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My Valentine’s Day Sex Toy Recommendations for 2021!

Kate Sloan

I’ll take just about any excuse to buy a sex toy for someone I love. Valentine’s is coming up, and while it’s a weird-as-fuck “holiday” in many ways, it’s also an opportunity to lavish a loved one with affection and appreciation – even if that loved one is yourself.

Here are some tried-and-tested gift recommendations that I think you and/or your sweetie(s) would enjoy!

 

Clitoral Toys

  • I still think the Satisfyer Penguin ($71) is one of the cutest pressure-wave clit toys out there. It’s even wearing a little bowtie, which feels Valentine’s-appropriate!
  • The We-Vibe Tango ($60) is one of the best and rumbliest clitoral vibes on the market. There’s a new updated version, the Tango X ($79), which has the benefits of a longer battery life, more vibration settings, and a more ergonomic grip – though if you’re strapped for cash, I still think the original is a wonderful toy.
  • I also love the Dame Kip ($85) – it’s strong, rumbly, and so so cute!
  • If you want a strong wand vibrator to rock your clit’s world, my top recommendations are, as ever, the Magic Wand Plus ($75) and the Magic Wand Rechargeable ($130). Get the latter if you really, really don’t wanna be chained to an outlet – but if you almost exclusively use vibes where there’s an outlet nearby, you’ll be fine with the Plus.

 

Dildos

  • If affordability is your priority (and I don’t blame you), I gotta heartily recommend the Funkit Toys NoFrilldo collection ($24-40). These colorful silicone toys feel great, look great, and are way more wallet-friendly than many dildos of comparable quality. They’re also harness-compatible!
  • The super-ripply Tantus Echo ($50) is a long-time favorite of mine. You’ll love this one if you like the “popping” sensation that happens when the coronal ridge of a penis or a dildo first slides inside you – it’s basically that, all the way down!
  • The Njoy Pure Wand ($110) is the gold standard when it comes to intense G-spot stimulation.
  • The New York Toy Collective Carter ($220) is one of my favorite dual-density silicone dildos. It’s a must-have for size monarchs and people who like getting fucked hard but don’t want it to result in internal bruising.

 

Penis Toys

  • You can’t really go wrong with a Tenga Egg ($9) if you’re looking for a disposable stroker.
  • The Fleshlight Quickshot ($32) is much more affordable than your standard Fleshlight, and because it’s open-ended, it can also be incorporated into a blowjob or various other activities. It’s also much easier to clean than the standard closed-end kind.
  • The We-Vibe Pivot ($119) is my favorite vibrating cock ring. Whether you want it for use during PIV or anal, or just to jazz up your masturbation, it’s got one of the rumbliest motors I’ve ever experienced in a cock ring and is pretty intuitive to use.
  • We-Vibe’s new ArcWave Ion ($229) uses the same type of pressure-wave technology you’ll find in Satisfyers and Womanizers, but focuses it on the frenulum of the penis. This makes it an especially good pick for people who are bored of their hand or conventional strokers, or even potentially people who experience genital dysphoria during penile masturbation.

 

Anal Toys

  • In my humble opinion, the Njoy medium Pure Plug ($70) is the best butt plug on the market. It’s simply the most comfortable, pleasurable, and beautiful butt plug I’ve ever tried, and I’ve tried a lot of them.
  • The Tantus Neo ($29) is an affordable silicone butt plug with a comfortably contoured base. It’s nothin’ fancy, but it does the trick.
  • For the discerning prostate stimulation connoisseur in your life, get the Lelo Loki ($169), a powerful and rumbly prostate massager that my partner adores.

 

Kink Toys

  • I can heartily recommend anything made by Unicorn Collaborators, a Toronto-based leather goods company. Get the Double Duty Cuffs ($30) if you want an easy way to try bondage (while looking cool as hell), or the KnuckleFucker hand harness ($50) if you want a new way to fuck your partner with a dildo (or vice versa).
  • The Sportsheets under-the-bed restraints system ($40) is an easy, affordable way to turn your bed into a bondage hotspot! I love mine and use it way more often than I would have predicted when I first got it.
  • A simple satin blindfold ($7) is a fantastic way to wade into sensory deprivation play without breaking the bank.

