12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 12 Femme Essentials

December has begun, and so it’s time for my annual “12 Days of Girly Juice” series!

2021 was a weird year in similar ways to how 2020 was – full of unpredictable chaos, medical anxiety, and untold tribulations. But there were still things to enjoy this year, and this series will once again highlight some of them. To start us off, here are 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my life in 2021…

 

Pink metallic Jeffrey Campbell cowboy boots

These were a gift from my love and I adore them. They immediately elevate otherwise-boring outfits to flashy works of art. They get compliments everywhere I wear them. They’re like the brightest, shiniest parts of my personality, distilled into a pair of boots.

I’ve loved cowboy boots since I was a teen, when I would wear them with all sorts of wild outfits. They add a certain air of rough-and-tumble-ness to otherwise feminine ensembles, which has always felt right to me as a queer femme who grew up as a tomboy. These Jeffrey Campbell ones are just the next step in my ~cowboy boots journey~!

 

Tarina Tarantino red heart necklace

I’ve written about these necklaces before, but this year I acquired a new one for my collection in a shade of rich, bright red, and I love it. It’s wild how many outfits it goes with. It instantly jazzes up more casual ensembles, while bringing a sense of whimsy to my fancier looks.

Most memorably, I wore this necklace to my book launch party, knowing that it would make a lovely pendulum for our hypnokink demo – and it did! It felt like a magic trick, turning a piece of jewelry into a kink implement right before the audience’s eyes. I hope to add at least a couple more of these heart necklaces to my collection eventually!

 

Yokoo extra-large Warmer cowl in blueberry

Yokoo Gibraan makes some of the cutest, coziest knitwear on the planet. I saved up and bought myself a small red cowl from this shop when I was in university, but more recently I was able to get a larger one in a gorgeous shade of navy blue.

Having suffered from seasonal depression and poor circulation my entire life, winter is usually a dreadful, saddening time for me; too often I spend my days indoors with soup and a heating pad, even if I’d like to venture outside, because the cold is so depressing and uncomfortable. So it makes a big difference in my life if I can actually feel warm enough when I go out. Putting on this cowl over a coat or sweater brings some instant cozy cheer into my day, and for that, it was well worth the price.

 

Coach Cashin Carry tote in pink

This was definitely one of my most-used bags of the year. I had mb buy it for me as a findom present while I was staying in NYC in early 2021, but we had it sent to my home in Toronto and my travel got repeatedly delayed, so I wasn’t actually united with this bag until I got back to Canada at the end of April – but as soon as I saw it in person, I was delighted that it was mine.

Surprisingly roomy for its petite size, this raspberry-pink structured leather tote is based on a 1969 design by Bonnie Cashin, Coach’s first lead designer. I love bags that look like they could have been made in the ’50s or ’60s, so this is right up my alley. I love that it can be carried by the handles or by its crossbody strap, and that it’s small enough to be unobtrusive but large enough to carry my notebook, wallet, glasses, phone, lipstick, hand sanitizer, pill box, and more.

 

“101 Kinky Things” custom-stitched hat from Printful

Shortly before my book launched, I decided I wanted to own some kind of “merch” featuring its cover text, but I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted. I experimented with mugs, tote bags, face masks, and other memorabilia on various custom-printing sites, but eventually I discovered that Printful.com will custom-stitch text or imagery onto the front of a snapback hat for you, and I was sold.

After working with me to finalize stitching color and placement, Printful sent me this beaut. I feel weirdly confident every time I wear it – and as a bonus, sporting it around town is basically free advertising for my book 😂

 

Kay Jewelers cultured pearl necklace

I wrote earlier this year about my love of pearl necklaces, and that love has endured. A simple string of pearls renders an outfit instantly classic and complete.

As someone who’s always loved “high-low” pairings, like wearing cowboy boots with a cocktail dress, I especially adore adding pearls to outfits that feel more 2021 than 1951. They feel like a link to my femme lineage, a timeless item that looks equally good on me as it would’ve on a mid-century housewife.

