All Reviews

Book Review: The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked

Kate Sloan

I discovered this book in a random way. A few weeks ago, while getting ready for a Body Pride workshop, I suddenly realized I was on my period. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to sit on a stranger’s floor for hours while completely naked and menstruating, but it seems like risky business. So I opened up Google and started searching to see what other people recommended.

The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked came up on Google Books, because there’s a small section about periods in it. It told me to wear a tampon with the string shoved inside – which I did, and everything worked out great. Intrigued, I decided to buy and read the rest of the book.

It’s not written by actual strippers, but rather, by women who interviewed hundreds of strippers. I admit I would have found it more interesting if the book was primarily direct quotes from real strippers discussing their real techniques, rather than just a summary of what was gleaned from interviews. But there’s still a lot of valuable stuff in here.

I was reading the book mostly out of a desire to look better while doing casual naked activities – lying in bed, maybe playing Strip Scrabble at parties, that kind of thing – and not so much to learn about how to actually strip. So, I mostly skimmed over the parts about dance moves, choosing songs to get down to, and how to set flattering lighting for your show. But that stuff is in here and many aspiring bedroom dancers would find it useful.

What I really appreciated were the aesthetic tips and tricks: how to choose a flattering hairstyle for your body type, how to achieve a strippertastic “smoky eye,” how to make your boobs look bigger with bronzer, and so on. There were also some quirkier tips, like how to create a makeshift bra out of masking tape and how to do a beauty routine if you’re stuck at your boyfriend’s house with no supplies on hand. This is all good info for any femme lady – though I don’t know if it’s stuff you need to buy this book for. Much of this information can be found in beauty magazines and YouTube tutorials, truth be told.

My boyfriend, who was reading over my shoulder for part of this short book, thought it was funny that the authors recommended massaging coffee grounds into your ass to temporarily reduce cellulite. As for me, I thought it was funny when they recommended using a handheld vibrating massager to get fat deposits moving – with no mention whatsoever of using it to vibrate more interesting areas. Come on, ladies!

So, while The Stripper’s Guide to Looking Great Naked was a fun read, I’m not sure I actually learned much from it that I hadn’t seen in Cosmo or Vogue or maybe even Seventeen. But if you’re thinking about making stripteases a regular part of your life, this would be a good primer.

Review: Doc Johnson Thinny Minnie

Kate Sloan

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Every once in a while, a giant, cheap-ass sex toy maker like Doc Johnson comes out with something that catches my eye, and I wonder, Will this be the thing that changes my mind about this company?

The answer, at least in regards to the Thinny Minnie dildo, is a resounding nope.

I thought I would dig the Minnie because its shape reminds me slightly of the Lelo Ella, an elegant and effective G-spot dildo. But Ella stays firm, while Minnie flops. My G-spot needs firmness or girth or both, but the Minnie has neither.

It has an insertable length of 5", which really isn’t that long but feels like an eternity because of how boring the toy’s shaft is: straight, smooth, and skinny.

My G-spot can detect the Thinny Minnie, but just barely. If you want a good silicone G-spot dildo, go for the Acute, Tsunami, Adam, Ella, or Comet Wand instead. Anything but Doc Johnson!

(I know this review is super short, but can you blame me? Look at how boring this dildo is!)

Review: Lelo Large Smart Wand

Kate Sloan

For a long time, reviewers have been complaining that Lelo vibrators just aren’t strong enough. They’re beautiful, elegant, ergonomic, rechargeable, and high-quality, but many clits-o’-steel have been unimpressed with their strength.

Well, no more. Because the large Smart Wand is one of the strongest vibrators I’ve ever tried, and also one of the best.

For all you Hitachi enthusiasts, take a moment to imagine how your sex life would change if your beloved wand didn’t need to be plugged into the wall in order to work, and if you could actually take it in the bath with you. Mindblowing and life-changing, right? In that case, you probably need a large Smart Wand, pronto.

Before I start sounding too much like an infomercial, let’s get some gripes out of the way. Yes, the toy is 100% waterproof, but the charging port is just an open hole on the end of the toy’s handle. It can be really anxiety-producing to watch bathwater slowly flow into an open orifice on your $135 sex toy. The hole is just as waterproof as the rest of the toy, but I still think Lelo should have at least put a little peel-back silicone plug in that spot, to set bath-bound consumers’ minds at ease.

As for the color… I must admit, I did not order the white wand and it wouldn’t have been my first choice; the one I chose was black but I ended up with the white one nonetheless. The white tends to show every speck of dirt or dust that makes its way onto the toy. However, I do think it would make a lovely bridal/wedding gift, what with being ivory-colored and luxurious.

Most of the toy is covered in satiny-smooth silicone, while the inner edge of the gently curving handle is made of metallic gold plastic that makes it easier to grip the toy. The Lelo logo is embossed into the handle, but it’s high enough on the toy that it would be difficult to accidentally get any lube or natural juices into the grooves of the letters, which is an improvement on some previous Lelo designs.

The head of the massager has a bit of flex to it, like most other wand-style vibes, but it’s minimal. If you like a lot of firm pressure along with your vibrations, this toy can provide it.

Like most massager-style vibes, the part of the Smart Wand that will be touching your genitals is very big and broad. I thought I wouldn’t enjoy it because usually I like something a little more focused, but it didn’t bother me in the end.

