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Review: Satisfyer Pro 2

Kate Sloan

the Satisfyer Pro 2 clit stimulator

“It’s like a blowjob for your clit.”

That was the buzz, back when suction-based toys like the Satisfyer and Womanizer first arrived on the market. It would be an understatement to say that my curiosity was piqued.

I love blowjobs. I love clit stimulation. I love clitoral suction, and think it is drastically underused and underestimated as a cunnilingus technique. And as a jaded old sex toy reviewer, I love toys that promise new, unique forms of pleasure (so long as they actually follow through on that promise). So, needless to say, I wanted – nay, needed – to put one of these toys on my genitals ASAP.

My pals at Peepshow sent me the Satisfyer Pro 2, a rose-gold little dynamo of a clit stimulator. Like the Womanizer and the other models of Satisfyer, this one produces a suction sensation via “pulsating air” inside its little silicone nozzle. You glom it onto your clit, turn it on, and it starts sucking away. Nifty.

The Satisfyer is absolutely a Womanizer ripoff, but here’s the thing: it’s better than the Womanizer. How much better? Let me count the ways… It’s a hell of a lot cheaper ($60 vs. $99–219). It’s far prettier (the rhinestoned, leopard-print Womanizer looks like it was designed for a bad Liberace impersonator in a porn parody). Its hourglassy shape feels more ergonomic in my hand. It has a wider variety of speeds (11 vs. 8). It’s waterproof. It’s not called the fucking Womanizer.

I also disliked the comparatively bigger jumps between speeds on my original Womanizer. The Satisfyer’s speeds ramp up more gradually, so I don’t encounter overstimulation or discomfort nearly as much. Considering that this type of toy is all about direct clitoral stimulation – which I normally find too intense – those tiny jumps between speeds are important. I can sometimes enjoy direct clit stim if it’s very gentle, the way the lower speeds on the Satisfyer are – but if, like my pal JoEllen, you categorically hate direct clit stim, you will hate both the Satisfyer and the Womanizer.

Some people say they find the suction sensation uncomfortable after a few minutes. It definitely engorges the clit, like a clit pump. I enjoy that feeling, but if that idea freaks you out – or if you’ve tried other types of suction toys and found them uncomfortable – then definitely skip these toys.

While I mostly like that suction sensation, it does get a little intense during orgasm. Someone once found my blog by Googling, “Is it normal for the Womanizer to cause orgasm so intense it is painful?” and yeah, that’s normal for the Satisfyer too. When I have an orgasm using a vibrator, I automatically readjust its position on my clit during and after that climax, to accommodate the hypersensitivity that occurs in those few seconds. No such jiggering can be done with the Satisfyer because it stays decidedly suckered onto my clit. Ergo, my orgasms with this toy are punctuated with a sharpness that borders on discomfort. It’s a sensation I semi-enjoy, in a kinky, forced-orgasm, be-a-good-girl-and-take-it sort of way, but I could see it being a dealbreaker for some folks.

the Satisfyer Pro 2 clit stimulator

Remember earlier, when I mentioned that the Satisfyer is waterproof? That’s important, and here’s why: that “pulsating air” technology does some truly cool shit underwater. It basically turns the toy into a little water-jet, as the air coming out of the nozzle sprays water directly onto your clit (or wherever you aim it). For me, this hearkens back to sodden trysts with bath faucets in the early days of my masturbatory career, so it’s a familiar and much-loved sensation. On especially sensitive days, I can get off from that minuscule spraying action alone.

That said, I have an all-time favorite way of using the Satisfyer. If you want to give it a shot, here is my formula for a truly excellent Satisfyer session, the Kate Sloan way…

Step 1: Get super, super, super high. Ideally on a sativa-dominant hybrid. Something zippy and sensual.

Step 2: Put on a long blowjob porn compilation video.

Step 3: Put the Satisfyer on your clit and turn it on.

The combination of weed hypersensitivity, hot-as-fuck BJ visuals, and a vaguely BJ-reminiscent sex toy is almost too much for my stoned brain to handle. It takes me a long time to get to orgasm this way, but once I get into a trippy blowjob-porn trance, I neither know nor care how long I’m jerking off for. The Satisfyer is magical for this purpose, I think partly because it feels so psychedelically different from any other clit toy I own (with the exception, of course, of the Womanizer).

