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Review: Mr. Hankey’s Toys Oni

Kate Sloan
(Soda can for scale)

Realistic dildos are great, but I’ve tested a lot of them, and, well… they’re all dicks, so even with all the many variations in size, shape, texture, and tone, they get a little samey after a while.

So I’m sure you can understand why my interest was piqued by the ultra-textured, wildly fantastical Oni dildo by Mr. Hankey’s Toys. Let’s talk about it.

 

What is the Oni, & how can it be customized?

The Oni feels conceptually similar to those hentai-inspired tentacle dildos that are so popular: it’s vaguely tentacle-shaped and has a ton of texture all along its shaft. But that’s where the similarities end: there’s no actual aquatic imagery in this dildo’s design. Mr. Hankey’s describes it as an “ogre-like demon” dildo, featuring a “demon’s face [that] lick[s] you from the inside.”

As is standard for toys from Mr. Hankey’s, this one can be customized to your heart’s content: you get 4 size options, 4 firmness options, 25 color options, and you can indicate whether you want there to be a Vac-U-Loc-compatible hole in the base of the dildo or not.

For my Oni, I went with the small size, 75% soft firmness, metallic green color, and no Vac-U-hole. In classic Mr. Hankey’s fashion, even this “small” Oni is quite hefty: it’s got 7.1″ of insertable length, and its diameter starts at 1.3″ near the head and widens to 1.9″ as you get closer to the base.

Front & back of the Oni’s shaft

A caveat on texture & firmness

I specifically chose the “75% soft” firmness for this toy because it’s so intensely textured. Firmer textured dildos can feel scrapey, annoying, and even painful – but the softness of this one gives its texture some cushion, so that my vaginal walls feel like they’re being stroked and massaged, not scraped. Generally I’d recommend that you, too, go for one of the softer options if you end up getting your own Oni – I think most vaginas and butts would prefer this particular toy soft and squishy.

That being said, the trade-off is that softer toys are much less capable of applying targeted pressure to erogenous zones like the G-spot, A-spot, or prostate. Many people prefer a firmer touch on these spots because they are somewhat buried in the vaginal or anal wall, so they tend to respond better to pressure than gentle surface-level touch.

So it really comes down to whether you want to hit specific spots (in which case, firmer is better), or just experience a diffuse, textured sensation along your entire vaginal/anal wall with each thrust (in which case, softer is better). I’m a person who generally prefers to target specific spots with firm pressure, so a squishy, textured dildo like the Oni is more of an occasional craving for me, not the bread and butter of my dildo rotation. But that’s just me.

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The design, it must be said, is intricate and gorgeous. The front bears the aforementioned demon face, the back looks like something out of a monster-of-the-week comic, and the tip resembles a regular penis head, but stylized and elongated. It really is a work of art.
  • I love that the tip is so tapered, for two reasons: it makes this toy much easier to insert, despite its challenging texture, and it can also nudge up into my A-spot fairly easily. I also love that it’s shaped vaguely like an actual dick head, as this combines well with a lot of my fantasies when I’m using a dildo.
  • The curve seems to perfectly ensure that the entire front of the shaft rubs against my entire vaginal wall on every stroke. I don’t think it holds its shape very well once it’s inside me, because of the softness of the silicone, but it nonetheless keeps the toy mercilessly in contact with my G-spot and the surrounding area.
  • The texture is enjoyable – when I’m properly warmed up for it.  This is not the type of dildo I can rush into using, even with lube (which it requires a lot of). If I go too fast, my vaginal walls get irritated – but if I take the time to make sure I’m really turned on before inserting it, the texture feels decadent, maximalist. It doesn’t give me the same breathless gut-punch orgasms as toys that press firmly into my internal spots, but the soft texture allows for a thrilling slow-build that feels great along the way, even if the orgasm itself isn’t as explosive.
  • The squishiness is fun to squeeze around, like a vaginal stress ball.
  • The base is chunky and easy to grip onto and thrust with. I also like that a part of it juts out in such a way that you can mash it against your clit when you thrust extra deep. Normally I pair dildos with a clitoral vibrator so I can get off, but sometimes it’s nice to tease myself first by grinding against the base of the dildo.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • As mentioned, the texture can be a bit much if I’m not sufficiently turned on and/or not using enough lube. And you will go through a fair amount of lube when using this thing, at least if you want to use it comfortably.
  • As the company points out themselves on their product page, the design of this dildo makes it prone to tipping over when stood upright on its base, which could be annoying if you tend to ride your dildos.
  • Commonly for super-textured dildos, this one is a bit trickier to clean than smooth toys, sometimes requiring a scrub brush (like an old toothbrush) to get into all the little seams and crannies. But if you like texture then it’ll be worth it.

 

Final thoughts

Mr. Hankey’s Toys allowed me to pick 3 different dildos (check out my Captain’s Hook review!), and the Oni was really the wildcard of my selections, the one that’s the biggest departure from my typical taste in dildos. It’s squishy, textured, and fantastical, while most of my faves are firm, smooth, and simple.

