Musings

5 of the Most Commonly Fetishized “Non-Sexual” Body Parts

Kate Sloan
Taken at the Gramercy Park Hotel in 2019

I find fetishes fascinating. It truly speaks to human ingenuity that we have found ways to get horny about all manner of things, from leather boots to mannequins to piss.

Some of the most commonly fetishized objects are body parts. While some features of human anatomy are so commonly fetishized as to escape the fetish label, such as breasts and butts, plenty of oft-lusted-after body parts are generally considered “non-sexual,” despite them carrying a sexual charge for many people.

I’ll refer to this study in choosing some body parts to tell you about in this post. Let’s get into it…

 

Feet

I mean, you probably knew this was gonna be the top item on this list. 47% of the fetishists in the study have a foot fetish; it’s often thought to be the most common “non-sexual” body part fetish.

Different people like feet for different reasons, ranging from the taboo of kissing and licking a “gross” or “dirty” body part, to the powerful imagery of kneeling to kiss a god(dess)’s feet. As for people who fetishize having their own feet touched in sexual ways, power play can be an element of that as well, as can the fact that the feet are just really damn sensitive.

Curious about this fetish? I go into it in more detail in my book 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, and you can also read more here on a different website.

 

Hair

7% of study respondents fetishized hair. This can refer to body hair as well as hair on the head. Folks with this fetish may enjoy looking at, touching, and/or licking hair. This makes sense to me, seeing as our society places a lot of importance on hair as a marker of beauty and identity.

There are lots of subdivisions within this kink – some people only fetishize particular types or colors of hair, for example (“blondes have more fun,” anyone?), while some fetishize specific hair-related actions, like someone getting a haircut or having their head shaved. This is how I initially discovered this fetish online: a friend of mine shaved her head in high school and fetishists started swarming the photos I posted on Flickr…

 

Bellies and belly buttons

3% of the study’s respondents said they were into the midriff and/or specifically the belly button. They might enjoy staring at bellies, touching them, humping them, or engaging in activities that allow for belly-to-belly contact, like wrestling, or sex in the missionary position.

I find it really interesting and, honestly, healing that many belly fetishists prefer chubby bellies. As someone who’s always been nervous about whether my stomach is “too big” (despite liking to have it kissed and complimented in the bedroom), it makes me happy that there are plenty of people out there who would like it because it’s not flat!

 

Legs

2% of respondents mentioned being into the legs and/or buttocks. It’s a little strange that the researchers grouped these two body parts together like this, since the butt is usually seen as a directly sexual body part and the legs are not, but I guess it makes sense because the two are so closely connected.

Historically, legs were fetishized a lot in the Victorian era because men would so rarely see a woman’s legs (or even her ankles) under those long skirts. I find it fascinating how cultural norms can have such a huge effect on what people find sexy, even though fetishes are often described by those who have them as feeling inborn and unchangeable.

 

Lips and/or teeth

2% of study respondents said they were into lips, teeth, or the mouth in general. This fetish goes beyond just enjoying oral sex and may involve fixating on specific lip shapes, long tongues, sharp teeth, or any number of other mouth-related features.

The mouth can obviously be a highly sexual zone for many of us, and is packed with nerve endings, so this makes a lot of sense to me. I wonder if mouth fetishists can ever have orgasms just from being kissed…

 

What anatomical fetishes do you find most interesting or intriguing?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

People With Penises Can Wear Strap-Ons Too!

Kate Sloan
Photo by (and of) my lovely partner, modeling a RodeoH harness with a Godemiche Ambit dildo

Today I come to you with an important public service announcement: people with vulvas aren’t the only ones who can wear strap-ons. People with penises can wear ‘em, too!

You might be thinking, “Why would someone want to strap on a fake dick when they already have a real one?” There are actually many answers to this question; here are just a few of them:

 

Variety’s sake

Your dick’s shape and size are great, but there are other shapes and sizes that can also feel good. For instance, I used to ask a particular boyfriend to strap on a dildo that was smaller than his actual cock so we could have anal sex more easily. The dildo also had a deeper curve than his dick, so it could stimulate my G-spot (through the anal-vaginal wall) more intensely than he could without it.

