Porn Reviews

Review: Grey Knight Erotica

Kate Sloan

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I’ve gotten into erotic audio in a big way over the past year. It fills a need I didn’t even know I had. When I watch porn, the sounds are vitally important to me: moaning, dirty talk, even the ambience of wetness on skin. It’s such a crucial part of my experience that if a porn scene is muted or the background music is too loud, I’ll turn it off; it has no hope of getting me off.

So of course audio porn is the ideal erotic medium for me. And I’m a tad obsessed.

My tastes in erotic audio are diverse, encompassing multiple creators in multiple styles – but today I’m gonna talk to you about the Grey Knight. He’s one of the more popular creators in this genre, at least in my social spheres: fawning links to his audios show up pretty frequently in my Twitter stream and on my Tumblr dashboard. He’s all over Spotify and YouTube, he’s got a podcast, and his Patreon community is thriving. Dude’s branding and output are off the damn charts.

That’d be impressive enough to me, but the audios he creates are worthy of all that attention, and that’s even more impressive. His work spans several different styles, kinks, and approaches, so if you’re attracted to men (in reality or even just in fantasy), you’ll probably be able to find something in his catalogue that excites your ears and your junk.

A current favorite of mine is “You’ve Got a Mouth On You.” It combines several of my biggest kinks: giving head, being instructed in how to please a partner, and Daddy Dom/little girl roleplay. Throughout this audio, the Knight gives the listener (his “little girl”) moment-by-moment directions on how to suck him off, all from the perspective of a kind, nurturing Daddy. There’s a lot of growling and moaning, but those instructions and encouragements take center stage in this one. Unf.

I also really enjoy “Treat,” a sweet, vaguely Halloween-themed (as in “trick or treat”) cunnilingus-based audio with a DD/lg dynamic. It’s really hard to pull off oral sex in audio form without sounding like a pig at the trough, but the Grey Knight manages it. This one’s peppered with verbal encouragement, some mild chastising for wearing a skirt that’s too short (!), and satisfying moans.

Beyond your standard sex and kink fare, the Knight also does some more out-there fantasy roleplays: vampires, impregnation, police interrogation, even pirates. I’ve mostly been listening to these audios on Spotify, where there’s very little room for keywords and trigger warnings, and I wish that wasn’t so. It would be easier to choose the perfect audio for my current mood if I could know in advance what tone and potential triggers each one contained. Most of the time lately, I’ve felt like being dominated in a sweet, nurturing, coddling way, and while the Grey Knight has a lot of DD/lg audios along those lines, it’s not always easy to find one in a hurry.

I like the Knight’s voice, but I do think he comes across as a little smarmy and even dorky sometimes. That’s kinda my jam – think nerdy, domly math professor – but it might not be yours. If you like his voice, though, you’re in luck: there are hours upon hours of it available online. Sometimes he switches up his timbre or accent to achieve a particular character or archetype, often to great effect. (Y’all know I’m a sucker for voices and impressions.)

Unlike some erotic audio creators, the Knight’s recordings rarely feel too scripted or too loose – they strike a good balance between those two extremes, maybe due to his experience working in radio. The yarns he spins feel structured and well-paced enough that I don’t lose interest, but there’s still usually an improvisational feel to the things he says. Just like real dirty-talk during real sex with a real dom, you get the sense that he knows what he wants to achieve and where he wants to take the scene, but he’s also going to go with the flow and do what feels right in the moment.

To say the least, I have jerked off many times while working on this review. And that’s the highest compliment I can give to a maker of erotic media. Check out the Grey Knight’s audios if you want to try something new, enjoy an ambient fantasy, or just walk around the city with a slutty secret in your headphones.

 

Heads up: this review was sponsored, but as always, all words and opinions are my own!

5 Mouthwatering Blowjob Porn Scenes

Kate Sloan

It’s no secret that I have a thing for blowjob porn. It’s been a consistent favorite genre of mine for the past five years or so. While I occasionally scroll through other categories on porn sites, I’ve learned by now that if I want a quick and certain orgasm, I should load up a blowjob scene.

For a long time, this didn’t make sense to me. I wasn’t particularly partial to giving BJs in real life, so I couldn’t figure out why I was so drawn to them in porn. But then I found partners whose dicks were compatible with my mouth, got over some of my old BJ anxieties, and realized I actually love giving head – when the dynamic is right and I’m in the right headspace, so to speak.

And guess what? That realization made me even more obsessed with BJ porn. So I’ve partnered with Pornspot to show you five of my favorite blowjob scenes from their site!

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“Sexy Brunette Gets Fucked During Her Massage” is a nice relaxing clip that depicts what is one of my recurring fantasies: a “happy ending” massage. But because this is mainstream porn, and mainstream porn rarely centers female pleasure, there’s a blowjob too. (Good thing I like those, huh?)