But the design of the Oni is both beautiful and ingenious; its curve makes its texture feel more dynamic and even more stimulating than it would be on its own. It massages my entire vagina from the inside, in a way that I haven’t often experienced before.

So, shout-out to Mr. Hankey’s for creating the elegant Oni. It’s funny how a demonic dildo can feel so heavenly.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Njoy Disco

Kate Sloan

When my friends at Peepshow Toys reached out and asked if I wanted to review the newest toy from Njoy, the Disco, I replied as soon as I saw the email: “YES PLEASE!! SEND IT OVER IMMEDIATELY!!”

…Okay, that’s not literally what I said. I was much more polite about it. I am a professional, after all! But the point is: my response was enthusiastic and unambiguous – because it’s been years since Njoy released a new toy.

Their existing lineup is legendary: the Njoy Pure Wand is widely considered the best G-spot/P-spot dildo, capable of inducing squirting and prostate milking; the Njoy Pure Plugs are the most comfortable and pleasurable anal toys I’ve ever tried; and the Njoy Eleven is a gratifyingly huge chunk o’ steel that reliably makes me come so hard I cry, and was also pivotal to how I met my partner. Needless to say, I have a lot of history with Njoy toys, so I was verrrrry curious about the first new product they’ve released in my entire time in this industry!

Njoy founder Greg DeLong reportedly used to bring prototypes of Njoy works-in-progress to parties at sex conferences, and the Disco is one he’s been showing off in this way for many years – so, while I’d heard stories from my sex blogger friends about its beautifully bizarre shape, I was eager to experience it for myself.

What the hell is the Njoy Disco? What is it for?

This was my main question about the Disco before I tried one, and it’s still my main question about the Disco now, although I’ve figured out some ways to use it that work for me.

Most Njoy toys have some descriptive text on their product page which explains what part(s) of the anatomy the toy is best-suited to target, such as the G-spot or prostate. No such information is provided about the Disco, on Njoy’s website nor in the catalogue booklet that comes with the toy. The only information we’re given says that the Disco “is designed to bring a touch of sophistication to your intimate moments,” which is true of all Njoy toys, IMO, so it’s not very helpful! While I appreciate the way this kind of vagueness invites customers of all genders and anatomies to try the toy (which they definitely can!), I also think that some instructional materials, or even just suggestions, can be helpful for users of all experience levels. That’s especially true if your toy does something innovative or unusual that the user is unlikely to have encountered before.

And indeed, most users won’t have encountered anything like the Disco before. It’s shaped like five interlocking discs, some oriented vertically and some horizontally. The discs are graduated in size, like anal beads, ranging from 1.18″ to 1.96″ across – but the Disco is wider, firmer, and more oddly-shaped than anal beads tend to be. It has a slim neck and a flared base, like a butt plug – but it’s far too heavy, long, and pokey to work well as a butt plug. It has comparable dimensions to dildos I enjoy, with its 6.2″ of insertable length – but its shaft is totally straight, so it doesn’t target internal erogenous zones by curving into them, like many dildos do.

So what is the Disco for? I was only able to answer this question through research and experimentation. Reading other people’s reviews – including Smash’s, Felicity’s, and Ruby’s– gave me more information about how the toy can be used, including the insight that it may have been named the Disco because it’s intended to be rotated, like a disco ball.

Indeed, twisting and twirling the Disco seems to be the most effective way to use it, at least for me and some other reviewers. Each disc’s rounded edge rubs my G-spot every time I roll it against that zone. The way I use it most often is: I angle it slightly so it’s pressed against my front vaginal wall, I hold the base between my thumb and two fingers, and I twist back and forth in short motions. Sometimes I also thrust in and out in short strokes at the same time, so that the Disco massages my G-spot in circles.

By the way, I didn’t try this toy anally, on myself or on a partner, because 1) my spouse and I are 500 miles apart right now and 2) I truly don’t think my butt could handle this thing. But if you want some thoughts from someone who did use it that way, check out this Reddit post.