Some toys also offer a texture and/or hardness that your dick just doesn’t, such as glass dildos (of which there are indeed some that are harness-compatible). Strap-ons are fantastic for broadening the array of sensations you’re able to provide for your partner.

 

Stamina

Being able to last “long enough” is one of the primary sexual concerns of a lot of penis-havers, and it becomes almost a non-issue when you’re strapping on. (I say “almost” because it is possible to reach orgasm from fucking someone with a strap-on – but naturally, it’s more difficult and less common than getting off from regular ol’ penile stimulation.) You can basically fuck your partner for as long as you want – or as long as they want – without worrying that you’ll come too soon.

This can give you peace of mind, but it may also give your partner peace of mind. I’ve often worried I was taking “too long” to come during PIV, especially if my partner was noticeably staving off their orgasm – often with difficulty – so I could reach mine. But when they’re wearing a strap-on, I can take my time a bit more, and still experience the super-intense orgasms I have from getting fucked while providing my own clitoral stimulation with my fingers or a vibrator. My partner can even fuck me with a strap-on after they’ve already come, something that’s tough to do if (like most people) you’ve got a refractory period.

 

Erectile difficulties

If you struggle with inconsistent or nonexistent erections, using a strap-on can make a world of difference in your sexual confidence and capability. Strap-on sex gives you a lot of the same intimacy, closeness, and thrusting leverage as you get during standard PIV or anal sex, but you get to use a store-bought boner instead of worrying about conjuring your own. (This may be especially relevant for you if you’re unable to use medications like Viagra due to having medical contraindications or a lack of financial access to them.)

 

Focus

One complaint I’ve occasionally heard from partners is that they’d like to be able to pay more attention to my pleasure faces and noises, etc. during sex, but get somewhat distracted by their own pleasure, making this hard to do.

When you’re wearing a strap-on, you can more readily focus on what’s going on for your partner, which many people find ultra-hot. It also means that when it’s “your turn” to receive pleasure (e.g. via a post-strap-on-sex BJ), you can focus fully on that, instead of also worrying about whether you’re pleasing your partner enough at the same time.

 

Kink

Sometimes wearing a strap-on is just fucking hot! Maybe your fantasy is to dominate your partner by ploughing them with a huge dildo, or maybe you want to satisfy them with a strap-on while your real cock’s locked away in a chastity cage… There are about a zillion different kinky scenarios that could benefit from incorporating a strap-on.

A lot of kink is about power, and wearing a formidable cock that never gets soft can be quite powerful… as can “forcing” someone to fuck you with a strap-on, verbally humiliating them about it, etc. There’s so much psychosexual territory to explore!

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Jealous of Your Partner’s Sex Toy(s)

Kate Sloan

Having written about sex toys for as long as I have, one of the most common complaints I hear from readers about toys is that they’re nervous their partner will react poorly to them. Either they already know their partner has a bad attitude about toys because of previous conversations they’ve had, or they just have a sinking feeling about it, and are therefore hesitant to incorporate their favorite pleasurable gizmo(s) into sex.

I also sometimes receive questions from the jealous partner themselves, wondering why they’re experiencing such irrational jealousy and resentment about their sweetheart’s Fleshlight or realistic dildo. After all, a lot of times, when we feel intense distress about someone else’s otherwise harmless choice, it has to do with underlying emotional issues that we may or may not be aware of – and when we’re not aware of them, it can seem like there’s nothing we can do about them.

With that in mind, here are 4 reasons you shouldn’t be jealous of your partner’s sex toy…

 

You bring so much more to the table than a dildo or stroker!

It might sound obvious, but it’s true: you are a human being, and so you are automatically capable of doing many, many, MANY things that sex toys alone cannot do! And I say this as someone who is, obviously, a huge fan of sex toys. They can’t whisper cute/hot things in my ear. They can’t remember what I like and do more of it (seriously, even the A.I.-influenced toys that claim to be able to do this are nowhere near human-level good at it). They can’t tap into the fantasies and archetypes that turn me on and play those out with me. They can’t replace the feeling of a warm, soft, touchable person in bed next to me. They can’t make me laugh, or hold me when I cry.