Can I just say how much it annoys me that Lelo steadfastly markets this toy as a body massager? Granted, it does work great for body massage, but let’s be real here – Lelo makes sex toys, and has always been upfront about doing so, so why suddenly change the game and act like this vibrator is meant for solely G-rated usage? There is literally no mention of genitals, sex, or masturbation in the Smart Wand instruction manual. This annoys me on principle, but luckily, doesn’t change the awesomeness of the toy itself.

And let me tell you, it is awesome. This massager has very strong vibrations. Though the Smart Wand has multiple speeds like all Lelo vibes, I usually only use the third and fourth ones, because the toy is that strong.

The first three speeds are rumbly, causing the toy to visibly tremble back and forth, while the rest are buzzier – but all feel great. Like the Hitachi, this toy may need to be muffled with underwear or a towel for some users to enjoy it, but it’s worth it.

Much fuss was made about the Smart Wand’s “SenseTouch” mode, in which the vibrations will stay on a low level until they touch your skin, at which point they will ramp up suddenly to a much higher level. This is supposed to feel like the gradual pressure that a masseuse’s hands can provide. I didn’t think much of this mode and won’t be using it, but I can see how it could be useful for someone who plans to use the wand primarily for actual massage.

It’s worth noting that my Smart Wand is the large one; other reviewers have found that the medium version is not nearly as strong. So if power’s what you’re after, get the large.

My final issue with the Smart Wand, which might just be a glitch in my particular toy, is that the buttons are very sensitive. Sometimes I press the “plus” button once, to move up to the next speed, and it skips a few speeds randomly, moving up to a much stronger one than I’m ready for. This can be remedied quickly by pressing the “minus” button until it goes back to a speed I’m comfortable with, but it might be worth considering if you’re very sensitive and would be horrified by sudden earthshattering vibrations on your clit.

But overall? Fuck, man, I love my Smart Wand. It’s absolutely gorgeous, it’s stronger than almost any other vibe in my collection, it can be used anywhere I want (including the bath), and it serves up some hella intense orgasms. Hallelujah, Lelo!

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada! You’re the best!

Review: Topco Rascal El Diablo

Kate Sloan

I don’t think I really realized how big the El Diablo was when I ordered it. This is a monster of a dildo, at least compared to the ones I usually use. It has 7 ½" of length and is 1 ¾" in diameter at its widest point – and by “widest point” I pretty much mean “the entire shaft.” On top of all that, it’s made of very firm silicone that has practically no give. When I received it, all I could do was stare at it in terror.

However, after psyching myself up to get it inside me, it turned out to be not that difficult. I warmed up with some hot porn and a great vibe, and then I started prepping my vag with the Vixen Leo, which is girthy but still comfortable for me. And then I lubed up the Diablo and it actually slid in with minimal effort and minimal pain. I was so impressed with my vaginal prowess!

I guess, though, that I thought a dildo of such a formidable size should actually feel good once inside – and this one doesn’t, at least, not for me. Its curve is subtle and its head isn’t pronounced enough, so my G-spot kind of cries out, “Hey, is there a dildo in here or what?”

On the plus side, it’s loooong – so long that I would never be able to fit its entire length inside me in a million years – so it can hit my A-spot. But even then, it’s not spectacular.

The shaft of the dildo is partially matte and partially glossy, with a cool wavy line separating the two parts. It’s quite a classy-looking dildo, except for the big seam running up the underside. I’m not especially sensitive to seams but this might be a dealbreaker for some.

I really like the base, which is rounded on one side and flat on the other. I find it easier to grip and thrust with than other bases. However, it might make strap-on play tricky if you like to go very fast and very hard.

Surprisingly for Topco, this toy is made of real silicone and it seems to be good quality. I would have no reservations about recommending the Rascal El Diablo to someone who wants a huge silicone strappable cock and doesn’t mind seams, but for me, it just wasn’t a hit.

Thanks, Sex Toys Canada!

Review: Joyful Pleasures Joyful Plant

Kate Sloan

Hey, it’s a glass dildo shaped like an eggplant! What will they think of next?!

When I took the Joyful Plant out of its packaging and saw how small it was, I thought, “I could probably write this review without even trying the toy.” But of course, that’s a dangerous thought for a reviewer to have.

To my surprise, upon testing it out, I discovered it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Despite being only 1" across at its widest point, the gently bulging shape causes the toy to pull at my G-spot on the outstroke, which feels really nice. It’s not the ideal dildo for when I want to get pounded with something sizeable, of course, but it’s a small, discreet G-spotter that’s easy to hide in my purse, which is what I want sometimes.

The handle is awkward. It’s the “stem” of the eggplant, so it’s thin and short and you have to grasp it with two or three fingers. I got used to this pretty quickly, but if you like marathon masturbation sessions and/or you have mobility issues in your hands, cross this one off your list unless you want to end up with claws for hands.

Joyful Pleasures has some other glass toys that look interesting – for example, the 24K Double Pleasure< and the Coiled Pleasure. They even have a dildo shaped like a hot pepper. But for some reason, the eggplant called to me.

Though the Joyful Plant wasn’t as colossal a failure as I thought it would be, I don’t think I can recommend it unless you have a specific and pressing desire to pretend you’re putting vegetables in your orifices. There are way better glass dildos out there, ones that may be less amusing visually but get the job done in a far superior way.