 

Strap-On & Gender Affirmation Toys

 

Miscellaneous

  • If you want a romantic science project to do together, you simply can’t go past the Clone-a-Willy Kit ($40) or Clone-a-Pussy kit ($70).
  • The Liberator Jaz ($72) is my favorite piece of sex furniture. It makes many sex positions/acts much easier and more comfortable to achieve, especially for folks with chronic pain, muscle weakness, etc.
  • A Liberator Throe ($130) is definitely a decadent splurge item, but if you and/or your partner(s) are prone to squirting – or just into messy sex/kink acts like wax play or sploshing – then it’s a must-have.

 

What are your Valentine’s plans this year, if any?

P.S. Here are some previous Valentine’s-related posts I’ve written over the years:

Review: Sohimi Hedgehog Vibrating Clitoral Sucker

Kate Sloan

Remember when the original Womanizer came out and was prohibitively expensive? This often happens when new sex toy technology is introduced into the market. First, it’s rare and pricey; then, gradually, it becomes more common and more affordable. Some of the reasons for this aren’t great (companies yoinking each other’s ideas and designs; the greedy capitalistic overemphasis on the bottom line), but on the plus side, this phenomenon allows the average person to experience types of pleasure that would have been financially inaccessible to them just a few years before. Yay!

I bring this up because the Sohimi Hedgehog vibrating clitoral sucker only costs $23 at the time that I’m writing this, which I think is pretty neat – especially given the prices of comparable clitoral pressure-wave toys, like the Satisfyer Penguin ($40) and VeDO Suki ($61). But is the Hedgehog worth paying $23 for? Let’s discuss…

I love that they called this toy the Hedgehog (at least, its instruction manual does; it has a much more generic name on Sohimi’s website), because it really does look like one, sans spikes. Where the spikes would go, there is instead a panel of ridged hard plastic, which is super helpful when you’re trying to keep a good grip on this toy in the bath, or with lubey hands.

This toy is, unfortunately, really loud. Maybe not as disruptively loud as an actual hedgehog, but definitely loud enough that I felt weird about using it in the bedroom with the door closed while my spouse was on a work call in the living room. Like most pressure-wave toys, it quiets down significantly once you put it on your clit, but it’s still distractingly loud at all times when it’s on.

Aside from that, my main problem with this toy is its tiny nozzle. This is very much a matter of taste, and of anatomy. It’s literally about one-quarter the size of the nozzle on the new Lelo Sila (which does, admittedly, have a bigger-than-average nozzle for this type of toy). I have found, in my adventures, that I prefer a bigger nozzle for pressure-wave toys, not because my clit is huge (it’s average to perhaps slightly above average), but because I like my clit to be covered by my clitoral hood when it’s being stimulated, and that’s not usually possible with smaller nozzles, which require me to pull back my hood so I can place the toy’s “mouth” around the very tip of my clit. As such, with the Hedgehog, I have to choose between putting my super-sensitive, exposed clit into its minuscule hole, and getting very little suction (if any) because the toy can’t form a seal properly around my clit and its hood.

If you know your clit is on the smaller side (which I realize is a difficult thing to know, since clit size is not discussed nearly as much, or in nearly as much detail, as penis size), you might prefer a small-nozzled toy like this one, mostly because the sides will touch your clit more directly than a bigger-nozzled toy so you’ll be able to feel more of the vibrations that are coupled with pressure waves here. But if you mainly enjoy the pressure waves (and the suction effect they create) and care less about vibration, I think a bigger nozzle would also be fine.

Other than this fatal flaw (for my particular body), I think this is a pretty cool toy. I love how small, portable, and cute it is. I love that it charges magnetically and can be taken in the bath or shower. The nozzle has gentler, more rounded-off edges than some of these toys do, which makes it comfortable, rather than pokey, when applied to my bits. The vibrations and suction feel decently rumbly and “bass-y,” and I enjoy them on my nipples if not on my clit. But the loudness and the restrictively small nozzle mean I won’t reach for the Sohimi Hedgehog nearly as often as I’ll reach for something quieter and more pleasurable, like another Sohimi toy I’ve previously reviewed here.