Things I like about the Disco

  • When I get into a rhythm with the Disco, it provides a unique type of G-spot stimulation I haven’t experienced with other toys. Instead of pushing into my G-spot or thrusting over it, the Disco can roll sideways across it (or in circles, depending on how I’m using it). I associate this sensation moreso with human fingering than with dildos, so it’s cool that I have a sex toy now which can give me that feeling. It’s gentler than some other G-spot stim methods, and doesn’t feel direct enough to consistently make me squirt, but it still builds me up to intense orgasms when paired with clit stimulation. (Heed my advice, though: use a lot of lube with the Disco, and get turned on before inserting it, or else its shape will feel more abrasive than pleasurable.)
  • There’s enough length on this thing that I can reach my A-spot with the very tip of it, which is helpful when I’m getting close to orgasm and want to push myself over the edge with some deep pounding. (However, if I was specifically craving A-spot stim, I’d reach for a different dildo – the Disco just barely nudges that spot, and lacks the curve it’d need to really get in there.)
  • The Disco is a limited-edition release: only 1,000 have been made, and each one has its own unique number etched on the base (mine is #0406). This doesn’t really have any practical benefits, of course, but it does make the Disco feel like a piece of sex toy history that many sex toy nerds would be glad to own. (Incidentally, as a completionist, I really need to get my hands on a small Pure Plug eventually, as then my partner and I will own the entire Njoy lineup between the two of us!)
  • The Disco comes with a gorgeous storage/travel case, which is metallic silver to match the toy and has a luxe-feeling magnetic closure. The case is just the right size that you could store the Disco in there and also throw in a miniature bottle of lube or a bullet vibe when traveling.
  • I like the triangular shape of the handle; I find it a bit more comfortable and ergonomic to hold and thrust with than the oval-shaped handles on the Pure Plugs. The triangle shape also seems to make the twisting-back-and-forth motion easier to achieve.
  • The shape of the toy and its handle is such that you could use it on someone while going down on them. The back-and-forth twisting you can do with the Disco is a smaller motion than the thrusting you’d do with most dildos, so maybe it would be less demanding/distracting for the giver than other dildos when used this way.
  • As expected for any Njoy toy, the Disco is stunning to look at. It’s a literal work of art. You could display it on your mantelpiece. You could have a still-life portrait painted of it and hang it on your wall. Njoy wasn’t kidding around when they described the Disco as “a testament to the fusion of pleasure and artistry.”

Things I don’t like about the Disco

  • The main problem I have with the Disco is that the twisting motion it requires (if you want to use it that way) is very different from how most people will be accustomed to using a dildo. There’s a learning curve initially, during which you’ll need to experiment and figure out how to use the Disco in the ways that feel best for you. I find it most comfortable to orient the handle vertically and gently jiggle it back and forth, but even that can get tiring/painful for my sore fingers and wrists, in a way that reminds me of using an un-ergonomic computer mouse for too long.
  • It’s really heavy for a sex toy – 3.25 lbs, which is even heavier than the Eleven (2.75 lbs). Granted, the Disco is a toy that you’ll (probably) just gently twist back and forth, rather than thrusting it in and out, so the weight isn’t as cumbersome as it otherwise might be – but it still tires out my arm and hand pretty quickly on days when my chronic pain is flaring up in those areas.
  • It’s quite expensive, at $180 USD. Certainly not as expensive as the Eleven ($400), but significantly pricier than the Pure Wand ($120), which I think would be a smarter buy for most people because it’s easier to use.
  • As much as I love having partners fuck me with dildos, I’d hesitate to trust most people with the Disco, because its length, straightness, and firmness are a recipe for painful cervix-poking. Even I sometimes bump my own cervix with it when I’m using it.

Final thoughts

The Njoy Disco is an artistic triumph of a sex toy, one that wouldn’t look out-of-place in a glass case at a museum, but also looks fantastic on my nightstand.

I think you’re likeliest to enjoy the Disco if:

  • You like firm G-spot or prostate stimulation
  • You enjoy trying sex toys that do unusual/innovative things
  • You don’t regularly experience muscle weakness/fatigue/pain/etc. in your hands or wrists
  • You’re a diehard Njoy fan and want to own as much of their collection as you can get your hands on

As for me, I think it’s a magnificent-looking toy, with an interesting shape that leaves a lot of room for creativity and experimentation – but it’s not something I’ll reach for very often. If I’m craving G-spot stimulation, I tend to want it to be more direct and more foolproof, as with the almighty Pure Wand. Most of the time, I want A-spot stim, for which I prefer the straightforwardness of the Eleven. The Disco’s heaviness, and the finicky nature of the twisting motion, also make it difficult for me to imagine using it consistently, what with the chronic pain and muscle weakness I sometimes have in my hands.

But damn, am I ever glad I own one. Njoy toys are a sex toy nerd’s wet dream.

 

This review wasn’t sponsored; Peepshow just sent me the dildo and asked me to write about it, and since it’s an Njoy toy, I was thrilled to do so!

Review: Mr. Hankey’s Toys Captain’s Hook dildo

Kate Sloan

When I put the Captain’s Hook from Mr. Hankey’s Toys inside me for the first time, I said out loud, “Oh, this is gonna be my new favorite silicone dildo.” I think I was right. Let’s talk about why.

 

What is the Captain’s Hook, and how can it be customized?

The lovely folks at Mr. Hankey’s told me I could choose any 3 toys from their site to review (the other 2 reviews will be published in July and August, respectively, so keep an eye out for that!). Their catalogue of products is extensive, so it took me a while to pick some out – but the Captain’s Hook was a “fuck yes” as soon as I saw it.