For all these reasons and more, the Satisfyer – not the Womanizer – will be my pick from now on when I’m craving direct clit suction. But that’s not a thing I often crave. My ultra-sensitive clit prefers indirect stimulation, like a Magic Wand pressing through my leggings and underwear, or a Tango wedged against my clitoral shaft. Both Satisfyer and Womanizer brag about the quick and numerous orgasms they can wring out of you, but I find the opposite: my body’s so unaccustomed to the suction sensation that those orgasms take longer and are harder to achieve. They’re worth it, as they’re often more intense, but most of the time I still prefer sweeter, subtler sensations that get me off more easily and reliably.

Sometimes your clit just needs a blowjob, though.

 

Thank you so much to Peepshow Toys for sending me the Satisfyer Pro 2 to review!

What’s In My Sex Bag? (January 2017)

Kate Sloan

There is a sick-‘n’-satisfying voyeuristic joy in peering into someone’s bag. I love finding out what someone carries around with them, whether it’s shared in blog posts or Flickr groups or Instagram hashtags.

But while the contents of my everyday purses are kinda interesting, what’s in my sex bag is really interesting, methinks. Here’s a glimpse, for all you nosy pervs out there (she wrote, lovingly)!

I left for New York on Saturday morning, and my trip itinerary includes a sex-date at a pre-booked hotel room with a fuckbuddy of mine. I’ve packed my petite House of Plume zip-up travel bag with a variety of items for all sorts of saucy eventualities.

Firstly and most importantly: vibrators. If I’m going to get off with a partner, typically vibes need to be involved. At home, I normally use my Magic Wand Rechargeable or Eroscillator, but both of those are bulky and thus not terribly travel-friendly. I’ve compromised by packing my Lelo Siri 2 and We-Vibe Tango, two delightfully rumbly and super-adjustable external vibes small enough for my jetset sexcapades.

I’ve packed my Tantus Ryder because of this wonderful text my FWB sent me while I was deciding which toys to bring: “I mean, if you wanted to do PIV with a butt plug in again, I wouldn’t say no.” This is the plug I was using the last time we did that, and he liked it because it made my vag even more preternaturally tight than it normally is. The Ryder’s fairly big, though, so I’ve also packed a smaller plug (the Lelo Bob) to help me warm up for it.

My FWB and I also share an appreciation for clit pumps, so I’ve packed mine. It pairs very well with weed, which I’m unsure if we’ll have access to… but even if not, I’m looking forward to experiencing this odd sensation with a partner for the first time.

The Funkit Signet is small, so it’s easy to travel with. As it’s made to enhance fingerbanging, I’m always excited to use it with people who have skilled fingers to begin with. Unf.

Next up: dildos. Most of my favorites – like the Double Trouble, G-Spoon, and Eleven – are too big, heavy, or valuable to bring with me when I travel. Occasionally I risk it, but I always worry that the airline will lose my bag or the TSA will take my dildos away from me, and I care too much about them to let that happen! So this time, I’m only bringing my Jopen Comet Wand. It’ll work well for any masturbation I do during my trip, and my FWB can also pound me with it if I’m in the mood for intense G-spot sensations.

I’m also lucky enough that my hostbean-with-the-mostbean, Bex, owns a fuckton of sex toys. So if I decide I need to borrow a Double Trouble or an Eleven or a Pure Wand or something, I’ll be able to. Yessss.

Condom-wise, I just threw in a few of what I had on hand: Crown and Naked condoms, sent to me by Condomania. It’s hard to travel with a bottle of lube, so I’m bringing some sample packs of Blossom Organics, Sliquid H2O, and Astroglide Natural, as well as a teensy sample-size bottle of Sutil.

What kinds of things do you pack when you go on sexy adventures? Got any toy-travel tips?

Review: Godemiche Ambit

Kate Sloan

a pink glittery dildo!

The concept of penis envy has always mystified me. I have penis curiosity, sure. Penis intrigue. If someone offered me an hour in an alternate universe wherein I would have a dick and could receive a blowjob from, say, Olivia Wilde circa 2004, I would not say no. But I have never actively longed for a penis. At least, not one attached to me.

But the concept of a “femme cock” nonetheless stirred my interest. I’d read Artemisia and Melissa Broder rhapsodize the power of wielding a girly member. I kept an eye out for that perfect harness-and-dildo combo that would let me feel feminine as hell while strapping on. I cooed over harnesses by Velvet Nest and Tantus, and felt comfy rocking colorful dildos from Happy Valley and Vixen Creations. But then I fell in love with a pink Aslan Leather harness and a pink glittery Godemiche Ambit, and my perfect femme-cock combo was formed.

I’d previously tried Godemiche’s Adam, and while I liked it, it had no curve – and curves are important to me. So I was excited when Godemiche launched the Ambit, a gently sloping G-spot-focused dildo with a defined coronal ridge. My vagina ached for it, and even moreso when they told me they could custom-make one in their sparkly pink colorway.