I’d be more into this if there was more dialogue. The reason masseuse-sex is my fantasy jam is that it involves someone who’s otherwise incredibly professional but just can’t resist the carnal pull of their client – so it would have amped up my arousal to have a little more reticence and uncertainty from the masseuse, at least at first. But, y’know… he’s got a great dick, so, s’all good.

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“Slave Fucks His Queen in the Ass and Makes Her Cum” doesn’t sound like a BJ scene, but indeed, the aforementioned Queen blows her slave for a good long while in this clip. I found this scene interesting because it subverted the typical hetero-patriarchal idea that a blowjob is a subservient act of service a woman performs for a man. That’s the dynamic I prefer to inhabit (consensually!) when going down on someone, but it’s not the only option out there, obviously! And that should be reflected more often in porn.

I like that the blowjob in this scene feels like something the “Queen” genuinely wants to do. After all, she’s in power; she gets to call the shots. And indeed, at one point she says, “I need this dick. I want it.” It felt like she was tasting him for her own enjoyment, like a fine hors d’oeuvre at a royal soirée.

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“Busting a Nut in Her Mouth For Her to Swallow”… Man, what a mouthful of a title. (Heyoooo!) This video seems to have been shot by an amateur couple on their old-school webcam, and it’s cute as hell. The lady has fantastic hair that looks fun to pull. There are times when she seems bored or distracted, but to be fair, I was pretty distracted too, by the galloping horse on the wall behind her, so I can’t even talk. And she finishes the beej with aplomb.

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“Jenni Lee Getting a Surprise Cumshot in Mouth During Her Blowjob” is amateurishly shot and badly lit, but it’s still one of the hottest clips in this list, IMO. The giver seems genuinely enthusiastic about what she’s doing, and the receiver actually makes noise – hooray!

Enthusiasm is the main thing that turns me on in any kind of porn, but especially porn involving oral sex. It’s hot to be that enthused about another person’s genitals, and it’s hot to get head from someone who is that enthused. I feel like this clip encapsulates that hotness!

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“Mork Eats Ass and Gets a Blowjob for the First Time” is, indeed, what it sounds like: a scene from a Mork and Mindy porn parody. It features Evan Stone as Mork, and he does an admirable job of channelling Robin Williams’ zany, iconic character while fucking the shit out of his lady-friend.

The highlight of the blowjob is Mork singing operatic notes in pleasure, and then making Mindy sing too. So adorable! And, naturally, he keeps his curly wig and rainbow suspenders on for the whole damn scene.

 

What are your favorite blowjob clips? (No, seriously, tell me. I need BJ porn to survive.)

Thanks to Pornspot for sponsoring this post!

Porn Review: Crash Pad Series episode 196

Kate Sloan

I love Crash Pad Series because their porn is obviously made for the non-male gaze, unlike all mainstream porn – but it lacks the frustrating clichés that tend to show up in “female-friendly” porn.

Crash Pad’s founder and director, Shine Louise Houston, understands that just because women may not always like the rough-and-tumble, penetration-focused template of mainstream porn, that doesn’t mean we want our porn to depict only soft, “romantic,” gentle sex. We like rough and kinky sex too – we just want it to be geared toward our gaze.

Crash Pad’s porn is also racially diverse, sexually varied, and features folks from all the way across the gender spectrum. Basically, if you’re tired of mainstream porn’s boring template, by-men-for-men pandering, and racist tropes, you’ll probably dig Crash Pad.

This month I was allowed to review episode 196, which is based on a super interesting premise. Arabelle Raphael and Daisy Ducati are tired and overworked sex workers who have recently spent so much time catering to their clients’ fantasies that they haven’t had much time for the kind of sex they like.

Daisy is wearing the cutest pink sequinned halter dress, while Arabelle’s decked out in leopard print. Their friendship seems very genuine: there’s lots of giggling and finishing each other’s sentences. Arabelle complains about all the cis straight dudes she’s been boning lately, and whines adorably, “I wanna fuck something pretty.” Which, of course, leads to Arabelle and Daisy playfully starting to make out.

The ensuing scene is so much fun, and so unstructured, which is one of the things I love most about Crash Pad scenes. It always seems like the performers are just doing whatever the hell they want, instead of following some pre-ordained schedule of events like so many mainstream scenes do (kissing, BJ, 15 seconds of cunnilingus, then fucking in 3 different positions). Both performers alternate between finger-fucking each other, going down on each other, 69ing, using a goddamn leopard-print Hitachi on each other (!!), sitting on each other’s face, and so on. And they seem to do it in whatever order they feel like, for however long they feel like.

Although this clip is femme-on-femme like most mainstream lesbian scenes, it doesn’t feel like those at all. The performers are clearly actually attracted to each other, obviously have experience fucking other women and know how to do it properly, and they do acts that actually get them off (vocally and repeatedly!) instead of trying to make their scene appealing to a straight male eye.