It’s a realistic (i.e. dick-like) dildo, but with a strong upward curve not often found in human dicks. I am a fan of penises, to say the least, and this is a pretty perfect one if you’re looking for more intense G-spot or prostate stimulation than most flesh-and-blood cocks can offer.

Mr. Hankey’s products are almost all customizable, and this one is no exception. You can choose between 4 different sizes (S–XL), 4 different firmness levels, and about a zillion different colors, plus you can tell them whether or not you want a Vac-U-Lock hole in the base so you can use the toy with Vac-U-Lock-compatible harnesses, fucking machines, etc. (although the brand points out that this particular toy isn’t recommended for fucking machines because it might rotate due to being too heavy).

For my Captain’s Hook, I went with the small size, medium firmness, red color, and no Vac-U-Lock hole. (If you want some help choosing your desired firmness, check out this video the brand made. I went with the medium because I knew I wanted it to feel impactful enough on my G-spot, but didn’t want its veiny texture to feel overwhelming, as super-firm textured dildos often do for me.)

Like many other fantasy dildo companies, Mr. Hankey’s toys tend to be on the larger side – so even though I chose the “small” Captain’s Hook, it’s still one of the girthiest dildos I own, with a diameter ranging from 2″ just under the head to 2.2″ near the base. Its insertable length is about 7″.

 

My experience with the Captain’s Hook + some tips

As with any large penetrative toy, I’d recommend getting really turned on before you attempt to get this bad boy inside you. I always warmed up with a lot of clitoral stimulation, fantasy/erotica/porn, etc. when testing it. It’s like stretching before you climb a mountain – simply the sensible thing to do! Fortunately, the tapered tip of this toy makes it easier to insert than it otherwise would be, especially when drizzled liberally with a good water-based lube.

Besides comfort and safety, the other reason to warm up beforehand is sensitivity. The G-spot and prostate both swell with arousal, making them easier to access and stimulate. And hoo boy, does this toy ever stimulate my G-spot. The substantial girth, deep curve, and defined coronal ridge all come together to form a G-spot homing device – a phrase I’ve previously only used to describe the stainless steel Njoy Pure Wand. Now, don’t get me wrong, the Captain’s Hook doesn’t feel like the Pure Wand, exactly – silicone doesn’t feel like steel! – but their effects on my G-spot are similarly prone to knocking the wind out of me and making me squirt.

However, maybe the most amazing thing to me about the Captain’s Hook is that it can also hit my A-spot!! It’s rare for a toy to be good at G-spot and A-spot stimulation, because usually the pronounced curve required for G-spot stim is incompatible with comfortably sliding deeply enough to hit the A-spot. But because I chose the medium firmness, this dildo has juuust enough flexibility that it straightens out somewhat when I push it deep, so that it can stroke my A-spot when that’s what I’m craving. When I pull it back out to a shallower position, it immediately re-forms into its strongly curved shape, like it’s transforming back into G-spot mode. Fucking brilliant dildo design, if you ask me!

Thrusting hard and fast with this dildo, when I’m super turned on, is so intense that I’ve sometimes thought I could have a penetrative orgasm from it. This is particularly amazing because, like the majority of people with vulvas, I require clitoral stimulation in order to get off – so, even though I’ve still never had an orgasm from penetration alone and might never, it definitely impresses me when a dildo makes that type of climax feel within reach. Also, notably, this dildo is so stimulating internally that I don’t tend to need as much clit stim in order to get off – in one testing session, for instance, I came while my Eroscillator was on its first speed, an event so rare that I can probably count on one hand how many times it’s happened in the 12 years I’ve owned an Eroscillator. WTF!

I didn’t try the Captain’s Hook anally, because frankly my butt isn’t that accommodating or that brave, but I bet this would be a killer prostate dildo too, if the dimensions were manageable for you.

 

Chonky base alert!

Other cool things about the Captain’s Hook

I don’t tend to “ride” my dildos, but this one has a big, chunky base that would make it suitable for that type of play. It doesn’t have a suction cup, but its flat bottom and heavy base allow it to stay put relatively well during riding, at least if you’re on a flat, hard surface. The flared base also makes it harness-compatible. I imagine someone fucking me with this dildo in their harness would be a wild time.

I also gotta say, I love the red color. It’s very striking, and reminds me (fittingly) of the actual Captain Hook’s iconic red coat. I’ll show you, you cowardly crocodile!

 

Some potential drawbacks to consider

The possible “cons” of this toy are about what you’d expect: some users will find it uncomfortably large, and the veiny texture (while relatively subtle, as far as fantasy dildos go) might feel too intense for some people, especially in a hard firmness and/or with insufficient lube.

This toy is also somewhat heavy for a silicone dildo, owing in part to its hefty base. I have muscle strength issues from fibro and sometimes found that my arm would get tired when thrusting hard and fast with this dildo for a while. Switching arms helps, of course, and so does adding more lube, because the less friction there is, the less hard I have to push and pull the toy.