 

Black KN95 masks

Once again this year, face masks were an everyday necessity for many of us, and once again, I did my best to only wear ones that are comfortable, functional, and acceptably good-lookin’. They might not be the most glamorous item, but they were inescapably part of my “look” every time I went out this year, so I had to find ones I liked!

My everyday go-to masks this year were black KN95s, which my spouse introduced me to. They have a fantastic nose wire, are plain and relatively unobtrusive, and match every outfit. Sometimes, if I feel like wearing a more “fashion-y” mask that’s not as well-made, I’ll layer it over a KN95 to make sure I’m getting enough protection while still looking adorable. They’re an all-around great pick and I’m glad to have found them.

 

Calvin Klein modal slips

Calvin Klein makes some of my favorite sleepwear, and – as we’ve discussed – for me, there’s often a great deal of overlap between my sleepwear, loungewear, and casual outdoor outfits, so their stuff ends up playing a bigger role in my life than just being what I sleep in.

In particular, my short black modal slip and longer red modal slip from CK have gotten a ton of wear this year. I remember when I arrived at the hotel where I had to quarantine for 3 days alone after arriving home to Toronto in April, I felt so out of sorts from all the travel, COVID tests, etc., but as soon as I took a bath and slipped into my red CK clip, I felt so much better. It’s the type of clothing that makes life feel more beautiful and comfortable, and I really can’t ask for more than that.

 

Marissa Zappas “Paradise Edition” and Euphorium Brooklyn “Suédois” perfumes

I don’t really wear perfume often enough for these to warrant their own separate entries, but they were definitely the scents I wore most this year. The perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume to accompany a book of poetry written by Rachel Rabbit White, the poetess and former sex worker/sex journalist, who I’ve admired for many years. When I read that the scent was ’90s-inspired and contained breezy notes like jasmine and bergamot, my curiosity was piqued, so I ordered a sample… and I ended up loving it so much that I eventually ordered a full-size bottle! I’m glad I snapped it up; it was limited edition, and it’s so endlessly sexy, girly, and serene that I would’ve been sad to say goodbye to it when my sample ran dry.

There’s also Suédois by Euphorium Brooklyn, the same parfumerie that my partner collaborated with to make me a custom perfume for my birthday a few years back. I like Suédois because it’s a leather scent (very sexy) but not cold or harsh like some leather scents can be. It backs up the titular suede note with wildflower, sandalwood, raspberry, and Bavarian cream, which all combine to create a coziness seldom experienced in leathery fragrances. I’ve been wearing it a lot lately while lounging around the house and it makes me feel so good!

 

MeUndies rompers

Clothes from MeUndies have showed up on this list before, and for good reason: their modal fabric is some of the comfiest I’ve ever felt, and becomes more and more crucial to my life the more that chronic illness wracks my body.

Their rompers, in particular, were some of my fave items to wear around the house (and sometimes out of the house) this year. They’re so comfortable that I can barely feel them when they’re on (always a plus for someone who occasionally finds jeans and bras agonizing), and they have pockets! I wish I had one in every color.

 

Chrome-plated ash cane

My fibromyalgia symptoms were pretty rough this year, to the point that I decided to buy a cane for those days when my ankles and knees are screaming with pain. I wasn’t thrilled about having to get one, so I decided it had to be cute, so that I’d actually want to use it. I’m a femme; my accessories need to match my outfits!

I looked at lots of flashier ones, but eventually settled on this blue ash cane with a chrome T-shaped handle. It does what I hoped it would do in terms of helping me walk more easily, and its beauty makes me feel less depressed about being disabled, which is all I could really ask for.

 

Tiffany & Co. pet collar

When my now-spouse first collared me back in 2018, we knew that the collar itself was merely an object that symbolized something bigger and more abstract – our devotion to each other and to our D/s dynamic – and that, as such, we would likely need to upgrade to a new collar every once in a while. This is a normal thing in many long-term D/s dynamics, since most collars accumulate wear and tear over the years, or begin to feel less representative of the people who own it, so that an update may start to feel like the right choice.