The one mainstream-girl/girl trope that appears here is super-long fingernails, but Arabelle actually refers to hers and makes sure that she’s not hurting Daisy when she fingers her. This is such a nice touch! I am always terrified of the talons that women subject each other to in so many lesbian scenes.

As per usual for Crash Pad, this scene is shot beautifully. The cinematographic style captures the action without being distracting.

Some highlights for me: Arabelle telling Daisy, pre-cunnilingus, “This is gonna fuck up all your makeup.” Daisy going “Yesyesyesyesyesyes!” as she’s about to come. The aforementioned customized Hitachi. Daisy’s curly red pigtails. Arabelle’s backseam tattoos. The performers telling each other, “Treat yourself!” and “This is better than a spa day!” while they lie in the afterglow.

Episode 196 is damn cute and I think it could entertain and arouse anyone who’s a femme, a sex worker, or both. It’s incredible to see folks on screen who actually represent you and the sex you enjoy having, and that is something Crash Pad Series does exceptionally well.

Feminist Porn Week Diary, Part 3: Fuck Dolls, Phoenixes, & Accountability

Kate Sloan

On Thursday April 16th I went to the Public.Provocative.Porn screening at the Bloor cinema. Good For Her hosts this event each year as an accompaniment to the Feminist Porn Awards: it’s an opportunity for attendees to see a broad sampling of the nominated porn films before the awards ceremony.

I crowded into the theatre with a tiny cup of wine and some peanut M&Ms from the Dollarama next door and settled in to watch the 14 (!) different porn shorts on the program. There was a lot to talk about in those clips but here are some personal highlights:

• Last year’s Heartthrob of the Year, Zahra Stardust (a.k.a. the world’s cutest Australian femme princess), screened her film “Fuck Dolls,” in which she and Lexi Laphor writhe around on the girliest bed of all time, fucking with Barbies. By which I mean both “making Barbies fuck each other” and “using Barbies as sex toys.” Zahra wears silver glittery thigh-high boots, there’s a pink sheath over her Hitachi, and the whole film is chock full of cute girly underwear. I turned to my friend and said, “This is the femmiest thing I’ve ever seen in my LIFE!” and she replied, “I know! This is my dream!!”
• Tobi Hill-Meyer’s film “Bound By Borders” is a “docu-porn” in which she and her long-distance partner intermittently have sex and discuss the injustice of their situation: immigration laws, marriage laws, discrimination against poly relationships, etc. We got only a brief taste of the film at the screening but it was enough to leave me and my friend crying quietly into our sleeves. I’d love to see more of this blend of real-world unsexy emotions with sex in the porn of the future.
• Skyler Braeden Fox made his film “Hello Titty” as a goodbye to his breasts before getting top surgery. What we saw was trippy as fuck and included my favorite on-screen domme, Sadie Lune, being delightfully weird and capping off the scene with a lactation money shot. Yes, you read that right.
• I was excited to finally get to see a clip from Shine Louise Houston’s side project Heavenly Spire, after hearing her mention it at the Feminist Porn Conference two years ago and being immediately intrigued. It’s a porn series that celebrates masculinity on all sorts of different bodies. The clip we saw was a kinky tryst between two cis guys, and it was hot as fuuuuck.

After the screening, there was a brief Q&A with some of the filmmakers and performers. It was cool to see so much local Toronto talent on that stage, including my buddies at Spit!

The next night, Friday April 17th, was the centrepiece of the whole week: the Feminist Porn Awards gala! I spent a couple hours getting thoroughly dolled up (outfit details in a minute) and then rode the subway to the Capitol Event Theatre. (Taking public transit while in full formalwear is always a laugh and a half, lemme tell ya.)

I arrived during the pre-show cocktail hour for VIPs and nominees (and media folks comme moi), so I spent some time milling around the bar sipping white wine and chatting with various porno folks. I am super awkward and the idea of approaching my favorite pornographers to compliment their work is utterly terror-inducing, but I managed it a couple times with the help of alcohol. Hallelujah!

As per usual, the event was emcee’d by Ryan G. Hinds and Lex Vaughn. Some of the presenters were folks I know, like Sophie Delancey and Sam Leigh from Tell Me Something Good, and fellow sex bloggers Lorax of Sex and Kara Sutra. The acoustics in the theatre unfortunately made it really hard to hear what people were saying, but, y’know… they looked fantastic.

CoCo La Creme did some burlesque for us, and was ravishing as always. Her act involved a gas can and a handful of baby oil. The crowd was flabbergasted in the best possible way.