 

Final thoughts

I love the Captain’s Hook. There are a lot of girthy realistic dildos that I enjoy when I’m in the mood for them, but don’t think I’ve ever tried one that hits my G-spot and A-spot as relentlessly as this one. It leaves me breathless, and sometimes makes me forget my clit even exists (…for a few minutes, anyway… I’ll never actually forget about you, baby!).

While certainly this dildo wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea due to its substantial size and extreme curve, for me it’s the ideal toy when I really want to be filled up and pounded. No other realistic dildo in my collection is as deeply curved as this one; dick-like dildos tend to be enjoyable moreso for how they “fill up the hungry spot” inside me (to quote Nina Hartley), not for how they target specific spots. So to have a toy that can do both is just… *chef’s kiss*!

 

Thanks to Mr. Hankey’s Toys for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Lovense Lush 3

Kate Sloan

Recently, sex toy company Lovense reached out to me and asked if I’d like to try their best-selling product, the Lush 3 vibrator, and write about it. I told them I already owned a Lush 3, so there was no need to send me another one, but that I’d happily review it – because it’s just an all-around solid toy, one that I’m glad to have in my collection. Let’s talk about it.

 

What is the Lovense Lush 3?

If the Lush looks familiar to you, it’s likely because you’ve seen it in porn clips or cam shows. It’s a favorite of many adult performers (and their fans) because of its interactivity features – like most other Lovense toys, you can connect it via Bluetooth to the Lovense app, and either control it yourself or invite someone else to control it.

I’m a frequent user of Lovense toys, because I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for over 6 years and we often use these toys during phone sex, to feel closer to one another when we’re apart. Some of my faves from the company’s lineup are the Exomoon (lipstick-shaped clitoral vibrator), Edge 2 (prostate/perineum massager), Max 2 (vibrating/squeezing stroker), and Gush (penis head/shaft vibrator).

The Lush 3 is meant to be inserted and “worn” vaginally, so that the vibrations stimulate your G-spot. It looks similar to a We-Vibe, but it’s not meant to be worn during penetrative sex like a We-Vibe is; it works better as a standalone vibe, although you can also pair it with a clitoral vibrator if you want, and I often do.

 

 

Things I like about this toy

  • The shape of the Lush is really well-suited for passive G-spot stimulation. It has a gently curved bump that protrudes to hit the right spot. The design also offers some leeway, to account for some people’s G-spots being deeper or shallower than others’; the body of the toy is wide enough, and its neck is bendy enough, that you can probably position it on your G-spot no matter where it’s located on your vaginal wall.
  • The vibrations get decently powerful at the high end – not as strong as a typical wand vibe or anything, but stronger than I’d generally expect for a vibe of this size. The Lush is buzzier than some other Lovense toys I’ve tried (meaning that the vibrations are higher-pitched and feel more surface-level), but I’ve often found that my G-spot actually likes a little buzziness. The Lush’s vibrations always feel comfortable to me, and don’t make my G-spot feel overwhelmed, uncomfortable or “itchy” like some super-buzzy G-spot vibes can.
  • It’s quite comfortable shape-wise, too, even when I wear it for a few hours at a time. The neck is slim enough that it doesn’t start to bother my vaginal opening after a while, as some other vaginally-wearable toys like the Hole Punch Fluke sometimes do. I also find that it stays inside me very well – I even wore it on an hour-long walk once and I never worried about it falling out. (I’d recommend skipping lube, or just using less, if you’ll be standing up/walking around a lot with the Lush inside you.)
  • Lovense’s Bluetooth capabilities are still some of the best in the biz. The connectivity isn’t flawless, but it is markedly better than that of Bluetooth toys I’ve tried from other brands. The Lovense app is much better designed than a lot of its competitors (according to my spouse, who develops iPhone software for a living). It has some features I never/rarely use, like a built-in video call functionality and the ability to sync vibrations to music, but it also doesn’t feel overstuffed with superfluous gimmicks like a lot of sex toy apps do.
  • It’s kinda quiet, once it’s inserted. Like, I wouldn’t wear this vibe in any situation where it would actually be disastrous if someone found out I was wearing it, because it is audible, especially on higher speeds – but if you’re in a relatively noisy public environment, or even one of a moderate volume like a restaurant/bar, you should be fine.
  • It’s fully waterproof, which makes cleanup much easier and also means I don’t have to worry about ruining my toy with vag juice.
  • It has a long battery life: you’ll get up to 5 hours of use from each charge. I’ve gone weeks or months without using mine and had it still be charged enough to use afterward.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • My main problem with this vibrator is that it provides almost zero clitoral stimulation. The vibrations emanate from the toy’s larger (G-spot) arm, and conduct only weakly into the external arm, which barely even makes contact with my clit anyway. So, for me and for most other people with my anatomy, this toy wouldn’t be stimulating enough to cause an orgasm (despite Lovense’s frequent promises of “intense orgasms”) – although it still feels great, if you like G-spot vibration. If I want to come with this toy, I have to use another vibe on my clit at the same time, which entails scooting the Lush’s tail out of the way to make room. (For a Lovense toy that’s similar to the Lush but offers a lot more clit stim, check out the We-Vibe-esque Dolce.)
  • I wish the vibrations were rumblier (as many of Lovense’s other vibrators are) and stronger, mainly because then I could use the Lush as a clitoral vibrator when I felt like it, which would make it more versatile. As is, I only ever pull it out when I specifically want to be teased via G-spot vibration from a distance – a fun way to use it, certainly, but not a frequent craving that comes up for me.
  • It’s a small thing, but I wish the toy’s button was located on the side that faces out, not the side that sits on my clit, as this would make it easier for me to surreptitiously hold down the button when I want to pair or re-pair the toy in public. I don’t want to always have to go to the bathroom to do this.