At some point this year, I began seeing lots of targeted advertisements in my feeds for this Tiffany’s dog collar, because clearly the algorithms know me well. Tiffany’s made my engagement ring and our wedding rings, so mb and I thought it would be romantic and fun if this was our next collar. They gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary in November, and I love it! It’s definitely not as comfortable or flexible as a collar made for people, but I’m pretty sure that it will soften with use over time. The blue and silver color scheme is perfect, matches much of my wardrobe, and reminds me every time I see it of our marriage and our love. 💙

 

What fashion and beauty items made you happiest this year?

Behind the Seams: Extra-Long Jam-Packed Edition

September 28, 2021

My mom’s birthday was just days after my book’s release day, and I had to travel to New York to do the launch event, so I wanted to take her out for a special one-on-one meal before I left to make it up to her.

We went to Mezes, a fabulous restaurant in Toronto’s Greektown area. My family and I lived in Greektown for about 25 years, so Greek food was a big part of my childhood and always feels nostalgic to me. Chicken souvlaki skewers with tzatziki, a Greek salad heaped high with feta, and some roasted potatoes = possibly the ideal meal. (I’m clutching my leftovers in a to-go box in one of these photos – can’t let any of it go to waste!)

My mom has a fun, girly sense of style so I usually like to dress cute when I hang out with her. She looked cute as hell too!

What I’m wearing:

• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black T-shirt underneath (unseen)
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leggings – H&M
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask (these have become my absolute faves for my everyday pandemic needs; a good nose wire is crucial for someone with a formidable schnoz like mine)


October 3, 2021

mb picked this outfit for me for a date night involving incredible omakase sushi followed by a stand-up comedy show at the Beauty Bar. A friend-of-a-friend was performing and we wanted to support them.

It’s a really wild venue – like a dive bar decorated by rockabilly drag queens. But the bartenders were friendly, the atmosphere was good, and the show was delightful.

mb and I were wearing matching outfits, and we sat in the front row as we often do, so pretty much every comedian on the bill made a joke or two about our matchy-matchy vibes. The hazards of sitting in the front row, am I right?! (I’m kidding – it was all in good fun.)

What I’m wearing:

• Orange skater dress – American Apparel, vintage via eBay
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach


October 12, 2021

This was what I wore on my book‘s release day! I spent most of the day frantically posting things about it on social media, answering questions about it, etc. and also recorded an episode of the Bed Post podcast with the inimitable Erin Pim.

The actual book launch party wasn’t until the following day, so I had RSVPed “yes” to a party being thrown by the sex toy brand Womanizer at the Jimmy, a beautiful rooftop bar. The company was celebrating its seventh birthday by inviting a bunch of sex media VIPs to mingle over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. I get invited to this type of event semi-regularly but often have to decline because of geography (i.e. not always being in NYC or LA) or health (i.e. being chronically ill and sleepy as fuck), so it was fun to actually get to go to one!

At the party, mb and I sipped martinis and chatted with several New York media people. I had a copy of my book in my bag and mb kept finding excuses to show it to people and brag about me 🥰

The brand very generously sent us home with (among other things) an Arcwave Ion, which mb had been dying to try. If you’re curious and want a preview of what my eventual review will say, listen to the latest Dildorks Patreon bonus episode!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay many moons ago


October 13, 2021

In pondering what I might want to wear to my book launch party, I scoured online stores for dresses in the colors of the book cover, black and gold… but eventually I remembered that I already had a dress in those colors! This beaut was a gift from my cousin and his girlfriend a couple Christmases ago and it was perfect for the occasion: classy, sparkly, and pretty.

The launch itself was soooo much fun! I will eventually write a whole post about it once I get the photos back from our photographer that evening, Ashe. I read some passages aloud from the book, did some kinky demos with mb and Bex, and sold + signed copies afterward. There were tons of fascinating, lovely people there, all of whom I was so honored had come to my little event. Thanks so much to mb, Bex, Ashe, and the KGB Bar for helping me put the whole thing together!

