All Reviews

Review: Magic Banana

Kate Sloan

As a sex toy reviewer, one of the questions I get asked all the time is, “What’s the weirdest toy you’ve tried?” Up til now, I’ve typically told people it’s the Eroscillator (ridged bronze god that looks a bit like a medieval torture device) or the Pure Wand (large curved hunk of steel that my mom claims she could do bicep curls with) – but I think I have a new contender in my toybox: the Magic Banana.

This toy consists of a yellow resistance cord wrapped in a curved loop of “smooth, non-toxic, FDA-approved” tubing, and a black handle that seems to be made of hard plastic. I haven’t been able to find any concrete claims about the actual materials used, but the instruction manual only recommends water-based lube, so maybe there’s some silicone in there somewhere.

The Magic Banana is a kegel exerciser. That is its purpose, and it lives up to that label. What bugs me about this product is the incessant claims it makes about its purported other uses, none of which it does well.

For example, the Banana’s manual states repeatedly that it is curved to hit the G-spot. Yes, it’s curved. Yes, it brushes past my G-spot when I thrust it in and out. But it certainly doesn’t feel very stimulating, at least not in an erotic way. If I want to writhe with G-spot pleasure, I’ll use a toy that’s actually designed for it, not a kegel toy that thinks it can be sexy.

The Banana’s instruction manual is full of hilarity, but I particularly like this passage: “The Magic Banana expands your pleasure possibilities and can enable you to experience several types of orgasm at once. With practice, the Magic Banana can also help you experience full-body orgasm.” I take issue with this. There is no proof to back this up. Sure, doing regular kegel exercises will strengthen the PC muscles and make orgasms longer and stronger – but “several types of orgasm at once”? “Full-body orgasm”? I think not.

Continuing to read through the manual, though, I came across this: “The Magic Banana can be a great tool to enhance partner sex – especially when used with oral stimulation.” Yes! This is an idea I can get behind. Mainly because, when my boyfriend’s tongue is on my clit, pretty much anything in my vagina will feel good. We tried it out, and to my amazement, the Magic Banana is actually great for this purpose. It doesn’t slide out at all, unlike literally every other toy I own, and it’s fun to feel its resistance cord being squished by my vaginal muscles during orgasm.

I guess I have to talk about the toy’s primary purpose at some point, huh? As a kegel exerciser, the Magic Banana is decent. It doesn’t provide as much of a challenge as I was expecting, in terms of resistance, but it can certainly be felt when I squeeze around it. I think it would be best suited for someone who hasn’t quite figured out how to isolate their PC muscles yet, or hasn’t done much kegeling before. I have fairly fit vaginal muscles and wished I could upgrade to something harder to squeeze.

I’ve tried to use the Magic Banana to stimulate myself internally while masturbating clitorally, as the manual repeatedly suggests, but it just doesn’t feel that great. The tubing awkwardly pulls and stretches at my vaginal opening, and it’s all too easy to bump into my cervix with it on the way in. I inevitably get frustrated with it and switch it out for something more satisfying at some point.

I think I would’ve liked the Magic Banana a lot more if I hadn’t been told, over and over again, that it would be able to do everything for me. It doesn’t please my G-spot, it doesn’t enable me to have “several types of orgasm at once,” it doesn’t induce deeper sleep with better dreams (yes, the manual actually makes this ridiculous claim). It does, however, provide a small-to-medium amount of resistance for doing kegel exercises, and it stays put inside me during oral sex.

You’ll probably enjoy the Magic Banana if you’re looking for a fun new way to do kegels, or you like having people ask you questions about the strange-looking objects on your bedside table – but don’t expect any more than that from this toy, or you’ll be just as disappointed as me.

Review: Ttamage Large Smiley Dildo (vs. Njoy Pure Wand)

Kate Sloan

When Matthew of Ttamage offered me my choice of item to review, I combed through his entire shop looking for anything that caught my eye… and when I saw the Large Smiley Dildo (hereafter referred to as the LSD – ha!), I knew it was meant to be.