If you truly believe that a sex toy has the ability to replace you or upstage you, I would (lovingly) invite you to consider that you might have some self-esteem issues that are worth working on, so you can be happier in and out of the bedroom. (More on that in the last point on this list.)

 

You can use sex toys with/on your partner!

Toys are just tools. As the classic analogy goes: if you use a hammer to build a house, it wasn’t the hammer that built the house, it was you! And by the same token, if you give your partner pleasure and/or orgasms with toys, it was still you who did that. You just used a tool to do it – and using tools and technology is quite literally part of what makes us human, part of what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. You wouldn’t consider yourself a failure for needing to wear bifocals, or for cooking on a gas range instead of over an open fire, and for the same exact reason, you shouldn’t consider yourself inadequate for incorporating sex toys into sex.

Besides which, using sex toys together can be a really fun adventure, and a way to infuse some novelty and variety into your sex life.

 

Pleasure is a good thing!

You want your partner to experience pleasure, right? Because you like them (maybe even love them) and want them to be happy? And it’s very likely they want the same for you.

More pleasure is a good thing, period. Sex is (for most of us) primarily about pleasure and intimacy. Sex toys can help you in your pursuit of those goals.

If you find that maintaining a sense of yourself as sexually indispensable is more important to you than your partner’s pleasure, well… I think that’s worth examining.

 

Slapping a Band-Aid on your insecurities isn’t the same thing as addressing/healing them

I’ve learned this in so many different areas of life. Our fickle human brains like to come up with “logical” solutions to emotional problems. This is why, for example, some monogamous straight people will insist that their partner “can’t” have any friends of the “opposite sex,” because to do so is perceived as a threat to the relationship even when it’s obviously not. These people are trying to “legislate away their feelings” through rules and “boundaries,” in the same way that a person might “forbid” their partner to use sex toys in order to avoid facing the insecurities and anxieties that sex toy usage might bring up for them.

What I have learned is that you cannot outrun or “logic away” these issues. They will keep coming up, in various different forms, until and unless you face them and heal them. And when the issues in question are related to your partner’s rights and freedoms, oftentimes they will manifest in very problematic and perhaps even abusive ways.

The fact is, you don’t get to impose coercive rules on your partner just because you are insecure and anxious. Your partner may want to help you with your insecurities and anxieties, which would be very nice of them, but they are not obligated to, especially if the “help” you are requesting amounts to them making their life smaller, less joyful, and worse just to appease you.

But here’s the really important point – and I say this with love: you will be happier if you address your issues head-on, rather than trying to re-route your discomfort onto someone else. Whether through therapy, journaling, cognitive-behavioral exercises, Internal Family Systems exercises (which have helped me enormously with my insecurities and abandonment anxieties), or any other method of investigative self-reflection, it’s important to figure out what you’re so afraid of, why you’re afraid of it, and whether your fears have any basis in your current reality. More often than not, these types are fears are founded on false beliefs you’ve picked up from past experiences and/or cultural influences, and you don’t need that shit floating around in your brain – it’ll only cause you pain, and cause your partner(s) pain by proxy.

You deserve to live a life of happiness and pleasure, and so does your partner. And that’ll be much easier to achieve once you truly believe, in your very bones, that you are worthy, you are enough, and you have more to offer than a phallic piece of silicone.

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Fun Things to Do When Your Partner is in Chastity

Kate Sloan
Wearing my sweetheart’s chastity key around my neck 🔑

Chastity has joined my constellation of kinks relatively recently; I’ve been my partner’s “keyholder” since 2020. They’re not locked up all the time, or anywhere close to it – usually I’ll lock them up for anywhere from a few days to a week or more, but never for longer than a month. However, even short stints of keeping their dick under lock and key can be emotionally and sexually intense for both of us. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more powerful than I do while literally wearing the key to someone’s genitals around my neck, giving them commands which they eagerly follow.

You might think that your sexual options would be limited if one partner’s junk is inaccessible – and yeah, it definitely puts some fun parameters around the types of play you’re able to engage in. But there’s a lot you can do even while your partner’s dick is caged. Here are a few of my favorite examples.

