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Feminist Porn Week Diary, Part 3: Fuck Dolls, Phoenixes, & Accountability

Kate Sloan

On Thursday April 16th I went to the Public.Provocative.Porn screening at the Bloor cinema. Good For Her hosts this event each year as an accompaniment to the Feminist Porn Awards: it’s an opportunity for attendees to see a broad sampling of the nominated porn films before the awards ceremony.

I crowded into the theatre with a tiny cup of wine and some peanut M&Ms from the Dollarama next door and settled in to watch the 14 (!) different porn shorts on the program. There was a lot to talk about in those clips but here are some personal highlights:

• Last year’s Heartthrob of the Year, Zahra Stardust (a.k.a. the world’s cutest Australian femme princess), screened her film “Fuck Dolls,” in which she and Lexi Laphor writhe around on the girliest bed of all time, fucking with Barbies. By which I mean both “making Barbies fuck each other” and “using Barbies as sex toys.” Zahra wears silver glittery thigh-high boots, there’s a pink sheath over her Hitachi, and the whole film is chock full of cute girly underwear. I turned to my friend and said, “This is the femmiest thing I’ve ever seen in my LIFE!” and she replied, “I know! This is my dream!!”
• Tobi Hill-Meyer’s film “Bound By Borders” is a “docu-porn” in which she and her long-distance partner intermittently have sex and discuss the injustice of their situation: immigration laws, marriage laws, discrimination against poly relationships, etc. We got only a brief taste of the film at the screening but it was enough to leave me and my friend crying quietly into our sleeves. I’d love to see more of this blend of real-world unsexy emotions with sex in the porn of the future.
• Skyler Braeden Fox made his film “Hello Titty” as a goodbye to his breasts before getting top surgery. What we saw was trippy as fuck and included my favorite on-screen domme, Sadie Lune, being delightfully weird and capping off the scene with a lactation money shot. Yes, you read that right.
• I was excited to finally get to see a clip from Shine Louise Houston’s side project Heavenly Spire, after hearing her mention it at the Feminist Porn Conference two years ago and being immediately intrigued. It’s a porn series that celebrates masculinity on all sorts of different bodies. The clip we saw was a kinky tryst between two cis guys, and it was hot as fuuuuck.

After the screening, there was a brief Q&A with some of the filmmakers and performers. It was cool to see so much local Toronto talent on that stage, including my buddies at Spit!

The next night, Friday April 17th, was the centrepiece of the whole week: the Feminist Porn Awards gala! I spent a couple hours getting thoroughly dolled up (outfit details in a minute) and then rode the subway to the Capitol Event Theatre. (Taking public transit while in full formalwear is always a laugh and a half, lemme tell ya.)

I arrived during the pre-show cocktail hour for VIPs and nominees (and media folks comme moi), so I spent some time milling around the bar sipping white wine and chatting with various porno folks. I am super awkward and the idea of approaching my favorite pornographers to compliment their work is utterly terror-inducing, but I managed it a couple times with the help of alcohol. Hallelujah!

As per usual, the event was emcee’d by Ryan G. Hinds and Lex Vaughn. Some of the presenters were folks I know, like Sophie Delancey and Sam Leigh from Tell Me Something Good, and fellow sex bloggers Lorax of Sex and Kara Sutra. The acoustics in the theatre unfortunately made it really hard to hear what people were saying, but, y’know… they looked fantastic.

CoCo La Creme did some burlesque for us, and was ravishing as always. Her act involved a gas can and a handful of baby oil. The crowd was flabbergasted in the best possible way.

Morgana Muses won the Heartthrob of the Year award, which, hell yeah. She got involved in porn after leaving her marriage in her mid-40s, and the film for which she was nominated this year showed her suspended in gorgeous rope bondage, dressed as a stunning phoenix, symbolizing her “rebirth from the ashes” of her old life. I watched the scene in awe and it is a perfect example of how so much eclectic, emotional, life-affirming stuff shows up under the umbrella of feminist porn. I’ve never walked away from a mainstream porn scene feeling profoundly affected or inspired to change my whole life around, but feminist porn has this effect on me regularly. Amazing.

I was also thrilled about Spit winning an honorable mention award. They’re still a very new company but are deadset on proving they earned this honor and having even better stuff to show off next year, and I totally believe they can do it!

There was some controversy surrounding the FPAs this year, which unfortunately the hosts opted to make light of instead of addressing in any real way. Tobi Hill-Meyer’s acceptance speech on behalf of Courtney Trouble touched on these issues in a tactful and respectful manner; I’m glad someone said something about it (thank you, Tobi) and I sincerely hope the FPAs will address some of the community’s concerns by next year.

Before I sign off this series, some quick outfit pictures!