I actually mainly requested it because of its resemblance to the Njoy Pure Wand, a toy I’d been flagrantly lusting after. Little did I know, I’d soon become a proud Pure Wand owner – and the two dildos would arrive in my mailbox on the same day! Naturally, I had to immediately snap a photo (see above).

I spent the next several days testing out both dildos (my life is so hard, huh?). And I’ve determined that the LSD is a great Pure Wand alternative, for anyone who can’t shell out the $100+ or just doesn’t like the Wand’s heaviness.

As you can see from the photo, the two dildos share a very similar curve. I’m not sure if this was an intentional Njoy homage on Ttamage’s part, but either way, it’s brilliant. The LSD, like the PW, goes straight for my G-spot – and because glass is firm like steel, it can deliver the same amount of deliberate pressure, too. I don’t think my G-spot can really tell the difference between the two toys; it just knows it’s being deliciously pounded.

The LSD is quite big, as its name would imply: it’s eight inches from end to end (in a straight line, not measured along the curve). I can’t even fit half of it inside me. This means that it offers a larger “handle” in use. This, in addition to its much lighter weight, might make it a better choice than the Pure Wand for someone who has issues with mobility or whose wrists get tired easily. Thrusting and rocking the LSD is a walk in the park compared to manoeuvring the unwieldy Pure Wand.

At the same time, though, that weight does have its benefits. Many people find that it allows the PW to put additional delicious pressure on the G-spot. If you need that weight-driven momentum that only a steel toy can provide, the LSD isn’t going to be much of a substitute.

Now, let’s talk about balls. The Pure Wand’s big ball is 1 ½", and its small ball is 1". I find that the big is too big and the small is too small. The bigger side stimulates my G-spot beautifully when I do get it in, but it’s not always comfortable to insert or remove – and I certainly can’t remove it in a hurry, which I might need to do if/when I learn to squirt. The LSD’s knobs are both 1 ½" wide as well, but they have more of a tapered shape, which makes insertion and removal easier. One of the balls is pointier than the other, so you can have a bit of variety if you want it.

In terms of care and upkeep, these toys are about equal. Glass and steel are both nonporous, body-safe, boilable, bleachable, and soapable. This also means that lube goes a long way with both of these materials – they’re pretty drag-free. I find that steel retains heat for longer than glass, but that’s not particularly important to me; if you like temperature play, you might lean slightly towards the Pure Wand on that point.

At $45, the Large Smiley Dildo isn’t going to deplete your wallet nearly as much as the Pure Wand. It’s easier to wield, and easier to insert. It may not feel as luxurious, or bring the heftiness of steel to its performance, but it is a damn good dildo and I use it pretty much interchangeably with my beloved Pure Wand.

A zillion thank-yous to Matthew from Ttamage for sending me this stunning dildo to review! Check out his incredibly elegant, handmade glass dildos and massagers, and let him know I sent you!

My First Giveaway: Blossom Organics and Happy Valley!

Kate Sloan

I’ve been blogging here at Girly Juice for almost two months so far. I’ve come to really enjoy writing sex toy reviews and retellings of my own silly sexploits. And as a way of thanking those of you who take the time to read what I write, I’ve partnered up with two very generous and sexy companies – Blossom Organics and Happy Valley – to give away some items that I really believe in.

Blossom Organics (products provided by Sexy Living) makes a line of lubricants, gels, oils, and creams that are all designed by women and totally vagina-friendly. They are the creators of my all-time favorite lube, which stays on my bedside table at all times. Their products were originally introduced to me by Kim at Red Tent Sisters and I’ve never loved any other lube as much since. Up for grabs from Blossom: Natural Moisturizing Lubricant (best ever – it’s just viscous enough, pH-balanced and won’t give you yeasties or make your ladybits burn!), Warm Sensation Moisturizing Lubricant (same formulation as their original lube, but with some magically tingly ingredients), and Pure Pleasure Arousal Gel (some minty awesomeness to wake up your clit).

Happy Valley makes all their body-safe, silicone toys in their farmhouse in Peterborough, Ontario. Their Pleasure Plug #1 was my very first anal toy, and it’s still my butt’s favorite warm-up playmate to this day. Up for grabs from Happy Valley: two beautiful, vibe-compatible, silicone butt plugs – the Hero (4" long, 1 3/8" wide) and the Whirl (3 ½" long, 1 1/8" wide).

