

In particular, my short black modal slip and longer red modal slip from CK have gotten a ton of wear this year. I remember when I arrived at the hotel where I had to quarantine for 3 days alone after arriving home to Toronto in April, I felt so out of sorts from all the travel, COVID tests, etc., but as soon as I took a bath and slipped into my red CK clip, I felt so much better. It’s the type of clothing that makes life feel more beautiful and comfortable, and I really can’t ask for more than that.

 

Marissa Zappas “Paradise Edition” and Euphorium Brooklyn “Suédois” perfumes

I don’t really wear perfume often enough for these to warrant their own separate entries, but they were definitely the scents I wore most this year. The perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume to accompany a book of poetry written by Rachel Rabbit White, the poetess and former sex worker/sex journalist, who I’ve admired for many years. When I read that the scent was ’90s-inspired and contained breezy notes like jasmine and bergamot, my curiosity was piqued, so I ordered a sample… and I ended up loving it so much that I eventually ordered a full-size bottle! I’m glad I snapped it up; it was limited edition, and it’s so endlessly sexy, girly, and serene that I would’ve been sad to say goodbye to it when my sample ran dry.

There’s also Suédois by Euphorium Brooklyn, the same parfumerie that my partner collaborated with to make me a custom perfume for my birthday a few years back. I like Suédois because it’s a leather scent (very sexy) but not cold or harsh like some leather scents can be. It backs up the titular suede note with wildflower, sandalwood, raspberry, and Bavarian cream, which all combine to create a coziness seldom experienced in leathery fragrances. I’ve been wearing it a lot lately while lounging around the house and it makes me feel so good!

 

MeUndies rompers

Clothes from MeUndies have showed up on this list before, and for good reason: their modal fabric is some of the comfiest I’ve ever felt, and becomes more and more crucial to my life the more that chronic illness wracks my body.

Their rompers, in particular, were some of my fave items to wear around the house (and sometimes out of the house) this year. They’re so comfortable that I can barely feel them when they’re on (always a plus for someone who occasionally finds jeans and bras agonizing), and they have pockets! I wish I had one in every color.

 

Chrome-plated ash cane

My fibromyalgia symptoms were pretty rough this year, to the point that I decided to buy a cane for those days when my ankles and knees are screaming with pain. I wasn’t thrilled about having to get one, so I decided it had to be cute, so that I’d actually want to use it. I’m a femme; my accessories need to match my outfits!

I looked at lots of flashier ones, but eventually settled on this blue ash cane with a chrome T-shaped handle. It does what I hoped it would do in terms of helping me walk more easily, and its beauty makes me feel less depressed about being disabled, which is all I could really ask for.

 

Tiffany & Co. pet collar

When my now-spouse first collared me back in 2018, we knew that the collar itself was merely an object that symbolized something bigger and more abstract – our devotion to each other and to our D/s dynamic – and that, as such, we would likely need to upgrade to a new collar every once in a while. This is a normal thing in many long-term D/s dynamics, since most collars accumulate wear and tear over the years, or begin to feel less representative of the people who own it, so that an update may start to feel like the right choice.

At some point this year, I began seeing lots of targeted advertisements in my feeds for this Tiffany’s dog collar, because clearly the algorithms know me well. Tiffany’s made my engagement ring and our wedding rings, so Matt and I thought it would be romantic and fun if this was our next collar. They gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary in November, and I love it! It’s definitely not as comfortable or flexible as a collar made for people, but I’m pretty sure that it will soften with use over time. The blue and silver color scheme is perfect, matches much of my wardrobe, and reminds me every time I see it of our marriage and our love. 💙

 

What fashion and beauty items made you happiest this year?

Behind the Seams: Extra-Long Jam-Packed Edition

Kate Sloan

September 28, 2021

My mom’s birthday was just days after my book’s release day, and I had to travel to New York to do the launch event, so I wanted to take her out for a special one-on-one meal before I left to make it up to her.

We went to Mezes, a fabulous restaurant in Toronto’s Greektown area. My family and I lived in Greektown for about 25 years, so Greek food was a big part of my childhood and always feels nostalgic to me. Chicken souvlaki skewers with tzatziki, a Greek salad heaped high with feta, and some roasted potatoes = possibly the ideal meal. (I’m clutching my leftovers in a to-go box in one of these photos – can’t let any of it go to waste!)

My mom has a fun, girly sense of style so I usually like to dress cute when I hang out with her. She looked cute as hell too!

What I’m wearing:

• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black T-shirt underneath (unseen)
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leggings – H&M
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask (these have become my absolute faves for my everyday pandemic needs; a good nose wire is crucial for someone with a formidable schnoz like mine)

October 3, 2021

Matt picked this outfit for me for a date night involving incredible omakase sushi followed by a stand-up comedy show at the Beauty Bar. A friend-of-a-friend was performing and we wanted to support them.

It’s a really wild venue – like a dive bar decorated by rockabilly drag queens. But the bartenders were friendly, the atmosphere was good, and the show was delightful.

Matt and I were wearing matching outfits, and we sat in the front row as we often do, so pretty much every comedian on the bill made a joke or two about our matchy-matchy vibes. The hazards of sitting in the front row, am I right?! (I’m kidding – it was all in good fun.)

What I’m wearing:

• Orange skater dress – American Apparel, vintage via eBay
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach

October 12, 2021

This was what I wore on my book‘s release day! I spent most of the day frantically posting things about it on social media, answering questions about it, etc. and also recorded an episode of the Bed Post podcast with the inimitable Erin Pim.