Also, doesn’t mb look stunning?! Navy velvet is so perf on them.

What I’m wearing:

• Black & gold dress – gift
• Black tights – Hue
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino (at one point during the evening this was removed from my neck so mb could use it as a pendulum for our hypnosis demo – it’s a multi-use item!)


October 16, 2021

October is “Locktober” in the chastity community – many chastity kinksters get locked up for the entire month (with breaks as needed for hygiene and maintenance etc.), often also blogging/posting about their experiences. This year was mb and I’s second time doing it. It wasn’t always easy, particularly since dominance requires more energy from me than I generally have these days, and I was dealing with work stress (i.e. my book launch) on top of some health issues, so I wasn’t able to be as responsible and focused a dominant as I would have liked. But it was still a fun opportunity to try new things, gain confidence in domination, and assign cute tasks to my partner that make us both happy.

Some of those tasks were related to financial domination, i.e. consensually “forcing” them to buy me things. One night, when they had given me the green light for findom, I gave them a slow, teasing handjob to almost the point of orgasm and then informed them that they’d have to buy me this bag if they wanted to be allowed to come. (I’d had my eye on it for quite a while…) Naturally, they succumbed, so now, the bag is mine! *maniacal domme laughter*

I wore this out to Rocco’s Steakhouse for dinner. Their service is always impeccable and their food is A+. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:

• Red dress – Winners years ago
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Pink chevron-stitched Coach Rogue bag – vintage via eBay, a gift from my love (the all-black version is also gorg)


October 17, 2021

My partner and I have had many, many, many conversations about gender – which makes sense, given that they’re nonbinary, we’re both bisexual, and I write about sex/kink/love/gender issues for a living. We were recently discussing our gender expressions and whether we feel like they fully reflect our gender identities, and I said that I’m comfy presenting as a mega-femme like 95% of the time but there is another 5% of the time when I crave dressing like a dirtbag teenage boy, basically. mb told me that they would still find me attractive AF if I leaned more into that side of my style, and while I knew that, it was still good to hear.

This was my first time wearing a new pair of jeans I’d just bought at Madewell. It was an experiment in boyishness for an outing to a casual local omakase place. I think the experiment was very successful!

What I’m wearing:

• Dark blue T-shirt – Forever 21
• Tapered vintage-wash high-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made on Printful.com


October 24, 2021

Every so often, when I’m in New York, I like to check out the Museum of Sex to see what they’re up to. They were recently running a Betty Dodson exhibit, and Betty is a legend in the realm of sex-positive feminism, so I knew I had to check it out.

mb and I went together and spent a few hours perusing the entire exhibit as well as the others on offer. We saw so many things: vulva paintings, robots fucking, up-close masturbation videos, cunnilingus sketches, a Whack-a-Mole-esque game involving jerking off dildos in a fake bathroom stall, and lots more. Should you ever find yourself in New York, I would recommend putting the Museum of Sex on your itinerary, if just because the sex shop in their lobby is as well-curated as the museum itself!

What I’m wearing:

• Purple “The Morning After” T-shirt – Threadless (I am normally somewhat squicked by both vomit and clowns but for some reason this shirt fills me with glee)
• High-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to mb’s chastity cage on a chain
• Apple Watch on a rainbow striped band


October 29, 2021

I was feeling truly uninspired when trying to come up with a Halloween costume (I mean, I’m in my late 20s during a pandemic, so maybe that’s par for the course). But I had recently re-watched The Notorious Bettie Page, a perennially inspiring biopic of the late great pinup model, and had felt (as I always do when I watch that movie) a pang of desire to cut my hair into her signature style. I just don’t have the energy to iron my bangs pin-straight on a daily basis, though, so I figured it made more sense to dress as her for Halloween.

Bettie doesn’t really have a signature outfit, per se – her most famous photos show her in everything from lingerie to bikinis to fetishwear to leopard-print bodysuits. So I decided to keep it classic and wear the type of sexy black dress she would’ve worn, paired with some period-appropriate heels and, of course, this terrific wig. I don’t know if anyone really knew who I was at the house party we went to, but whatever, I felt and looked cute as hell!