 

Final thoughts

Is the Lovense Lush 3 worth its asking price of $119? I’d say yes, if any of the following things are true for you:

  • You like G-spot vibration and don’t particularly care about clit stimulation
  • You like G-spot vibration and are willing to stimulate your clit some other way (fingers? a bullet vibe? oral sex from a partner?) while using the Lush if you want to get off
  • You like G-spot vibration and you want a vibrator you can use with a long-distance partner
  • You like G-spot vibration and you want a vibrator suitable for discreet public play
  • You don’t like G-spot vibration, but you want a partner to be able to consensually torture you with it, in a kinky way

It’s not a toy I reach for very often, because (as mentioned) it can’t bring me to orgasm on its own – but orgasm isn’t always the point of every sex/kink session, and it’s a highly effective toy when my partner wants to tease me, from near or far. I’ve tested a bunch of these wearable, Bluetooth-compatible toys over the years, and the Lush 3 is definitely the best G-spot-focused one I’ve tried. Lovense nailed the shape and nailed the connectivity, so I can definitely see why this is their best-selling toy, even if it’s not the one I’ll grab when I want to get off (that would be the Exomoon!). This little pink vibe is iconic in its own way, having starred in so many pornos and cam shows, and I’m glad to own one.

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review. As always, all words and opinions are my own.

Review: reMarkable 2

Kate Sloan

I usually review sex toys, but today I’m gonna review a piece of technology that doesn’t go inside me…!

Last month, for my birthday, my partner gave me a reMarkable Essentials Bundle, which contains the reMarkable 2 paper tablet, a black leather folio-style cover for it, and the Marker Plus stylus. I have adored using these products in the ~month that I’ve had them, so I wanted to review ’em here.

 

What is the reMarkable 2?

The reMarkable is a tablet, meant to be used primarily for writing (although you can read stuff on it, too). With the included stylus/pen, you can write directly on the surface of the tablet, and it looks and feels like you’re actually writing on paper. (You can also get a keyboard case for it, if you prefer to type, but I like writing by hand when I can.)

The reMarkable uses E-Ink (electronic ink) technology, like most e-readers, including my beloved Kindle – which means that it consumes much less power than something like an iPad, and causes significantly less eye strain. Looking at an E-Ink screen is basically like looking at the page of a book (or, in this case, a notebook).

A peek at my computer screen when I was working on my Arosum strap-on review – I had the reMarkable app open and was referring to the notes I’d taken during my testing sessions

What do I use the reMarkable for?

In the past, I’ve considered buying myself a portable typing machine, like the Freewrite Traveler, because I liked the idea of distraction-free writing. Although it’s convenient to write blog posts/articles/newsletters directly on my laptop or phone, I get sidetracked by notifications all too often. Even disconnecting my internet and setting my devices to “do not disturb” doesn’t always work, because temptation is high and my willpower is low.

As intriguing as the Freewrite devices are, the author Meg Elison said that it somehow lost a 4,000-word draft of hers, which is just… deeply not okay. There’s no way you can relax into the flow of creativity if you’re constantly panicked about the possibility of your work disappearing into the ether. So, while the limited-edition lemon-yellow Freewrite is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, I’d be hesitant to buy one.

The reMarkable is based on similar principles but is mostly about longhand writing, not typing. Although I do a lot of typing in my day-to-day life, I love writing by hand, and often find that it helps me think more clearly and remember things better (a finding which is backed up by science).