Morgana Muses won the Heartthrob of the Year award, which, hell yeah. She got involved in porn after leaving her marriage in her mid-40s, and the film for which she was nominated this year showed her suspended in gorgeous rope bondage, dressed as a stunning phoenix, symbolizing her “rebirth from the ashes” of her old life. I watched the scene in awe and it is a perfect example of how so much eclectic, emotional, life-affirming stuff shows up under the umbrella of feminist porn. I’ve never walked away from a mainstream porn scene feeling profoundly affected or inspired to change my whole life around, but feminist porn has this effect on me regularly. Amazing.

I was also thrilled about Spit winning an honorable mention award. They’re still a very new company but are deadset on proving they earned this honor and having even better stuff to show off next year, and I totally believe they can do it!

There was some controversy surrounding the FPAs this year, which unfortunately the hosts opted to make light of instead of addressing in any real way. Tobi Hill-Meyer’s acceptance speech on behalf of Courtney Trouble touched on these issues in a tactful and respectful manner; I’m glad someone said something about it (thank you, Tobi) and I sincerely hope the FPAs will address some of the community’s concerns by next year.

Before I sign off this series, some quick outfit pictures!

For the Thursday night screening, I kept things casual and wore a lilac tank top tucked into a black bandage skirt, with a black leather jacket and harness boots. My lips were also painted deep purple, because the feminist porn crowd is a community that can truly appreciate a gothy lip, methinks.

For the awards gala, I wore a strapless black tulle dress that I’d scored at Value Village for $10 (#blessed) with red T-strap heels and a little red bag, both also thrifted. I did a red lip with NARS Cruella and a L’Oreal glossy stain, and felt preeeeetty babely.

Well, that’s my whole Feminist Porn Week wrap-up! (Read the two previous parts here and here.) How did your week go?

Feminist Porn Week Diary, Part 2: Dildo Platters & Tampon-Twirling

Kate Sloan

On Wednesday April 15th I went to the Royal Cinema to see Erika Lust speak about her vision for the future of porn. After her brief talk, she screened several scenes from her inspirational paysite XConfessions – which, as you might remember from my review, I loooove!

Erika’s porn is aesthetically gorgeous, undeniably feminist, and often quite funny. When “I Wish I Was a Lesbian” started playing, I turned to my friend and said, “This is the one with the platter of dildos!!” and I think she thought I was joking… There was also a scene where a man fellated a penis-shaped lollipop in the middle of a public park, during which the audience laughed uproariously. Erika’s sense of humor really shows through in her porn, in addition to her sexual and artistic proclivities!

I think my favorite scene I saw at that screening, however, was “Dude Looks Like a Lady,” in which a seemingly straight cis man starts dressing up in drag and is surprised to discover his partner gets turned on by it. This scene is such a perfect example of how Erika refuses to shy away from topics other porn companies might find distasteful or just hard to categorize.

My outfit that night included a navy and white striped shirt tucked into a black and white polka-dotted skirt, with red tights, red lipstick, and black Doc Martens. I was kind of going for a “50 shades of grey” theme, because of where my evening went next…

After the XConfessions screening, I literally sprinted to the streetcar stop so I’d be on time for the Drunk Feminist Films screening of 50 Shades of Grey. Drunk Feminist Films is a new screening series at the Revue Cinema and it is exactly what it sounds like: a bunch of clever intersectional feminists crowd into a theatre, load up on wine and beer (if they want to), and watch a movie through an analytical lens. Now that’s my idea of fun!

DFF’s 50 Shades event began with a brief talk on BDSM and consent given by kinkster, trauma survivor, and game-maker Soha Kareem. She contextualized the abuse perpetrated by Christian Grey by contrasting it with how real kinksters operate. I felt so proud and fortunate to be at the kind of event where this potentially life-saving information was expressed.

We were all given fliers bearing the drinking game rules for the movie. They encouraged us to drink every time Christian employed abusive tactics, every time Christian ignored something Ana said, every time Ana said something self-effacing, and so on. Needless to say, most of us got pretty drunk. (That movie is a fucking mess.)

My favorite thing about this event, however, was the feeling of feminist sisterhood directed at Ana’s character. Lots of 50 Shades critics have targeted Ana as complicit in her own abuse, or stupid and naive – but at the Drunk Feminists screening, we were encouraged to yell “AGENCY!” and twirl tampons in the air* every time Ana stood up for herself. And, contrary to what I remembered from the last time I saw the film, there were plenty of moments like this. I found myself practically crying each time Ana pushed back against Christian and the whole theatre of feminists erupted in applause and celebratory tampon-swinging.

*Yes, tampons were provided. Yes, it was awesome.

Then I rode home on the subway while sleepily resting my head on the shoulder of a feminist male friend of mine, who asked for my consent before stroking my hair in a comforting manner. So overall it was a pretty fantastically feminist evening!

The next and last part of my FPW wrap-up will cover the Thursday night screening and the Friday night awards gala, so watch out for that!