What I’m wearing:

Bettie Page wig – a brand called Difei on Amazon (it came with a wig cap and a pair of false lashes!)
Black wiggle dress – Grace Karin (the same brand that made my wedding dress, incidentally)
Black mary-jane pumps – J. Adams (surprisingly comfortable)

Behind the Seams: Kinky Things & Karaoke

August 7th, 2021

I wore this to the post office to ship a few copies of my book to various heroes of mine who’d agreed to blurb it (some of whom’s blurbs are on the book’s website now!). The whole reason I got dressed up ‘n’ dolled up was that I wanted to shoot some photos with the books before I sent them off. Being surrounded by copies of a book you wrote is a rush unlike any other!

As a side note, if those of you who buy my book would like to post some saucy selfies with it on Instagram using the hashtag #101KinkyThings, that would delight me beyond measure.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Pink ribbed crop top – Forever 21
• Pink bralette – the Gap
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leather flats – J. Crew
• Tote bag – Her Highness
• Blue leather collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Black KN95 mask
• Tom Ford lipstick in “Cherry Lush”


August 11th, 2021

Rocking those rockabilly vibes. I wore this to record an episode of Question Box and then to go out for a solo meal at my local pub. Bandanas are ideal for days when I simply cannot be bothered to style my hair.

At the pub, I sat reading a book on my Kindle, as I almost always do when I go on a solo date anywhere. On this particular day I was re-reading Under the Dome, my favorite Stephen King novel and maybe my favorite novel, period. It’s so apocalyptic and chaotic a story that revisiting it took my mind off the chaos of our actual real-life world.

This was also the anniversary of one of my worst breakups, a day that makes me feel oddly sad every year even though it happened ages ago. Always good to combat feelings of dread, anxiety, and depression with a cute outfit!

 

What I’m wearing:

Black and white gingham romper – MeUndies
• Red bandana – possibly the Black Market years ago
• Black leather flats – J. Crew
• Pink leather Coach Cashin Carry tote
• Rouge d’Armani matte lipstick in “Lucky Red”


August 16th, 2021

Been feeling like a tomboy sometimes lately, or at least feeling more in touch with the gender-agnostic aspects of my queer femme style. Snapback hats make me feel like I’m embodying the androgyny of all the hot queers I had crushes on in high school!

I put on this semi-athletic outfit to record a podcast episode and then to walk down to the harbor and back (about a 30-minute walk each way), something I often do when I need to clear my head or just stretch my legs. When I got there, I sat on a bench by the water and read a book for a while, occasionally taking a break to people-watch or to text with friends. What a blissful afternoon!

 

What I’m wearing:

• Teal and purple “Think Positive” snapback hat – MaruHats on Etsy
• Red button-up tank top – the Gap
• Black leggings – American Eagle
• Turquoise/pink/purple Nike sneakers – a gift from my love
• Pink leather Coach Cashin Carry tote
• Apple Watch with rainbow band – inherited from my spouse
• Floral-print mask – an Etsy seller


September 16th, 2021

Speaking of snapback hats… I ordered this absolutely perfect custom-stitched one, featuring the title of my book, from Printful.com. Originally I went on there hoping to order a mug with the title on it instead, or perhaps a face mask, but then I saw that they offered this type of hat and was instantly sold. It was probably the most expensive hat I’ve ever bought ($43.50 including tax and shipping), but it was so worth it – I feel cute as heck in it and wearing it makes me into a walking billboard for my own book!

I wore this to (once again) go for a solo meal at my local pub. (They are always so happy to see me there. I love being a regular!) I was reading Gala Darling’s book Hologram Heart, which is a thoughtful and dreamy analysis of the various ways in which our past patterns and traumas shape our behavior in relationships, and how we can break out of those old cycles in order to form healthier and more harmonious connections with people we actually like. Gala is, as ever, brilliant and inspiring!