The actual book launch party wasn’t until the following day, so I had RSVPed “yes” to a party being thrown by the sex toy brand Womanizer at the Jimmy, a beautiful rooftop bar. The company was celebrating its seventh birthday by inviting a bunch of sex media VIPs to mingle over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. I get invited to this type of event semi-regularly but often have to decline because of geography (i.e. not always being in NYC or LA) or health (i.e. being chronically ill and sleepy as fuck), so it was fun to actually get to go to one!

At the party, Matt and I sipped martinis and chatted with several New York media people. I had a copy of my book in my bag and Matt kept finding excuses to show it to people and brag about me 🥰

The brand very generously sent us home with (among other things) an Arcwave Ion, which Matt had been dying to try. If you’re curious and want a preview of what my eventual review will say, listen to the latest Dildorks Patreon bonus episode!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay many moons ago

October 13, 2021

In pondering what I might want to wear to my book launch party, I scoured online stores for dresses in the colors of the book cover, black and gold… but eventually I remembered that I already had a dress in those colors! This beaut was a gift from my cousin and his girlfriend a couple Christmases ago and it was perfect for the occasion: classy, sparkly, and pretty.

The launch itself was soooo much fun! I will eventually write a whole post about it once I get the photos back from our photographer that evening, Ashe. I read some passages aloud from the book, did some kinky demos with Matt and Bex, and sold + signed copies afterward. There were tons of fascinating, lovely people there, all of whom I was so honored had come to my little event. Thanks so much to Matt, Bex, Ashe, and the KGB Bar for helping me put the whole thing together!

Also, doesn’t Matt look stunning?! Navy velvet is so perf on them.

What I’m wearing:

• Black & gold dress – gift
• Black tights – Hue
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino (at one point during the evening this was removed from my neck so Matt could use it as a pendulum for our hypnosis demo – it’s a multi-use item!)

October 16, 2021

October is “Locktober” in the chastity community – many chastity kinksters get locked up for the entire month (with breaks as needed for hygiene and maintenance etc.), often also blogging/posting about their experiences. This year was Matt and I’s second time doing it. It wasn’t always easy, particularly since dominance requires more energy from me than I generally have these days, and I was dealing with work stress (i.e. my book launch) on top of some health issues, so I wasn’t able to be as responsible and focused a dominant as I would have liked. But it was still a fun opportunity to try new things, gain confidence in domination, and assign cute tasks to my partner that make us both happy.

Some of those tasks were related to financial domination, i.e. consensually “forcing” them to buy me things. One night, when they had given me the green light for findom, I gave them a slow, teasing handjob to almost the point of orgasm and then informed them that they’d have to buy me this bag if they wanted to be allowed to come. (I’d had my eye on it for quite a while…) Naturally, they succumbed, so now, the bag is mine! *maniacal domme laughter*

I wore this out to Rocco’s Steakhouse for dinner. Their service is always impeccable and their food is A+. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:

• Red dress – Winners years ago
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Pink chevron-stitched Coach Rogue bag – vintage via eBay, a gift from my love (the all-black version is also gorg)

October 17, 2021

My partner and I have had many, many, many conversations about gender – which makes sense, given that they’re nonbinary, we’re both bisexual, and I write about sex/kink/love/gender issues for a living. We were recently discussing our gender expressions and whether we feel like they fully reflect our gender identities, and I said that I’m comfy presenting as a mega-femme like 95% of the time but there is another 5% of the time when I crave dressing like a dirtbag teenage boy, basically. Matt told me that they would still find me attractive AF if I leaned more into that side of my style, and while I knew that, it was still good to hear.

This was my first time wearing a new pair of jeans I’d just bought at Madewell. It was an experiment in boyishness for an outing to a casual local omakase place. I think the experiment was very successful!

What I’m wearing:

• Dark blue T-shirt – Forever 21
• Tapered vintage-wash high-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made on Printful.com

October 24, 2021

Every so often, when I’m in New York, I like to check out the Museum of Sex to see what they’re up to. They were recently running a Betty Dodson exhibit, and Betty is a legend in the realm of sex-positive feminism, so I knew I had to check it out.

Matt and I went together and spent a few hours perusing the entire exhibit as well as the others on offer. We saw so many things: vulva paintings, robots fucking, up-close masturbation videos, cunnilingus sketches, a Whack-a-Mole-esque game involving jerking off dildos in a fake bathroom stall, and lots more. Should you ever find yourself in New York, I would recommend putting the Museum of Sex on your itinerary, if just because the sex shop in their lobby is as well-curated as the museum itself!

What I’m wearing:

• Purple “The Morning After” T-shirt – Threadless (I am normally somewhat squicked by both vomit and clowns but for some reason this shirt fills me with glee)
• High-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Apple Watch on a rainbow striped band

October 29, 2021

I was feeling truly uninspired when trying to come up with a Halloween costume (I mean, I’m in my late 20s during a pandemic, so maybe that’s par for the course). But I had recently re-watched The Notorious Bettie Page, a perennially inspiring biopic of the late great pinup model, and had felt (as I always do when I watch that movie) a pang of desire to cut my hair into her signature style. I just don’t have the energy to iron my bangs pin-straight on a daily basis, though, so I figured it made more sense to dress as her for Halloween.

Bettie doesn’t really have a signature outfit, per se – her most famous photos show her in everything from lingerie to bikinis to fetishwear to leopard-print bodysuits. So I decided to keep it classic and wear the type of sexy black dress she would’ve worn, paired with some period-appropriate heels and, of course, this terrific wig. I don’t know if anyone really knew who I was at the house party we went to, but whatever, I felt and looked cute as hell!

What I’m wearing:

• Bettie Page wig – a brand called Difei on Amazon (it came with a wig cap and a pair of false lashes!)
• Black wiggle dress – Grace Karin (the same brand that made my wedding dress, incidentally)
• Black mary-jane pumps – J. Adams (surprisingly comfortable)