 

1. Strap-on sex

I’m a fan of strap-on sex in general, regardless of the gender or anatomy of the person I’m with; it’s an enjoyable way to experiment with sensations that are different from those you’d be able to access just by getting fucked with fingers or a flesh-and-blood dick. It can also feel more intimate and visceral than having someone simply hold a dildo and fuck you with it by hand.

It can be amusing to “make” my partner fuck me with a strap-on while they’re locked up. I can taunt them about not being able to do it with their actual cock, and can make humiliating comments about how they wouldn’t be able to last long enough to please me anyway, etc. Plus, on a purely logistical level, I like getting off from penetrative sex but often partners indeed can’t last long enough for me to get there, so it’s nice that with a strap-on, I never have to worry about them coming too soon and thereby losing their boner. (They might still come, though… especially if they’ve been denied orgasms for a while, and are particularly enjoying the sights and sounds involved in fucking me with a strap-on. Erotic hypnosis can also be used to make it so that my partner actually feels like the dildo is their dick, which can make it easier for them to orgasm from fucking me with it. Neat!)

Naturally, it’s also possible for me to wear a strap-on and fuck my partner with it while they’re locked up. I could see this being a particularly compelling activity for people who want to learn to come from prostate stimulation alone, since you literally can’t get any dick stimulation this way if you’re wearing a chastity cage, and have to rely on the prostate stim if you want to get off at all (assuming you’re allowed to!).

 

2. Butt plugs

Speaking of prostate stimulation… Wearing a butt plug can be a nice way of getting some kind of pleasure even if your usual avenues are thwarted.

I sometimes like to have my partner wear a butt plug while they go down on me or otherwise please me, because it seems to keep them more focused on the task at hand, and increases their arousal and pleasure throughout the process.

Vibrating butt plugs can be especially fun. One of my favorites can be controlled long-distance, so I can give my partner prostate orgasms even while they’re 500 miles away from me, which is pretty cool.

 

3. Love letters

One of my favorite things about chastity play is the emotional effect it has on my partner. This could be the topic of a whole other blog post, but suffice it to say, their romantic feelings toward me get dialed way up after a few days of being denied orgasms. It’s almost like they’re back in “New Relationship Energy,” the name given by polyamorists to the euphoric and obsessive mental state that is also sometimes termed the “honeymoon phase” of a relationship.

My partner is always good at writing me love letters, but particularly so when they’re in chastity, because of these elevated emotions. They can pontificate for paragraphs about how much they love various personality traits, talents, and body parts of mine. Since I’m not always the most self-assured person, I often like to take the opportunity during chastity stints to have them write me adoring words that I can look back on for months or years to come, whenever I need a confidence boost. Doing this might earn them a reward, or sometimes it’s just a task I assign them for fun.

 

4. Vibrators

Did you know you can use a vibrator on a chastity cage and the person wearing it can feel the vibrations? This isn’t true under every circumstance – my understanding is that it only really works if the person is hard inside their cage, but, y’know, it’s not too terribly tricky to get my partner hard when they’ve been denied any sexual stimulation for days at a time.

I like using vibes on my partner’s cage when I want to reward them with pleasure but still want them to feel teased and tormented to some extent. They’re obviously not feeling the full force of the vibrations when they’re conducted through the metal cage, so the stimulation feels comparatively muffled in a way that can be thrillingly frustrating. And orgasms, when they happen this way, can be painful and/or ruined, due to the tightness of the cage and the diffuse nature of the stimulation, which makes them a delightful treat for sadomasochists.

For this purpose, I would recommend a vibrator that’s strong and rumbly enough to be felt through the cage. Powerful wand vibrators are my faves to use for this purpose, especially those with a softer head that won’t clang against the cage too harshly. You can experiment with placement, but I find that pressing the vibe against the frenulum area usually works best.

 

5. Cuckolding

Now, granted, this isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, and won’t be within everyone’s relationship boundaries (but then, that’s true of all of these suggestions!). My partner and I are non-monogamous, though, and they enjoy the humiliation of being cucked, so it’s been fun for us to lean into that side of things occasionally.