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – Printful.com
• Blue T-shirt – American Apparel
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather Keith Haring Coach Rogue bag – gift from my love
• Black KN95 mask
• Revlon balmstain in “Sweetheart”


September 17th, 2021

My mom invited me over to sip cocktails and hang out, and specifically told me to wear my new hat because she wanted to see it in-person, so I did. This was an ideal outfit for lounging around in her garden, martini in hand, while we caught up on each other’s lives.

Later that night, we watched a movie she wanted to show me, called Stalked by My Doctor: Patient’s Revenge. It was really goofy and broad, the way that Lifetime movies so often are, but it was entertaining in its own way, and (spoiler alert) had a surprisingly feminist subplot involving women conspiring together in order to bring down a problematic man.

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – Printful.com
• Purple floral-print dress – H&M
• Turquoise bralette – Aerie
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Revlon balmstain in “Smitten”


September 18th, 2021

One more outfit with this hat… for now, anyway…!

I wore this to go out to karaoke with my friends Dan and Sarah. Karaoke was one of the last activities the three of us did together before the world shut down in March 2020, so it was surprisingly emotional to return to it now that we’re all vaxxed. We were really excited to see our favorite karaoke hostess Elyse again – she brought the house down by beginning the evening with a mesmerizing rendition of “Wild Horses.”

I sang “Bouncing Off the Ceiling” by the A-Teens, a dependable bop. The bar had put safety measures in place such as sanitizing everything between singers and requiring that we each used our own “mic condoms” (i.e. microphone covers) when we went up to sing. We were specifically told, “No dancing in the aisles! Only dance in your seats!” but, well, people were pretty excited to be at karaoke again, so that rule wasn’t followed too stringently…

 

What I’m wearing:

• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – Printful.com
• Green tank top with rainbow triangle – bought from Tegan and Sara’s merch table at Pride several years ago; if I’m not mistaken, this design is by Emy Storey, Sara Quin’s ex-wife and long-time collaborator
• Black skirt – ASOS (I really wish I had bought more of these, I wear this one so much)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Coach Rambler bag in “hibiscus”
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather

Behind the Seams: Summer Adventures

June 30, 2021

My beloved and I had plans for a long-distance date, i.e. I go to a bar/restaurant in Toronto and they go to one in New York, and we talk on the phone throughout. I was in a good mood that day, and felt like getting a li’l dressed up, with false lashes and all.

I went to my local British-style pub to sit on their patio. They’ve had a pineapple mezcal margarita on their menu lately and it is a divine drink to sip in summer while on an outdoor phone call with one’s far-away love. ❤️

A pro tip if you are intrigued by the idea of this type of long-distance date: I have found it helpful to wait until after I’ve ordered my food/drink to start the phone call, mostly so that I can explain to the server what I’m doing and let them know it’s 100% okay to interrupt me while I’m on the phone because it’s not, like, a business call or anything. Oftentimes they even think it’s cute once I fill them in!

What I’m wearing:
• Yellow dress – H&M
• Yellow/pink striped silk scarf – probably thrifted at Value Village
• Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Black leather ballet flats – J. Crew (surprisingly, they are holding up much better than my previous pair, the Carson style by Frye, of which I have destroyed TWO pairs just by going on lots of walks every summer)
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Apple Watch with rainbow striped band – a hand-me-down from my spouse
• Sugarpill “Saint” false lashes (the same style I wore on my wedding day!)


July 10, 2021

I was recently asked to be an interviewee on a TV documentary that will be airing on the CBC called The Great Canadian Sex Survey. This was the day I went to their rented studio space, the Darling Mansion, to be interviewed on camera. They wanted to talk to me specifically about asexuality and the ace spectrum, but we also touched on a number of other topics during our ~2-hour interview, from masturbation to sexual shame to finding eroticism outside of sex.

I showed up with frizzy hair and a naked face, because I knew they had a hair and makeup artist on set. She introduced herself when I arrived – her name is Vanessa Baudner and she’s a delight – and we chatted away while she styled my hair and gave me, at my request, winged eyeliner and a bold lip. (The lip is not pictured because she hadn’t put it on yet when I took this selfie.) It had been years since anyone but me had done my makeup – what a relaxing treat!