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Review: Maddie’s Dungeon paddle and flogger

Kate Sloan

I will admit, it is tricky for me, a fairly vanilla (though extremely sex-positive) person, to write a proper review on implements of kink. I’m very aware of the fact that my perspective is probably going to be different from that of the target audience of these products. But I will write this anyway, because Maddie’s Dungeon was nice enough to send me a couple of lovely handmade spanking tools, and I want to tell you about them.

Of the two items, the oak paddle is definitely my favorite. There’s nothing fancy about this paddle – it’s just a smoothly-cut piece of wood with an easy-to-hold handle and a removable wrist strap – but it serves as an excellent reminder of why simplicity is a good thing. It gets the job done.

I thought my first foray into being spanked with a paddle would be significantly more painful than just getting spanked with a hand, but the paddle doesn’t change the amount of pain – just the kind of pain. My boyfriend’s hand produces a thuddy, dull pound, whereas the oak paddle is much more sting-y. I like both sensations a lot, and they both transmit vibration into my pussy – yum.

My boyfriend had primarily two comments on his experience using the paddle: he wondered about the usefulness of the wrist strap (I’ve been using it to hang the paddle from my curtain rod for storage, but we haven’t found another use for it) and he liked that the paddle is wide enough that he can hit both my asscheeks at the same time.

The major flaw of this paddle is that the wood isn’t treated with varnish. Apparently it’s thinly coated in mineral oil, but this doesn’t do much in terms of smoothing it out. I’m slightly worried about splinters with this one – I think Maddie’s Dungeon could vastly improve their wooden goods by giving them a coating in wooden salad bowl finish, or something like NobEssence’s “Lubrosity.”

As for the leather flogger (I can’t find the exact same one in their shop, but this one is close enough) – I don’t like it as much. I guess that’s to be expected, given that I’ve barely stuck my toe into the ocean of kink… but it’s not just that. My boyfriend and I both feel that it’s not very sexy-looking, with its pale grey half-braided falls and its messily-wrapped handle.

The flogger does sting, though, as it should, and it’s easy to wield. I think we’ll mostly be sticking to the paddle, however, since it feels more intimate and the level of pain is easier to control – plus, I just think it looks cuter in my boyfriend’s hand.

Thanks very much to Maddie’s Dungeon for donating some of their beautiful wares for review! Check out their paddles, crops and floggers if you’re looking to explore your inner painslut.

Review: Eroscillator

Kate Sloan

Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I’ve found you!

The folks at SexToysCanada were very generous this month. They let me choose any toy I wanted to review. I chose the Eroscillator, and I’m damn glad I did.

This thing is the best clit stimulator I have ever tried. Period. No other sex toy has ever made my clit as happy as the Eroscillator does. And I’ll tell you why.

1. The oscillations don’t numb me out. The Eroscillator doesn’t pound against your body like a regular vibrator – instead, it oscillates (picture an oscillating fan). I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with vibrators because they desensitize me so quickly – I usually only have about 10 minutes before I go mostly numb and find it difficult to reach orgasm with the toy. Not so with the Eroscillator. The Eros allows me to retain all the sensation from my clit’s 8,000 nerve endings for the entire duration of my solo sexytime, so every moment of oscillation is felt and enjoyed. And I can play as long as I want, without worrying about trying to race my clit to the finish line. Hallelujah!

2. Multiple attachments. The Eroscillator 2 Plus package comes with three dual-headed attachments: the Grapes and Cockscomb, Golden Spoon, and Ball and Cup.

The Grapes head is suuuper textured. It’s covered in ten bulbous balls that all massage the clit at once. I find it’s very intense and ideal for when I’m already warmed up and getting close to orgasm. Its flipside, the Cockscomb, is a thin semicircle whose edge provides the most direct, undiluted access to the oscillations of any of the attachment heads; I find this head is great for pushing me over the edge, though I can’t handle it at a lower arousal level.