A sampling of things I’ve used the reMarkable for, since getting it:

  • Drafting essays for my newsletter
  • Drafting fanfic chapters
  • Taking notes for reviews while testing sex toys
  • Making packing lists and shopping lists
  • Brainstorming plot points and character details for a novel
  • Taking notes on books and articles I read
  • Doing morning pages
  • Writing lyrics and chord progressions for songs
  • Taking notes during conversations/meetings/interviews

 

Things I love about the reMarkable

  • Writing on this thing actually feels like writing on paper. There’s a subtle scratchiness to the texture, some tactile feedback that you just don’t get when you’re writing on, say, an iPad screen with a stylus or your fingertip.
  • Likewise, the E-Ink display means that it looks like paper, so I don’t get eye strain the way I would if I was hunched over a draft on my laptop for hours. There’s almost no glare from sunlight/lamps/etc.
  • The distraction-free nature of the reMarkable makes a significant impact on how quickly and easily I’m able to get into flow state when writing on it, which ultimately makes my writing better and more enjoyable. The device has internet access, but only uses it for syncing documents. Hallelujah.
  • There’s a feature which allows you to convert handwritten text into typed text, and then export it in various ways, so that you can paste it into whatever you’re using it for (like, say, a blog post reviewing the reMarkable!). My handwriting isn’t super messy but also isn’t always the most clear, and I still find that the reMarkable does a pretty good job of transcribing it, with the exception of sex-related words (see the “things I don’t love” section below for more on that). I usually only have to do minimal editing and formatting before publishing.
  • The pen/stylus is comfortable to hold, attaches magnetically to the side of the device, and is sensitive to pressure and angle, which makes it just as suitable for drawing or calligraphy as it is for writing. There are several different writing implement options you can select on the device; I usually stick with a simple black ballpoint, but you can use different ink shades, and there’s fineliners, pencils, a paintbrush, a calligraphy pen, etc. There’s also an “eraser” on the back of the pen; you can swipe it over segments of writing to delete them.
  • There’s a fantastic selection of page templates you can use, including blank, lined, dotted, grids, checklists, day/week planner spreads, sheet music, etc., each with several variations to choose from. I tend to use blank pages for creative tasks that require loose, expansive thinking, like brainstorming and songwriting, and then I’ll switch to a lined template for essays and articles. Each page of each document can use its own template, too, which is great for bigger projects where I might want to swap back and forth between brainstorming and writing, all within the same document.
  • You can use the select tool to grab text and move it around on the page. I love this feature because I tend to do a lot of editing and reordering while I’m writing, which makes it difficult for me to draft longhand – unless I can manipulate the text like I can on the reMarkable.
  • The reMarkable has a “layers” functionality, like Photoshop. At first, I wasn’t sure what I would use this for, but I’ve found it helpful when making packing lists or other checklists. The list itself goes on the bottommost layer, and then I create another layer on which I check things off. That way, if I need to re-use the list again later (like when packing for my return trip), I can delete the top layer and the checklist will be blanked out, ready to be used again.
  • The organizational system of the reMarkable is simple but effective. It’s easy to use, easy to understand, and easy to find things. Each document is called a “notebook.” Notebooks can be organized into folders, and you can also assign tags to your notebooks to organize them even more. I have a folder for my blog, a folder for newsletters, a folder for songs, etc. On that note, the overall interface of the reMarkable is really simple and pared-down – it’s got the features you need, and very little else, which (again) helps me stay focused on writing.
  • By default, there’s a catch-all notebook called “Quick Sheets,” which is indeed fantastic for when you just need to take a quick note and don’t want to spend the ~20 seconds it takes to create a new notebook, name it, and pick its template. Just tap the Quick Sheets button at the top of the screen and you’ll be taken to a fresh page in the Quick Sheets document. I find this especially useful for creative tasks, because artistic ideas can be very fleeting and so it’s crucial to have tools that can record them quickly.
  • Much like an iPad, the reMarkable allows for swiping and pinching gestures. You can swipe to turn the page, for example, and pinch to zoom out. The device doesn’t respond as smoothly or predictably to these gestures as an iPad or iPhone does, but I wouldn’t really expect it to; that’s the nature of E-Ink.
  • The device has 8 GB of internal storage, which is a lot, for the type of documents it creates. You also get a free year-long subscription to reMarkable’s Connect service when you buy the tablet, which gives you unlimited cloud storage, so you can keep all your documents, not just the ones that fit on the device.
  • Speaking of Connect, it’s a well-implemented cloud service that (in my experience) syncs effortlessly across devices. I love being able to open the reMarkable app on my phone, iPad, or computer and see all the notes I’ve made; it’s super convenient and means that I don’t have to bring the tablet with me everywhere to refer to what’s on it. That being said, if you don’t want to pay reMarkable the (very reasonable) $2.99/month subscription fee after your first year runs out, you can sync via Google Drive, Dropbox, or OneDrive instead.
  • As someone with chronic pain in my arms and hands (not to mention every other part of my body), I often find that writing on the reMarkable is more comfortable/less painful than writing in a real notebook, largely because the stylus requires less pressure so I don’t have to grip it as firmly or press it against the page as hard.
  • The reMarkable is less conspicuous in public than something like the Freewrite, which can garner a lot of stares and questions from strangers, according to Meg Elison. The reMarkable mostly just looks to a casual observer like you’re writing on paper.
  • The battery life is wonderful, as is common for E-Ink devices. I generally need to charge it every 1-2 weeks, depending on how much I’ve been using it. I’ve never had it die while I was out somewhere using it; the battery indicator gives you plenty of warning. I also love that it charges via USB-C, because that’s the same type of cable I use to charge my computer, Kindle, and Switch, so I’ve always got one nearby.