Sure is cute, though.

 

This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Glittertops BDSM Gear Heart Paddle

Kate Sloan

Unique toys for impact play are one of my favorite types of item to collect. When you’ve worked in the sex toy biz for a long time, sometimes visiting sex shops can be monotonous, compared to the juicy joy it used to inspire – but the impact toy section is often nonetheless full of surprising treasures. Nine times out of ten, I’d much rather walk out carrying a new cherrywood truncheon made by a local artisan, or an exquisitely soft suede flogger with a bejewelled handle, than yet another silicone dildo or middling vibrator.

So, obviously, I was delighted when I learned about Glittertops BDSM Gear. This 100% trans-owned-and-operated business makes beautiful acrylic paddles full of glitter or rose petals or four-leaf clovers, which would be exciting enough on its own… but it gets better. You can ask them to put just about anything you can think of (within reason, and within the constraints of physics) into one of their products: as per the company’s owner, this may include “flowers, leaves, glitter, lettering, holographic stuff, inks, glow-in-the-dark pigments, UV pigments, etc.” So you can get yourself a paddle that is wonderfully, wackily unique to you and your tastes. Incredible!!

I was so overcome by the possibilities that it took me a while to decide what I wanted. I considered Reese’s Pieces, a favorite snack of mine. I considered blue flowers, since they’re an important symbol in my relationship. But ultimately, I couldn’t think of anything I’d want more in a paddle than Scrabble tiles. And what better words to have them spell out than my favorite honorific – the one I feel so strongly about that I got it tattooed on my thighs – “good girl”?

Jay at Glittertops asked me a few questions about layout and background, and then the finished paddle arrived in my hands sooner than I even thought possible. Y’all, it is STUNNING. Heart-shaped with a smaller heart cutout at the center, blue and pink glitter on a pale blue background, iconic Scrabble tiles down the whole length, and a lovely pink and blue braided handle. A true work of art, and unmistakably “me.” 😍

This is a fairly light paddle, though it has enough heft to feel impactful nonetheless. The design makes it slightly top-heavy, allowing for stronger hits with minimal effort, and the heart cutout makes it more aerodynamic so you can land harder hits. The handle is gently contoured and easy to keep a good grip on.

It’s pretty stingy, being as flat and light as it is, but has enough weight to it that the stinginess is grounded by some slight thud that makes it pleasurable instead of annoying (for me, at least). You can also turn it sideways for a much thuddier sensation, though it’s harder to hold that way.

I haven’t played with this paddle hard enough to cause bruising, but I think it would leave a nice heart-shaped mark, if your hits were consistently precise enough. Valentine’s gift, anyone?!

Perhaps my favorite thing about Glittertops Gear, however, is their Cannapaddle. It’s a paddle containing a dried marijuana leaf – so, perfect for the kinky stoner in your life! – and, wonderfully, 20% of the profits of each Cannapaddle are donated to the Washtenaw County Mutual Aid Re-Entry Fund, which helps cover the basic expenses of people returning from prison so they can get back on their feet. “Marijuana is recreationally legal in our state,” Jay told me, “but at Glittertops we believe it’s unacceptable that we can craft paddles that feature cannabis leaves but there are still thousands of POC in prison for minor marijuana-related offenses.” I could not agree more.

If you’re craving a Glittertops paddle – and they’re a reasonable thing to crave, given how excellent they are – you’re in luck! The code “GIRLYJUICE” (enter it at checkout) will get you a 20% discount on their products from now until Valentine’s Day (February 14th). Why not buy yourself (or a friend or partner) something pretty to get hit with?

 

Thanks so much to the folks at Glittertops Gear for making me this gorgeous paddle!

Review: Gvibe Gjack 2 & Gpop 2

Kate Sloan

The older I get, the worse my chronic pain gets – and the worse my chronic pain gets, the more I appreciate sex toys like the Gvibe Gjack 2.