The Golden Spoon doesn’t do much for me. It’s too shallow to properly cup my clit, and even when it does, the little ball at the top of the spoon is too harsh for my little clit. On the flipside are eight small balls, with a space in the middle where my clit can fit, but I don’t particularly enjoy this attachment.

The Ball side of the Ball and Cup is nice for warm-up but doesn’t do much for me. The Cup side, on the other hand, fits perfectly over my clit. It was the first one I tried, and it was the one that made me go, “Oh my god, how can this possibly feel as good as it does?!”

I also bought the Ultra-Soft Fingertip attachment, because Betty Dodson says it’s the only one you need. Some people find this attachment too gentle, but I think it’s perfect. The Eroscillator’s oscillations are a tiny bit too intense for me, but the Fingertip calms them down to a level that is absolutely optimum for my purposes. Plus, it’s got no texture, so if the other attachments are too rough on your clit, this is the one to get.

3. High power. The Eroscillator is a plug-in toy. No batteries, no recharging, nothing. And the power cord is 12 feet long, so I can jerk off across the room from my outlet if that’s what I feel like doing. Because the Eros is electric, it never loses power. It always performs to the best of its ability.

It has three speeds, and all of them are lovely. I could probably reach orgasm using only the first setting, but it’s more fun to click up to medium, and then finally to high when I get close to coming. (The high setting may not be comparable with the Hitachi, but because oscillations are so different from vibrations, it’s still every bit as satisfying and functional as a high-powered vibrator.)

4. Quiet. The attachments rattle around a fair bit when the Eros is turned on, but as soon as I touch it to my body, the noise practically goes silent. It can barely be heard at all through my duvet, and definitely can’t be heard at all through my door.

5. Fast orgasms. Because the Eros’ movement basically mimics a finger moving back and forth, but much much faster, it can bring me the same kind of awesome orgasms I get from rubbing my clit, but in a much shorter time. I’m normally the type of girl who needs lots of warm-up and build-up, but with the Eros, I can go from “zero” to “orgasm” in under five minutes if need be.

That said, there are some issues with the Eroscillator that you’ll want to keep in mind if you’re considering buying it…

1. It’s overpriced. Especially considering that it’s made of plastic and you may not like the attachments it comes with. The Fingertip attachment I bought, which some reviewers have said is the only one they enjoy at all, is $40 extra on top of the $140 Eroscillator. I doubt I even would have sprung for the Fingertip if I hadn’t had a reviewers’ discount and some reward points saved up, because I really think the price is ridiculous.

2. The attachments aren’t silicone, but Eroscillator says that’s because their material is “a better alternative to silicone’s poor mechanical properties.” I dunno about that, but the materials are apparently non-porous, phthalate-free, boilable and bleachable. I still wish they were silicone because I just trust it more, but then, I’m a sex toy snob.

3. It doesn’t come with any storage solutions. Not even a bag to keep the attachments in. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the likes of Lelo and Njoy, but I’ve come to expect that if I shell out over $100 for a toy, it generally comes with a box, or at the very least, a drawstring bag. The Eroscillator comes in a cardboard box that’s difficult to use for storage. I keep my base unit on my bedside table and my attachments in a small plastic bag.

4. It’s ugly. I wasn’t sure whether to even include this point, because a) I don’t think the Eroscillator is that ugly and b) it doesn’t really matter to me anyway, because it’s still the best toy I’ve tried. But some people get hung up on the Eros’ appearance, saying it looks like an electric toothbrush or a medieval torture device. Whatever, man – if you turn it down because it doesn’t fit with your decor, you’re just missing out on some epic orgasms.

Overall, I’d highly recommend the Eroscillator to anyone with a clit. It’s strong, efficient, variable, thin enough to slide between two bodies during sex, and it produces some stellar orgasms. But if you need Hitachi-level vibration, or you don’t feel it’s worth the hefty investment, or you can’t get past its modest looks, maybe it’s not the toy for you.

I can tell you, though, that my clit is pretty damn enamored with this contraption, and I think yours would be too!

Thank you so much to the people at SexToysCanada for making my clit sing with pleasure!