I thought this red dress captured the “professional, but fun” vibe I hoped to convey in the documentary, but they had also asked me to bring some alternate wardrobe options in solid colors. As it turned out, we were filming in a room with red and gold wallpaper, so they thought a different color would pop better; I switched this one out for a blue dress I’d brought, which looked great with my red lip. I’d been worried about seeming socially awkward upon being thrust onto a film set with a crew of about 7-8 people, but it was actually a super fun day!

What I’m wearing:
• Red dress – bought from Winners many years ago to wear to a wedding rehearsal dinner; the brand is Monteau
• Black leggings – H&M (the sound tech guy was confused by these at first but the waistband ended up being a great place to attach the machinery needed to run my clip-on microphone)
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Canvas tote bag packed with extra outfits and makeup – Her Highness
• Black KN95 mask


July 13, 2021

This was my new cane‘s maiden voyage. Having never used a cane before (except for possibly as a prop in some high school drama scenes?!), I wanted to practice the coordinated motions involved in walking with one. Before researching it, I didn’t know, for example, that you’re generally supposed to use the cane on the side opposite your weak/sore/injured side. Thanks, random mobility-aid educators on YouTube!

I walked around my neighborhood for about 20 minutes, practicing syncing up each step with the cane and moving some of my weight over onto it to alleviate the pain in my left knee. I wore headphones because I was (perhaps slightly irrationally) worried people would loudly comment on my cane, ask me questions about it, etc., but I don’t think anyone did. By the end of my walk, using the cane felt much more natural than it had when I started. Yay!

What I’m wearing:
• Navy “making it happen” T-shirt – Forever 21
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier many years ago
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Pink leather crossbody tote bag – Coach
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Black KN95 mask
Chrome-plated blue wooden cane – Fashionable Canes
• Bright blue Cowin E7 headphones – a gift from a fan of mine who is a headphones fetishist


July 22, 2021

Unfortunately I didn’t think to take a full-body photo of this outfit, but this is what I wore to attend a movie theatre screening of Bo Burnham’s Inside with my friend Dan. It was my first time being in a cinema since before the pandemic – pretty weird!

After weighing numerous outfit options relevant to the film – including wishing I owned white overalls and trying to decide whether cosplaying as the “Welcome to the Internet” guy would be feasible – I ultimately settled on an ensemble inspired by one Bo wears in his song “White Woman’s Instagram.” True, it’s not quite as striking as seeing a 6’5″ male comedian wearing nothing but a plaid flannel shirt shrugged off one shoulder, but it’s something!

The audience at the screening was much more subdued than I had expected. No singalongs or hands waving in the air. It was still a fun time though!

What I’m wearing:
• Green/blue plaid flannel shirt – the Gap last fall; I think this was the first time I’d ever actually worn it?!
• Black modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear (I love that this nightgown is outdoors-appropriate and layers seamlessly under anything)
• Blue lacy bralette – Aerie
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Blue leather heart-ring collar – L’Amour-Propre

Behind the Seams: Queer & Kinky

June 15, 2021

I received a last-minute tip via Twitter that there was a second-dose vaccine clinic set up way the hell over in the west end of Toronto, so I basically threw some clothes on and hopped in an Uber. I’d dressed up for my first dose so decided to dress up a little for this one too. It was a celebratory occasion, after all!

The line ended up taking over an hour, but it was fine because I had anticipated this possibility and brought my Kindle with me. I stood in line reading Don’t Call It a Cult, one of the best pieces of reporting I’ve ever read about a cult – in this case, NXIVM, the weird-ass Albany-based “self-improvement” cult that involved strange sexual rites and a whole lotta lies. Interesting stuff. I almost kinda wanted the line to last longer so I could read more of it!