For the Thursday night screening, I kept things casual and wore a lilac tank top tucked into a black bandage skirt, with a black leather jacket and harness boots. My lips were also painted deep purple, because the feminist porn crowd is a community that can truly appreciate a gothy lip, methinks.

For the awards gala, I wore a strapless black tulle dress that I’d scored at Value Village for $10 (#blessed) with red T-strap heels and a little red bag, both also thrifted. I did a red lip with NARS Cruella and a L’Oreal glossy stain, and felt preeeeetty babely.

Well, that’s my whole Feminist Porn Week wrap-up! (Read the two previous parts here and here.) How did your week go?

Feminist Porn Week Diary, Part 2: Dildo Platters & Tampon-Twirling

Kate Sloan

On Wednesday April 15th I went to the Royal Cinema to see Erika Lust speak about her vision for the future of porn. After her brief talk, she screened several scenes from her inspirational paysite XConfessions – which, as you might remember from my review, I loooove!

Erika’s porn is aesthetically gorgeous, undeniably feminist, and often quite funny. When “I Wish I Was a Lesbian” started playing, I turned to my friend and said, “This is the one with the platter of dildos!!” and I think she thought I was joking… There was also a scene where a man fellated a penis-shaped lollipop in the middle of a public park, during which the audience laughed uproariously. Erika’s sense of humor really shows through in her porn, in addition to her sexual and artistic proclivities!

I think my favorite scene I saw at that screening, however, was “Dude Looks Like a Lady,” in which a seemingly straight cis man starts dressing up in drag and is surprised to discover his partner gets turned on by it. This scene is such a perfect example of how Erika refuses to shy away from topics other porn companies might find distasteful or just hard to categorize.

My outfit that night included a navy and white striped shirt tucked into a black and white polka-dotted skirt, with red tights, red lipstick, and black Doc Martens. I was kind of going for a “50 shades of grey” theme, because of where my evening went next…

After the XConfessions screening, I literally sprinted to the streetcar stop so I’d be on time for the Drunk Feminist Films screening of 50 Shades of Grey. Drunk Feminist Films is a new screening series at the Revue Cinema and it is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of clever intersectional feminists crowd into a theatre, load up on wine and beer (if they want to), and watch a movie through an analytical lens. Now that’s my idea of fun!

DFF’s 50 Shades event began with a brief talk on BDSM and consent given by kinkster, trauma survivor, and game-maker Soha Kareem. She contextualized the abuse perpetrated by Christian Grey by contrasting it with how real kinksters operate. I felt so proud and fortunate to be at the kind of event where this potentially life-saving information was expressed.

We were all given fliers bearing the drinking game rules for the movie. They encouraged us to drink every time Christian employed abusive tactics, every time Christian ignored something Ana said, every time Ana said something self-effacing, and so on. Needless to say, most of us got pretty drunk. (That movie is a fucking mess.)

My favorite thing about this event, however, was the feeling of feminist sisterhood directed at Ana’s character. Lots of 50 Shades critics have targeted Ana as complicit in her own abuse, or stupid and naive – but at the Drunk Feminists screening, we were encouraged to yell “AGENCY!” and twirl tampons in the air* every time Ana stood up for herself. And, contrary to what I remembered from the last time I saw the film, there were plenty of moments like this. I found myself practically crying each time Ana pushed back against Christian and the whole theatre of feminists erupted in applause and celebratory tampon-swinging.

*Yes, tampons were provided. Yes, it was awesome.

Then I rode home on the subway while sleepily resting my head on the shoulder of a feminist male friend of mine, who asked for my consent before stroking my hair in a comforting manner. So overall it was a pretty fantastically feminist evening!

The next and last part of my FPW wrap-up will cover the Thursday night screening and the Friday night awards gala, so watch out for that!

10 Reasons Everyone Should Own a Magic Wand

Kate Sloan

It’s strange when a legendary entity changes its name. It’s like that horrible moment in 2008 when I thought I was going to have to start calling Beyoncé “Sasha Fierce.” I mean… she’s Beyoncé. Come on.

That’s how I felt when one of the most famous sex toys in the known universe had its name changed from the Hitachi Magic Wand to simply the Magic Wand.

Of course, I still call it “the Hitachi” around other sex toy geeks. Just like how Prince’s friends probably still called him Prince even when he was using an unpronounceable symbol as his moniker. “Whatever, Prince,” they probably said to him before leaping into his swimming pool full of purple beachballs, or whatever the hell Prince’s friends do when they visit his house.

Anyway… Here are 10 reasons why owning a Hitachi – excuse me, Magic Wand – is imperative to your existence, regardless of what genitals you have or what kind of person you tend to fuck.