 

Things I don’t love about the reMarkable

  • My most common annoyance with the reMarkable is the way its convert-to-text function handles sex-related words. Much like the autocorrect feature on my iPhone, reMarkable’s text conversion feature gets most words right, but struggles with words like “sex,” “dick,” “fuck,” etc. Just today I imported a newsletter on sex toys and the reMarkable had exclusively transcribed the term as “sec toys,” “see toys,” or “set toys.” This type of verbal filtering would probably be helpful for most users – on the iPhone, I’m sure it’s prevented millions of people from accidentally texting a lewd autocorrected message they didn’t intend – but for people like me, who write sexy stuff, these corrections feel like puritanical censorship, and can make the editing process much more cumbersome.
  • It’s pretty damn expensive, especially if you consider that the iPad isn’t that much pricier but can do a lot more. The Starter Bundle, which comes with just the tablet, the stylus, and a 1-year subscription to the reMarkable’s cloud service, is $449, whereas the fancier Essentials Bundle (which comes with the same stuff + the folio case) is $599. If you want the keyboard case, that’s another $199. You’ll need to replace the stylus’s tip every so often (the company suggests replacing it every 3 to 7 weeks if you use the device every day, which I don’t), but it comes with 9 spare tips; after that, you can order a 25-pack for $39. In addition to all that, reMarkable’s cloud service, Connect, costs $2.99 per month, but you get a free year with your tablet purchase. Needless to say, this all adds up, and I probably never would’ve bought this device for myself unless I had a sudden, unexpected financial windfall, even though I think it’s an excellent invention that justifies its steep price tag.
  • I wish that the device would wake from sleep automatically when you open the folio cover, the way my Kindle does. It’s minorly irritating to have to press the power button every time.
  • It’s a bit odd that the reMarkable offers different ink colors, like blue and red, despite the fact that it doesn’t actually display these colors (it only displays shades of black and grey). You’ll see the colors rendered properly if you view your documents in the reMarkable app on your phone/iPad/computer, but not on the device itself, which is sort of confusing.
  • There’s no backlight. This is mostly a pro, not a con, because this device is supposed to be more paper-like than tablet-like, and the lack o’ backlight dramatically improves the device’s battery life and cuts down on eye strain – but, of course, it means that you can’t easily use this device in low lighting.
  • As an iPad mini user with petite hands, I sometimes wish the reMarkable was smaller, or at least that there was a smaller version available. Currently it’s 9.7″ by 7.4″, which sometimes feels awkwardly large to me when I’m writing on it (especially in bed/on my lap), and doesn’t fit in my small-to-medium-sized purses. But I’m sure most people would love this size, and there are many times when I’m grateful it’s this big because it gives me so much room to write and draw.
  • I wish there was a more secure way of storing the stylus. The magnet on the side of the device is pretty strong, but I’ve had the stylus get knocked off of it a couple times just from me rifling around in my purse, and I’d hate to misplace it, since a replacement would cost $139 (!!). Some kind of pocket or pen loop would be awesome.
  • The “eraser” on the back end of the stylus is a super useful touch, but I often find it’s less precise than I’d prefer. I usually end up erasing some surrounding stuff that I wasn’t intending to erase.
  • The reMarkable is not waterproof – which, I mean, I wouldn’t really expect it to be, but the Kindle is, and it would be nice to someday have a device that allows me to write in the bath without risking ruining a notebook or expensive gadget.

 

Final thoughts

The reMarkable 2 is expensive and excessive, but I am obsessed with it. It makes writing feel more joyful, more absorbing, and more comfortable. It gives me most of the benefits of writing by hand, and most of the benefits of writing digitally, with almost none of the drawbacks usually found in both of those options.

If you love writing by hand, but you find it impractical because you always need to type up what you’ve written afterward, or because you like to do the kind of heavy editing that pen and paper don’t allow for, you’d probably love the reMarkable. If you want to spend more time writing and less time checking your social media and getting distracted by your texts, you’d probably love the reMarkable. If you want a device that can take notes anywhere, and sync them everywhere, you’d probably love the reMarkable.

I’ve taken it to the park to draft smutty fanfic scenes in the sunshine. I’ve scribbled sex toy missives on it at the airport. I’ve kept it beside me in bed, ready to be grabbed at a moment’s notice when I have a sudden idea I need to get down. I love this thing. It has made writing feel fun and easy again, and that’s pretty damn remarkable.

 

This post wasn’t sponsored, I’m just a dork who loves good writing tools.