Godemiche’s silicone is midway between hard and soft: I can fold this dildo in half, but it takes effort. It’s firmer than Vixen and Tantus‘ dual-density silicones, but squishier than their regular silicone formulations. It’s a good happy medium for my G-spot, which usually likes being stroked but not being aggressively pounded.

a pink glittery dildo in a pink leather harness!

At 5.75″, the Ambit is long enough that it can reach my A-spot if I pull my knees to my chest and push the toy really deep – but that’s not really where it shines. This is primarily a toy for G-spot stimulation and it does that very well. The flat, angled head finds my spot with precision, and a well-lubed Ambit is easy for me to thrust in and out as fast as I like.

Sometimes, mid-masturbation, I start to crave something a bit bigger and more targeted than the Ambit – at which point I might switch to a tried-and-true fave like the Uncut or Adam. The Ambit has a 1.5″ diameter at its widest point, and I’m used to using toys in the 1.75″+ range. But on an average day, it feels plenty good enough on my G-spot to get me off, when paired with a decent clit vibe.

Because its head comes to a tapered point, the Ambit is also great for anal play. Its curve would make for some good prostate stimulation, I’d imagine. I like the gentle popping feeling as this toy’s big head slides into my ass, and the otherwise smooth shaft means it doesn’t overwhelm my butt with sensation.

While I wouldn’t say the Godemiche Ambit is a standout favorite dildo of mine, it’s good to have around for days when I want medium-intensity G-spot stim and don’t feel like being filled up with a massive cock. Plus it looks totally gorgeous when I strap it on – and I’d imagine it’ll look even prettier when I (eventually) fuck the vag/butt/mouth of someone adorable with it. It is truly my dream femme cock!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2016: 1 Fantastic Toy Company

Kate Sloan

Here’s a riddle for you. What’s sexy as fuck, smells wonderful, and makes kinksters swoon?

No, not my vagina. Although: that too.

Nah, I’m talking about products made by Aslan Leather. Like my vag, they are glorious beacons of kinky wonderment, made right here in Toronto, and much-revered by sex-nerdy bondage enthusiasts. And this year I’m profiling Aslan as my favorite sex-products company of the year, because I just love ’em so very much.

I met Carey Gray – Aslan’s fearless leader – at a Tell Me Something Good event back in mid-2015, when we co-judged that night’s storytellers. Uncharacteristically for me, I struck up a conversation, because I just had to tell him how much I admired his beautiful products. He very kindly offered to let me review an item of my choosing from Aslan’s catalogue – truly a kinkster’s dream come true.

A few weeks and back-and-forth emails later, I found myself trotting down an alley to Aslan Leather’s sorta-secret workshop in downtown Toronto. I had requested the Crystal Blue Cuffs, and the craftspeople plucked a pair from their overflowing stock drawers and handed them to me, all nicely wrapped and pretty as hell. On my streetcar ride home, I kept taking the cuffs out of my bag, holding them to my nose, and inhaling deeply. Like many people, I have a visceral reaction to the smell of leather: it’s intoxicating, inviting, and sweetly sexy. Even now, if I open a drawer containing one of my Aslan products, the scent wafts out to greet me, and I feel both comforted and turned on.

Since acquiring those gorgeous cuffs, I’ve picked up a few more Aslan products: two collars (one black and one pink, natch), and a pink harness. All of them are absolutely stunning, well-made, sensuously fragrant, and buttery-soft. I swoon a little every time I touch or see or smell an Aslan item. They are simply top-of-the-line, as far as I’m concerned.

A materialistic kinkster’s heart is never sated, so I have a few more toys on my Aslan Leather wishlist. I’d love to own one of their ballgags (somehow I’ve never used a ballgag!), their pink leather paddle, and the ankle cuffs that match my wrist cuffs. I’m also all starry-eyed for the line of bluish-purple leather toys they released as a posthumous tribute to Prince (SheVibe carries the harness from this line, and it’s a stunner).

In 2017, I hope to widen the variety of companies and craftspeople that comprise my kink-toy collection: I want a ballgag from Oddo Leather, a leather paddle from 6Whips, a Lexan glitter cane from RavenHawk, a chest harness from Mad Elephant, and a torquemada from Creative Kink. But for now, I’m pleased as punch that Aslan Leather items make up most of my kinkwear “wardrobe.” They make me feel like the cutest little subby princess when I wear ’em, and that feeling alone is worth the price of the products.