1. Let’s face it: it will probably make you come. This, of course, is why it’s endured as a sex toy legend for as long as it has: it simply creates more sensation than almost every other vibrator on the market. It’s ridiculously, appallingly strong. Hold it on your clit or your cock or maybe even your inner thigh or perineum or buttcheek and it’s quite likely you’ll get off in short order, or at least get quite turned on.

2. Clothing removal is not required. How many of your sex toys can you say that about? I can’t count the number of times I’ve whipped out my Magic Wand simply because I was too lazy to take off my pants, and it’s worked. It feels futuristic, ultra-convenient, too good to be true: an orgasm machine that causes minimal inconvenience. Yes, please.

3. It soothes sore muscles. Oh yeah, this is actually what it was designed to do. The quest for orgasm has led to the Magic Wand’s original purpose being bastardized, to the point that Hitachi divested itself of the property – but that doesn’t mean you can’t kick it old-school and use your Magic Wand on your actual, non-sexual muscles. Press it to your back, shoulders, neck, whatever, and feel the tension dissolve. Mmm.

4. It is the bomb dot com for period pains. I am using the phrase “period pains” in the most general sense here. Got cramps? Press the Magic Wand against your womb area until that clenching hellfire numbs out a little. Got overall aches and pains because periods are fucking miserable? Ditto: put the wand where you need it. Feel lethargic, sad, deadened, or otherwise in need of a mid-period pick-me-up? Wring an orgasm or two out of the wand and I am 87% sure you’ll feel better when you’re done. The Magic Wand is basically one big fuck-you to periods, which, hell yeah.

5. You can use it around the world. Well, anywhere there are working outlets, that is. Grab an outlet adaptor for wherever you’re visiting, or if you’re Europe-bound, pick up the UK version of the wand before you go. The wand may not be a suitcase space-saver, but if a customs agent rips apart your bag and lobs nosy questions at you in the security line, you can calmly tell him that the white and blue monster is for your “neck pain.” Haters gonna hate.

6. It’s basically a white noise machine. Okay, I’m not advocating that you leave your wand running all night while you sleep, unless fire hazards turn you on (no, seriously, don’t do this). But I am saying that if you ever feel weird about moaning into a silent room, the Magic Wand can sorta help with that. It gives you a baseline buzz to layer your sounds on top of, so you might feel a little more comfortable letting loose.

7. It breathes new life into non-vibrating toys. Should you ever get bored with a dildo or butt plug, or just want a little more stimulation, hold the head of the wand to the base of the toy while it’s inside you or your partner. Instant tooth-chattering rumbly action. You can even angle the wand in such a way that it stimulates the clit/balls/perineum while making the internal toy tremble, and that is a wondrous combo of sensations, lemme tell ya.

8. It is the forced orgasm prop. If your partner has a forced orgasm kink, there’s pretty much no better way to fulfill it than to tie them up and hold or strap a Magic Wand to their genitals until they’re begging for mercy. (Just make sure to remind them that they might need to yell their safeword a little louder than usual, should the session go that way. The wand takes up a fair bit of sonic real estate.)

9. It works well for medical play, too. I can see it now: your partner puts your legs in stirrups, murmurs “Now just relax, this is a totally routine examination,” snaps some latex gloves onto their hands, and lays out on the table in front of you: a bottle of lube, a speculum, and a Magic Wand. Uh, fuck yes. Sign me up.

10. It just might make you squirt. Legendary ejaculator Shannon Bell has been known to squirt with the assistance of a Magic Wand and an accompanying G-spot attachment. If your pressure-based attempts at female ejaculation have fallen flat, maybe jackhammer-esque vibration is the ticket instead. May as well give it a shot!

What’s your favorite way to use a Magic Wand?

This post was made possible by the lovely folks at MaxiWand.com!

It’s Good Luck to Cram Your Orifices With Tantus

Kate Sloan

Superstitious about Friday the 13th? No worries – today’s destined to bring good news, not bad. I know that because Tantus is running a buy-one-get-one-50%-off sale on dildos, vibrators and plugs. What could be better luck than that?!

Incase you need some help deciding what tantalizing Tantus duo to stick in your holes cart, I’ve put together some possible combos for ya. I’m a bit of a self-styled Tantus expert, after all.

Beginner combo: Charmer + Little Flirt

If you’re looking to ease into penetration – whether anal and vaginal or just anal – this duo will help you through it. And far from being boring, these toys will keep on feeling good even when you’re more experienced down the line.

Size Queen combo: Max O2 + Raptor XL

These toys are about the best you can get in the “stuff yourself with massive realistic cocks” category. Both of these dildos are long and thick, but because Max is dual-density and the Raptor isn’t, you’ll get a good variety of sensations.

Texture Slut combo: Splash + Flex

If your genitals like a lotttt of sensation, you need some mega-textured silicone, stat. These toys are some of Tantus’ most unique offerings and their sensation can best be described as whoa whoa whoa.