I don’t know why more sex toy companies don’t implement looped handles like the one on this toy. Fun Factory, Lelo, and a few others have done so, but it’s definitely not as common as handles with no clear “grabbing point,” which force you to figure out on your own the most comfortable/least painful way to hold them for your particular body.

The handle on the Gjack 2, on the other hand, is designed with incredible thoughtfulness. I can slide my thumb easily through the open loop, and press against its farthest edge with minimal effort when I want to thrust the toy in and out. This feature is great for able-bodied people, too, because it gives you some extra leverage when you’re thrusting. My partner noted that of our collections, this is one of the most ergonomic toys to fuck me with; they can thrust and angle the toy as needed, with ease.

The Gjack 2 is a penetrative vibrator, but honestly, it could’ve (should’ve?) just been a dildo instead. Its vibrations, while decently powerful, are pretty buzzy and kind of loud. I’ve most often used this toy without even turning the vibrations on, and oddly enough, I think that’s the best-feeling way to use it.

It’s made of a material called Bioskin™, and if you know anything about the sex toy industry, you probably know that trademarked toy materials are usually a bad sign. 9 times out of 10, materials with names like CyberSkin™ or BioFlesh™ are just some version of jelly or thermoplastic elastomer – i.e. porous at best, toxic at worst. But according to blogger Phallophile, who contacted Gvibe to inquire about Bioskin, the material is actually a thin silicone veneer on top of a memory foam-esque material. If true, this is a smart solution for the problem sex toy makers have long faced: making toys that feel squishy like real flesh, but aren’t going to give customers chemical burns in their orifices.

(FYI, I asked a friend who is knowledgeable about sex toy science what the odds are that Bioskin is actually a safe material to use; the answer was that any nasty chemicals that could be [but aren’t necessarily] present in the foam would be able to leak through the silicone, but only in greatly decreased and diluted amounts, and that the risk of this happening would likelier be greater from “the bed you’re wanking in” than from a vibrator. The more you know…!)

Indeed, the Bioskin on my Gjack 2 feels smooth to the touch, like silicone, but has a squish more reminiscent of a foam mattress topper. That squish becomes really important when you insert the toy, because it’s covered in ridges all along its 5.5″ insertable length – ridges that would be way too intense, were they rendered in standard silicone. The squishiness makes them much easier to take, though I still feel a distinctive “popping” sensation when each one glides past my pubic bone. Notably, though, the material seems to muffle the toy’s vibrations, as does my mere flesh, so if you like powerful vibrations on your internal erogenous zones, this may miss the mark for you.

The toy’s cocklike head has the most squish of all, which would be a definite boon if your cervix is especially sensitive to pain. However, in testing this toy, I was reminded that my A-spot prefers firm touch. The nearly straight shape of the shaft contributes to the overall “meh”-ness of how the Gjack feels. It’s more like a cloud than a battering ram when it’s inside me, which I know is somebody’s jam, even if it’s not exactly mine.

To me, the most exciting thing about this toy is what it feels like to orgasm around something so spongy. It’s a unique sensation I know many people would love – but for me personally, this toy just doesn’t have enough “oomph” to totally wreck me the way something big and firm like the Eleven or Double Trouble can.

I was sort of hoping Gvibe would send me their Gbulb, an apparently powerful external vibrator that’s shaped like – wait for it – a lightbulb. (?!?) But instead, the second toy they sent me was the Gpop 2, a cute little vibrator designed to be unisex. (IMO, most vibrators are unisex, but it’s nice when a company acknowledges this outright!) This one has a looped handle too – yay! – and is shaped such that you could use it anally, vaginally, or externally, so it’s super versatile.

Because it’s made of silicone rather than Bioskin, the Gpop transmits vibrations much better than the Gjack. This toy rumbles and thrums beautifully, with way more power than you would expect for its diminutive 4.9″x1.1″ size, and feels fantastic on my G-spot and clit alike. The shaft is quite bendy, so if you like to press hard with your vibrators then you may find you can’t get as much pressure as you would prefer with the Gpop, but this feature also makes the toy more comfortable for anal insertion than your average vibrator.