What was your favorite sex toy company of 2016?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2016: 9 Best New Sex Toys

Kate Sloan

img_5260

I am a lucky, lucky babe: companies are always sending me new sex toys and sexual products to try. However, my genitals are picky as hell, so it’s rare for me to deviate from my tried-and-true favorites and fall in love with something new. However, here are 9 toys I received this year that I liked a lot.

9. I don’t really consider myself a “size queen.” True, some of my favorite toys are big – most notably the Double Trouble and Eleven – but I like those more for their curve than their size. So I’m a bit surprised that the Tantus Sam snuck onto this list. It’s pure girth, and doesn’t really bring much else to the table. But gosh, sometimes I just want something thick and meaty inside me and nothing less will do. And when that craving hits, all I can do is sigh, roll my eyes, pull out the Sam, slather it in lube, and get ready for a good solid fuckin’. Available at SheVibe and Peepshow Toys.

8. Dammit, Lelo; I can’t believe I kind of like your Mona Wave. Its come-hither motion is still just as torturously slow as it was when I wrote my review, but I must admit that sometimes I’m in the mood to be edged like that. (God knows I’d never have the self-control to stroke my own G-spot as languorously as the Mona Wave strokes it.) Though I’m hesitant to support Lelo anymore because they’re the worst, admittedly I don’t have any other toys quite like the Mona Wave. Available at SheVibe, Come As You Are, and Peepshow Toys.

7. I bought my hot pink California Exotics mini clit pump impulsively, while taking a friend shopping for sex toys, and I’m so glad I did. Previous shitty cheap pumps had failed me, but this one – while still affordable – actually does what a pump is supposed to do. I find it pairs especially well with weed; when I’m high, the intense suction on my clit feels like almost enough to get me off. And it’s certainly enough to get me extremely wet and turned on. Available at Come As You Are.

img_52396. I’ve owned an Aslan Jaguar harness for a while, but this year I traded my black one for a pink one. Still haven’t had occasion to actually use a harness, despite owning three of them (what am I even doing with my life?!) but my raspberry Jag makes me extremely happy nonetheless. One day I’ll fuck someone while wearing this, I promise. Available at SheVibe, Come As You Are, and Early to Bed.

5. During our road trip to Minneapolis in April, my best pal Bex visited kink-themed coffee shop Leather & Latte without me and came back to our Airbnb with a brand new stone lollipop crop. I tried it out on my arm and then on my thigh, and before too long, decided I needed to pay a visit to the café and buy my own crop ASAP. I’m so glad I snapped it up while I had the chance! It’s the stingiest, bruisiest impact play toy I own, and was an oft-requested hit at our spanking party. Available… fuckin’ nowhere except in-person at Leather & Latte, apparently. Sorry!

img_52464. Speaking of impact play toys… My KinkMachineWorks Lexan paddle is my favorite one of all time (at least so far). I bought it after eying it on Etsy for quite some time. The first night I got it, I brought it over to Georgia‘s house and she left some impressive bruises on me. What I like about this thing is that it’s bruisey and pleasantly thuddy without being overly painful. Yeah, it hurts, but it’s rarely too much for me to take. Not to mention, there’s something to be said for a see-through paddle, especially if (like me) you like to look at beautiful butts as you smack ’em… Available on Etsy.

3. I don’t have much to say about the Doxy Wand, ’cause it’s just a good vibrator that does its fuckin’ job. You would be surprised how few vibes I can actually say that about. This thing is rumbly and dependable; it was an easy choice for this list, even though I still favor my Magic Wand Rechargeable. Available at SheVibe, Tantus, and Early to Bed. 

img_52322. I knew the Liberator Jaz would upgrade my sex life, but I didn’t realize quite how much! I’ve used it countless times during sex and masturbation, to boost my hips for a more comfortable and pleasurable angle of penetration. It also works great for spanking, blowjobs, cunnilingus, and all manner of other fun things. I’m glad I made the investment in this firm little workhorse! Available at SheVibe, Come As You Are, and Peepshow Toys. 

1. Hands down, my favorite new toy I acquired this year is my Eroscillator Top Deluxe. I’ve said it all before and I’ll say it again: it makes me come super hard, super fast. It fits neatly between bodies during sex. It pairs well with dildos, partners’ fingers, and/or partners’ dicks. It’s quiet-ish, well-made, slightly less ugly now than its previous copper iteration, and a definite conversation starter. It’s remained on my nightstand ever since I got it, which is the highest compliment I can give a sex toy, truly. Available at SheVibe.

What were your favorite sex toys this year?