One For Now, One For Later combo: Slow Drive Long + G-Spot

Whether you’re targeting a G-spot or a prostate, these toys will find the spot quickly and then stimulate the fuck out of it (trust me). If the Slow Drive starts to feel too small or not intense enough, switch to the G-Spot. They make a great pair that way!

Head on over to the Tantus website to put together your own combo package. The BOGO50% sale only goes until Sunday night, so stock up quick!

Review: Lelo Siri 2

Kate Sloan

There’s a part in How to Be a Woman that’s about boyfriends but reminded me of the Lelo Siri 2. (That should give you an idea of how poorly my love life is going, eh?)

In the passage to which I’m referring, Caitlin writes that a woman who’s unhappy in her relationship will have a million different things to say about it: excuses, justifications, explanations. But a woman whose relationship is going well will be comparatively tight-lipped about it – not because she’s being secretive, but because there just isn’t much to say. “I’m really happy,” she’ll tell you if you ask. “It’s just… good.”

That’s how I feel about the Siri 2. I don’t have a whole lot to say about it, because it’s just… good. Really, really good. Solidly, dependably, surprisingly good.

I say “surprisingly” because Lelo’s product line has been massively hit-or-miss for the past few years. They keep putting out gimmicky bullshit like an oral sex simulator, rotating Kegel beads, and a cock ring for bankers (WHY?!) – and then once in a while they’ll throw in a toy that actually works really well, like the Mona 2. Every time Lelo launches a new toy, I tiptoe toward it hesitantly, like I’m approaching a landmine field: will this new thing make me scream in pain or will it actually get me off?

Well, I’m delighted to report that the Siri 2 has gotten me off. Many, many times. In fact, it snuck into my top 5 all-time favorite vibrators after I’d only owned it for a couple months. It’s that good. Let me tell you why.

The Siri 2 is, of course, an update on the original Siri. (Before you ask: the Lelo toy predates the Apple lady-robot.) I loved the Siri from the get-go. It had what was, at the time, Lelo’s strongest and rumbliest motor ever. Its shape is surprisingly versatile for a clit toy: you can get broad contact or a more pinpointed touch, depending on how you hold it against your body. The controls are easy to understand and operate, the toy locks for travel, and it’s quiet.

Basically, it was everything I want and need in a clit vibe, except that it wasn’t waterproof – a problem that has been rectified in the Siri 2, which you can use in the bath to your heart’s delight. (Which I have. A lot. Thanks, Lelo!)

Lelo achieved what a lot of toy companies seem to fuck up: they overhauled one of their existing toys and actually made it better, without adding (too many) extraneous or useless new features. The Siri 2 is quite a bit stronger than the old one, and it has several new vibration patterns. I don’t normally like vibration patterns – give me steady power or you might as well try to get me off by wiggling a feather on my clit, i.e. it’s not gonna happen – but these ones are actually quite lovely. They can bring me right to the edge and keep me there, which is really what patterns should do: tease and titillate. (And, admittedly, one time I had an orgasm while using the Siri 2 on its weirdest, randomest mode. I was shocked, but pleased.)

For reasons that are confusing to everyone, Lelo also added a sound-responsive setting to this iteration of the Siri, in which the toy is supposed to respond vibrationally to any music you might be listening to or noise you might be making. Call me a shoddy reviewer, but I haven’t even bothered with this mode. Plenty of other reviewers hated it and/or said it didn’t work at all, which fits with Lelo’s M.O. of releasing gimmicky shit that doesn’t appear to have been tested thoroughly enough (*cough* the barely-functional remote control on the original Tiani *cough*). I wasn’t about to let my love for the Siri 2 be ruined by a pointless and poorly designed “music mode” that’s pretty clearly an OhMiBod ripoff anyway, so I didn’t try it. Sorry-not-sorry.

But as a regular ol’ clit vibe, the Siri 2 exceeded my expectations and is pretty close to perfect. It’s hella rumbly and has a wide variety of power settings, from “gentle buzz” all the way up to “HOLY FUCK YES.” The shape of it works splendidly for my clit. The whole unit is comfortable to hold, even for long periods of time. I love being able to take it in the bath. I love the vibration patterns. I love the smooth silicone, grippy plastic, and color options. I love that the controls are so intuitive I can operate them even when I’m drunk or dead-tired or in a hurry.

The buttons are a little hard to push. That’s really my only complaint. And it’s hardly a big deal. I think this problem has actually improved substantially with use, since, you know, mashing on buttons in the throes of ecstasy multiple times a week will tend to loosen ‘em up pretty quick.

So, yes – the Lelo Siri 2 goes wholeheartedly on my list of Vibrators I Definitely Recommend. Put it on your clit and the clits of people you love. It’ll do ya right.

Thank you, Lelo!