I thought I would prefer the Gjack 2 because it looks more like the types of toys I tend to enjoy, but actually the smaller, rumblier Gpop 2 ended up being my favorite. I love its portability – in addition to being petite, it has a travel lock – and its combination of firm silicone and strong vibrations means it can get me off much more easily than the squishier, buzzier Gjack. At just $66, the Gpop is definitely one of the best vibes I’ve tried for its price point. I’m always thrilled to see more companies like Gvibe making colorful, waterproof, body-safe, relatively affordable sex toys, and I’m glad I got to try these ones!

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: ZIOXX Freedom Plus Extra Large Condoms

Kate Sloan

When Zioxx told me they wanted me to review their condoms, I knew I had to wait until my partner was out of chastity – which, truth be told, hasn’t happened much lately. See, while I am their keyholder and can thus remove them from chastity any time I wish, including for brief and frustrating interludes, post-chastity (or mid-chastity) isn’t a great time to test condoms. A crucial part of reviewing a condom is assessing how well it transfers sensation, and my partner’s sensitivity gets turned up so much from time spent in chastity that they wouldn’t exactly be an objective reviewer.

So I unlocked them, we had sex, I went to sleep, they jerked off the following morning while I dozed (I’m not a morning person, okay?!), and presumably their dick returned to its normal level of sensitivity. That night, a dommy growl crept into their voice as they told me, “I’m going to get you off, and then I’m going to fuck you twice to test out those condoms.”

“Twice?” I asked.

“I’ll last longer the second time, so I’ll get more of a sense of what they actually feel like.” Their hypothesis was sound, and the plan went off without a hitch.

Zioxx had sent me their Freedom Plus Extra Large condoms. My partner’s dick is on the bigger side of the spectrum as far as people I’ve been with (in the neighborhood of 7.5″ long and 1.75″ wide), so I figured the standard size wouldn’t work for them.

As it turns out, even these “extra-large” condoms were a bit too small. This has often been my experience with condoms made in Asia (Zioxx is based in China) – for example, I had a more average-sized partner a few years back who found regular Kimono condoms distractingly tight. These Zioxx XL condoms are 7.09″ long – that’s about half an inch shorter than a standard Trojan, and nearly a full inch shorter than our usual go-to condoms, Trojan Magnums or Magnum XLs. The Zioxx ones have a width of 55mm, which is wider than a standard Trojan but 5mm smaller than a Magnum and 8mm smaller than a Magnum XL. Resultingly, my partner found the Zioxx condoms a little tight during application and removal, and had a slightly more difficult time staying hard due to the tightness.

Other than that, though, they didn’t have many complaints. The lube on these condoms, which is water-based and contains moisturizing hyaluronic acid (yes, the stuff that’s in your skincare), seems high-quality but is perhaps a bit too liberally applied – it dripped a little on both of us as I was guiding their cock into me the second time, but honestly, I’d prefer that over the pitifully small amount of lube many companies put on their condoms. Keep in mind, too, that being water-based, this lube likely won’t be enough on its own for anal, despite how much of it there is on each condom.

These are pretty low-scent and low-taste, always good qualities in a condom, IMO. They’re made of natural latex, so obviously avoid them if you have a latex allergy. The elegant black outer packaging looks nice on a nightstand. The individual packaging of the condoms themselves is a bit too untextured to consistently get a good grip on with lubey hands, but if your hands are dry, you should be able to tear ’em open without issue.

Sensation-wise, aside from the sizing issues, my partner noted that these condoms are smooth and thin, and have excellent heat transfer. The overabundance of lube sometimes made it difficult for them to achieve the amount of friction they wanted, but they were still able to come relatively easily both times we tried these.

There’s no mention on Zioxx’s website of whether or not these condoms are FDA-approved, but they do say that they won a sponsorship from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and that “each condom is 100% electronically tested” with “60 procedures of quality-control.” 🤷🏻‍♀️

Overall, aside from the sizing issues we experienced, these Zioxx Freedom Plus Extra Large condoms are pretty good. At $12.50 for a pack of 18, they’re also plenty more cost-effective than a lot of condoms out there. I guess you could say they were worth unlocking my partner’s chastity cage for.

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own (and, of course, my partner’s).