For example, my partner has sometimes paid for my meal or transportation on nights when I’ve had dates (or, in one memorable case, a blowjob porn shoot) with other people, and then I might come home afterward and tell them about my evening over the phone while they groan in frustration. This amuses me, boosts my confidence, and helps ease the irrational guilt I sometimes feel about dating/kissing/fucking other people even though I’m explicitly allowed to do so. Plus it’s kind of a sweet (if perverted) way to reconnect after an evening apart.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Butt Plugs Are Surprisingly Versatile

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Godemiche Plug B in raspberry cream glitter (have you ever seen such a gorgeous plug?!)

Did you know that the all-time most popular post on this entire blog (out of nearly 1,300 posts) is about activities that are more fun when you’re wearing a butt plug? People are very curious about this topic, apparently.

That being said, even 7 years after writing that post, I’m still regularly amazed by the versatility of butt plugs. Let me explain.

A lot of sex toys require you to use them actively – you hold a vibrator against yourself, thrust a dildo in and out, move a stroker up and down. Sure, some of these toys can be used in a more passive manner, especially with the help of accessories like a wand vibrator clamp or a fucking machine, but apart from that, generally you have to be doing something in order to use this type of toy.

A well-designed butt plug is different because you can “set it and forget it” – although, of course, if it feels particularly good then you may not really be able to “forget it”!

One of the ways I use butt plugs most frequently these days is wearing one while receiving oral sex (or while having cunnilingus-focused phone sex, as the case may be). I don’t always have the energy or the vaginal ambition to thrust a dildo against my G-spot or A-spot, but clitoral pleasure on its own doesn’t always feel stimulating enough for a super-satisfying experience. Enter the humble butt plug. Like a dildo, it gives me something to squeeze around when clitoral stimulation makes my pelvic muscles contract, thereby intensifying orgasms and the lead-up to them – but unlike a dildo, I don’t need to move it or even touch it once it’s inserted (provided, again, that it’s well-designed enough to stay put, which, sadly, not all plugs are).

Wearing a butt plug makes me much more aware of every little twitch and contraction of my vaginal muscles, which is why it’s so stellar when paired with oral. But for the same reason, it also makes a spanking or other sadomasochistic scene feel all the more arousing. I never noticed how much my genital muscles squeeze and pulse when I’m receiving pain until I started wearing a butt plug during these scenes sometimes – the plug pretty much forces me to notice it!

Another way I frequently use butt plugs is as motivation for completing certain tasks. My partner, who is very clever, will sometimes tell me to insert a plug if I need to clean my room or do various other chores. Much like wearing a collar around my neck, the plug serves as a constant reminder of what I’m meant to be doing, because I can’t really “tune out” the sensation of wearing one – it’s always there, drawing attention to itself, so that if I get sidetracked or demotivated, it’s never too long before I go, “Oh wait, yeah, I’m supposed to be tidying. Let’s get back to that.” Other adult toys can certainly be motivating too – promising me a wand-vibe orgasm when I finish writing an article is a good way to make sure it gets done, for instance – but I find none so easy to seamlessly incorporate into the task itself as a butt plug.

For me, butt plugs also work well for generating arousal passively, even if I’m not doing anything sexual at all. Sometimes my partner will tell me to wear a plug while we watch a TV show or a movie together, and usually by the time we’re done watching, I’m turned on, even if there was nothing sexual in the media we consumed. This is super useful, especially since a combination of chronic pain, depression, and having responsive desire can make it hard for me to “get in the mood” even when I want to. Butt plugs are kind of a life hack in this way.

Plenty of people use butt plugs as a warm-up for anal sex or larger anal penetration, and I’ve used them that way from time to time too. But since I prefer anal penetration on the smaller end of the spectrum for the most part, usually a plug itself is enough for me. I’m always glad to have packed one in my suitcase when I travel to see my partner, because we always end up using it in myriad ways. Gotta love a product that’s equally enjoyable during a cunnilingus session, a heavy flogging, or a trip to the grocery store!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.