The nurse who gave me my vaccine commented that the “I got my COVID-19 vaccines!” sticker being distributed actually matched my dress perfectly. Awesome.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Silk heart-print mask – a sweet gift from my friend/roommate Sarah
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband – hand-me-down from my spouse


June 18, 2021

I’ve been trying to go on more walks lately, which is hard because of my depression, anxiety, chronic pain, etc. – but I definitely find it easier when I can wear a cute outfit!

This was my attempt at a slightly “athletic” ensemble, or at least one that wouldn’t cause me to feel overheated or overburdened while I trekked down to the lake and back.

During my walk, I listened to the cancel culture episode of You’re Wrong About, a cleverly nuanced podcast episode that I wish everyone on the internet would listen to. Mike and Sarah basically expressed all my exact opinions on the subject.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black spaghetti-strap crop top – American Apparel (isn’t it cute??)
• Black leggings – American Eagle
• Turquoise/orange/pink/purple Nike running shoes – a gift from my love
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Toy Story-print mask – an Etsy shop
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband


June 20, 2021

I wore this to go stay at my parents’ house overnight. My mom had not seen Bo Burnham’s Inside yet and wanted to because I would not shut up about it, so I came over and watched it with her on her big-screen TV. Even after multiple viewings, it holds up, IMO. (And the songs will not get out of my fucking head.)

I tend to throw on a pencil skirt on days when I’m feeling shitty about my body but still want to show it off. They make me feel like my curves are fetching and foxy, which they are, tbh.

 

What I’m wearing:

• Black crop top – Forever 21, I think?
• Black pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Black leather Frye harness boots
Canvas tote bag – Her Highness (it has a cute red heart on it)
• Black KN95 mask
• Lock & key necklace – my partner’s chastity key + an engraved lock from L’Amour-Propre + a chain from Roma
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
Goodbye Honolulu baseball cap – gifted to me by my mom because she thought it looked good with my outfit (indeed it did)


June 24, 2021

I think I feel more able to “dress gay” during Pride month, which is silly. I’m a freelancer who works from home! I’ve been out as bi for 14 years! I can dress as queer as I want to, any time I want to, and I should!

I had just rediscovered this hat at my parents’ house and taken it home with me. I bought it from MaruHats 6 years ago (!) and have never really felt all that confident wearing it, despite thinking it’s fly as hell. I like that it has a hole in the back, through which I can thread my ponytail for some cute sporty vibes, but (as some of my Instagram followers pointed out when I mentioned that wearing it was giving me some Weird Gender Feelings), I think wearing my hair down is best with hats like these because that way I feel more femme. Anyway, it’s hard to feel masc in a heart-print romper, so there’s that, at least.

 

What I’m wearing:

Heart-print romper – MeUndies
• Turquoise and purple “Think Positive” snapback – MaruHats on Etsy
• Coach Rambler crossbody bag
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Black KN95 mask


June 26, 2021

Literally within a MINUTE of finding out that KinkAcademy had made a T-shirt that says “queer & kinky” in rainbow text, I had purchased one. It feels like I was made to own it. Wearing it out into the world proved a bit nervewracking, as it is not exactly a subtle garment in its messaging, but it was Pride weekend so I felt okay about it.

I wore this ensemble to walk over to the Aesop store on Queen Street West, where they were doing a Pride-week promotion: they had removed all the Aesop products from their shelves and stocked them instead with books by queer authors from the Glad Day Bookshop, and every customer was invited to choose one book to take home for free. What an utterly inspired thing to do for the queer community!

I ended up leaving with a copy of Fierce Femmes and Notorious Liars: A Dangerous Trans Girl’s Confabulous Memoir by Kai Cheng Thom. I adore Kai Cheng’s advice column on Xtra and knew I’d like this book of hers too. I took it with me to a local pub patio for dinner, and it kept me company while I sat and soaked up the summer sun.

 

What I’m wearing:

• “Queer & kinky” T-shirt – KinkAcademy’s Redbubble shop
• Black skirt – ASOS
• Turquoise and purple “Think Positive” snapback – MaruHats on Etsy
• Blue leather collar – L’Amour-Propre
• Hot pink Coach tote
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Apple Watch with rainbow pride wristband
• Black KN95 mask